flakes 10 mins before we're supposed to meet i can't give her another chance can i?

[Jaylan]

I would have just texted her back "Ok" and never spoken to her again unless she made a hard effort to reschedule and take the lead with planning the first date. If a chick did some bs to me like this girl pulled on you OP, she would have to show a ton of interest for me to consider her more than an afterthought.

 

[pete101]

In my opinion you likely lost her for good when she initially flaked yet you "convinced" her to meet you anyway. She waits till the last minute to cancel and you validated her acting disrepectfully toward you. Would have been far better in my opinion to not respond at all or have waited at least 30 minutes to respond and then said, "You seem to have a lot on your plate so yes let's cancel and you let me know a specific day and time if/when you'd like to meet and I'll let you know if I can make it." At the very least a delayed response would have created a little bit of tension and uncertainty, which in my mind is a GOOD thing because when they flake you can at least prey on their need for validation.

There comes a point with every hot check that I'm being tested and therefore MUST show that I'm perfectly willing to risk walking away.

I personally would be very surprised if this chick even wants a "second chance." I have never gotten anywhere with a chick by letting her know that I'm not happy with her flaking on me.

Only way I would still consider her is if she initiates contact and let's you know specific day and time that she wants to get together. Highly unlikely in my opinion though.

There was a delay of about 10 mind or so but you're right I validated her flaking by trying to convince her tp still meet rather then thinking forward. .I was annoyed cos I got changed and everything and was already walking to the place (I hadn't come a long way cos I was meeting friends for lunch prior and she just happened to live in the same area too)

It's cos I invested so much into it that I felt I needed to force a meet to justify my investment which is completely the wrong attitude cos I get angry then feel if I don't get what I want then I won't want it later or let myself have it at a later date as in my mind it's over.

Too much disrespect also bad luck that thr carnival was on this weekend it screwed me over I really suspect it was that cos she sounded excited to meet when I text her the day before 'that sounds lovely see you later' could have been a lie tho.

 

[Bokanovsky]

OP, you need to be smacked upside the head for even considering the possibility of giving her a second chance. Have some self-respect.

 

[asa_don]

she confirms at 2pm but also hints she's feeling shy to meet 'i think 5 would be better i'm feeling a bit shy to meet u, not looking my best have been partying to much lol'

the title of this thread is very misleading, she didn't flake 10 min before you were supposed to meet, she flaked at 2pm when she gave you an excuse that she was "too shy" and "not looking her best", you spent the rest of the time trying to reassure and convince her to come, you assumed she was still going to show up when you were arguing with her.

look man, she was telling you earlier right from the start that she wasn't up for the date, you were pushing for it right up to the very end, that's your fault.

she doesn't look her best to meet you, but looks fine to go to a carnival.

isn't she supposed to look her best when she is getting ready to meet you? that's the whole point of a date, getting ready to look her best, she was making a lame excuse, right then you should of igorned her knowing what she was up to, you started to convince her to come the whole time, thats your fault.

she made it very obvious she didn't want to meet up with you, don't keep trying to convince her to come, she isn't going to do it, that's why she's flaking in the first place, reassuring and convincing isn't going to help you, that's a waste of time, she isn't going to show up.

she gave lame excuses to cancel, so she doesn't deserve another chance, after the way you behaved i doubt she would go out with you.

never be needy, pushy, convincing for a date, if a girl can't be excited to show up to meet you, there is no point in even asking her again, she isn't really into it.

you were arguing with her, being annoyed, convincing, reassuring, demanding, furious, pushy, not taking the hint from the start, total afc behavior, your behavior reassured her that she made the right choice.

after all that convincing, arguing, demanding you did, where did it get you? looking afc without a date because you didn't take the hint way back at 2pm.

it took you all that time to finally realize after your arguing and convincing what she was doing right from the start, going to the carnival instead of going out with you, any excuse means she doesn't want to go out, she has other plans instead, take the hint the first time you get the excuse, she isn't that interested, don't make the same mistake again the next time.

i reassure her she'll look good etc

and she sends back ''

so i assume we're on.

