First time for me flaking on a girl

[Canadian Catnip]

So I don't know if this is the right thing to do in this situation with this women. We have been out for coffee twice and I don't think it's going anywhere. I asked her out for the third time about 2 weeks ago and she said she was busy and would get back to me.

She calls me today and leaves me a message saying she is free tonight for coffee. I have been waiting for her to call me for almost 2 weeks. My first instinct was to immediately say I was free and we could meet up tonight. But instead I decided to let her wait and I sent her a text message back saying I was busy this week.

It's really the first time for me to try this kind of thing with a women. I am always available for them and waiting for them to have the time. But with this one I sort of knew there was no chance with her so I decided to not be available for a week. After all she left me waiting for about 2 weeks before she HAD THE TIME to get back to me.

It's an experiment for me really. I want to see if it really helps with attraction by being unavailable and not waiting around for them to have the time while I'm always expected to be ready.

It completely goes against what I want, I could have been out with this girl tonight but I said I was busy and I'll see if making her wait a week has any effect.

Has anyone else done this? If so how did it work out? Did it improve the womens attraction when it was only so so? Or am I a fool for doing this?

 

[iqqi]

Sounds like IL is low all around.

This MIGHT raise it a tiny bit.

The big thing here is that you aren't so available, and aren't jumping at the bit to go out with some random chick just because she's a chick, and for that, you deserve some props. Good job.

 

[Jitterbug]

Turning down her offer after she took 2 freakin' weeks to get back to you is good, but you did not make a counter-offer. That was your chance right then to test her interest level. You basically just gave her a rejection. If this girl is hot and has lots of offers, you'll be scratched off the list. Reverse the genders and think about it. What would you do if you were spining plenty of plates & asked one girl out, she said no and didn't even make a counter-offer? You'd next her, right?

 

[KarmaSutra]

Looks to me like posturing and you're both seals jumping through hoops for one another. If you're not interested in being anything but STR8UP and forthright then give her to the mutts to fight over.

 

[Canadian Catnip]

Turning down her offer after she took 2 freakin' weeks to get back to you is good, but you did not make a counter-offer. That was your chance right then to test her interest level. You basically just gave her a rejection. If this girl is hot and has lots of offers, you'll be scratched off the list. Reverse the genders and think about it. What would you do if you were spining plenty of plates & asked one girl out, she said no and didn't even make a counter-offer? You'd next her, right?

Sorry I should have also mentioned in my text to her I said that this week I was busy but next week would be better for me, call me.

Sometimes I don't think of all the pertinent details when writing these posts.

So I did kinda bat it back to her to see if she would try to call me again next week.

Like I said before, this is a first for me and kind of an experiment, I want to see if it goes well or not. It's far better to have personal experience on what works than reading about dating advice.

 

[DonGorgon]

Women flake cause they have enough other options... if you flake make sure you have other options too.

 

[Jitterbug]

Sorry I should have also mentioned in my text to her I said that this week I was busy but next week would be better for me, call me.

Sometimes I don't think of all the pertinent details when writing these posts.

So I did kinda bat it back to her to see if she would try to call me again next week.

Like I said before, this is a first for me and kind of an experiment, I want to see if it goes well or not. It's far better to have personal experience on what works than reading about dating advice.

I see. That part you left out was very important though, as it would make the whole thing swing in a very different way. Yeah, I definitely agree with that last bit.

 

[Mazeman11]

Sometimes you have to play such games with idiots like that. You did the right thing. You can either wait for her to call or just call her in a week and set something up.

 

[SparkleMotion]

You shouldn't be flaking on her as a form of punishment. That's ****ing lame.

You should be flaking because you've got something better to do.

 

[Effington]

As a personal preference, I don't ask people to call me to arrange something in the future. I like to "keep the ball in my court". I'll call you.

 

[Mavrick]

I'm going to agree with what you have done. You have to start setting some personal bounderies, and one that I agree with is not making last minute plans with a woman. If you do, you become too available.

So, whether you are busy or not, you always appear busy. Always tell a woman that you have other plans, but would be willing to do something later. If this doesn't work, oh well because you shouldn't be doing things for an outcome, but because you have rules that you go by.

I don't, however, agree with your confidence in yourself. What you did should only be for you and done out of respect for yourself. You shouldn't play a game with her to get a certain outcome. You just don't make last minute plans or change plans for a woman, and that's it. It's that simple.

You're going to have to start believing in yourself a little more. Your life shouldn't be centered around how to play the dating game because when you become sure of yourself and stand for your rules and boundaries, that's when you become the most attractive.

 

[Canadian Catnip]

I don't, however, agree with your confidence in yourself. What you did should only be for you and done out of respect for yourself. You shouldn't play a game with her to get a certain outcome. You just don't make last minute plans or change plans for a woman, and that's it. It's that simple.

You're going to have to start believing in yourself a little more. Your life shouldn't be centered around how to play the dating game because when you become sure of yourself and stand for your rules and boundaries, that's when you become the most attractive.

Your right on the money here. Sometimes I feel like I'm following someone else's rules. Isn't there a dating book for women called "The Rules"? And isn't one of the rules to not accept a date for the same night?

But people call it the dating GAME. I have an older brother and whenever he talks to me about a new women he has met and the things that happen when they try to arrange a date he always smiles at the end and says "let the games begin".

He'll say things like "I called that new girl so and so last night and she said she wanted to go out tonight and then she called back today and changed her plans, let the games begin" It's his little way of telling me that he knows that she is playing a game and he is playing along with it as well.

As far as I can recall, I told her I was busy 50% because she left me waiting for 2 weeks and 50% because she wanted to meet the same night and I did not want her to think I didn't have a life. Ok maybe 60/40 on the side of pissed for having to wait 2 weeks.

My confidence was down a few hit points that day as well and I did not feel like I wanted to see her that night. Ever have days where you are just not feeling confident? Then other days you feel like superman? To use a gaming metaphor, never attack a big boss when your health is low.

I knew I was upset and I did not want to bring that anger with me that night on the date. Why I got upset, I'm still working on that. For me it's better to not go out with someone than to go out and not be at my best.