First Date Disaster, again (in my opinion) - Received mixed signal text afterwards

[Duracell_Bunny]

Well it happened again, this is the only second date I have ever been on with someone. The first time was just over a month ago (completly different chick). Exacly the same scanario, the interest level was very high but was completely erased when we met - i.e. extreme boardem for the both of us.

Last nights was a 6 (a worthy 7 if she put the effort in, an ok face just nothing else follows).

Basics are she is only 19, I see her as nothing more than an FB. Shes applying for University so its likley shes only going to be around for a couple of months.

She found her way into my social circle a couple of weeks ago (through a mates mate, her b/f who I don't know). The following weekend we all travel to another town (her included without b/f) where one of our friends has an apartment there. I ended up sleeping with her in a hotel room I had booked (originally she planned to stay in the apartment which is full of men but changed her mind that night). Nothing happened, we just kissed a little and slept in a spooning position, her telling me she likes me, asking if I'm single etc. It was a twin bedded room and I had a friend sleeping within a metre of me anyway.

Since she first smuggled her way into the group, she has been in contact I mean with like ALL of my male friends. They are constantly chasing/texting her. I played it cool, and didn't get involved but arranged a date within about 3 texts a few days later but ignored all those crappy "hows u, what u been up to" texts she sent. There is one friend of who she does have interest in but this guy is trying to see her and contact her everyday (he's overweight but is the most entertaining/amusing guys I have ever met, there's never a dull night out when he's around).

Anyway, I picked her up on my way back from the gym (her facebook status had just changed to single). Went for a drink at a bar, one of those modern table service ones with comfy sofas and fancy lighting). Nothing was arranged, I simply just took her straight there without talking about it.

It all started well, I got a little suspicious when she was saying things like she doesn't know if she can be bothered to go college tomorrow and asked what time do I have to be up for work. It felt pretty good that the overweight friend of mine was calling her up trying to see her again while she was with me. She was out with this guy the night before, but as a group with other people. She did invite me to that but I declined. She didn't mention anything to him about being with her.

After around 20mins the chatting got less and less to the point where we were both so board. She complained of being tired (yep, I thought its happened again) then said she wanted to go home using the excuse she had to be up at 6:30am. The first thing she said when I picked her up was "I have to be up early, I won't be out late tonight".

I get a sneaky feeling that she may have changed her mind during the date to go and see my overweight friend. During the whole date there was zero kino involved, when dropping her off home (shes still living with her parents) there was no attempt at kissing or any signs of that at all.

About 45mins later I get this message "Thanks for tonight Duracell Sorry I had to cut it short I'm real tired lol. My round next time if your up for it? X x"

The first sentence I interpret as "you are not what I thought and I got so board I had to cut it short", but wtf is that "if your up for it?" ??? Have I been freindzoned???

This is no great loss to me but a big blow, even though she is kinda cool I only wanted to nail her anyway, but I feel so bad about myself.

This sounds so arrogant, but I cannot accept the fact that a chick below my league has lost all interest and has possibly decided to cut a date short to see a fat friend of mine.

Exactly the same thing happened with my first ever date, that was a HB8 (completely unattached from my social group) so I kinda let myself off on that one, but same thing happened, huge interest then the date was an epic fail with her texting afterwards "Sorry about tonight, just felt really tired" then she rejected my next offer.

I felt real good about myself before last night, I spent weeks sudying and practicing these small/talk banter skills but feel gutted last to find I have got nowhere.

Weirdly, when meeting a chick for the first time such as an approach, I have more to talk about cos there is so many things to find out about her yet I struggle when its past this part.

 

[todays_news]

Sounds like an attention seeking b*tch. The ones that hang around with loads of boys always are. What do you know about her boyfriend, do you know the circumstances of their breakup? She could be whoring it up now she's single to forget about him.

And the fact you feel bad about yourself, means that you have let her get to you. In terms of next plan of action, maybe make a date then flake on her. Or just make her work for the next one. If she doesn't, **** it. Move on. Or just do what I do, and dont waste your time with her again. Just be polite and curt if you see her again, keep it short.

Withdraw all interest/ attention and she'll wonder what happened. Being an attention wh0re, she'll probably try and get it back. Which is where you strike, and then do the same thing again.

 

[Duracell_Bunny]

Sounds like an attention seeking b*tch. The ones that hang around with loads of boys always are. What do you know about her boyfriend, do you know the circumstances of their breakup? She could be whoring it up now she's single to forget about him.

And the fact you feel bad about yourself, means that you have let her get to you. In terms of next plan of action, maybe make a date then flake on her. Or just make her work for the next one. If she doesn't, **** it. Move on. Or just do what I do, and dont waste your time with her again. Just be polite and curt if you see her again, keep it short.

Withdraw all interest/ attention and she'll wonder what happened. Being an attention wh0re, she'll probably try and get it back. Which is where you strike, and then do the same thing again.

