First time chump-Need some help bad

[Syxx96]

Hey guys , i'm 29 years old and i think i really messed up and i need some advice . I need to know if i can fix this or should i just walk away?

Before i start with this story let me just say I'm very bad around gorgeous beautiful women. This girl is all of that.
She's 23 years old and i met her a year and a half ago. She had a pretty intense relationship with an acquaintance of mine. He cheated on her, they broke up got back together for a few seconds and broke up very nastily again for the final time.

So flash forward 6 months and she comes up to me and my friend playing pool and she joins us for a few hours and i got her phone #. So i call her a couple of days later and we set something up. The date was alright but i got this weird friend vibe from her the whole night and i wussed out on the kiss (yeah i suck i know).

We talk 2 days later but she had to go out of town but we end up meeting at a pool hall after she got back and she starts talkin about how glad she's single but she's askin me about why she can't go out with anybody and what's arong with her? and while she keeps goin on i'm thinkin to myself, oh damn i fallen into the friend category and i go along with it for a few minutes then we both left.

I went out of town the next week and when i got back we talk on the phone and we set up a get together. We went to this coffee shop/bar and we drink and talk and then her friend shows up and we all go to another bar where i had a few drinks. Well the evening ended and I decide the hell with it and I proceed to tell her that i like her and i'm not gonna continue to "friend" my way into her life. She said she doesn't want to date anyone and she wants to be friends. I say fine and she says is this gonna get weird if i start dating other guys. I said whatever and i left.

So a day later the genius that i am gets drunk and I call her and leave a message on her cell phone, saying if i scared her off or something like that. Well the next day i figure i messed that up worse than before and i decide to move on and forget about it.

2 days later she e-mailed me from work saying she meant to call me but she forgot. Throughout the e-mail she stays upbeat and she tells me that I didn't scare her off and since i was honest with her she would be honest with me. She rambles on about how she feels a little bit weird but she says that it stems from not wanting to lead me on or upsetting me and that she really wants us to be platonic.

Well i e-mailed her back saying sorry(bad mistake) for ruining our friendship but i'm not gonna apologize for my feelings for you and i don't regret them. I told her i still want to talk about this but i'm not gonna call you, if you want to hear what i have to say then your gonna have to call me.

Today she reponded back to my e-mail saying she appreciates my honesty and we are going to have deal with the consequences together. Then she says she 's had suspicions of me in the back of her head but she dismissed them because she thought she was being egotistical. She says she's gonna call me and i want to talk to her but i made some plans and i'm not gonna break them just to wait for her.

Whew, well that's the story and i just need some advice on this situation. Should i go for it 1 more time or should i just walk away or is there another answer out there? Any help will be greatly appreciated. I know i made a whole lot of mistakes with this gal but oh well, maybe next time i'll get it right.

 

[mystic03]

you are in the "LJBF" zone, forget about her.

In my experience avery time women tell me about their feelings it's all over because they see you as a friend. Of course there are exceptions but don't rely on them......

 

[Desdinova]

Let's break this down a bit

So flash forward 6 months and she comes up to me and my friend playing pool and she joins us for a few hours and i got her phone #. So i call her a couple of days later and we set something up. The date was alright but i got this weird friend vibe from her the whole night and i wussed out on the kiss (yeah i suck i know).

Something didn't go right on the date. It has nothing to do with the kiss close. It has to do with everything before it. Did you tease her? Did you use Kino on her?

The first date is always the most important. It sounds like she was giving buying signals up until the first date. The first date is almost like an interview to see which category you're going to fit under, whether it be possible future sex, or friend. She should have the desire to just kiss you at the end of the first date. You need to help her develope this desire.

she starts talkin about how glad she's single but she's askin me about why she can't go out with anybody and what's arong with her? and while she keeps goin on i'm thinkin to myself, oh damn i fallen into the friend category and i go along with it for a few minutes then we both left.

Sounds like she was disappointed that you weren't the man she thought you were (or might have been). Now she's venting and this is your verification that you've fallen into the friend category.

Well the evening ended and I decide the hell with it and I proceed to tell her that i like her and i'm not gonna continue to "friend" my way into her life.

You've dug the hole deeper with this one.

She said she doesn't want to date anyone and she wants to be friends.

This is a woman's way of saying she doesn't find you sexually attractive. She'll start dating as soon as she can if she hasn't already.

The rest is irrelevant because you just keep digging yourself deeper into the frienship hole. There's no more to explain.

Forget about this chick and move on.

 

[Royal Elite]

Going for it again isn't going to help at this point she is either feeling you or not. Relax and see what happens, and do you. Enjoy life! Right now "it is what it is".