20 mins before we meet i'm already walking to the place

im livid now

and instead of just ignoring her and not responding i try to convince to come as i'm already walking there..

i tell her the place we're going closes at 6 so she can go carnival after

then she says she's not coming and will make it up to me.

im then annoyed and tell her so the reason she's cancelling is cos she wants to go to the carnival and that she should have just told me before earlier not 10 mins befores we're supposed to meet and i would have understood.

she texts back it's not, and it's cos she's shy

so now im furious.. and text her back she needs to make it up to me and it better be good and that i have a rule that i dont meet women who cancel on me 10 mins before we're supposed to meet. (not in an angry way but prob not in an assertive not bothered indifferent way)

here is a list of all your mistakes

never reassure a girl to meet up, never assume, don't convince, don't show your annoyed feelings, don't be pushy, don't argue, don't show her you are angry, don't demand.

this never works to get a girl out, all you do is show how desperate and afc you are.

 

[pete101]

I hear what you're saying. .

Guess what? At 5pm she texts me: ''

Smiley meaning nothing. Obviously I didn't reply.

If she's going to make it up to me it has to be much better than what I offered otherwise she'll just flake again.

At what point do I even respond to her? I suspect her next message will be a 'hey how are you? ' message

She's attention wh0ring plain and simple which is just embarrassing she's over 40

 

[pete101]

Ive been cutting online chicks a lot of slack lately, with decent results. Up to you though, you can't really go wrong putting pride and dignity ahead of pvssy lol.

In this case I'd probably message her in 2 weeks to come over to your place, thats it.



I have been rolling up to online dates half asleep with bloodshot eyes because I REFUSE to invest one second more thought and effort than necessary into these women.

Does not looking your worst blood shot eyes etc hurt your dates cos you look worse for wear?

If I did that I wouldn't get anywhere esp with only average looks.

 

[pete101]

the title of this thread is very misleading, she didn't flake 10 min before you were supposed to meet, she flaked at 2pm when she gave you an excuse that she was "too shy" and "not looking her best", you spent the rest of the time trying to reassure and convince her to come, you assumed she was still going to show up when you were arguing with her.

look man, she was telling you earlier right from the start that she wasn't up for the date, you were pushing for it right up to the very end, that's your fault.

she doesn't look her best to meet you, but looks fine to go to a carnival.

isn't she supposed to look her best when she is getting ready to meet you? that's the whole point of a date, getting ready to look her best, she was making a lame excuse, right then you should of igorned her knowing what she was up to, you started to convince her to come the whole time, thats your fault.

she made it very obvious she didn't want to meet up with you, don't keep trying to convince her to come, she isn't going to do it, that's why she's flaking in the first place, reassuring and convincing isn't going to help you, that's a waste of time, she isn't going to show up.

she gave lame excuses to cancel, so she doesn't deserve another chance, after the way you behaved i doubt she would go out with you.

never be needy, pushy, convincing for a date, if a girl can't be excited to show up to meet you, there is no point in even asking her again, she isn't really into it.

you were arguing with her, being annoyed, convincing, reassuring, demanding, furious, pushy, not taking the hint from the start, total afc behavior, your behavior reassured her that she made the right choice.

after all that convincing, arguing, demanding you did, where did it get you? looking afc without a date because you didn't take the hint way back at 2pm.

it took you all that time to finally realize after your arguing and convincing what she was doing right from the start, going to the carnival instead of going out with you, any excuse means she doesn't want to go out, she has other plans instead, take the hint the first time you get the excuse, she isn't that interested, don't make the same mistake again the next time.



here is a list of all your mistakes

never reassure a girl to meet up, never assume, don't convince, don't show your annoyed feelings, don't be pushy, don't argue, don't show her you are angry, don't demand.

this never works to get a girl out, all you do is show how desperate and afc you are.

Ok this changes things so at 2pm when she said 5 would be better etc the rest of the message was a pre flake flake message.. does that mean I should give her another chance then? Or do the rules still apply cos the official flake was 20mons before.

 

[asa_don]

Ok this changes things so at 2pm when she said 5 would be better etc the rest of the message was a pre flake flake message.. does that mean I should give her another chance then? Or do the rules still apply cos the official flake was 20mons before.

wtf? do you not listen to what i and others are telling you? no, dont ask her out again.

it doesn't change a damn thing, she flaked, she didn't want to go out, you pushed for a date she didn't want to go on, she still declined, you look like a desperate beta, she disrespected you, she's 40, she is a waste of time, don't talk to her no more, game new women, the end!

what more do i have to say to get it to sink into your head?

 

[NinjaMaster]

I hear what you're saying. .

Guess what? At 5pm she texts me: ''

Smiley meaning nothing. Obviously I didn't reply.

