Flakiness: How to proceed? And how much I hate it! (No One-itis BS!!!)

[Lotus Effect]

Flakiness: How to proceed? And how much I hate it *UPDATE* B*tch flaked again > NEXT

Hey guys!

Just to get things straight, this is not a case of One-itis, before anyone else come here and tell me to spin plates, and GFTOW!

I just want to know how can I proceed with a girl who flaked on our date today!

To add a little backstory this is a girl I've hooked up in the past and then we lost contact due to both of us getting into LTRs. Now we are both single again, she gave me her # in a bar we met randomly, some days prior to xmas.

We texted a few, but I always kept things in a sexual tone, and always took 24h plus to reply anything, if not more! I could sense her IL was high since she was talking about how tanned she would be for our date, and that she was looking sexy wadawada...

Yesterday, one day prior to our date, I've replied her question about what time would we meet, but I answered in a playfull tone, when I should have been more straight to the point. By then, I got a gut feeling that she would flake.

And the gut is always right! Anyway, she replied playfully and kept things light, but I've sensed her IL went down!

Today I woke up to a text from her asking if we can reschedule it for tomorrow, because her mother's boyfriend is being a little rude with her mother and now the mother is sad (Classical Bullsh*t)

I hate this, because she did offered another date and some guys might say she should have another chance. But the fact, assuming that BS to be truth, is enough to keep her from going out with me is just a proven point of a Low Interest Level, which may lead me to another flake tomorrow, which I'm not in the mood of getting!

Any ideas how to proceed?

Thanks guys!

 

[VladPatton]

Wait on it, it could be legit. At least she rescheduled. Set up another time with her and if she does it again Next her. One flake is hard to tell. Two flakes is a concrete 'no'. I've always liked that rule.

Good luck.

 

[Skyline]

The only way she could have lost interest from you asking her out by being playful is if that playfulness hinted toward that you were unsure if she would show- insecurity. Or she might actually be busy who knows.

Since she rescheduled then that means she still interested, but the ball is sort of in her court. Tell her you're busy tomorrow and that you'll get back to her. Then wait like a week or something and get back to her. Keep the texting/calling distance though. Confident persistence is the way to proceed with this one.

 

[adam225]

Personally, I think you're caring way tooooo much. If it was I'd just get straight to the point with her and forget all these "so called rules" - e.g. "Look, do you want to hook up or not ? If you don't then just tell me straight now so I don't have to waist anymore time". Then see her response. This is where you'll truly tell where you stand with her.

p.s. Forget these so called texting rules. Just get straight to the point and be yourself. If you screw up then learn from it.

 

[_sideways_]

Yea Bro, don't let this little thing wipe the smile off ur face. U just had a threesome! Lol

 

[Vigs]

Depends on what your goal is with her. If you want her as a girlfriend, then give up, move on, her interest is low.

If you think it will be a flake, then why bother? Go with your gut.

If you want to get laid, then you can probably still do that, just not tomorrow.

Dont get closure by saying anything dumb, just dont mess with her again. Until she initiates. You can still get some more sex out of it, just leave it where it is. She will contact you or she wont, but you are too busy to care right?

If she does contact you, go directly for sex.

If she doesnt contact you, so what?

 

[Lotus Effect]

Yeah, I know it is still ok and stuff!

But flakiness is something that I just can't stand you know! When a girl is really interested you can sense from miles away! Being flakey, even though community say it can still happens, is just her putting into words her low IL!

Adding to prove this point, I went out with a plate of mine yesterday, which is a girl I only go out on wednesdays. Always!

I've rescheduled her for yesterday and placed this flakey girl for today. She said ok. We went out on a bar, I'm broke and jobless right now, she paid the whole bill. She did not even let me go for my wallet. We went to a park, she bought me a beer over there. Went back to another bar, once again she paid the whole bill.

That alone was spending R$90,00 on a dude she only sees once a week, when I'm available!

Adding up to it, we went back to her house, I gave her a lousy f*ck 'cause I was beyond drunk. She stood by my side, gave me water, massages and a bath, and I woke up with a worried SMS from her, asking if I was ok!

This is High Interest Level. A flake, it is not!

 

[teddy]

Yeah, I know it is still ok and stuff!

