First Serious GF, Last GF as well??

[pressure0354]

I have been in a relationship for about a year and 7 months. I have dated before this girl a few times but nothing serious. I knew this girl was a LTR type when I first started dating her. I have been with her for the last year of my college career and now that I am out I just graduated, I have been questioning.

Yes I love her, and she loves the sh*t out of me. She wants to marry me and have kids and be a house wife.

The questions I have been having is me possibly breaking up with her. I just feel like I don't know enough having only dated one girl seriously. I love her but how do I know I really want to end up with her?? Maybe I would feel the same with any girl that I have been with for a year and 7 months.

Should you marry the first serious girlfriend?

We have had no fights but I am curious as to dating other girls. So confusing right now.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...The questions I have been having is me possibly breaking up with her. I just feel like I don't know enough having only dated one girl seriously. I love her but how do I know I really want to end up with her?? Maybe I would feel the same with any girl that I have been with for a year and 7 months...

Too often people marry the person they love without knowing if that person is their idea of marriage material. They believe that because they are attracted to one another and that they have history together they should naturally get married. The problem is that they define marriage on how it would relate to their partner and their current state of "dating," does that make sense?

It's not a bad thing to wonder if you're with the right girl. The problem that many guys have is that they have a limited definition of the "right girl." It should be something that is given conscious thought and not based not only on where the guy is in his life but where and who he plans on being tomorrow.

My suggestion is figure out specifically what you want, does it even include marriage? Figure that out and it'll be easier to to recognize the right one once she comes along (or if she's already there).

 

[Bobbles]

If she truly makes you happy then I don't see why you need to make a point of playing the field. How many women you have slept with is irrelevant also. You just have to ask yourself whether or not she really satisfies all your criteria for someone that you would like to spend the rest of your life with. It is of course difficult to work out whether you in theory could do better without any perspective. In the end though women can only provide so much, and if she is caring, considerate, good looking, or whatever else it is you are looking for, and you really don't have reasons to fight then there is no reason why you shouldn't consider doing it.

I have one major comment which is that regardless of what she says about the future, I would advise you not to get married until she asks you, or at least makes it very obvious she wants to get married. It is the only real sign that she is totally devoted. Preferably have her ask you.

 

[pressure0354]

yeah the question is if im devoted and thats a tough one. thanks for the imput and happy new year.

 

[Leporello]

just broke up with my first serious girlfriend of two years since I felt more or less the same as you do, but in my case I had an 'out' since I'm going to study abroad and she didn't want to marry me.

But if your gf does... well dude, you have to be sure you won't be happy with her, because it looks like you've got it made.

On the other hand, at 22 not everybody knows what they want, and your gf might be the one to change.

 

[killerasp]

bottom line is, you dont want to get married right now, is that correct?

why is that? is it because you havent played the field enough to know what you have is real? or maybe you arent financially stable enough to think about a major step in your life considering you just graduated school? IMO, getting married at the age of 22/23 is very young. i know some people that same age that got married and already have a kid. for some of them, it was the right thing they decided to do for themselves. for others, it was a matter of their religious upbringing so they got married at an early age.

let us know what you think.

 

[pressure0354]

I don't want to get married yet, and she doesn't either. Not til like 25 for me probably. She talks/jokes a lot about how she will stay home and take care of the kids and how her living room will be decorated. Shes a housewife basically. I know we aren't anywhere getting married, but in her mind she already is. Why am I not ready? I am young, unplanned, trying to find a job somewhere, and want to do a lot more things before I throw in the towel.

Any DJs getting married or have been divorced and have advice??

How, at 23, am I supposed to know if shes the one, or am I just wasting time? I know people say they just "know". The problem is I don't know (and she does). Everything between us is good, except my mind and I think she is starting to notice. Yikes.

 

[Gman]

Hello pressure,

My advice is def dont! I was in same situation as u. I was for a long time torn between leaving and seeing wats out there or staying and inevitably gettign married. My gf was totally into me and supposedly i was her soulmate and she wanted a future, marriage etc. THis made me even more guilty that i was being such a git for wanting to 'play the field'

eventually, after 2 yrs, we finally split. I thought, is this the worst decision of my life?WIll i regret it in 6mths? It's now been 1.5 yrs and it was totally hte right decision. I've lived SO MUCH in this time and Im so glad I did split up . In fact I wonder why we didnt end it sooner. Plus, she's got a new bf, so much for the 'i cant see a fututre without u' bs.

there's a reason that there exists the phrase 'playing the field'. Its totally natural, and is not worng. Tho many girls would have u believe it is wrong and u r a bastard for wanting to do it rather than commit your whole life to them asap. Basically, men instinctively want to roam and women instinctively want to secure a man and monopolise him. It is nature.

My advice would be DONT just marry ur first gf. If she was absolutely the one, u wouldnt be having doubts. And if she is the one, you guys will get back together in future.

Just go out there, live life, play the field, u never know who u might meet. And Im 22 by the way.

 

[chronic99uk]

As an example. My brother is in the same situation as you.
He married her, and is very happy. They enjoy new experiences, everyday, and im happy she is a very nice girl, and seems just as devoted.

I wouldnt be so quick to think the grass is greener on the other side.
Are you missing something, most girls arent much different, if you've found one thats nice, loves you, you enjoy, then surely that is 95% of the hassle
Seriously.

On the flipside, cause im not one dimensional. Niggling little annoyances will eat you inside, unless you overcome them.