 

[penkitten]

if she wanted to call you , she would have.

time is what you make of it and you always find time to do the things you want to do.

 

[TooColdUlrick]

you know what hot women say all the time? "why do guys do this?"

you were betting big, while holding THE WORST hand in poker, seven/duce off suit.

don't apologize for sh!t. don't get into any kind of "discussion" about your "feelings" for her--drop it--shine it off--it never happened. if you have to say something, say, "i don't know what i was thinking...so anyway...i'm going to Vegas"

keep your contact with her at a minimum. when (if) you are with her, have fun.

go out with other chicks, immediately. let her know it.

in two weeks drop it on her that you had an awesome one night stand. if she wants details, give them to her.

definitely keep in contact with her, but put her low on your priority list. definitely do not act like a dvck.

lastly, PRAY. your chances are running about 10:1 against, only because you have a congruency problem. you've already shown to her that you're AFC. that's what this is all about.

most guys on this board would say walk away, forget it. they say that because they acted AFC and don't want to be held accountable (to themselves). stand up, be a man, face it, fix it. for your own sake. show her, and yourself most importantly, that you really are not like that (assuming of course that this was a slip up).

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

Originally posted by TooColdUlrick
you know what hot women say all the time? "why do guys do this?"

you were betting big, while holding THE WORST hand in poker, seven/duce off suit.

don't apologize for sh!t. don't get into any kind of "discussion" about your "feelings" for her--drop it--shine it off--it never happened. if you have to say something, say, "i don't know what i was thinking...so anyway...i'm going to Vegas"

keep your contact with her at a minimum. when (if) you are with her, have fun.

go out with other chicks, immediately. let her know it.

in two weeks drop it on her that you had an awesome one night stand. if she wants details, give them to her.

definitely keep in contact with her, but put her low on your priority list. definitely do not act like a dvck.

lastly, PRAY. your chances are running about 10:1 against, only because you have a congruency problem. you've already shown to her that you're AFC. that's what this is all about.

most guys on this board would say walk away, forget it. they say that because they acted AFC and don't want to be held accountable (to themselves). stand up, be a man, face it, fix it. for your own sake. show her, and yourself most importantly, that you really are not like that (assuming of course that this was a slip up).

brilliant advice...can't add much more to this one..

 

[Syxx96]

Update

She called me last night and I decided to take your advice TooColdUlrick. I still don't know about this, but i'll give it a try and see what happens. I can always walk away and pretend this never happened but i'm kind of curious to see if your advice works out. I also want to see if you other guys agree with this course of action.

Last Question, her and I play at the same pool hall on Sunday, so if i see her any advice on how i should approach and deal with this?

 

[Underoath]

I assure you.... drop it. Go enjoy life and talk to other women. Adios.

 

[yunghova35]

**smack**

THIS is not an ADVICE for people who want a QUICK fix

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Originally posted by Syxx96
...she starts talkin about how glad she's single but she's askin me about why she can't go out with anybody and what's arong with her?

This is a big clue that she is not interested!!! A woman doesn't go on a date and say something like this to a guy unless she sees him as non-potential!! Do not contact her again!!

 

[FratAndDiddy]

when you see her in the pool hall just be yourself. if she avoids you dont think nothing of it. if she approaches you keep it simple and be cool about it.
this chick isn't interested in you

 

[The_Becoming]

Before i start with this story let me just say I'm very bad around gorgeous beautiful women.

Sad to say, but I think you screwed up right there... before you even started.

You can't think that way... and even if you do, you can't let on that you do... change the way you talk to yourself... change the way you think... change the way you act... and then change the way you are...

 

[Don Juanabbe]

This situation can be turned around large, but it wouldn't be worth your time, it'd take far too long, and in the interim, she will likely meet someone else.

Either way. Be polite and act unaffected by it. Ask her if she has any friends she could hook you up with. See other women.

Act aloof, yet polite.

Backburner project for practising, nothing more.

 

[GirlCrazy]

This one hits close to home for me, because I used to do stuff like that all the time with women, always with nothing to show for it but a string of female friends that weren't even friend material.

A woman decides literally minutes within meeting you whether you're dating material or friend material. Once you get put in the friend zone, it's too late, move on. At that point, don't dwell on her, don't call her (especially not when you're drunk) - just forget about her.

As far as using her for practice, it's best that you find another woman to practice on, one you have a better chance with. Use them ALL for practice, and if you fvck it up, find another to practice on, and so on, until you start seeing results.

Once you get to the point where you can pull women out of the friend zone, you will be able to pull them anywhere, and then you won't have any interest in dating your friends, which is the irony that is the friend zone.