But flakiness is something that I just can't stand you know! When a girl is really interested you can sense from miles away! Being flakey, even though community say it can still happens, is just her putting into words her low IL!

Adding to prove this point, I went out with a plate of mine yesterday, which is a girl I only go out on wednesdays. Always!

I've rescheduled her for yesterday and placed this flakey girl for today. She said ok. We went out on a bar, I'm broke and jobless right now, she paid the whole bill. She did not even let me go for my wallet. We went to a park, she bought me a beer over there. Went back to another bar, once again she paid the whole bill.

That alone was spending R$90,00 on a dude she only sees once a week, when I'm available!

Adding up to it, we went back to her house, I gave her a lousy f*ck 'cause I was beyond drunk. She stood by my side, gave me water, massages and a bath, and I woke up with a worried SMS from her, asking if I was ok!

This is High Interest Level. A flake, it is not!

I think even these obvious high interest level "signs" aren't enough to think she has high interest (unless you've ****ed her of course, like you have). A lot of girls are really just friendly because a lot of people are friendly to them due to their looks, etc. And a lot of these women are the "live laugh love" type.

I think you never know for sure if a woman is interested in you until you've ****ed her. Then you can read these signs and know for sure.

 

[Lotus Effect]

You got me wrong mate!

This High interest girl is a plate I already f*ck in a weekly basis!

The low interest girl is the flakey girl, subject of this thread!

This above story was just to prove a point when a girl is highly interested on you, she might do just about anything to keep you around, i.e. paying expensive bills.

And, likewise, when a girl has low interest on you she will do anything to slowly drive you away, or keep you as a backburner, i.e. FLAKING!

 

[Jariel]

Don't think the worst of it. Sometimes women will want to reschedule because they're having a bad hair day and would rather wait until they're looking/feeling their best. It can be something very trivial, it could be nervousness or a whole lot of other things.

To be honest, I've flaked on a date tomorrow because I've got some deadlines to meet with my work and feeling quite drained. It doesn't mean that my IL is low as I like this chick, but I have to say that her reaction will make or break. If she's cool about it and we can reschedule, then that's great and we'll make up for the lost time next week. But if she gets uptight, then I'll probably not contact her again.

Another thing you have to remember is that it's still new and she doesn't owe you anything. I think it's a bad habit of guys on this forum to expect such high standards from a girl they haven't been dating long and to get defensive or ratty over little things. You can't really expect every girl's IL to be that high if she's not spent time with you.

Just be cool. The fact that she offered to reschedule is a good sign and not just making an excuse to get rid of you.

 

[Lotus Effect]

...You can't really expect every girl's IL to be that high if she's not spent time with you.

Just be cool. The fact that she offered to reschedule is a good sign and not just making an excuse to get rid of you.

Yeah, with that alone I agree!

And that is why I came here to ask for directions instead of doing stupid BS!

As I've said, this is a girl I've hooked in the past, so I can tell that at least there is attraction going on!

I just would like to know how to properly answer this!

Should I say it is ok she can't go today but I can't tomorrow, let's do this next wed!
Should I pretend I believe the BS, and be sympathetic with the situation!
What??

Adding to what Viggs said, this is not a girl I'm willing to date. This is just a hot girl I'd like to f*ck!

 

[TheGambino]

Go along with it Lotus. Just go for the date, be direct, at x time at x bar. Accept her counter offer and go, reduces flaking since she brought it up. She will know herself that if she flakes your probably going to cut loose since she counter offered. Playing games like i'm busy tommorow i'll get back later to you won't do you any good now, only will make things awkward for the next contact.

I vote for bein very easy and direct in the first stage coz she doesn't know you and isn't comfortable and interested enough. Get her on a date, build comfort, attraction and get her interest level up. After that you can be more dominant about choosing when to meet up etc.

I suggest to go along with the counter offer, so go on a date as quickly as possible, have fun and don't overthink too much so early.

If she flakes, just replie with 'ok no worries' or 'ok' and go ghost until she reaches out to you about getting to together. From there you choose what to do.

 

[Jariel]

Yeah, with that alone I agree!

And that is why I came here to ask for directions instead of doing stupid BS!

I know what you mean mate. I used to "call girls out" on the slightest thing because I always thought it would show her I'm alpha or that I would pass some kind of sh1t test and increase her IL. I did that sort of thing for years and it always backfired on me. Girls just figured I was acting like a spoilt brat who was overreacting.

