Flake help

[Seriously?]

Hey,

So I have this girl who's flaked on me 3 times now.

First date I organised. She canceled. I went no contact.

She initiates contact and organises a second date. She canceled. I go no contact again.

She initiates contact again and organises a third date. She canceled on me. Again I'm no contact now.

At least she's consistent hey... I haven't called her out on her flaking. Just not bothered talking to her at all. I'm thinking if she speaks to me again, I'm gonna call her out on her lame behaviour. Nothing too angry, just to say that it's not cool.

I know I should next her, but it's not like I have too much vested time in her. Admittedly having my plans messed up is starting to grate.

I just don't get why a girl would do this. Why bother organising dates twice if you're not interested. I assumed she wasn't after the first time which is why I left things. I'm not one to flog a dead horse...

Any advice is appreciated.

 

[marmel75]

if she asks where you have been, maybe something along the lines of:

"I am tending to focus on the women who know a good opportunity when they see one and take advantage of it, and its obvious, that's not you. I'd suggest you make a better decision if you get another chance."

 

[Alle_Gory]

I'm thinking if she speaks to me again, I'm gonna call her out on her lame behaviour. Nothing too angry, just to say that it's not cool.

"Hey babe, I set aside time for us to hang out three times. You go ahead without me, I've got plans with people that show. Later."

Then no contact and go on with your life.

 

[Seriously?]

if she asks where you have been, maybe something along the lines of:

"I am tending to focus on the women who know a good opportunity when they see one and take advantage of it, and its obvious, that's not you. I'd suggest you make a better decision if you get another chance."

Thanks. The thing is though, she tends to leave it a week or so, and then messages me as if nothings happened. Just a casual opening text.

I've always replied casually too, as if nothings happened. I meant to pull her up on it last time she canceled, but I wasn't fussed and thought it might be lame to question her seeing as a fair bit of time had passed. Didn't want to come across as though I was still angry a week later as it didn't really bother me too much. Just an inconvenience the day it happened.

However I'm thinking I need to call her out on her bs. I've let things fly too much. So not quite sure how to convey it to her that she's literally in last chance saloon, without sounding like an AFC.

 

[Seriously?]

"Hey babe, I set aside time for us to hang out three times. You go ahead without me, I've got plans with people that show. Later."

Then no contact and go on with your life.

Yeah that could work. What will happen is she'll no doubt start a convo with me and then try and organise another date. Perhaps need to hit her with that.

 

[Purefilth]

Yeah that could work. What will happen is she'll no doubt start a convo with me and then try and organise another date. Perhaps need to hit her with that.

No. 'do not reward a girl that flakes with another chance to do so again' jophil
Move on buddy, shes not the only girl in the world and she's not interested.
No further contact required.

Originally Posted by Alle_Gory

"Hey babe, I set aside time for us to hang out three times. You go ahead without me, I've got plans with people that show. Later."

Then no contact and go on with your life.

last bit here is the most important in bold

 

[jester1x]

I'm experiencing the same thing right now. It's hard to do but I suggest you let her go. Don't say a word and leave it alone. Also, she'll expect you to fall back in line so don't do it. Women who are interested in you make the time. I have to keep reminding myself as well.

 

[Seriously?]

I'm experiencing the same thing right now. It's hard to do but I suggest you let her go. Don't say a word and leave it alone. Also, she'll expect you to fall back in line so don't do it. Women who are interested in you make the time. I have to keep reminding myself as well.

I know you're right and your advice to ignore and move on is probably the best option.

The things is I have nothing to lose. I'm not emotionally invested. It doesn't require too much effort.

I thought I was a good catch for her, she even said that (although what she says and actually thinks is probably two vastly different things). Perhaps this is a sh*t test. I know she leads a busy life, but don't we all. I do go back to thinking and totally agree, if she was truly interested she'd not **** around.

However can't help, but think I have nothing to lose. Yes I could probably get some kudos from kicking her to the curb, but perhaps she might show up the next time. I guess I'm willing to find out. I realise canceling on me 3 times suggests she won't, but perhaps a learning curve I'm willing to play out.

 

[oxford comma]

No. 'do not reward a girl that flakes with another chance to do so again' jophil
Move on buddy, shes not the only girl in the world and she's not interested.
No further contact required.

Originally Posted by Alle_Gory

"Hey babe, I set aside time for us to hang out three times. You go ahead without me, I've got plans with people that show. Later."

Then no contact and go on with your life.

last bit here is the most important in bold

that makes absolutely no sense to me. by doing that you are just guaranteeing that you never have sex with her.

 

[Seriously?]

that makes absolutely no sense to me. by doing that you are just guaranteeing that you never have sex with her.

Which is what I'm thinking. If she truly wasn't interested, she's had more than enough opportunity to let things fizzle out.

Of course this game playing could be for her ego, but she really doesn't seem like that kind of girl. I could be wrong.

 

[jester1x]

Don't do it! Respond to her text when/if she sends one but wait a few days or more after you receive it. Keep it short, sweet and pleasant though. I plan to do it and have done in the past and she keeps coming back but no date.

I don't believe it's a sh*t test either. She's either needs an ego boost, is truly unsure of her feelings for/toward you, talking to someone else or it's a combination of all three.

Keep in touch but don't go out of your way for her. The situation can always change in the near future though. Cut her out of your life for the most part but let her make the decision to quit talking to you.

I always believe in keeping communication open with a women who may be a possibility down the road.

 

[marmel75]

this site is pretty solid advice wise...was pure money on his texting advice and how to text women...

http://www.girlschase.com/content/what-do-when-girls-flake

 

[Barracuda]

A lot of these 'I am tending to focus on the women who know a good opportunity when they see one' responses are extremely transparent.. it just comes off as insecurity.

