flakey guys

[djgirl]

Hey fellas so I have a couple.of questions.

So I notice a lot of you guys come across flakey girls and usually next them when they flake on you all the time and I am in a similar situation except with guys...
I am suppose to be meeting a few guys off from tinder and 1 from real life this week. However I've had 3 of them flake at the last minute !! They all seem like decent guys, we get on great and seem to have a lot in common and they don't come across like those other annoying guys who only hit you up for one thing which is good cos I don't want a guy like that....I have morals and not just going to open my legs on the first date no matter how charming they are and I'm sorry if you guys disagree with that...

So anyways 3 of them have flaked on me and I'm just wondering if I should use the 2 strike rule on them like it says on here to do with flakey women? It's kind of annoying how they work you up to be keen on them and then let you down at the last minute...I didn't think guys would be as flakey but it just goes to show that women aren't the only unstable/ flakey ones. It's hard for me to meet men in real life because I work such long hours and a lot so in my time off I'm too buggered to go out. Tinder has been great so far I have a lot of matches but whether they all decide to come through and meet me is a different story...so anyways what's your opinion on this

 

[Mr. Kalikoat]

Hard to say.

I flaked on women several times, but never because of them. Sometimes just something more important pops up and then I have to call the girl and tell her the date is a no-go because reasons. I usually tell them I'll reschedule the date with them later. I'll always call them again later to make plans for a new date.

I once f*cked up majorly though. I accidently flaked on a girl by oversleeping. I drank way too much the night before at a party and I slept through almost the entire day. She tried to call me several times and she texted me several times asking me where the heck I was, but I slept through all of it. Needless to say the chick was f*cking pissed and lost almost all interest, though I did manage to make her laugh when I explained what happened. We dated a week later but it never came to anything.

I'm not smart enough not to go drinking the night before a date.

Anyway, did these dudes just randomly flake on you without saying anything or did they like me call/text you and tell you why they have to cancel the date?

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

I don't want a guy like that....I have morals and not just going to open my legs on the first date no matter how charming they are

Uh-huh, totally believe you, good story....*falls asleep*

Honestly, are you giving off this^ vibe? Telling this to them? Tinder was essentially made to be a hook up app. Maybe, when it comes down to it, they're seeing you as too much "work", and decide to go after lower hanging fruit.

 

[Jaylan]

Honestly, its because tinder gives people more local options...and mainly because a lot of guys on it are just looking for sex. This isnt all guys, but a lot.

Ill admit, when I first used it, I just wanted to have fun, and I did sleep with a couple women I met on the app. I later realized I didnt really like doing that, so I slowed down. Now Im more open to finding a connection, but I dunno if Id be down for anything serious. Thus, I just took a break from the app and dating for now while I focus on getting other things together in my life.

All in all OP, online dating is gonna have flakes...especially an app like Tinder. Youd be better served to meet guys in real life...or if you must use Tinder, make sure you build better rapport with the guys you talk to. Try and see if theres is a decent connection from texting or a couple short phone convos.

Id be less likely to flake on a girl I felt I had chemistry with on the phone.

 

[Mike32ct]

Some guys really do "chicken out" ie get "cold feet." It's fun to flirt online, but sometimes meeting up and going on an actual date feels like a hassle and so the guy backpedals (so to speak) and is no longer that keen about meeting.

A guy with high interest wouldn't do that. A guy with marginal interest but just enjoying the attention would. Yes, some men are AWs too.

All the same rules like 2 strikes MAX apply.

Sometimes you have a great conversation and some jokes, but you aren't actually attracted (or that attracted) to that person. You are actually having fun in spite of it. Plus, you don't really care what they think of you so it's all entertainment. This happens in person as well as online. It can fool both men and women, but it happens.

 

[compleks]

Flakers better have a good excuse and chase up a second date quick smart, or they should be cut.

I used tinder a lot in the past. Always ended up investing too much time for the few that actually came through, so to speak.
Don't invest too much time in people on Tinder. If you trust them and feel you want to meet, then exchange numbers and set up a date. If they flake, at least you haven't invested too much time in them.

 

[nismo-4]

Would these guys flake on Katy Perry? I think not.

Actually, guys do flake, but they typically have a good reason. They will tell you, and will want to rearrange for another time.

9/10 if a guy likes a girl, he will make it happen, or do his damn best to.

 

[Greasy Pig]

Agree with the "low hanging fruit" analogy.
If you're on Tinder and giving off a vibe of "no sex before date three", a guy will probably flake.
Tinder isn't so much a dating app as it is a quick hook-up app. Probably not the right approach if you're after something more meaningful than an exciting, sweaty, uninhibited roll in the hay with a stranger.

 

[Kailex]

Anytime I have flaked on a girl it was because I had a better option at the time.

I thought long and hard about this and that was probably the only reason. And when I mean "better option", I don't necessarily mean a "better woman". I've had dates set up where I suddenly realize there might be too much cost/effort/time involved and I'd rather go out on my own, or hang out with a buddy, or sit at home with a nice bourbon and watch a movie.

I know you are trying to give a "different" vibe, but you are on Tinder.

DOES NOT COMPUTE.

Also, it's hard to judge why they are flaking on you when we don't know what your interactions are like with them. The conversations, the mood, the vibe... I've had a lot of conversations with women online that turned into penpal situations and I just lost all interest in meeting them. If they were boring me online behind the veil of a computer monitor... how much more boring could it be in person?

