Focused on my mission too much? Young guy needs advice.

[calatrava]

Hello, thanks for reading my first post on here.

First some background: 22 y/o currently attaining a M.S. degree. Top of my class, author of several research papers, currently starting a company with a few friends... ambitious young lad. Never had problems with women per se until recently.

Met my last GF in the city I study in, but during lockdown I moved home (other side of the country basically) and we couldn't see each other for weeks. Up to that point, I did everything by the book, approached her IRL, waited for her to ask to be exclusive and everything went well until I started losing my edge and becoming a bluepill beta shell of my former self. The lockdown and some family problems only sped the process up and the inevitable happened, she decided she wanted to "focus on other things" (of course at that time she couldn't explain why, because I behaved "nicer" and spent more time with her just like she wanted).

Took it like a champ because my parents told me right away to cut all contact with her ("What do you two have to talk about now, you're broken up", -my mother). After the lockdowns, with help from a very good friend who (re)introduced me to manosphere (or whatever you call it these days) I was reborn and started studying and grinding harder than ever. My ex of course noticed and contacted me several times, but I didn't want to give in. Had a few flings with girls from my Uni but nothing special, honestly I couldn’t be bothered. Now this is where my troubles began.

After starting my M.Sc., I deleted all social media and went complete monk mode. The results speak for themselves (see above) but I think I overdid it. I neglected a lot of things and now I have an urge to date and be in a relationship again. But there are a few issues, firstly I spend most of my time (10-12 hours a day) on farms, clinics, labs, lectures... only to study for hours when I get home. Secondly, now that prices are trough the roof in Europe, I can barely afford to pay for food and rent (my budget was tight to begin with since my parents are both chronically ill, one of the reasons I work so hard). That doesn't leave much room to socialize and have hobbies, a.k.a. have an interesting life a woman would want to be a part of.

My question is, am I on the right path here, should I relax a little and risk all of the accomplishments I've made so far, or is this need for a relationship and intimacy bluepill conditioning or something? Really lost here, I am doing everything you guys say 20somethings should be doing and yet I don't feel fulfilled. Any advice is appreciated.

Looking forward to your responses and honoured to be a part of this community.
*Sorry for any grammatical errors, english isn't my native tounge.

 

[SW15]

Monk mode is bad.

Lockdowns and the pandemic destroyed a lot of romantic relationships.

You probably need to cut down on your graduate school work in order to achieve romance things. You will burn out without vagina.

 

[Smok1nAce]

I felt unfulfilled, lost and like all hope was lost. But I kept going. Your 20s are about building yourself up as much as you can for the rest of your life. You need to build a solid foundation, to carry you throw the rest of your life.

A boxer never throws a hard punch without being equally grounded. Thats what you want to be doing, becoming extremely grounded so when you do begin to throw those punches they will hit hard and fast.

Is your goal to educated yourself and become something legit or is it to get a gf? I've been their I had to make the hard choise of choosing education over women. In the end it makes you a stronger man.

Keep on track with your goals. If the right women comes along it will all fall into place.

 

[Grounded eagle]

Hello, thanks for reading my first post on here.

First some background: 22 y/o currently attaining a M.S. degree. Top of my class, author of several research papers, currently starting a company with a few friends... ambitious young lad. Never had problems with women per se until recently.

Met my last GF in the city I study in, but during lockdown I moved home (other side of the country basically) and we couldn't see each other for weeks. Up to that point, I did everything by the book, approached her IRL, waited for her to ask to be exclusive and everything went well until I started losing my edge and becoming a bluepill beta shell of my former self. The lockdown and some family problems only sped the process up and the inevitable happened, she decided she wanted to "focus on other things" (of course at that time she couldn't explain why, because I behaved "nicer" and spent more time with her just like she wanted).

Took it like a champ because my parents told me right away to cut all contact with her ("What do you two have to talk about now, you're broken up", -my mother). After the lockdowns, with help from a very good friend who (re)introduced me to manosphere (or whatever you call it these days) I was reborn and started studying and grinding harder than ever. My ex of course noticed and contacted me several times, but I didn't want to give in. Had a few flings with girls from my Uni but nothing special, honestly I couldn’t be bothered. Now this is where my troubles began.

After starting my M.Sc., I deleted all social media and went complete monk mode. The results speak for themselves (see above) but I think I overdid it. I neglected a lot of things and now I have an urge to date and be in a relationship again. But there are a few issues, firstly I spend most of my time (10-12 hours a day) on farms, clinics, labs, lectures... only to study for hours when I get home. Secondly, now that prices are trough the roof in Europe, I can barely afford to pay for food and rent (my budget was tight to begin with since my parents are both chronically ill, one of the reasons I work so hard). That doesn't leave much room to socialize and have hobbies, a.k.a. have an interesting life a woman would want to be a part of.