In my honest opinion, the game is OVER if she's willing to flake on you 3 times. It's over if she flakes twice. Would she do this to Brad Pitt etc etc? Nope, she'd have been there like a shot.

The more you decide to chase this flaker, the more of a sucker you'll become.

"I have nothing to lose."
"I'm not emotionally invested."
"It doesn't require too much effort."
"Maybe this is a sh!t test."

.... ARE ALL EXCUSES AND RATIONALISATIONS TO CARRY ON PERSUING SOMEONE WHO CLEARLY HAS NO RESPECT FOR YOU.


Sorry if this is coming off as blunt, but I can see where this is going from a mile off.

I'm sure when she gets bored enough at some point in the near future she'll repeat this pattern again, and you will then have the pleasure of completely ignoring her.

Until then, stop wasting your time and meet someone who respects you and wouldn't dream of flaking on you.


"Of course this game playing could be for her ego."

Trust me, you hit the nail on the head there ^^^

 

[Seriously?]

Thanks. Good read. I think I've been pretty spot on with my texting with her tbh or at least I think I have.

However I did leave it till like 20 mins before our arranged date to let her know I'm on my way. She might have assumed it wasn't on and that I was going to cancel on her as we'd arranged a few days before. Perhaps a mistake on my part. I just didn't want to ask her if it's still on, but rather tell her I'm on my way. Her reply/excuse did seem surprised.

 

[Seriously?]

A lot of these 'I am tending to focus on the women who know a good opportunity when they see one' responses are extremely transparent.. it just comes off as insecurity.

In my honest opinion, the game is OVER if she's willing to flake on you 3 times. It's over if she flakes twice. Would she do this to Brad Pitt etc etc? Nope, she'd have been there like a shot.

The more you decide to chase this flaker, the more of a sucker you'll become.

"I have nothing to lose."
"I'm not emotionally invested."
"It doesn't require too much effort."
"Maybe this is a sh!t test."

.... ARE ALL EXCUSES AND RATIONALISATIONS TO CARRY ON PERSUING SOMEONE WHO CLEARLY HAS NO RESPECT FOR YOU.


Sorry if this is coming off as blunt, but I can see where this is going from a mile off.

I'm sure when she gets bored enough at some point in the near future she'll repeat this pattern again, and you will then have the pleasure of completely ignoring her.

Until then, stop wasting your time and meet someone who respects you and wouldn't dream of flaking on you.


"Of course this game playing could be for her ego."

Trust me, you hit the nail on the head there ^^^

Boom the hammer slams . What's the worse that could happen though? She cancels on me again. I never talk to her again, simple. Yes her ego might be slightly bigger and I'll be a bit pissed off, but onto the next.

 

[jester1x]

She doesn't value you, your time or your attention. Learn from this experience and cut it off quickly if you see this situation arise the next time with her or someone else. I guarantee it'll happen more than once until you meet a woman who is genuinely interested in you. You just have to make a conscious effort to keep yourself in check with the next one. I plan to do that myself.

Would I give the one that flaked on me multiple times another chance? Yes but she has to be the one to reach out and take action. Texting and talking on the phone are just a means to keep you around with very little effort on her part.

If it makes you feel better, do keep in touch with her. But, make sure you are looking out for yourself and your own needs. It'll take some practice but it will become second nature over time.

*If you can't figure out a woman's interest after a month or so then she probably isn't interested in you. There should be dates during this time as well. If a woman isn't interested in meeting you face to face then she is using you for some type of emotional support. It could be on purpose or unintentional but her actions speak the loudest.

 

[Greasy Pig]

You're still blaming yourself for her flaking.
Fuk that.
I detest confirming dates.
I set up the date and then assume it's on at the time and place agreed to a few days earlier.
If I'm organised enough to rearrange my schedule and take steps to remember the date details, I can't see why another seemingly functional adult (albeit a woman) can't do the same.

 

[teakroy]

Calll her .Set up a meeting in 1 hour if is not coming screw her.:crackup:

Is her lost ! She is missing the chance to find out how great you are!:box:


But don't forget the gut instinct ! If you feel something use it and wait for her :rock:

 

[oxford comma]

A lot of these 'I am tending to focus on the women who know a good opportunity when they see one' responses are extremely transparent.. it just comes off as insecurity.

In my honest opinion, the game is OVER if she's willing to flake on you 3 times. It's over if she flakes twice. Would she do this to Brad Pitt etc etc? Nope, she'd have been there like a shot.

The more you decide to chase this flaker, the more of a sucker you'll become.

"I have nothing to lose."
"I'm not emotionally invested."
"It doesn't require too much effort."
"Maybe this is a sh!t test."

.... ARE ALL EXCUSES AND RATIONALISATIONS TO CARRY ON PERSUING SOMEONE WHO CLEARLY HAS NO RESPECT FOR YOU.


Sorry if this is coming off as blunt, but I can see where this is going from a mile off.

I'm sure when she gets bored enough at some point in the near future she'll repeat this pattern again, and you will then have the pleasure of completely ignoring her.

Until then, stop wasting your time and meet someone who respects you and wouldn't dream of flaking on you.


"Of course this game playing could be for her ego."

Trust me, you hit the nail on the head there ^^^

but the op ISNT brad pitt. you guys really need to get over yourselves. just because you found a webpage that teaches you how to be a "don juan" doesnmt mean every girl is going to give it up easily. be empathetic to the girls situation. i doubt shes a bad person, she could very well be nervous. she might be thinking that shes not good enough for HIM.
op, try and reschedule but make the "date" less threatening. if you were planning on having dinner and she flaked, then plan on having lunch or something.

 

[betheman]

once would have been enough, unless there was a rational, honest reason, then twice...but no more. you want to be her puppy go ahead and try again, imo hough, you are pi$$ing in the wind