I kinda did this with my ex...and look where that ended up.

I realise that you just have to be cool in these situations and not sweat the little things. It also goes along with the golden advice that whoever cares the least holds the power.

As I've said, this is a girl I've hooked in the past, so I can tell that at least there is attraction going on!

I just would like to know how to properly answer this!

Should I say it is ok she can't go today but I can't tomorrow, let's do this next wed!
Should I pretend I believe the BS, and be sympathetic with the situation!
What??

I'd just tell her "No problem, hope you get things sorted. Tomorrow is difficult for me as I have plans already, but I'm free next Wed. Let me know."

You're not playing into her drama, but you're showing that you're not going to give her a hard time over it. Women need to know this. They want a guy who will be their rock in times of need or someone who won't act selfish when they're dealing with problems. So this is a good way to reassure her that you're a cool guy and not the type to become dependent on her.

Again, this is where I fvcked up with my ex. For all her faults and mistakes, I was insecure and defensive when she needed me to be supportive and I showed her a very needy and offputting side of myself that ruined our relationship.

As men, we should always be projecting the image that we have our own lifes, we are strong willed, secure in ourselves and we don't need women to feel confident.

I'm still seeing a woman I met last year. We barely see each other and a week will pass between texts, but she's still very interested. It's just a pressure free thing and it's good fun when we get together.

 

[Lotus Effect]

Thanks for the reply guys!

Opened my cell just now and there were 3 more messages from her, since I have not yet replied her, and she was telling me "Ahh, I can see you are also busy"

Since there is nothing to lose (but f*cking her), and after reading all this answers you guys gave me and some articles about flakiness, I decided to call her

Had a light conversation, went with Jariel's line, 'cause I'm actually going to the beach tomorrow. She kind got sad I couldn't make it tomorrow, and I said since I'm going at night, we can hang out in the afternoon for a beer around 2pm. She said that that was great. I told her I would pick her up at her house. We talked a little bit more about her issue, which seemed to be really a problem over the phone than more like an excuse via text.
Anyway, I never can never trust this BS! I still believe it is an excuse!
Kept talking a little more, she said she spent her whole day getting a tan and that I would be surprised tomorrow, and I've ended it!

It was really good indeed! We live in this Whatsapp/Txt era, that I always forget how good is to actually make a phone call. It conveys so much more and you don't get lost with hidden meanings! And it may also show that you have balls, 'cause everyone else is texting, which is way "safer"

And as said, she is a very hot woman, something on the HB8,5/HB9, so I guess, going on a night out for a whole night with me was a very high investment on her behalf, so I believe she second guessed doing so. Which is only natural, 'cause we don't have the attraction/confort required and it may lead to awkwardness (at least in her head).

That was the gut feeling I had coming!

Anyway, since our plan for tomorrow has a lot less pressure, I could sense in her tone that she was more into it! After all, it is a beer on a summer afternoon!

I'm guessing she won't flake tomorrow, due to how actually cool I've handled it, so this put an end to this thread! And as always, with one lesson to be learned!

Don't try to play cool. Be cool!

Thanks everyone again! You got to love this community!

(I'll keep you all posted just to let you know if she flaked again or if we had crazy animal sex in the backseat of my car tomorrow)

 

[Jariel]

Great reading mate and very inspirational! I'm really glad you handled it so well and it sounds like you just increased her IL a lot!

It sounds like you're really getting yourself together after your break up misery and embracing this single lifestyle. A great example to everyone getting over their ex.

 

[TheGambino]

Ye good job, you handled it relaxed and confident. You passed her flaky test and showed that your a cool person that can deal with little bullsh1t woman throw at you. If you replied with 'No I'm busy tommorow, maybe in a week', I would be pretty sure it would be over.

She won't flake, have fun

 

[Lotus Effect]

Great reading mate and very inspirational! I'm really glad you handled it so well and it sounds like you just increased her IL a lot!

It sounds like you're really getting yourself together after your break up misery and embracing this single lifestyle. A great example to everyone getting over their ex.

Thanks dude! I hope it works out in her mind the same way it is working on mine! hahaha! But I do believe that calling was crucial, and if I left things on the text things would not go as good as they went!

