First post here.

[Brent_1974]

I just took part of the evening to read part of the DJ Bible and a few of the threads so I think this is the correct forum.

Ok I am 32 years old and a man. I just added myself to the Don Juan mailing list and have a question/problem about a woman that I am interested in/that might be interested in me. Ok she is my sisters Direct Care Assistant. My sister is in a wheel chair so she needs help, I am a helper for my sister also. Ok so this woman and I have this in common. We also have nearly everything else in common. Our tastes and hobbies. My sister has told me that on each of the times when they are out together that Jenny (Thats the womans name) is commenting that we both have so much in common, reading comics, collecting toys, watching dvds, etc.
Jenny is getting a divorce and is currently seperated, she has been seperated from her husband for like six months. She is 41 she has two daughters one 18 and the other 16 both living with thier dad. I am 32. And is ready to get back into dating. The last time she worked on Thursday with my sister I commented on her shirt, how I thought it was cute and I teased her about being and blonde and forgetfull, to which she laughed and said she wasn't really a real blonde. To which I placed my hand on her shoulder and shook my head and said "The Blonde dye is seeping into your brain." She laughed again. Just after this I noticed something a bit different about her, she wouldn't stand close to my sister to do her make up, but she stood with her back to me and sort of leaned toward my sister making her jeans tighter and more form fitting, although they were already tight. It just seemed like she was showing herself off a little. It seemed a little to coincidental at the time I did not think anything of it until this weekend. And once they came back from their night out again my sister told me once Jenny left that she commented how much we had in common and how she like how I noticed her shirt and how I teased her even.
It seems I have gotten her attention somewhat. But honestly how do I make her know I am interested without seeming pushy. She has worked with my sister for a month and a half, once every 14 days. Her next shift is on the 8th. I was thinking of getting her something small for Valentines Day, something to make her maybe blush a little or get a reaction out of her. Maybe something to make her melt. Any suggestions from here on out??

Also is there a sticky thread to explain all of the abbriviations used on the site

Thanks,

Brent

 

[KarmaSutra]

Most importantly the question you should ask is why did the Father get custody. It's been my experience that the courts are waaaay stacked against men UNLESS she's nuttier than 100 lbs of elephant sh!t.

Is she in fact fvcked up? Do your homework and DO NOT DO ANYTHING UNTIL HER DIVORCE IS FINAL.

 

[Brent_1974]

Most importantly the question you should ask is why did the Father get custody. It's been my experience that the courts are waaaay stacked against men UNLESS she's nuttier than 100 lbs of elephant sh!t.

Is she in fact fvcked up? Do your homework and DO NOT DO ANYTHING UNTIL HER DIVORCE IS FINAL.

Well the one daughter is out of High School but living at home with her father and the other is sixteen and only has a year and a half left of school and did not want to move and leave her friends so Jenny let her stay with their father while she moved back in with her parents until she got enough money saved until she could get her own place which is Feb 1st.

Oh I have done my homework so far, and I plan to not do anything until the divorce is finalized, nothing says I can't get to know her first though.

But it is odd how she talks to my sister about our similar likes and dislikes and how she flaunted herself, unless it was just me, but then my sister noticed it too.

Thanks for the advice so far.

Brent

 

[jophil28]

Valentine's Day gift already ? Whoa ! Back up dude !
You are going down that old ***** chasing path of thinking that you need to ''show her how much you care ''. The thinking is that she will be so swept away by this gesture that she will swoon for you ,and so will you get the girl.
Are you waiting till 1957 comes round again ?
You need to tease her some more and flirt playfully and WAIT until she shows you 'that sign'. You will know when it comes your way. PLEASE do not resort to "telling her how you feel. " That pops the balloon . Just built anticipation and create some more sexual tension . Make her wait ,and work herself TOWARD YOU. Be cool and be patient.

 

[Brent_1974]

Valentine's Day gift already ? Whoa ! Back up dude !
You are going down that old ***** chasing path of thinking that you need to ''show her how much you care ''. The thinking is that she will be so swept away by this gesture that she will swoon for you ,and so will you get the girl.
Are you waiting till 1957 comes round again ?
You need to tease her some more and flirt playfully and WAIT until she shows you 'that sign'. You will know when it comes your way. PLEASE do not resort to "telling her how you feel. " That pops the balloon . Just built anticipation and create some more sexual tension . Make her wait ,and work herself TOWARD YOU. Be cool and be patient.

