Flake Or Something Else?

[BluntForceTrauma]

Long short story.

I work with this lady(yea I know about messing with ladies you work with, I was married 10 years to a lady I met at work) I’ve been interested in for well over a year. Based on intel, she was dating and doesn’t date more than one person at a time and I was dating as well so we didn’t connect but we exchanged smiles and such.

I received word she was no longer dating so I decided to bump into her with a bunch of small talk. She was nervous but very peppy and excited to talk to me. Afterwards, she would go out of her way to speak to me and suddenly stopped. Female friends said this could be because she was expecting a lot out of me and I didn’t produce.

Flash forward. I decide to start talking to her but based on intel(her friends)she doesn’t like to be pushed and will close you off just like that. So I keep the convo simple and answer her targeted questions like do I get along with the ex, do I see the kids etc…
So finally I ask her in a wish washy way if she would like to get a drink to get to know each other better. She responds OK and not to push I tell her to let me know when.

I come back a week later to talk to her and I get that nasty gas face and blow off so I keep stepping to an alternate contact. I look up to see her scanning the room to see where I was and the get a little pizzy once she saw me talking to another woman. I come back two days later and she’s sweet as pie. I ask her about that drink and she sits there thinking about it so I assumed she didn’t want to do it and was walking off. She told me to hold on and nervously start shuffling through her desk and gave me her number.

I call and get no answer or call back(I called late in the afternoon the next day). I bump into her and didn’t bring up the non-answer/call back but she volunteers she had a family thing come up and gave detail on it. So I call a couple days later…Same thing so I’m thinking oh well The Game Is The Game.

I stop in to talk to a lady friend and on the way out she stops me and tells me that she’s not really trying to avoid me but when I call she thinks “wow he has such bad timing”
To me this sounds like a dude in the house but could be something else.


Background on me: divorced, have no problem getting sport fcku type women. A terminal flirt.Have to re-learn dealing with non-slut women.

Background on her:nearly married a couple years ago.
Intel suggest some esteem issues.
Bossy and workaholic
Based on intel, I’m “in” and she would have no problem telling me to fcku of
Major loss based family emotional situation coming up similar to a loss based thing with me.
Very heavy into family.
Territorial I note bad reactions if I’m with other women and it’s common for me to walk past her area 5 times a day with 5 women.

Question…If this woman is so strong and would tell me to fcuk off, is she flaking or is she just dealing with emo issues that keep her from really moving forward. I have made the mistake of not setting a real time and date for that drink but I don’t want to take too much on myself.







A little background on me: 36-45 age bracket divorced. The only women I seem to attract are women who are into sport fckuing or FOFD(fcku on first date)types. For some this is cool but it’s a little boring.

 

[Phyzzle]

You have some stuff to learn.

Don't ask her female friends about anything. They could have a crush on you themselves. Or, this woman you like could just be running her mouth to them, spewing random thoughts. You know how what a woman says she wants bears little relation to what she actually ends up with.

So finally I ask her in a wish washy way if she would like to get a drink to get to know each other better.

I think even you must realize that doesn't sound good. Just ask her out or don't.

Next time you're in a convo, you should bring up a time and a place for some pub you'd like to go to. If she says she can't make it, without an EXPLICIT counter-offer, there's your answer.

 

[The Bat]

I received word she was no longer dating so I decided to bump into her with a bunch of small talk.

Wow...talk about striving for attention. You shouldn't be forcing yourself to "bump" into her. Be casual but don't go out of your way to garter attention. That just reeks of desperation.

she doesn’t like to be pushed and will close you off just like that. So I keep the convo simple and answer her targeted questions like do I get along with the ex, do I see the kids etc…

You are putting her on a pedestal because you're worried that you'll offend her if you say something wrong. She sounds very narrow-minded and judgemental. Which is always bad news for you because you're going to try and desperately please her and make sure she doesn't get angry with you for whatever reason. And god forbid she is "pushed" because that'd mean the end of it all.

She responds OK and not to push I tell her to let me know when.

Big mistake. You never let her set up a time and place for the date you just asked for. This shows major lack of confidence in yourself. If you can't even tell her what time and place you'd like to get together, how do you expect to lead a relationship with her? You are such a woman, my friend.

So I call a couple days later…Same thing so I’m thinking oh well The Game Is The Game.

She's playing you, which doesn't surprise me considering how you've carried yourself with her so far.

I have made the mistake of not setting a real time and date for that drink but I don’t want to take too much on myself.

