First Post - I'm a Mess.

[leftForDeadPhoenix]

Any ideas on what I should work on first?

Start a good weightlifting program to gain muscle and lose the extra flab(if you have that problem). You want to work on your physique first of all. It's the fastest way to getting chicks.

 

[Yookiwooki]

Sucess is determined only by how you deal with the situation, not by the outcome. If you are the absolute worst frisbee player in the world, but your having the time of your life doing it, then you're winning my friend.

If you can accept this mindset then you will be well on your way. You don't need a perfect, organized plan right away. Sure an improvement plan is a great tool (you will need a plan for exercising), but you need to change your mindset. Start to focus more on ACTION.

 

[nismo-4]

I know this is a long post, but I have a lot of questions, and need a lot of answers.

I can barely get my work done in school,
I have trouble understanding everything especially things social-related,
I am always feeling tired,
I don't take care of myself and maintain a good appearance and hygene,
I'm way too quiet and literally can't speak very loud,
I keep to myself constantly,
I barely have any friends and don't try to make friends with the few people who actually talk to me,
I sound incredibly stupid when I talk because what I say usually comes out too polite or so obscure that other people don't understand me,
and most importantly I have lost all hope with girls at school because I stare at them.

This is so horribly stupid to do, but it's become like a habit such as the rest of my problems. It's sort of the feeling like you're admiring a painting in a museum, but the painting actually isn't open to the public and you're not supposed to be there. This is such a bad thing because I'm pretty sure the girls know I stare at them and they probably talk about it. It's addictive though, I don't know if I'll be able to change enough to be able to stop it.

There is so much that I'm realizing just now that I have to work on, and I don't know where to start or how do accomplish anything.

I do however know what I want.

I want to be a very social person and not need to be by myself and in my own world or whatever.
I want to develop a huge amount of interests and be able to talk about an unimaginable amount of things.
I want to work on my speech and sound more like a normal person.
I want to actually be able to understand things and people and feelings.
I want to improve my health, body and mind.
I want to improve my inner spirit and confidence.
I want to be able to get any girl whether in, or especially out of my league.

Most importantly, I want to be respected. And this can only be achieved from morals that I build for myself. But still, I want to be respected by as many people as possible, and put myself high into the social hierarchy.

These are just dreams and wishes though. I have to face reality and deal with what is happening to me NOW. I'll admit, I need major help and I am below AFC. This whole post is full of frustration, and I don't want to possess that feeling for much longer.

Please reply, no matter what you have to say.
It's been too long, I need to get started on this right now.

You got your plans mapped out! Stop talking about it and take action dammit! Man the f*ck up!

I'm gonna answer those 11 problems!
1. I can barely get my work done in school,
Stay focused! That's how you handle this one! Stop letting your mind wander!

2. I have trouble understanding everything especially things social-related
Pull yourself together! Build a social circle (Myspace doesn't count)! They can show you the ropes and you won't be that tense and nervous. Both are turn offs to women.

3. I am always feeling tired
You lazy boy. Wake your a$$ up in the morning and go for a jog in the park! This can also help with your appearance and boost confidence. A big turn on to women! Eat a hearty breakfast and put on some smell good!

4. I don't take care of myself and maintain a good appearance and hygene
Why the f*ck not?! This could be a big reason why girls don't like you. Maintain yourself. Girls do notice when you're unkempt. Being unkempt screams REJECT ME PLEASE! PLEASE!!! I'M DESPERATE FOR YOU TO TURN ME DOWN!!!

5. I'm way too quiet and literally can't speak very loud
Speak to women in a low sexy voice. Approach women and don't use a cheap pick up line. Introduce yourself and shake hands. Kiss the hand too, it never fails! That'll keep you in the lovers category. Otherwise, being loud and obnoxious will turn off women. Synonymous with desperate for attention.

6. I keep to myself constantly
Why? Be social. How will you be social with women if you can't communicate with them?

7. I barely have any friends and don't try to make friends with the few people who actually talk to me.
You should get a social life. Google it if you need to. Don't be embarrassed.

8. I have no confidence in ever being able to improve beacuse I don't know personally what I exactly need to do.
You need to find a hobby. Show that women aren't your priority and they'll come to you.

9. Of the little that I've read, I can't relate the bible to myself in any way and I can't imagine myself being able to have a gf like some of the girls I admire.
Become more sociable and learn to enjoy life. Get yourself together befor trying to meet women or you WILL fail.

10. I sound incredibly stupid when I talk because what I say usually comes out too polite or so obscure that other people don't understand me
Practice speaking in front of the mirror. Chipmunk and non-confident voices will turn women off. Be spontaneous with jokes; rehearsed/ internet-found jokes must be funny with the woman or she'll lose interest.

11. I have lost all hope with girls at school because I stare at them.
Just lay low, be cool, be social with both guys and girls, and these girls you think you lost all hope with will approach you!

Most of this stuff is repeated answers to your problems, but it'll all work out for the better. Good luck!