Trust me I am not going to tell her how I feel. I have already made up my mind on that. Maybe I am stuck in a old-fashioned thinking process, it was the way I was brought up by my mother. Maybe I should just give her a card and leave it at that. Or just talk to her more about our silimar hobbies like photographing or comic books/collectables. Maybe comment on her shirt again.

Like I said I am just looking for advice to hopefully make her notice me and for me to know for sure she has noticed me and is interested and that it all isn't a figment of my imagination.

Brent

 

[STR8UP]

I'd be trying to hook up with her daughter. Just kidding. Okay, at least halfway kidding.

41, divorced, two kids??? Unless this is your training wheels session I would suggest looking for better candidates.

 

[Brent_1974]

I'd be trying to hook up with her daughter. Just kidding. Okay, at least halfway kidding.

41, divorced, two kids??? Unless this is your training wheels session I would suggest looking for better candidates.

I think I am going to see where this takes me, maybe she will end up being the right woman for me. My last girlfriend was a single mom of a 3 year old and a 1 year old she was 22 years old. THTA did not end well, she was way into the partying and dirty dancing with other guys everytime she went out with her girlfriends. So I ended that one, my other girlfriend we were going to get married BUT she told EVERYTHING we talked about to her mom and dad. There was no privacy in that relationship plus she had to get permission at 25 to go out on dates with me. So that one ended, so I am here right now trying, hoping something works out on the other age range. My own age of 32 i cannot seem to find a woman around here lol. So I am hoping things work with Jenny as she seems to show some interest in me, and as I mentioned she has talked to my sister about me a couple times as well. I will justr need a little advice along the way guys I will definately update you as things change.

Brent

 

[Brent_1974]

Minor Update!!!!

Well, my sister just got off the phone with Jenny. my sister asked her how getting back into dating was going. And Jenny said that so far she has not found any prospects yet. So thats a plus in my favor. The way I look at it is perhaps Jenny doesn't or hasn't seen me yet as a possible suitor. As she comes here to work, and gets along with me, as I am the older brother of her client (My sister) that she is here to work with technically. So maybe once she see that I bought her something for Valentines day maybe things will click in her head a little. My sister told me she is going to call Jenny tomorrow and say "Jenny, you need to find a guy that is into what you are into, which is comics, toys, photography, etc. We need to find you a guy like that." Wendy my sister is hoping Jenny goes, Yeah it would be nice. So then Wendy can go "Hey what about my brother." I agreed with Wendy that it would be cool of her to do that but then again that would be before I give her the Valentines Day stuff.

It might not get a direct answer from Jenny on me, BUT it could get her thinking about me in that way if she isn't already.

Brent

 

[Phyzzle]

So maybe once she see that I bought her something for Valentines day maybe things will click in her head a little.

NO NO NO!

One thing you will learn around here is to take ACTION, not buy gifts or say "I like you" directly.

When I like a woman, I say, "we should go to this cafe/bar/restaurant/art gallery sometime. You can give me your number and I'll give you a call." If she seems to have trouble giving you her # or making the time to go out with you, then her answer is no.

Do not say anything about liking her or wanting to date her, just ask her out and let her wonder what your intentions are. Don't wait for her to take your hints, and ask you out. You have to take her hints and ask her out for anything to happen.

 

[realsmoothie]

Are you talking to her at all in a personal way?

Does it appear to you that she is interested? Does she KNOW that you are interested?

Just ask her out for coffee, already.

I have to say, though... 41, two kids, about to be divorced... when YOU are 32... is a little sketchy to me.

I'm 32, and I wouldn't date a 41 year old unless she really blew my socks off.

Sorry... the fact that you are coming on here and taking this woman THAT seriously makes me worry about you. Not that I'm perfect (lol)...

 

[Latinoman]

I think I am going to see where this takes me, maybe she will end up being the right woman for me. My last girlfriend was a single mom of a 3 year old and a 1 year old she was 22 years old. THTA did not end well, she was way into the partying and dirty dancing with other guys everytime she went out with her girlfriends. So I ended that one, my other girlfriend we were going to get married BUT she told EVERYTHING we talked about to her mom and dad. There was no privacy in that relationship plus she had to get permission at 25 to go out on dates with me. So that one ended, so I am here right now trying, hoping something works out on the other age range. My own age of 32 i cannot seem to find a woman around here lol. So I am hoping things work with Jenny as she seems to show some interest in me, and as I mentioned she has talked to my sister about me a couple times as well. I will justr need a little advice along the way guys I will definately update you as things change.

Brent

I have news for you...that 41 year old woman is ALREADY telling everything to YOUR sister.

And eventually...to her adult (almost adult) daughters too.

Why are you feeling like she is the Prize?

