Flakes: The PUA way and the DJ way

[JackPrescott]

So let me ask a question here about how we can define "flake". I will give you my situation, and then give a little bit of extra info, and then you tell me what I should do. I'll also tell you what I did do.

I work with a girl.. let's call her Jen. Jen is 10yrs younger than me, and we flirt back and forth. Though Jen still has a boyfriend, she is still interested in me because of the way she acts.

This week I saw her and said... "Hey, so and so and you should come over and play pool and darts"

First I told her someone else AND her should come over. The other girl is one I work with who is just a friend, and she knows that. However, I didnt say YOU and so and so, so it didn't sound as needy. When I said that, I didnt even give her a day, or time. I just said "some time" She was like... How about Saturday? Then I said... Well, i'll check and see if so and so is cool with it and get back to you. The next day I was going to tell her, she wasn't at work. So I got a hold of her cell number cause I knew I wouldn't see her for another week. I texted her and said... Hey, So and so said she was down for Sat. She was like... Ok..... I'm not quite sure yet if I can, but i'll let you know. Also too, she wasn't 100% sure the day she through out Sat either. So then she talked about beating my ass at everything Sat, and then that was about it.

Friday I texted her and said... Well, are we on for Sat or not? NOTHING. I was like ok....i'll wait and see.

Saturday I knew she worked, and knew she probably couldn't tell me at work cause she'd be too busy, so I knew she would tell me later in the day. I waited till she was off and NOTHING. Waited till the evening, and NOTHING. Time passed and it was 10pm and I finished watching basketball and knew she probably wouldn't respond.

So here is the thing... SHE DIDNT SAY YES OR NO, but obviously it was a no because she didnt come over.

Now I am not one to make excuses, but what if her phone died? What if she lost it? What if she deleted all 3 of my txt and totally forgot to put my number in her phone, so she didnt have it, and no one else had it she knew? What if she had family problems?

Now all of these are "what ifs" but I would feel stupid for even saying she was flaky in the least if something like that was the TRUE reason.

So here is Sunday and I haven't texted her, and I wont see her till Wednesday.

I mean she was so ready to come over if she didnt have anything going on, I thought she might pee her pants.

But what upsets me, is that she didnt even bother to say... "Hey, sorry I cant make it tomorrow or tonight but what I wasn't sure of became a sure, and we will have to do it again?

But again if she forgot to save my number, lost her phone, etc, she wouldn't have been able to say that.

Anyway I haven't said anything to her yet, cause I dont know what to make of it. I say something to her, i'm screwed, and if I dont, she'll be like...why didnt you text again? I so accidentally deleted your number and didnt have it, or I would have come over

I thought about the text where the OP said she was disorganized and how his bratty sister....yadda yadda

I hate to text again cause then it seems like I am almost bugging, and that I am a little kid. I feel like SHE should be the one to text or call and justify WHY she never said yes or no.

She has a boyfriend. She loves him, and takes it up her rectal canal regularly from him. She has little need for you, other than alleviating boredom. Seek out single women, thanks.

 

[Phyzzle]

Whoah, I just noticed this old thread had more posts. I never check General Discussion any more.

Just to be clear, that second post is also Tyler. The quote tags weren't working right.

So let me ask a question here about how we can define "flake". I will give you my situation, and then give a little bit of extra info, and then you tell me what I should do. I'll also tell you what I did do.

I work with a girl.. let's call her Jen. Though Jen still has a boyfriend, she is still interested in me because of the way she acts.

Well then, it's pretty clear why she might flake! Even if her interest in you is greater than her bf's, she might stay home out of guilt. Calling you to say, "can't come, too much guilt" is simply too uncomfortable for her to stomach.

Anyway I haven't said anything to her yet, cause I dont know what to make of it. I say something to her, i'm screwed, and if I dont, she'll be like...why didnt you text again? I so accidentally deleted your number and didnt have it, or I would have come over

Don't worry about that. Like the article says, talk to her next time as if nothing happened. It's not like you were sitting at home on Saturday (even if you were). I really, really doubt she'll say, "you only texted me three times, it should've been four!" That would just be crazy, and you could say as much.

 

[Omen]

Whoah, I just noticed this old thread had more posts. I never check General Discussion any more.

Just to be clear, that second post is also Tyler. The quote tags weren't working right.



Well then, it's pretty clear why she might flake! Even if her interest in you is greater than her bf's, she might stay home out of guilt. Calling you to say, "can't come, too much guilt" is simply too uncomfortable for her to stomach.



Don't worry about that. Like the article says, talk to her next time as if nothing happened. It's not like you were sitting at home on Saturday (even if you were). I really, really doubt she'll say, "you only texted me three times, it should've been four!" That would just be crazy, and you could say as much.

Could be a possibility. She even asks about going to dinner sometimes. We joke, and she's like.... I'm waiting for my dinner date. And the boyfriend deal as Jack said.... :yawn:

The guy is no more than 17-18. So if we were to compare me to him, there would be no competition but the fact he is tall, and plays basketball. I dont give one sh*t less. I think she's very interested in me, and the fact she even threw out a day to come over when I didnt, is just one sign. Her actions towards me as well at work are signs.

I guess talking to her on Wed like nothing happened is a thought. I never really thought about just forgetting the whole deal. Might be interesting to see what she thinks if I do that. Wow, he didnt really ask about last week. Maybe he doesn't care? If anything it may get her to perk up and realize that my time is valuable, I dont care, I dont need that crap, etc etc. The whole... I HAVE MANY OTHER OPTIONS AS WELL deal.