My question is, am I on the right path here, should I relax a little and risk all of the accomplishments I've made so far, or is this need for a relationship and intimacy bluepill conditioning or something? Really lost here, I am doing everything you guys say 20somethings should be doing and yet I don't feel fulfilled. Any advice is appreciated.

Looking forward to your responses and honoured to be a part of this community.
*Sorry for any grammatical errors, english isn't my native tounge.

If I were you, and I had to choose between my goals and getting intimacy from a relationship,I’d choose the former.

You’re just 21,bro.And having listened to your story,you got way too much to fight for.Think of your parents.All that relationships will bring you now is unnecessary drama and distractions.Believe me.No girl is worth it.Give your purpose all the time now,because you have a lot of it. You also have the benefit of information that most guys lack.So when you’re done getting your house in order,the world will be your oyster.

 

[Chuck Taylor]

@calatrava stay 100% focused on your studies until you graduate. Don't let up now. Once you've graduated and get your first job, then you can relax and look for your lady.

 

[wifehunter]

School is scam.

 

[firstbornunicorn]

The thing is a bad relationship will make everything worse. It's a risk.

You could date a little bit until you meet someone with a great vibe. There are plenty of overachieving women in college that are just as busy as you that have less drama than the ones with too much free time.

You don't need to rush anything, but in college you *do* get access to a lot of women and I'd take advantage of that. As soon as you're in a regular job after graduating, the amount of young, attractive women around you will be maybe 1% of what you have now.

You also need to relax or you will definitely burn out.

 

[Epicwinguy]

Girls aren't hard to get if you put yourself out there enough and take risks, but good jobs are a different story. I screwed up in education and now I am worried I can't keep up with inflation enough to keep my head above water. Focus on school and your career. Don't worry if you're not screwing around with girls a bunch now, I know guys in their 30s and 40s who bang young women.

 

[fastlife]

I’ll go against the grain here…I think there’s a good chance that you’re pouring yourself into your studies, etc., to compensate for the loss of your relationship and to avoid having to put in the work required to have agency in your social/romantic life.

A couple problems with your current approach: Sex and friendships and creating fun memories to look back on later will never be easier to acquire—or more important to you—than it is RIGHT NOW. You have literal decades to find a good job, start a business, etc.—neglecting your social skills and not building a proper foundation irt, ya, you can build those later but it’ll be much much harder and you’ll have developed a bunch of sh1tty emotional habits that’ll be tough to overcome. Also, when it comes to $$$, hard skills will only ever get you a solid income, soft skills determine how far you can go from there. Plus, a good job/income is a lifestyle enhancer—without a solid foundation, you’ll just become any number of dudes who make good money and then aren’t even able to enjoy it because they don’t have a cool lifestyle and never learned how to build one.

Personally, I spent most of my early 20s living it up—I basically quit my real job when I realized the track I was going down and decided I’d either live an epic life on MY terms or I’d crash and burn. Nothing in between. I went out a sh1tload, met a ton of girls, crossed everything off my sexual bucket list a couple times, learned a sh1tload about myself. But that lifestyle also gave me a lot of freetime which I used to learn skills and take financial risks that would set me up for success later. When I was tired of being broke, I just used my social skills to get a job I wasn’t really qualified for, negotiate a higher salary than they were offering, and move up in the company I was with extremely fast. And then the risks I took when I was younger paid off and by the end of my 20s I didn’t have to work anymore. But it was easy for me to really buckle down at that point because I’d already done everything I needed/wanted to do in other areas of my life—there was 0 fomo or frustrated desires or regrets.

There was plenty of luck involved in all that as well—and I wouldn’t necessarily recommend anyone else to take those risks, because things coulda turned out very differently. But I would say to go out and live life. Maybe you get a 3.7 gpa instead of a 4–who gives a fvck? Maybe you publish a few less papers—who gives a fvck? You don’t need $$$ to go out and meet girls—just time—make some. My .02.

 

[calatrava]

I’ll go against the grain here…I think there’s a good chance that you’re pouring yourself into your studies, etc., to compensate for the loss of your relationship and to avoid having to put in the work required to have agency in your social/romantic life.

Correct. I don't know why but relationships and dating have felt like such a waste of time for the past few months. But I appreciate your honesty.

When I was tired of being broke, I just used my social skills to get a job I wasn’t really qualified for, negotiate a higher salary than they were offering, and move up in the company I was with extremely fast.

Good for you but that isn't an option I am willing to take, since I don't live in the worlds largest economy. In my neck of the woods you need acquaintances and envelope full of money to get a job in the first place.

 

[calatrava]

Thank you all for your comments and support, I will keep you posted on my progress.

 

[IKO69]

No, focus on school and career/professional life. You will be in a much better position in life - consequently when you are doing well the women will be far easier to get. It sounds you have a lot going for you so don't risk it - always put yourself first.