She is 41. That is almost ten years your senior. YOU should be nearly your prime as a 32 year old man should be. A young man, I might add.

Why would you want to be in a relationship? Wouldn't getting to get to know her better include some sex? I'm sure she is going to use plenty of that to alure you (as most women in their 40s use that as a weapon). But rest assure, she is way past her prime.

Judging by the way you are writing in here...I sense you have "old school" values. Which is making me believe that you are actually looking for a SERIOUS relationship. That might eventually lead to something. That's in my opinion the wrong approach when meeting women.

Now...do you want your own children?


Another thing...you had a 22 year old woman. That's fine. But look at her quality...she had couple kids too and was into the dirty dancing.

And you ended the relationship with a PRIME woman in her mid 20s because she told everything to her parents??? Fair enough. But divorced women in their 40s have a LOT of issues. Trust me, I know.

If you want to go out with her...that's fine. But don't get suck into a "serious" (or marriage) relationship. And try to get some sex too!

 

[Latinoman]

Well, my sister just got off the phone with Jenny. my sister asked her how getting back into dating was going. And Jenny said that so far she has not found any prospects yet. So thats a plus in my favor. The way I look at it is perhaps Jenny doesn't or hasn't seen me yet as a possible suitor. As she comes here to work, and gets along with me, as I am the older brother of her client (My sister) that she is here to work with technically. So maybe once she see that I bought her something for Valentines day maybe things will click in her head a little. My sister told me she is going to call Jenny tomorrow and say "Jenny, you need to find a guy that is into what you are into, which is comics, toys, photography, etc. We need to find you a guy like that." Wendy my sister is hoping Jenny goes, Yeah it would be nice. So then Wendy can go "Hey what about my brother." I agreed with Wendy that it would be cool of her to do that but then again that would be before I give her the Valentines Day stuff.

It might not get a direct answer from Jenny on me, BUT it could get her thinking about me in that way if she isn't already.

Brent

No offense...but you are approaching this like a HighSchool guy.

Ask Jenny to go out to lunch with you. Or for a cup of coffee at Borders (grap some of the comics there, whatever).

You dumped a PRIME woman, because she told everything to her parents. But look at you...you are telling everything to your sister.

 

[RedPill]

Brent,

Welcome. There's two ways to approach your situation - with a short-term answer and a long-term answer.

With a short term answer, the posters here could give you all sorts of different advice - take her out, don't take her out, make your move, say this, say that, etc. These suggestions are all fine and dandy, and maybe you could lay this chick - hell, I bet you will lay this chick if you're a reasonably normal guy who's comfortable around women, but I'm not so sure that's what you need to be hearing right now.

The way you've laid it out for us in your posts suggests that you have a pretty mainstream, traditional, conventional mindset when it comes to women and dating. Actually this quote speaks volumes about where you're coming from:

Maybe I am stuck in a old-fashioned thinking process, it was the way I was brought up by my mother.

The honest truth, the long-term advice, and please don't take this as a value judgment or personal affront, is that you sir are trapped by everything you've ever been taught about women. When I read your post, the first few things that popped into my head were:

1. Man this chick is waving more red flags than China.
2. Don't sh1t where you eat. (sees your sister every day)
3. Going for a 41 year old at 32? Are there not any hot 25 year olds in his town?
4. Valentine's Day? Gifts? Advice from his sister? This is not going to end well for him.

Brent, you have a choice - you can take the (red pill), or you can take the (blue pill). Your call.

If you take the red pill, you can stick around here, do a ton of reading and personal introspection, take the time to completely de-construct and rebuild what you know and what feels comfortable to you regarding sexual and social dynamics, and it might totally flip your value system and current worldview on its head. Your life paradagm will be changed irreversibly. This is not something to take lightly. It's the path of wisdom and enlightenment.

If you take the blue pill, you can disregard my post, go date this chick, buy her stuff, find out who she is on the inside, perhaps fall in love with her, go to the end of the earth to show her how special she is to you, rescue her from this divorce, and be her knight in shining armor. You will wake up tomorrow and everything will be as it was, with the possible exception that maybe some of the posters here gave you a slight confidence boost to ask her out on a date. The blue pill is the choice of familiarity and comfort.

Brent, you may not realize it right now - you might be thinking "man this Redpill guy needs to lay off the Matrix movies, I just want to know how to get this one to go for me. I'm not looking to become Hugh Hefner or anything" - but by discovering this discussion forum, this bank of ideas and knowledge that's accumulated over the last 5 years or so, you are sitting on a gold mine of information. If you can look beyond the day-to-day problems that people come here with, this place has developed an extremely unique culture. It's a culture of men who are here to evolve, who are here to discuss the world around them in a no-bullsh1t format. Here, one does not have to play to political correctness, pleasing women's flighty desires, or parroting Dr. Phil and other so-called "experts."