My guess is that she will bring it up when I see her. She may even offer to re-schedule.

I think she is in this rut because she is still dating high school guy, but she likes me too, and she is trying to figure it all out. I think the whole... Wow i've never had an older guy like Omen really show interest in me before, and it's new for me (I can tell you a fact it is) I guess we'll just see what she says on Wednesday when I see her, if she doesn't text me before. (assuming she still has my number. There is always the possibility she deleted everything in case her boyfriend got a hold of her phone) She may not want him to know, so she covers her tracks. And since she did it TOO WELL, she didnt enter my number in her phone at all cause she didnt know how she would enter the name.

Or.... The boyfriend already got the first text and she's been had.

 

[Phyzzle]

Oh, and you may find this question offensive, but I have to ask:

You are a 28 year old man. What kind of job do you have that a teenage girl works with you? Burger King?

 

[Omen]

Oh, and you may find this question offensive, but I have to ask:

You are a 28 year old man. What kind of job do you have that a teenage girl works with you? Burger King?

No, not hardly. I work at a big retail chain and I have so for about 5yrs, so the pay (with promotion at a former store puts me at a pretty decent amount while I finished college (this may). Discounted stock, 401k, and product discount... The job really cant be beat. Plus I CHOOSE my schedule, and do so only a few days a week because I am starting a business and dedicate 90% of my time on that because it is scheduled to be up and running before years end, and I need all of the time I can on my side.

I only do this so I can start my business, and once that is up and going, it is pretty much no more of the retail stuff except maybe one day to keep the discount. You cant beat buying a 50" $3,500 plasma for $900 and a $200 wall mount for $20. I've probably saved $5,000+ in all of the stuff I have received at a discount over the years.

 

[Ricky]

Persistence can pay off. Let's say you are running game on some girls and give each a bit of attention. Some of the flakes will return to you no doubt.

This girl has called me and texted me a bit. She tells me of the another guy who called her like 15 times one day. that's her stalker I guess.

Well in any event, I don't need to meet her but given the nature of our conversations it would be fun if we did.

 

[macallik]

2nd post is very very insightful. Thanks for sharing the knowledge of Tyler Duerden phyzzle!

For me, there are a few things that I'll do when it comes to the phone. First, if a girl flakes me, I'll tease her on it in a funny way. I never get angry or look genuinely upset about it. I never focus on reasoning with them logically.

I also don't give up if a girl doesn't call back. At the same time, if they say they'll call back I'll say I don't get upset like I know they won't. I'll just say "OK cool." and give them the chance. But then if they don't call back when they said they would, I'll call back a bit later and just re-initiate the conversation as if I don't even remember that they didn't follow up.

If you know you are the prize then you aren't giving into her games, you are enjoying yourself and passing time. I follow more clearly now.

For a girl I haven't slept with yet though, I have a certain beliefs. She owes me nothing. It's all a game. No relationship or connection exists between us until we've been together physically, because she reserves the right to walk away at any point. I have no emotional ties to the interaction, and I have no ego about it. I just do what I think will work.

Kind of like Cultivate Feelings of Attraction and not Obligation. Makes sense but damn it is hard not to get caught up in chicks that seem to be wasting your time

To me this is very wrong thinking. Notice that it stems from the fact that 99% of pickups in society are SOCIAL CIRCLE pickups. So for that kind of phone number, you'd have probably had the tension building for weeks or months before the number was exchanged. Of course waiting is better - it's been building for months. But for girls you met on a cold approach, that is not the case.

I always thought the rules of the game changed when you were more direct, a lot of advice in the community (so suave directly) is still geared towards social circle and having more time to work your magic

It's not like a hot girl is NOT getting laid, anymore than you wouldn't be if you had the instant option. So when you're calling, they are about as motivated to meet up with you as you would be to drive across town to a good Italian restaurant, when you're eating a good bowl of Chinese right in front of you.

Sure, the Italian would be great. But you have an unlimited Chinese buffet sitting right here. Why would you be bothered?

Great analogy

The girls don't get that needy feeling that the guys get. They are always validated, because they've been in the club at least twice a week, getting validated by all the guys complimenting them and buying them drinks.

So unless our impression is reeeeal strong, we should expect some kind of initial resistance coz we have not separated ourselves from the pack. I get it.

Whether I reach them or not, I'll call them again as soon as I wake up the next afternoon, and get the ball rolling. I'm not thinking to make them wonder if I'll call or not, because I know they could care less. Not because they aren't attracted. Rather, because there are many attractive prospects on their plates, and regardless of my game, I'm one of many.

Great way of thinking. It makes a lot of sense logically

I don't care either if she wants her friends to come or not. All of this means nothing to me. I just want to see her again, because I'll get her no matter what she throws at me.

The difference between a day1 and a day2 is that she's there to see *me*. So she has no excuse not to come back somewhere private if we're spending time together. And from there I can escalate.

I've have canceling day twos that weren't solo. This does make sense though

So let's summarize.

In my experience, I've found it best to get away from the idea that you're trying to make the girl fall in love with you before you hook up with her.

Focus on just showing you're a cool guy who she has the potential to be attracted to, and then make it your only priority to see her again. Don't worry about your value over the phone. You can't wreck a pickup from over a phone line. That makes no sense.

Good advice