Flattery/Charm and its correlation with crazy

[LeviaZen]

I had a situation that really caught me off guard recently. I went out with a girl for three dates with a decent amount of physical play, essentially everything up sex. I've never felt that someone was so into me, and I'm not usually terrible at reading people. There was lots of 'magical' and 'best night ever' etc. Then she basically fell off the face of the earth.

I didn't pursue overly heavily or do anything that I look back on as being particularly troublesome. Certainly nothing that would have historically blown things up. Her replies became short, vague, and even cold, and then when I told her that I'd had a good time but I wasn't quite sure what had changed and wished her the best she came back in a particularly angry tone that nothing had changed and that she was just extremely busy. I just left it there and moved on.

Has anyone else seen a correlation with what I look back on now as excessive flattery and unstable behavior? She reeled me in good by making me feel special, and it seems that as soon as she knew I was interested, she bolted and then expressed what seemed to be a sharp undertone of anger and coldness when I had the gall to suggest that I was out, despite her having been the one blowing me off. I know women are prone to say whatever they feel at the time, but under no conditions would I ever say the things she said were I not deeply interested, and I feel like I saw a completely different personality when the switch flipped.

 

[LeviaZen]

I have this in the wrong forum, should be Mature not Married...

 

[PlayHer Man]

She is a player. Simple as that.

Anytime a woman is kissing your ass when you haven't done anything for her yet.. you should be very suspicious. She was angling to get something from you she believed you had. At some point she realized you were not the man for the job.. so she disappeared. What was she after? Who knows! Who cares? You don't have it.

Its just like the hot college students in most cities who approach men with big flirty smiles because they want them to give money to a charity or save some kids in a 3rd world country. Women don't engage men unless its their job OR they WANT SOMETHING.

Always be suspicious of the free lunch. ALWAYS.

 

[LeviaZen]

I can't argue with you. Nicely burned, but lesson learned I hope. How do you define having done anything for her btw?

 

[LeviaZen]

Can anyone move this to mature btw? It shouldn't be in married man. It doesn't look like I can do it myself.

 

[GotED?]

You don't have your age posted LeviaZen, that is required for Mature Men discussions.

This is a simple fact about women you have not yet realize:

They are FOOKED UP emotional creatures. Whatever they cough up in the moment of 'drama' and 'emotional highs' - is really what they felt in that moment.

However, as time passes (matter of minutes or hours even) - her emotions may get overriden by other emotions or even amazingly enough, LOGIC sometimes.

The only way to determine if a woman means what she says is over a period of time BY HER ACTIONS. Stable and consisten women can only be proven by experience - thus the same applies to men, and the human being species.

With respect,

Exodus

 

[Desdinova]

Moved to DJD...

 

[LeviaZen]

Slowly relearning or perhaps just learning the full range of possibility. Definitely hoodwinked this time. I never really let myself appear more interested than her, but her apparently extreme levels of interest gave a pretty wide range of possibility to my behavior, and I'd have to guess that I erred on the side of being too open and too interested. She probably is a player, but she's probably not any more crazy than the rest of them. I assume I just played my hand poorly. Biggest lesson out of this one is to never decide someone is special just based on a few dates and how they make you feel. They're awfully good at making you feel great when they feel like it, and they're a lot less likely to be special than you one thinks.

 

[LeviaZen]

I don't really know that she was any sort of cluster b. That's probably just a defense mechanism on my part honestly. Easier to believe you were burned by someone of lower value with a problem than someone you'd genuinely be interested in. That said, be very wary of allowing it to go to your head. As soon as you believe everything you hear from her, you'll open up too quickly, and it seems to be the death knell for attraction in these types.

 

[floydb25]

Yes, she is a player, and a *****. These are the same tactics employed by "bad boys". They use charm and flattery; make you feel special and wanted; act like you're the best thing evar; it feels like you've known them forever; and you're head over heels... All in a very, very short amount of time. They are very aggressive, pushy, and move quickly - without giving the other party (ie, you) time to think. They are also very manipulative, like to tease, and make you THINK that you're a special, will get sex / love / relationships.... But it never happens.... Because it's all just a game to them. It's all words.

Once they lure you in with this big charade of flattery, teasing, and potential of great things happening between you two - they pull back, make you do all the work, get you to chase them, live up to their standards, etc - only to fall right into their abusive trap. You're not good enough, it's all your fault, you owe them, you're worthless, you're a jerk... The aggressive behavior you saw in the beginning to lure you in quickly turns to abuse.

Meanwhile, you have no idea WTF is going on - and that's the whole point. Everything is happening so fast, and you start to question things. No, you didn't do anything wrong, they didn't lose interest, it's not your fault, you don't owe them, there is no potential, you can't turn things back to how they were, you will never catch them... That's just how they want you to think, to get you to chase them, and put up with all their abuse. This is how they keep you hooked, and dependant on them - while they dangle the "prize" in front of you.

What you're experiencing is nothing more than a bait and switch tactic. How's she's acting right now is the real her. What you saw in the very, very beginning was a charade to lure you in.

So yes, there is a correlation between charm, flattery, moving super fast, and jerks / abusers / crazies. They're fake, insecure, dysfunctional, mean, selfish... This is how they operate; it's their whole game, and how they attract people into their crazy lives. They have nothing else. They HAVE to move in quickly through aggression and charm before their true colors are revealed, because they're garbage. All those insecurities, of course, end up getting dumped on anyone who gets lured into their bull****. Like you said, she claims "nothing changed" - because she doesn't want YOU to lose interest. Then she gets angry over it. So, she keeps blowing you off, treating you like ****, messing with your head, etc... But whenever you do anything wrong (in her eyes) - even in direct response to her bull**** - you're a jerk.

You can't win with controlling, abusive, dysfunctional bullies. Everything is always about them. Just realize that the problem is also them.

 

[Chamber36]

I don't know about controlling abusive dysfunctional bullies, but I honestly believe this behavior because of western culture. It's the same as the flake.

And TBH I have to say that when a girl seems OVERLY interested you should always be on your toes. Either they are fake as hell and they just act as nice as they can because they're like politicians and they want votes(which is what I think), or they are actually totally enthralled *in the moment*, and when the moment is over their fancy has passed onto something else.

I honestly noticed a correlation between super high IL and flakage. The game really can't always be that easy, and if it IS that easy make sure you bone the chick that very same night, because she is likely to never answer one of your calls.

 

[floydb25]

I don't know about controlling abusive dysfunctional bullies, but I honestly believe this behavior because of western culture. It's the same as the flake.

And TBH I have to say that when a girl seems OVERLY interested you should always be on your toes. Either they are fake as hell and they just act as nice as they can because they're like politicians and they want votes(which is what I think), or they are actually totally enthralled *in the moment*, and when the moment is over their fancy has passed onto something else.

I honestly noticed a correlation between super high IL and flakage. The game really can't always be that easy, and if it IS that easy make sure you bone the chick that very same night, because she is likely to never answer one of your calls.

I'm just sayin', that's how they act and operate. And it sounds like she did the same thing to him. When they start acting like *****es - those are their true colors. They only act nice and interested when they want something... Namely your interest, and their control. Then boom, they pull a 180... because it was all a charade.

And yes, politicians are a great comparison.

 

[Zarky]

The more a girl seems into you, the more you have to stonewall her.

 

[LeviaZen]

It's nice to read someone else write what's gone through my head. It's a shame that there's so much of this these days. I do think American culture turns it out at a very high rate.