First Post... Need Help

[fkNiceGuys]

Hi,
This is my first post in this forum.
I have been an AFC all my life and am tired of always being pushed to the friend zone. The incident below is the last straw for me, I have to make changes to my attitude ...
I also would like advice from you guys about this...

This girl and I have been friends for a few years now. I used to help her a lot with her classes back when we studied together. She always said she liked me though probably in a friend kind of way and sometimes I caught her looking at me in a flirty kind of way too. Being the idiot that I was, I never made my move and waited for things to be perfect and nothing ever happened between us. We didn't keep in touch for a couple of years after I graduated and left.
Fast forward to last week. I went back to my college town to meet some of my buddies and she facebooked me saying she wanted to hangout. We hungout but once again I didn't make any moves on her primarily because it had been a while and I didn't want to scare her off. Anyways we hung out for the most part and I even held her hand at some points. After I left and went back to where I live and I couldn't stop thinking about her. I tried to call her and tell her but she was working all week and told me she would talk to me during the weekend.I didn't want to wait that long so I told her my feelings on facebook. That shocked her and she sent me a msg saying that she was actually waiting for someone else. She did not tell me the details about who she was waiting for but promised me that she would call me and let me know over the weekend. She hasn't called me yet and I'm not expecting a call from her either. She never told me about this guy while we were hanging out. I was heartbroken because I always thought that this girl liked me and even some of my friends told me that. When I look back at things I realize that I may have missed a lot of opportunities with her and would like some of you more experienced guys to analyze this for me. I understand this is an extremely AFC incident and I feel embarrassed to even post this here. But I have to change myself and this forum seems like the best place for me to learn.
Can anyone recommend some good articles on this site for me to begin my transformation?

 

[Eternal_water]

Mate I am familiar with your story

I was literally that bad only 2 years ago, I look upon your post and cringe.

There are differing levels of AFC and while am still technically AFC I am a hell of a lot closer to DJ than you currently are, I can confidenly flirt with girls make them laugh and get IOI's.




The first thing you need to do is start reading here the DJ bible here: http://www.nick-hill.com/djb/

You won't be able to read it all in a night or even a week. Read the three articles in Step 1: newbies start here and leave it at that for tonight, take it onboard.


Then start reading step 2 uplifting material and begin with Pooks 15 lessons and the 10 commandments. Only read about 5 or 6 the lesson/commandments a day so that you reallly take them on board.


Get to it, together we will beat the girls.

 

[Eternal_water]

Really though don't try to read it all at once. Better to read a bit at a time and really digest it.

Otherwise its in 1 ear and out the other so to speak.

 

[Eternal_water]

A tip of my own, watch every stand up comedian, find out who your favourite is and watch as much of them as you can

It should help refine your own sense of humour.

 

[MasterFuu]

I think you spooked her when you sent her the facebook message. Trust me I've done that too and it's a bad idea. Women love confidence in man and that was not a confident move. If you could rewind when you held her hand you could have gone for the kiss. Weather she would kiss you or not it would have made much more confident message then sending a love confession via facebook.

How to start transformation? - Mind and Body-

I recommend coming on this website and reading the forum. Knowledge is power and the more you know the better you can be equipped to handle situations like this. You seem to have a good personality. That should always stay.

I can't repeat this enough but work on the muscles. Build up your arms and shoulders. Big shoulders on a guy are like big boobs on a woman. It's very attractive and it will give you advantage especially in today's times when every other person is overweight. You can see results in matter of few months if you lift 3 times a week. Look at it this way..when you see a fit woman even if she is not very pretty but she looks good in that skirt you will look at her more then once and want to hit it. Same goes other way around. We are animals first then people. Go back to the roots.

 

[fkNiceGuys]

Eternal_water- I look upon your post and cringe.

Lol I know. Even I cringed when re-reading it! I don't know what I was thinking.

Eternal_water -A tip of my own, watch every stand up comedian, find out who your favourite is and watch as much of them as you can

I do that. I usually like to watch the late late show with craig fergusson and also Russell Peters and Dave Chapelle. I actually have a very good sense of humor except when I'm trying to chat up a girl because I get nervous.

MasterFuu -I can't repeat this enough but work on the muscles. Build up your arms and shoulders. Big shoulders on a guy are like big boobs on a woman.

HaHa..You are right. I actually workout a lot and not to brag but I have a pretty good physique(Not big, just ripped like an athlete). At my previous work place, two of my female co-workers used to compliment me a lot specifically on my 'shoulders', even though they weren't bulging, they somehow noticed. I wasn't interested in them though so nothing happened there either.

The thing about me is, I have an okay face and a much better than average physique, but I am a small guy (5'7). I have a great job where I earn six figures. I am very happy at where I am right now except my attitude with women. I somehow become very shy in their presence and am scared to death of doing something wrong or being rejected. I have to somehow work on that part of my personality.

I guess I'll be coming here a lot. I have a lot to read and a lot to learn.

Thanks a lot guys for your help. I really appreciate it.

Eternal_water-Get to it, together we will beat the girls.

Yes we will!!

 

[powpow]

yo bro where you went wrong is that you held her hand and thats it.

she's not your gf. kino is awesome, but just holding hands is really weird to me, and probably to her as well.

oh yeah... never tell a girl your feelings on facebook. ever. dont do that ever. or thru text. or while youre drunk. even on the phone is afc.

anyway, the most important thing is that you learn from it. and take the advise of people here, analyze the situation, and keep from making the same mistake twice.

she messaged you which is a total IOI. so that means you blew it somewhere on the date you went on. best of luck

 

[fkNiceGuys]

Point taken.

But what do you think I should do from this point on?
She promised me she would call me on the weekend and she still hasn't done it.
From knowing her for about 5 years, she has always been a girl who keeps her word so I'm surprised she would suddenly stop talking to me. She also told me that she really hoped this wouldn't ruin our friendship and I told her it wouldn't.
I am planning on going no contact and moving on if she doesn't call me by the end of the day. I will not call her again.
I don't think I did anything wrong during the date (other than not making the move) because we went out to eat the next day and she seemed good with me then.
As MasterFuu said, I think I blew it from the message I sent.
It would suck to let go of a girl I've known for that long but I don't see any other way.
Any suggestions welcome
Thanks,

 

[MM92]

Ouch! Don't worry mate you've come to the right place and you WILL change for the better. Good luck!

 

[fkNiceGuys]

She didn't call as expected. But today she facebooked me saying 'sorry I didn't call, I will soon...'.
I'm not going to respond to her msg. Not sure what to make of this. She would have had plenty of time to call me over the weekend. Any advice on how to interpret this and how I should behave when she calls?

 

[JohnChops]

dude I was like you and let me tell you that i have undergone one of the best changes that improved my life by being on this form and doing reading / applying reading . Youll be fine honestly if you read the DJ Bible you will be all set

 

[GhengisT]

Hey bro-

I'm new here myself. The 2 months of reading DJ Bible have payed off in dividends. Trust us.

Never spill your feelings. EVER!!! You want her to be insecure about you, always wondering if you're gonna find a new chick in your ever so bisy man life, that's also very mysterious.

As for this girl the damage has been done. Her interest level is low, and you're on the back burner. You're better than that, a DJ is only first choice, she should be working for you, not the other way around.

Move on, spin more plates.