*rolls eyes* You're telling me you don't want to take charge?

So, to answer your question, she is a flake because she has no interest in you. She has no interest in you because you're, more or less, an AFC.

Good news is that you've found at a great website to deal with these issues. I'm sure many others will agree.

 

[BluntForceTrauma]

Wow...talk about striving for attention. You shouldn't be forcing yourself to "bump" into her. Be casual but don't go out of your way to garter attention. That just reeks of desperation.



You are putting her on a pedestal because you're worried that you'll offend her if you say something wrong. She sounds very narrow-minded and judgemental. Which is always bad news for you because you're going to try and desperately please her and make sure she doesn't get angry with you for whatever reason. And god forbid she is "pushed" because that'd mean the end of it all.



Big mistake. You never let her set up a time and place for the date you just asked for. This shows major lack of confidence in yourself. If you can't even tell her what time and place you'd like to get together, how do you expect to lead a relationship with her? You are such a woman, my friend.



She's playing you, which doesn't surprise me considering how you've carried yourself with her so far.



*rolls eyes* You're telling me you don't want to take charge?

So, to answer your question, she is a flake because she has no interest in you. She has no interest in you because you're, more or less, an AFC.

Good news is that you've found at a great website to deal with these issues. I'm sure many others will agree.

Yikes...AFC...

I had to look that up... Yep. I'm slipping back to the old ways. I was thinking something like this last night when I talked my way into a "nice gurl's" honeypot last night....

This lady was all into the BFT mysticism that came from me not really caring about whether she was put off or not. I simply told her where I wanted to meet and when. Once there I played the game and was into her within and hour of meeting.

While I don't want to sport fkcu this lady. I believe I will apply my sport fcku skills to this lady. I believe I will ask her out for a drink let's say, next Monday because my week is somewhat full. If she wants to go fine if not, I have my answer.

This site has good info. Glad I was referred to it from a site mostly dominated by women.

 

[Mr. Me]

Afterwards, she would go out of her way to speak to me and suddenly stopped. Female friends said this could be because she was expecting a lot out of me and I didn’t produce.

As soon as I read that, I knew it was dead in the water. I did read the rest of your post, but there's no reason to get into any of it, because it really doesn't matter. It's just a bunch of bull excuses and stalls and trying to throw you a curve while trying not to hurt your feelings and/or create an incident and you being wishy washy walking on eggshells.

BTW, it's not dead because you didn't "produce" for her "expectations", that's just an excuse sent through her grapevine to stop you from pursuing her. She's just not that interested.

Have to re-learn dealing with non-slut women.

Oh yeah.

 

[jophil28]

Question…If this woman is so strong and would tell me to fcuk off, is she flaking or is she just dealing with emo issues that keep her from really moving forward.......
.

This woman is anything but STRONG - she may be brittle, harsh, vigilant, hyper-alert, domineering,territorial, controlling and Ms Razorwire incarnate. These qualities are all rooted in FEAR not strength.!!

Strong women are flexible and resilient and consistent....

Chasing this woman is a recipe for pain and disappointment.
You ever tried wrestling with an arm full of smoke ?

 

[squirrels]

The woman you were married to for 10 years, did you meet her in high school? Because it sounds like your dating tactics are at that maturity level.

"Intel"?? Jeezus, man. Grow some balls. You want to know what turns her on? Go find out. Don't snoop around with her friends.

If she doesn't appreciate a decisive man, find a woman who will. It's not your responsibility to accommodate her neuroses.

 

[ZenGodMod]

The woman you were married to for 10 years, did you meet her in high school? Because it sounds like your dating tactics are at that maturity level.

"Intel"?? Jeezus, man. Grow some balls. You want to know what turns her on? Go find out. Don't snoop around with her friends.

If she doesn't appreciate a decisive man, find a woman who will. It's not your responsibility to accommodate her neuroses.

Intel (CentrinoQuad Beatches) are meant to be reliable!?

Right its true, you want something from a girl, and get it done fast. Avoid the involvement of other women. They just complicate things.

Stop doing this round about method, go direct, no wonder she bored with you.

 

[squirrels]

An interested woman will jump at the chance for a drink. A disinterested one will play games.

It's not quite THAT simple. If she's out with her friends, she legitimately may not be able to talk right now. That's fine. Leaving you hanging is not fine. And putting yourself in a position to be LEFT hanging is even worse.

If you maintain control, you may see her out again one night when she's "in state" and mess around with her some. If you lose it, then you will be "friendzoned".