Read this thread, it's relatively recent and expands bit on what I'm talking about.

I'm not trying to advocate one way or the other what choices you make for yourself, but I will say that this place has the potential to change your life for the better, if you step through the looking-glass. I'll leave the rest of the advice-giving regarding Jenny to the other guys, as I'm not going to say what you're looking to hear about how to pick her up.

Good luck man in the great journey of life, and again welcome to forum.

 

[Vulpine]

I'm going to just bite my tounge, here.

I will say:
-First poster
-42 y.o. w/2 kids vs. 32 y.o.
-Can't escape the woman: she'll always be around
-Valentine's day

Brent, stop posting for a while. Start doing some searches for "quality women", "divorced women", "single mothers", "live-in", etc. and read. Read, read, read, read, read. Click on Rollo Tomassi's name and view some posts he's made, and some of the threads he's started or commented in.

Learn from other people's mistakes. And, get ready to have your whole world's perception turned upside down.

 

[penkitten]

what happens if you two dated and then broke up and couldnt stand you anymore? will she request they send someone new to care for your sister?
how will your sister handle that? she may like her and not want someone new...

i suggest you leave it as a work situation for her and dont date her.

 

[squirrels]

I just took part of the evening to read part of the DJ Bible and a few of the threads so I think this is the correct forum.

Ok I am 32 years old and a man. I just added myself to the Don Juan mailing list and have a question/problem about a woman that I am interested in/that might be interested in me. Ok she is my sisters Direct Care Assistant. My sister is in a wheel chair so she needs help, I am a helper for my sister also. Ok so this woman and I have this in common. We also have nearly everything else in common. Our tastes and hobbies. My sister has told me that on each of the times when they are out together that Jenny (Thats the womans name) is commenting that we both have so much in common, reading comics, collecting toys, watching dvds, etc.
Jenny is getting a divorce and is currently seperated, she has been seperated from her husband for like six months. She is 41 she has two daughters one 18 and the other 16 both living with thier dad. I am 32. And is ready to get back into dating. The last time she worked on Thursday with my sister I commented on her shirt, how I thought it was cute and I teased her about being and blonde and forgetfull, to which she laughed and said she wasn't really a real blonde. To which I placed my hand on her shoulder and shook my head and said "The Blonde dye is seeping into your brain." She laughed again. Just after this I noticed something a bit different about her, she wouldn't stand close to my sister to do her make up, but she stood with her back to me and sort of leaned toward my sister making her jeans tighter and more form fitting, although they were already tight. It just seemed like she was showing herself off a little. It seemed a little to coincidental at the time I did not think anything of it until this weekend. And once they came back from their night out again my sister told me once Jenny left that she commented how much we had in common and how she like how I noticed her shirt and how I teased her even.
It seems I have gotten her attention somewhat. But honestly how do I make her know I am interested without seeming pushy. She has worked with my sister for a month and a half, once every 14 days. Her next shift is on the 8th. I was thinking of getting her something small for Valentines Day, something to make her maybe blush a little or get a reaction out of her. Maybe something to make her melt. Any suggestions from here on out??

Also is there a sticky thread to explain all of the abbriviations used on the site

Thanks,

Brent

She's not your girlfriend. Don't buy her stuff for Valentine's day.

You don't NEED to make her melt. She's melting already...you can tell by all the indicators you've given. You want her to know you're interested? Invite her out for coffee one evening. Don't ASK her out...she already wants to spend time with you. So invite her to.

Not that I blame you (because lots of guys do this), but you're making it a lot harder than it is. You're already "winning"...you've got her attracted. There's nothing else you have to do to "prove yourself". You don't need to buy gifts and sh!t. You're in. Everything else is just claiming your prize.

 

[squirrels]

God...so much questionable advice on this forum.

DO NOT DO ANYTHING UNTIL HER DIVORCE IS FINAL.

This should read, "Don't f*ck her until her divorce is final". Anything up to second base should be fine, as long as it's natural and not forced. Unless there's a good LEGAL reason not to make a move, this should not deter you.

You need to tease her some more and flirt playfully and WAIT until she shows you 'that sign'.