 

[MikeYikes122]

I used to be a lot like the OP when I was 15-16. I wrote my story and some advice on becoming more social in this thread:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=139868

Hopefully, that will help you.

 

[I'm in the Mood]

Why can't I get myself started... I have a loser's personality right now.

No confidence.

Honestly I don't know if I should start with learning to be social and learning to talk, or working on my body, or fixing my problems.

I am really fvcked up right now. I don't believe I can succeed.

 

[Darth_Qurashi]

hey dude, I was in the same situation as you. no wait, i still am inthe same situation. but lately, it's been getting better, i've been feeling better about myself by takign risks. change your routine. thers just so many things u mentioned but, theres no point tackling them all by one cuz it seems like they're all linked to one thing, you. I just started by talking to more ppl, like in class, i'l be like hey, do we have a test today? or what happened in class, i wasn't paying attention, lol cuz i wasn't. just small talk whenever someone is near you. i made some new friends, and am now part of a circle of guys that i would never have imagined to be friends with. sure we're not close friends but at least i can eat lunch with them. i was new in that school the year before, and had no friends, just some guys i talked about hw, but now i have guys that i can joke around with. but what rly brought my juices back to when i was young, was this class presentation i had and i was alone, my parter (dropped out), since i was the quiet loner, everyone thought it was gonna be boring, but i showed them, i just started asking stupid questions to the class during my presentation to keep them alive, and the laughter they gave me, just made me so confident.

BUt if I can tell you one thing, its that you have to believe inyourself. believe that you will get better naturally, because you will, just focus on right now, and what the ideal you would do in that situation and just do it. like right now, im thinking, i shouldn't reply online, cuz im scared someones gonna judge me cuz im so inexperienced, but the ideal me is just saying help out a brutha in need. so now im doing it. just keep doing what you feel is rgith, and eventually you wil feel good about yoursefl and start applying urself in school and working out and when you're walking down the hallway, you'll start whistling or humming and not caring if anyones behind you (im still insecure about that lol)

 

[Craig Reeves]

*sigh*

My dear friend...

You are a PICTURE of who I used to be.

Let me tell you something that I wish somebody would have told me when I first started learning this stuff. I'm going to let you know what your problem is:

Your daily routine involves everything BUT tending to the issues you're having problems with (hygene, social skills, etc.). You mention the lazy and unconcerned-for-social health livestyle you live. Guess what....this has become a routine for you.

You have gone your whole life following the exact same routine. You've gotten so used to this very routine that it's almost become sort of OK with you to suffer the consequences OF this routine: no social life.....that is....UNTIL you see others who HAVE one.....that's when it all changes.

You walk through life and you see all these beautiful women prancing around with their boyfriends/husbands, and deep inside, you feel a bit of jealousy....and a bit of anger....not for the boyfriend....but for HER. Why? Because you know deep down that the invisible wall that seperates You and girls like her is so incredibly THICK that you just "know in your heart" that you would never have any buissness even LOOKING at people like that, let alone approaching them.

And then you see him and her together....your jealousy grows....oh how you long for what they have.....yet it seems and feels so far away when you look back at your *own* lifestyle: one that avoids hygene, social skills, and understanding...and then you COMPARE it to the lifestyle you assume SHE has....and the distance between you and her, your lifestyle and her lifestyle, only becomes more obvious, true, and alive...you two have nothing in common...it would have never worked out, right? At the very same time you feel TRAPPED by this lifestyle - hell, it's the only lifestyle you've known. You just don't know any different nor do you know how to go about any other form of living. Trust me, I have TOTALLY been there, my friend.

I know it may feel to you like beautiful, single women are scarce, but sub-conciously, you know that your life routine is NOT favorable to getting women like this. You know deep down that the woman you want doesn't match your "routine". You know what your routine is: Wake up, do this, do that......NOT INCLUDING tending to your hygene or social skills. These are simply things you'll "get around to eventually"....but you know you never do. Deep down....you know this is what is keeping you from acquiring the kind of social life you want and most of all the success with women you want.

I'll tell you why you don't. Because you don't THINK about your hygene, or your social skills very often. You only think about them when your lack of attention to them gets in the way. You only think about them when you see the very things that this lack of attention so very much keeps you from attaining in your life: relationships with people and relationships with women.

Look. I'm NOT saying that you should expect yourself to change overnight. No, friend. A change begins in the MIND. Once you change your MIND, your actions will eventually follow over time. You need to be constantly thinking about your hygene and your social skills ALL THE TIME and eventually you will begin to take action. Don't try to change your actions overnight. Just start by giving thought to these issues you know you need to handle as OFTEN AS POSSIBLE. This is what I did and it helped me tremendously. You're a slave to your own routine. You're TRAPPED be it....it's become habit. You break habits by reforming your MIND, which brings about an eventual change in behavior.

So here's my advice in a nutshell: REALIZE that your "routine" is what is keeping you from success with women. Then REALIZE that close attention to social skill and hygene will get you the success you've been looking for. That's all. No need to make any decisions or try to change anything yet. That will come over time.

Please PM me if you have any more questions.