If she's going to make it up to me it has to be much better than what I offered otherwise she'll just flake again.

At what point do I even respond to her? I suspect her next message will be a 'hey how are you? ' message

She's attention wh0ring plain and simple which is just embarrassing she's over 40

Dude you are taking this sht too seriously.

So she replied back:

Reply back: LMAO.

And leave it at that.

She may start talking or it's her way of trying to initiate conversation again.

For me? I could care less if a chick flakes or acts foolish. I'll act foolish back as in mirroring their own stupidity back at them. If they sense you get upset their original hesitant thoughts about you are "confirmed" in their minds if they don't sense it? They'll open up and think maybe this guy isn't the "nice chump" I thought he was.

If you get pissy over every chick who acts like a clown you'll wind up going insane.

 

[ScoundrelDays]

I would have just replied "no worries" or "no problem I already made other plans" and leave it at that.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

I don't have much to add in the way of what others here have said as far as the situation with you asking her out goes... Other than you need to stop doing what a lot of guys do, which is asking the girl out, getting the "yes" and then trying to set up a time to call her back to set up a time and location for the date. Women are more likely to say "yes" and show up to dates where the man asking them already has a date idea/time ready to present to her when first asking her. In addition, setting everything up and then leaving her alone until the date gives her a less likely chance of having "buyer's remorse." (It's a sales term - look it up.) Having to call her back later to essencially re-ask her on a date can cause her to have 2nd thoughts about going on it, even if she seemed excited initially.

Lastly: as far as your methods of sarging and sending lots of messages to women not working, you need to stop working hard and start working smart. Doing something over and over again is pointless if they are the wrong things. I don't work nearly as hard at getting girls as you do, but I'm able to get lots of dates (no flakes in quite a few years) because when I do make moves they are the right ones. There are plenty of resources on here (and at the link in my signature) that can help you. Good luck!

 

[nismo-4]

Hell f**kin' no!

When a woman flakes on you last minute and via text, you have failed. And do you really think a woman would be shy if Channing Tatum asked her out on a date? She would rearrange Mars' orbit to make that happen.

This is a girl with low-no interest. Actions speak louder than words. In the 0.1% chance she pursues you, then you can ask her out again. Otherwise, no second chances. I would've already deleted the #.

Case closed.

 

[marmel75]

Flaking is to be expected these days sadly...

Don't take it personally, I've actually banged 4 or 5 girls after they flaked on a first date, so as long as you don't go all butt-hurt psycho on them over it and act cool, you still have a chance, but I think you went a little over board with it...

Yeah, flaking sucks, but I like the challenge of trying to bang them if I can get them out with me after it...

 

[NinjaMaster]

Flaking is to be expected these days sadly...

Don't take it personally, I've actually banged 4 or 5 girls after they flaked on a first date, so as long as you don't go all butt-hurt psycho on them over it and act cool, you still have a chance, but I think you went a little over board with it...

Yeah, flaking sucks, but I like the challenge of trying to bang them if I can get them out with me after it...

Seriously. Some of these dudes get emotional/angry over getting flaked on instead of learning from it. Almost as if their "lives" depend on some chick going on a meet/date with them.

I'm actually GLAD if a chick flakes on me as I have a life myself and other things to do or can be doing instead of worrying about some chick I just met.

It's like revolving your world around some chick and you being the "chick" waiting and getting pissy over it as if you have nothing else better to do.

Dudes need to relax, get a social circle, have hobbies, keep busy, and learn from past mistakes THEY may have made instead of finger pointing and throwing hissy fits so they aren't being the "chick".

 

[bdymstr]

My mentality is always expect the worst, but hope for the best. This nonchalant attitude has saved me a lot of stress. If she shows up...cool. If she flakes....cool. I am giving her the privilege to chill with me, (in my world). If she flakes, it proves to me that she is not worthy of my time, and I waste no more time on her.

 

[The_411]

OP, you need to be smacked upside the head for even considering the possibility of giving her a second chance. Have some self-respect.

This! Forget about her interest and think how offensive her behavior was. She basically said I do not value your time, I do not value you as a person. It's one thing if you call her to set up something up and she flakes, which is quite disrespectful, but when you confirm and she still flakes that's taking it to another level.

That's extremely low rent behavior.

 

[pyros]

All this trouble for a woman who's over 40???!! wtf??