"That sign"?? She's given you enough "signs". If you wait much longer she's going to think you're either 1) too shy or 2) too stupid to act on them...and she'll divert her efforts elsewhere. Further teasing should happen naturally, yes, but make some forward progress. Don't wait for women to throw themselves at you. "That sign" is the stuff of chick-flicks and fairy-tales.

what happens if you two dated and then broke up and couldnt stand you anymore? will she request they send someone new to care for your sister?
how will your sister handle that? she may like her and not want someone new...

i suggest you leave it as a work situation for her and dont date her.

This advice is like saying, "Don't date your sister's friends." You'd have to do something pretty f'd up to make this girl so ticked off that she doesn't even want to see your face any more, and even in that case, there are plenty of people out there qualified to push a wheelchair around, but you're not going to be "fired" from being your sister's brother. I dont' get it. Your sister is ENCOURAGING this hook-up. Just roll with it. The best relationships are usually started off of friends of family or friends of friends.


The best advice on here is ask her to spend some time with you. (coffee is good) Get to know her better one-on-one. And yes, be EXTREMELY wary of the kids and the previous relationship...at the first sign that it's getting in the way or if it makes you the slightest bit uncomfortable, "tip your hat and slowly walk away". And stop acting like you have to WIN the heart of a girl when she's already tentatively showing signs that she's OFFERING it to you.

 

[Brent_1974]

This should read, "Don't f*ck her until her divorce is final". Anything up to second base should be fine, as long as it's natural and not forced. Unless there's a good LEGAL reason not to make a move, this should not deter you.

Ofcourse, I totally agree with you. I am hardly even near that stage lol. But when/if we gewt there what happens happens.

"That sign"?? She's given you enough "signs". If you wait much longer she's going to think you're either 1) too shy or 2) too stupid to act on them...and she'll divert her efforts elsewhere. Further teasing should happen naturally, yes, but make some forward progress. Don't wait for women to throw themselves at you. "That sign" is the stuff of chick-flicks and fairy-tales.

Yeah I mentioned to my sister if I saw what I saw or if I just imagined her leaning forward and stretching herself while putting on my sisters makeup after I complimented her on her shirt. And my sister did indeed see her do it as well. So I asked her how Jenny put on her makeup one of the other times, and my sister said that she stood up straight and just leaned over a little to do her makeup. So this was indeed her showing herself off a little to me.

This advice is like saying, "Don't date your sister's friends." You'd have to do something pretty f'd up to make this girl so ticked off that she doesn't even want to see your face any more, and even in that case, there are plenty of people out there qualified to push a wheelchair around, but you're not going to be "fired" from being your sister's brother. I dont' get it. Your sister is ENCOURAGING this hook-up. Just roll with it. The best relationships are usually started off of friends of family or friends of friends.

Yeah I am definatly just going to roll with everything and I am letting my sister help. My sister told me yesterday that Jenny is a perfect match for me as they have spent hours together talking etc.

Plus all of my sisters workers are hired for is to go out with her, like say drive her to visit a friend or go to the movies etc, my sister has a power wheelchair so there isn't even any pushing involved, a VERY easy job, and fun

The best advice on here is ask her to spend some time with you. (coffee is good) Get to know her better one-on-one. And yes, be EXTREMELY wary of the kids and the previous relationship...at the first sign that it's getting in the way or if it makes you the slightest bit uncomfortable, "tip your hat and slowly walk away". And stop acting like you have to WIN the heart of a girl when she's already tentatively showing signs that she's OFFERING it to you.

Oh I am being wary of the kids, but not too much conidering one is 18 and the other is nearly 17, I figure they are old enough and set in their ways plus they don't live with her she only sees them every other weekend.

So I figure I will see how her next shirt goes with Wendy after I give Jenny the stuff, it will be interesting to see what Jenny's reaction will be and after they have gone out and chat with my sister afterwards to see what Jenny had to say.

Oh and too the poster sorry forgot which you are who compared me to my ex where she told everything to her parents. totally different thing, she was adopted, her parents were that strickt, and she was a mommy and daddys girl. She told them EVERYTHING from whether we kissed, whether we were in bed together, EVERYTHING. And in the first place it was my SISTER who told me about Jenny commenting about how we had all of this stuff in common to her. So it is my sister trying to set us up, my sister has even went as far to say as she wants Jenny and I together.

Still everyone here thanks for all of the suggestions.

Brent

 

[ElChoclo]

Look Forrest, I know you think you want Jenny, but she isn't right for you. 41 is too old for a 32 year old man. Men are more active than women, which is why older men can handle younger women

Your Valentine's theory is classic chump thinking. Your Single mother dating habits prove that you have a glitch in the neural software. Get someone your own age or younger. Older women with kids are worn out. I am speaking from experience.