 

[j0504s]

Some guys really do "chicken out" ie get "cold feet." It's fun to flirt online, but sometimes meeting up and going on an actual date feels like a hassle and so the guy backpedals (so to speak) and is no longer that keen about meeting.

A guy with high interest wouldn't do that. A guy with marginal interest but just enjoying the attention would. Yes, some men are AWs too.

All the same rules like 2 strikes MAX apply.

Sometimes you have a great conversation and some jokes, but you aren't actually attracted (or that attracted) to that person. You are actually having fun in spite of it. Plus, you don't really care what they think of you so it's all entertainment. This happens in person as well as online. It can fool both men and women, but it happens.

Good post...to ad if they do flake for the reason of getting cold feet, is that someone you really want? also I am unclear on what you want? If you are snot going to sleep with them I will have to assume you want a relationship. I almost ALWAYS find girls who say I want to be single/Iwant to just date different guys, they just end up in relationships. So I do think you either want sex or you want boyfriend/relationship (exclusivity).

Listen, tinder I do not use as I do not need any form of online dating...BUT my friends who do are truly only looking for sex. Not to say its not possible, here is some food food for though, If male is trying to meet a girl on tinder b/c he wants a relationship, he has ZERO confidence imo. this translate into him not having the ability to meet ppl naturally...Tinder may not be the best place...although it is possible...Why do you not cold approach your self?? This will create a more solid authentic memroble interaction vs "How did you meet?" "O, I swiped his picture and he swiped mine...OMG its FATE!!"

 

[Don-Kong]

AFCs who use Tinder will flake, coz they're probably anxious insecure wrecks. That's one possibility out of a whole bunch, but I'm sure you get guys on there who freak out last minute thinking it's what they want but it's not.

It's actually stressful going in a first date so maybe it's more to do with what they can handle?

 

[om1xr]

Would these guys flake on Katy Perry? I think not.

Actually, guys do flake, but they typically have a good reason. They will tell you, and will want to rearrange for another time.

9/10 if a guy likes a girl, he will make it happen, or do his damn best to.

This. Guys are more rational and won't flake except for a good reason like being busy or for the girl to be an annoying b!tch.

on a side note real life dating is 100% better than online dating because online dating is full of girls who are there for attention and validation and guys who don't have the balls to approach and make it in RL but this is not a general rule.

djgirl to answer you question: they want sex and you want a relationship but damn girl you are spining plates like there is no tomorrow.
take note guys girls are natural in spining plates so remember that numbers and approaches don't mean anything. the real thing is Yes to date, show up to date, kiss, makeout ..etc.

another note: it's really fascinating how guys will answer so fvucking quickly in a girl's thread but a guy should be waiting for ever. the ***** is on pedestal so hard SMH!

 

[VladPatton]

It's Tinder. Everyone's on a sex roulette. Whenever someone has a fückload of options, flake rates are high because they have this person, or that one, or this one, no, that one! To choose from. That's some unnatural shıt right there.

 

[djgirl]

Well I am after a relationship/boyfriend and I know tinder is really not the best place to be looking and it seems to be all the same with the other dating gigs like pof/rsvp but because I work all the time amongst women who are either married or have bfs it's hard to get out and meet guys and I should add when I have a lot of them have been no different to the ones on dating apps, most just trying to bed me after one meeting....not going to happen.

Maybe I should try my luck with older men? And with the guys that flake we will set up dates the night before after talking and getting to know each other for a bit and then I message them on the day and that's when they pull out and tell me they can't make it...With the amount of plates I have going though I have a good mind to just ditch them and put it down to they had their chance. First in first serve, I don't beat around the bush

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

when I have a lot of them have been no different to the ones on dating apps, most just trying to bed me after one meeting

How is this different than any other date any man has ever gone on in the history of Man Kind? If we're attracted to the woman, and we can get sex, we'll take it. However, I for one, agree that for an LTR, the sex should wait a few dates, but that's a whole other discussion right there. But the guys should push, even if it's gently, in that direction, if he knows what he's doing. And it's usually the woman who puts on the breaks.....no biggie.

What happens when you turn them down? You never hear from them again? Or are you so shocked that they would even try to have sex with you....OMG!!....that you refuse to see them again?

Just turn down for sex on the first date, like has happened a gazillion times in other relationships, then go on a second. I'm not seeing the issue here.

 

[( . )( . )]

Aren't you on the.....*cough* heavier side, covered in tatts and follow the yougogrrrl "we are all equals" mantra? And isn't tinder a hookup app?

Don't forget you along with the other millions of identical femtard Aussie chicks all blur into one now for most men. I wouldn't take it too personal, you probably just put off a vibe that you were more hassle than you would be worth.

Want to cut down on the "flakes"? (btw don't use male jargon, it's unbecoming)

Shed the weight, look into tattoo removal. You know aswell as I do the only dudes who "dig ink" on a chick are low test closet cases who can't appreciate a woman's body for the work of art it naturally already is (ie : the type of guys you don't want). Research what women once used to be and allude to that through your aura and I guarantee this "flake" problem will vanish.

Thank me later.

 

[Greasy Pig]

And BOOM! Mr Tyts nails it.
OP, if you look like a $2 hooker (and let's face it, there aren't many tattoos - if any - that don't make a girl look like one), you will be treated like one. No matter how much you try to act otherwise.
My first thought on seeing a girl with a tattoo is: "She'd probably take it up the butt." True story.