Send her to hell man, and stop wasting your time with any woman that shows SO MUCH DISRESPECT, mind games, etc. A little bit of flaking and games are expected sadly, but not so much.

There is thin line between tolerating a bit of flakey behaviour and tolerating too much disrespect, in this case it is too much in my opinion.

 

[asa_don]

i'm curious to know exactly how much effort you are putting in to get the numbers and dates.

you put in too much wasted effort trying to get her out on the day of the date, that's for damn sure.

how are you gaming women on facebook? how do you go about messaging, getting the number, setting up the date?

i think you will have better results if you let us help you with your initial online game.

are you adding them as friends? waiting too long to get their number? setting up a date on the site? not talking enough/too much on the phone before a date? being too pushy? showing frustration towards them? using lame openers?

how does your game work man? how do you go about it?

 

[pete101]

i'm curious to know exactly how much effort you are putting in to get the numbers and dates.

you put in too much wasted effort trying to get her out on the day of the date, that's for damn sure.

how are you gaming women on facebook? how do you go about messaging, getting the number, setting up the date?

i think you will have better results if you let us help you with your initial online game.

are you adding them as friends? waiting too long to get their number? setting up a date on the site? not talking enough/too much on the phone before a date? being too pushy? showing frustration towards them? using lame openers?

how does your game work man? how do you go about it?

it's not so much the effort in trying to get her out, it's the bit prior i.e. sending 100s of messages on facebook, getting one to bite the bait.. like fishing so builds up effort over time. i dont like going bars and it's always too loud and never had any success picking up there so i don't think it's the right place for me as i can never hear what they're saying or them hearing me, quiet bars are ok but there's usually never any decent women there.

so at the moment i rely on day game in coffee shops and facebook picking up.

i dont wait too long to get the number, i get it within 3-4 messages.. speed seduction.. with her it required a few messages back and forth and her qualifying me asking the usual what do i do, how old i am etc etc.

i personally think the reason this date did not happen was not cos of low interest only but because the carnival was on, had it been next sunday she'd have no excuses.. she may have flaked still granted but there was nothing i could predict might cause a hiccup.

i always never choose fri or sat night because they'll end up flaking, im a stranger you're not treated as a first class citizen when you're an internet meet so i try to choose the most least likely flake day for a meet which is sunday afternoon/evening or mon or tues evening after work.

i even suspected she might flake because of the carnival prior to arranging it.. i.e her friends call her lasts minute to come carnival.. im a stranger, so she just flakes cos it's so easy to. i know her IL should be super high before you meet but realistically if you're a stranger she wouldn't have super high IL beforehand unless you talked on the phone before the date built comfort etc etc.

i didn't build enough comfort prior but at same time it says on here not to text too much before the date or call/contact. im not good on the phone i speak too fast and i have anxiety problems so they can hear nerves in my voice so in my case i'm better off using texting as a form of arranging dates.

it's just unfortunate that the carnival was on and she's disrespected my time and me by cancelling 20 mins beforehand, apart from her texting me '' on monday i haven't sent anything back, she's just fishing for attention/trying to see if i'm angry.. but in fairness the way i wrote my text about making it up to me i didn't sound butt hurt.. i laid out that it was disrespectful of me and my time etc.. i made sure to write it in a way where it didn't sound angry but in future i won't and it's better to just let them guess. silence is golden.

 

[pete101]

haha can you believe this sh1t?? not only is she not sorry she's tryna make excuses as to why cancelling on me 20 mins before was not disrespectful.. she texts me just now at 6pm here's what she said:

hi so where were we... ah i did tell u i was not easy, but i would like to let u know it was not out of disrespect but out of consideration.. i'm sure u would not have enjoyed my company as i told u i had been partying to much and out of respect i decided not to show up drunk at your lovely invitation dear


well that just shows you, she's completely oblivious to her rudeness.. clearly she just wants a reply/any reply for validation.

im tempted to send back.. 'and how is this making it up to me? it's highly disrespectful to cancel 20 mins before meeting when you already confirmed 3 hours before, and also the day before.. the fact you don't even recognise this shows how much disrespect you're showing me..'

but i probably won't reply at all as i think that's the wrong thing to do.

silence is likely to aid me? like you guys said unless she tries to suggest to meet up with me i should not give her any more attention or time.

i think she won't so it's silence rather than showing my hand or pointing out what she has done wrong. is she completely oblivious to the fact that cancelling 20 mins before hand is just rude?