First Date Report: Beer Goggles

[BeDJ]

I got a number from the bar a week ago and set a date for earlier today. She drove an hour to see me.

I had my iPhone camera ready to pull the Fast Forward Power Play.

BDJ: Hey, nice to see you. Don't you think first dates are lame?
Let's fast forward to the second date, say YOLO.
(Initiate kiss close as she starts to speak)

As I got closer to her, she turned around.
Ahhhh Fack.
Her face looked like someone molded it with putty. Like this:

http://media.onsugar.com/files/2010/07/30/5/1/15751/4da35470264d905c_smokey002.jpg

I needed an exit strategery, but I mindlessly blurted out if she ate yet. She said no.
Ahhh Fack. Theguilt.jpeg

Let's walk on the docks I said. It was crowded full of people, hopefully nobody recognized me. Time to cut the cord.

BDJ: Well, I don't think we are connecting. I don't want to waste your time. I have to go.
Puttyface: You're an assho|e.
BDJ: Yeah

5 minute first date to celebrate my 1k posts.

Waiting here at Starbucks for a second date at the beach. (The First Date Greeting Kiss one.)

Edit: She just texted me:
Almost here. Just an FYI, please don't sneak kiss me.

Ahhh Fack.
had_a_bad_day.mp3

 

[Greasy Pig]

Gold, BDJ. Pure gold!

 

[SteepleChase]

Should have told her after she moved her head away:

"What is this, a middle school dance?"


Fvckin prudes.

 

[BeDJ]

Almost here. Just an FYI, please don't sneak kiss me.
I haven't decided yet.

She walked up to me wearing a white fitted summer dress. Smokin' HOT. She agreed to get in my car this time. Our first date was last week and I didn't contact her til yesterday to set up a beach date at 9PM. I poured some vodka in a water bottle and we head to the private part of the beach. Barely visible lighting. Game. On.

I put my arm around her while she kept yapping away. She told me how I was so different from the other guys - I got that mysterious thing working for me. 90% of my dates tell me that.

I pulled her in for a make out.
Ahhhh Fack.

It's that taste when you hit the furthest back tooth after you don't floss for a few weeks. With the infusion of alcohol, the pungent taste and odor made my eyes slightly water.

She pulled back and asked how I liked it. She went in again, but I pulled my head back and that's NOT because I'm using the push pull technique. The angel seriously gave me the kiss of death.

I ended the date 10 minutes later. When we were walking back up the hill, she walked 10 feet in front of me. I think she was pissed about driving half an hour for a 45 minute date.

I'm debating where or not to send her a text for Listerine coupons.

 

[Uncharted]

Nice work. Do you always kiss-open? Good call!

 

[ARrocket]

Haha are you serious? Why didn't you just slip her a mint?

 

[handle]

Haha are you serious? Why didn't you just slip her a mint?

Exactly what I was thinking... But maybe he just wasn't that into her.

 

[dosquito]

Damn dude, your game is seriously solid these days. You should post up some more advice threads. Btw, I get the feeling that if you called out that babe on her bad breath it would only solidify your position.

 

[Jaylan]

Are you sure you arent still a beginner OP? You should have just tactfully offered her gum and a mint, then soothed her ego when she felt embarrassed and then went back to kissing her.

You surely would have had some sort of hookup that night if you did.

 

[BeDJ]

You guys disgust me.

 

[Jaylan]

And what if her vagina smelled? Would you have tactfully offered her a shower before slipping it in. Come now. Their personal hygiene shouldn't be your problem.

Wow, whats with the huge jump to vagina smell? Get real kid. Sometimes people have bad breath for one reason or another. Doesnt always reflect on their hygiene. Hell the girl could have just eaten not long ago.

Bad breath happens at one time or another to everyone. Ive had it happen with my exes, and we tell each other and its no big deal. And girls Ive dated always had clean puzzies, which is why Id eat them for days.

