First date tomorrow in 6 yrs

[shizz702]

Don't worry, she would not have returned the call if she wasn't at least a bit interested.

You are gonna have to learn to accept and expect the silly little bs with chicks such as not returning calls or texts, and flaking.

Do like ice said if she doesn't call or text back give it a day or two and proceed from there.

 

[kim jong chill]

Would it look desperate if I called her tonight?

 

[Johnnyventana]

Would it look desperate if I called her tonight?

It's more than that. Not calling tonight will keep her wondering, "Is he going to call me tonight?" She might not even care much at first, but may start obsessing once it is clear you are not calling. It takes her down a notch. Pulls her out of la la land. It will be good she's thinking about you.

Personally, I'd wait to call until Tuesday.

I mean, she can certainly call you herself in the meantime, right? So wait it out.

 

[Naughty Ninja]

Would it look desperate if I called her tonight?

As for calling her. Since you called her today or yesterday..Let the weekend go by. Call her Tuesday and set up a FUN date for the second one. If she calls or texts you? Tell her you were thinking of going to the Zoo, Aquarium, Museum, Bowling, or minature golf next week and if she'd like to come?

Dude you're doing fine. From reading your story/replies on the issue you are handling it like a NORMAL person and not some DJ /so suave/ Ninja moves nut job.

Forget dinner for a second date. Wait till at least a third or fourth date.

Try minature golf (You can 'teach' her/ hold her)

Bowling.

The Zoo.

The Aquarium.

or a museum for a second date.

You can both talk about different things at least on the last three choices without pressure of talking about dating, relationships and can during conversation let little details about each other slip out rather than focus on sitting across from each other face to face or possibly growing bored.

Just stay light hearted and fun.

Don't stress on it 'working or not.' You'll come off more smooth as not pressuring her or yourself but a fun guy.

IF you notice signs she wants to get close. Grab her hand and hold it or pull her close like as if it were effortless to you.

IF you think you are getting signs she wants you to kiss her. Don't ask. Look into her eyes and take her hand and just KISS her.

IF she 'rejects' the kiss. IMMEDIATELY make a joke out of it. Say to her: "Alrighty then! Hey! How are ya? I swear I do my own stunts. Don't try this at home" or something else to diffuse the 'awkwardness' and laugh then go back to normal conversation about something else.

So far it seems you're doing fine. You have to be honest with yourself as well as to what you want out of the situation and take small non pressure steps to reach it.

She has her own life and you should have yours as well...till you both possibly grow together as one. (If that's what you want.)

 

[kim jong chill]

Ok she finally texted me back today:

"Difficult to reach is a pretty generous assessment of my communication skills. I'm really sorry, I'm kind of in recluse mode at the moment"

How to understand this?

 

[Iceberg]

Ok she finally texted me back today:

"Difficult to reach is a pretty generous assessment of my communication skills. I'm really sorry, I'm kind of in recluse mode at the moment"

How to understand this?

What's not to understand? She's not interested and she's using the "I'm really busy" excuse.

Time to move on.

 

[kim jong chill]

I didn't think of it that way at first. Just seemed to me she was apologizing for being hard to reach before. After all, she could have just not bothered to respond or return my call if she wasn't interested. Can't it be that she's saying this as a way of showing she's still interested in being in touch?

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

No. She is not interested. If she is she will hit you up again if you don't text back. So put your phone down and get some more girls.

 

[shizz702]

This was pretty closed and didn't leave much if any room for further correspondence.

So you can either try to reply and see if she's down to meet again, or you can let it go and see if she comes back to you. Which she may or may not.

I would opt for the ladder, and think if you still have a chance that si the only one you got.

 

[kim jong chill]

Well I tried. I texted her back essentially saying that it's too bad because I was hoping to see her again one of these days. No response a day later. Flake. Sometimes I feel like women aren't worth the effort of figuring out.

 

[Naughty Ninja]

Well I tried. I texted her back essentially saying that it's too bad because I was hoping to see her again one of these days. No response a day later. Flake. Sometimes I feel like women aren't worth the effort of figuring out.

Don't EVER put much stock in what people say.

"Hoping" reply = nothing going on in my life.

When a chick sends some flaky excuse simply reply with a one or two word reply or don't reply at all. Let them wonder if you got their text and if they send another then send something ridiculous back in one, two or a couple of words.

Oh ah, Aaaiight.

Huh?

What?

That's nerdy, but cute!


Something dumb and not minding. Some will then push conversation or want to meet when they see you aren't waiting around for them to find time to meet up.

 

[HappyHarryHardon]

That's why I don't bother with rules. I just go all out from the start. It's too much wasting time jumping through hoops.

 

[kim jong chill]

I know there are plenty of reasons for not thinking this way but I'm feeling pretty down on myself for blowing this one. I was pretty good at our first interactions at the bar and solid at our coffee date. Then this weird week of phone tag and texting began. I need to get my mind off of this one girl. But it's just frustrating when you feel like you're handling something well and then it falls apart seemingly for no reason.

Anyway, I was going to ask what the ladder is, and whether it's worth trying with this girl again after some time passes.

 

[HappyHarryHardon]

Yeah why not? Just try get her out again. If she rejects, forget it

 

[kim jong chill]

What would be the most opportune time to get in touch with her again? Say in a week, two weeks, a month? Sometime sooner so she doesn't forget entirely or let some time pass so as not to seem desperate? And what to say when calling?

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Are times that hard for you? You wait for her to hit you up next. Until that time (if ever) get you some new girls. Quit putting these girls on a pedestal. Girls don't like that crap.

 

[Powerofmindset]

def putting that ***** on a pedestal...you got 1 date in 6 years you can easily get another date...

and another

and another!

stop texting or calling her at all. Essentially what I think you are doing is trying to fill that void you lost with your ex with this girl. Which is okay to a point and should be spinning plates like a DJ as I don't think you are ready for another relationship already.

 

[217]

There isn't much I can add to help you. They all hit it spot on.

I just gotta say, props on the username haha

 

[kim jong chill]

Nah I think you guys have me wrong. I'm not putting her on a pedestal - it's not like I am giving up on getting with other girls so long as she's in my sights. I'm also not looking for another relationship right now - just someone to hang out/fool around with for a bit, as a distraction. I also feel like I need this as a positive step forward to boost my self-esteem.

I've noticed that my problem is less about approaching girls and setting up meetings for coffee, getting numbers, etc. It's following up with the 2nd date. Usually something happens during our meeting that I don't notice, but which turns them off. This is why I'm frustrated with this girl. I thought I handled it well, so I just don't get what happened.

 

[shizz702]

Brother you need to put this in perspective.

YOU didn't do anything wrong. You did you and if she doesn't like you for you to hell with her. There are no secret lines or magic moves to woo them.

You are what you are and either they like you or they don't. Maybe she did maybe she didn't. At this point her actions are showing the ladder but who knows she may hit you back.

But for god's sake don't sit around chomping at the bit for her to come back to you. Focus on your own improvement and doing well for yourself. That is the main message we preach on this forum because when you do that it radiates a positive aura and women will be drawn to that.

You didn't blow it, she may have simply not liked you and that is something you will have to accept upon venturing back out into the dating game.

Don't beat yourself up over it, get up, dust yourself off and get back to it.