And yes, I totally embraced the single lifestyle now! I have multiple plates, F*cked 6 girls already, and on my way to f*cking 2 more. Had that 3some... But I cannot say I'm not hurt about the ex episode. I was a novel after all, it lasted almost the entire last year, and I did some crazy stupid sh*t. I still have nightmares, and the mornings still suck! So no, I'm not 100% healed, and I believe this will still take some time!

But I'm doing the best I can, and at least I know I can still live without her!

If you replied with 'No I'm busy tommorow, maybe in a week', I would be pretty sure it would be over.

She won't flake, have fun

Yeah, I'm also pretty sure of that!

She is a high calliber girl. I KNOW that there are loads of dudes chasing after her! I know that are dudes in love with her without even going out with the chick! Fact!

Even though I have to make a speed date with her tomorrow, stalling her for another week would have droped her interest level to absolute zero! We still don't have enough conection for me to keep pinging her each and every day. And doing so without this minimal conection would ruin the chances of meeting her next Wed.
Also, keeping convos to a minimum, trying to act aloof wouldn't do any good as well, for the same reason above.

And that is what I meant for playing/acting cool, than really be cool about it!

If it is to work out, cool! But it must be now! If it don't happen now, I'll just leave it as it is and proceed with other chicks. When(if) I run into her again in life, I reengage!

Nothing to worry! Nothing to lose!

Thank you all guys!

 

[Jariel]

Thanks dude! I hope it works out in her mind the same way it is working on mine! hahaha! But I do believe that calling was crucial, and if I left things on the text things would not go as good as they went!

And yes, I totally embraced the single lifestyle now! I have multiple plates, F*cked 6 girls already, and on my way to f*cking 2 more. Had that 3some... But I cannot say I'm not hurt about the ex episode. I was a novel after all, it lasted almost the entire last year, and I did some crazy stupid sh*t. I still have nightmares, and the mornings still suck! So no, I'm not 100% healed, and I believe this will still take some time!

But I'm doing the best I can, and at least I know I can still live without her!
Yeah, I'm also pretty sure of that!

Same here mate. I'm still having my low moments and it still hurts. I made a big mistake with my last date meeting her at a place my ex and I went and it brough back a lot of memories. But we're definitely moving in the right direction now and it's going to get easier...and there's a whole lot of fun to be had in the process.

Good going on all those lays! I know it doesn't replace the emptiness of your ex, but I'm sure it's building your confidence and one day I'm sure you'll meet someone where it really clicks. Afterall, that's how it began with our exes so it can definitely happen again.

 

[HedoRick]

Jariel,

That is one of the most solid posts I've read in awhile. Repped...

I know what you mean mate. I used to "call girls out" on the slightest thing because I always thought it would show her I'm alpha or that I would pass some kind of sh1t test and increase her IL. I did that sort of thing for years and it always backfired on me. Girls just figured I was acting like a spoilt brat who was overreacting.

I kinda did this with my ex...and look where that ended up.

I realise that you just have to be cool in these situations and not sweat the little things. It also goes along with the golden advice that whoever cares the least holds the power.



I'd just tell her "No problem, hope you get things sorted. Tomorrow is difficult for me as I have plans already, but I'm free next Wed. Let me know."

You're not playing into her drama, but you're showing that you're not going to give her a hard time over it. Women need to know this. They want a guy who will be their rock in times of need or someone who won't act selfish when they're dealing with problems. So this is a good way to reassure her that you're a cool guy and not the type to become dependent on her.

Again, this is where I fvcked up with my ex. For all her faults and mistakes, I was insecure and defensive when she needed me to be supportive and I showed her a very needy and offputting side of myself that ruined our relationship.

As men, we should always be projecting the image that we have our own lifes, we are strong willed, secure in ourselves and we don't need women to feel confident.

I'm still seeing a woman I met last year. We barely see each other and a week will pass between texts, but she's still very interested. It's just a pressure free thing and it's good fun when we get together.

 

[Maximus Rex]

Dude

Dude, I would assume that since it's the larger city that the chicks in Sao Paolo are AS hot, IF NOT HOTTER than the ones in Rio. With that being said, my tolerance for flakey chicks would be even less than it is now simply because there's sooo many beautiful and gorgeous women running around.