I stand by what I said, its a beginner move to do what he did. I would have simply offered her a mint and smashed, especially shes supposed to be "smokin hot".

 

[BeDJ]

Sometimes people have bad breath for one reason or another. Doesnt always reflect on their hygiene.

Yes, it does.

And girls Ive dated always had clean puzzies, which is why Id eat them for days.

Okay.

I stand by what I said, its a beginner move to do what he did. I would have simply offered her a mint and smashed, especially shes supposed to be "smokin hot".

Mints cover bad hygiene, just like makeup covers herpes. Don't be desperate.

 

[Jaylan]

Lmao @ you guys comparing bad breath to STDs. Such idiocy.

So I guess people with bad breath are the equivalent to dirty skanks who contract herpes right?

And I guess its desperate to be understanding of the fact that sometimes bad breath happens to folks? Im gonna have great breath after I finish my Jamaican beef patty in a few minutes....I guess any girl willing to date me is desperate

Its really no biggie dude. You can pass on the chick. Im just saying its very possible the girl is has a great vag to go along with her hot body and that you missed out. I dont see anything desperate about a guy overlooking a little bad breath and moving forward.

Too many girls with clean breath end up having stinky vaginas....so I dont see the correlation between breath and vagina cleanliness. If there was any correlation, I wouldnt be hearing stinky vag horror stories from guys who made it that far with a girl they assumed with fresh.

 

[BeDJ]

It's that taste when you hit the furthest back tooth after you don't floss for a few weeks. With the infusion of alcohol, the pungent taste and odor made my eyes slightly water.

You'd want to bang after that?

 

[Jaylan]

You'd want to bang after that?

Again, a mint easily fixes that. Im more easy going than you though it seems. Its not like she had BO or vag smell. As I said, its very possible she had eaten not long before you guys met and forget to pop a mint or gum.

 

[AAAgent]

Lmao @ you guys comparing bad breath to STDs. Such idiocy.

So I guess people with bad breath are the equivalent to dirty skanks who contract herpes right?

And I guess its desperate to be understanding of the fact that sometimes bad breath happens to folks? Im gonna have great breath after I finish my Jamaican beef patty in a few minutes....I guess any girl willing to date me is desperate

Its really no biggie dude.

I agree with BDJ.

This girl did not have Jamaican beef patties 5 minutes before they met up. Girls generally spend a good deal of time before a date to get ready to look and smell good. If she came on a date with that type of breath it just shows how much she cares about her hygiene and appearance like what some of the other guys are saying, or even worse, her breath is just naturally like that. If you can tolerate bad breath then more power to you, but i have in the past refused to kiss girls when i got a whiff of bad breath and then completely stopped talking to them. It's a major turn off early in the first couple of dates when there is no reason to have bad breath.

 

[TheStig]

I agree with BDJ.

This girl did not have Jamaican beef patties 5 minutes before they met up. Girls generally spend a good deal of time before a date to get ready to look and smell good. If she came on a date with that type of breath it just shows how much she cares about her hygiene and appearance like what some of the other guys are saying, or even worse, her breath is just naturally like that. If you can tolerate bad breath then more power to you, but i have in the past refused to kiss girls when i got a whiff of bad breath and then completely stopped talking to them. It's a major turn off early in the first couple of dates when there is no reason to have bad breath.

I second this. If someone generally has good breath and takes care of their teeth/mouth, eating some food a little bit before a date won't give them nasty ass breath unless it's some sh1t like limburger cheese, garlic cloves or a raw onion, in which case a mint won't do much.

 

[jimmy18]

bad breath is a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge turn off

 

[dosquito]

Lol this reminds me of a few weeks ago actually. Saw a girl I knew from a long time ago and got her phone #. But as she was putting her # in I smelled some awful breath. Never felt like talking to her or seeing her after that. lol.

 

[ARrocket]

How was her breath when you kissed her on the 1st date?