I don't know the b/f personally or exacly what happened but he really is an absolute wanka, from what I gather I spotted she had low interest towards him on that first night and was properbly just waiting for something better to come along - the way she chatted to all the guys giving out her number yet he did nothing. It was a Saturday night and her b/f went out wearing a tracksuit top with a bowl shaped hair style, serisously. He didn't speak to anyone or get involved. While I was sleeping with her the following weekend he called her, I could hear him saying over the phone that he loved her, yet she didn't respond. When he asked she was like "maybe not". I guess she got rid knowing that she has got all these plates of her own and all she has to do is choose.

lol, I havn't considered flaking, I like that. I was thinking of responding to that text with a one word like "sure" then going NC.

As for her getting to me, I see your point but I hope its not that case. I thought it was more of letting myself get to me. I just used that date as a bit of practice and failed in myself (I feel the same thing may have happened with anyone), if I had other options I wouldn't have bothered.

 

[r0cky]

This sounds so arrogant, but I cannot accept the fact that a chick below my league has lost all interest and has possibly decided to cut a date short to see a fat friend of mine.

Well you bored her to death. It doesnt matter how ugly she might be or how great you might think you are, the fact is that you're not creating attraction.
Next time be prepared for silent moments and have a handfull list of things to say when the convo is going stale. Like the 5 wuestions game, poke her nose and say "beep", palm reading, random bull**** that will spice up the interaction.

 

[3countriesPlan]

shes just an AW.. she needs to keep the attention of all the men in the group. If you guys were dastardly you would form a plan where one or several of you could hit it. Then you guys friendzone her and completely blow her AW azz out the water. She will do anything with you EXCEPT ****. Bank on it man. Spooning with you means spooning with all the other guys including your big mac buddy.

 

[Cry For Love]

take a few beers before date then easier to talk n make jokes lol. dont take too many though heh

 

[f283000]

take a few beers before date then easier to talk n make jokes lol. dont take too many though heh

It works. For me is just 1 or 2 to loosen up.

 

[Duracell_Bunny]

take a few beers before date then easier to talk n make jokes lol. dont take too many though heh

Ha ha, yeah I did consider that although my trainer has told me to cut the alcohol to no more than 28 weekly units with no more than 2 pints in the same day I wanna work soba in the meantime so that I don't need the drink to get a good game.

I just sent her a basic "lol, ok then", she reponded with "Aw you take the mick replying Duracell x". - I don't know if thats cos its taken me a day to respond or shes just being playful.

I think I'll leave it as that and not inniciate anything else unless she does.

 

[Zarky]

OP is in the UK. Americans should be wary before giving advice to those in other countries. In the US, one-on-one dates are de rigueur... in other countries it's much more common to go out with a group of people. One-on-one dating is very unusual.

Having said that, it's often the case that non-Americans are TERRIBLE at one-on-one conversation, because they're used to bouncing stuff off their mates and having a group as an audience rather than sitting there face to face with one other person.

 

[ENIGMA16]

Seriously you tell us that it got so boring that she wanted to leave and you ask us what the problem is? Is it not obvious? You also admit that your friend is the life of the party but can't understand why she would want him over you?

Are you blind, ignorant or just stupid?

 

[Duracell_Bunny]

Seriously you tell us that it got so boring that she wanted to leave and you ask us what the problem is? Is it not obvious? You also admit that your friend is the life of the party but can't understand why she would want him over you?

I completely agree (well not with your questions) and gathered that as it happened. Regardless of all the other details in my post this is more about how to get around this issue, I'm sure it may happen again next time.

I had mentioned that this is the only second date I have been on in my entire life. The first didn't go well, and I though yeah well first time. Then this, which went even worse.

It seems to me that going out on dates practicing is getting me nowhere, I had initially thought otherwise. Yes its possible to go out practicing conversations etc. but its not the same as being with a chick in such an environment.

I have successfully approached and obtained numbers, so I hope I'm not THAT boring. Its getting the ball rolling when everything stalls is what appears to be the problem. All other aspects are great right now, I can proudly say I'm in the best shape I have ever been in and this is going to get better (personal trainer at a gym), I now crave and enjoy being around people. Before I was too content to be in the saftey of my house, now I hate being alone.

It feels so frustrating I cannot explain it in words. This is the only thing that seems to be killing attraction.

Its not that I feel nervous or anything like that, all my effort is into meeting new people and becoming more sociable, but I have this strange mental block - I want to get this sorted out its holding me back, I'm sure this would lead to great success.

 

[CuriousGirl]

Ha ha, yeah I did consider that although my trainer has told me to cut the alcohol to no more than 28 weekly units with no more than 2 pints in the same day I wanna work soba in the meantime so that I don't need the drink to get a good game.

I just sent her a basic "lol, ok then", she reponded with "Aw you take the mick replying Duracell x". - I don't know if thats cos its taken me a day to respond or shes just being playful.

I think I'll leave it as that and not inniciate anything else unless she does.

It'll be the replying, I get it all the time with my friends because my phone has bad signal so I rarely bother texting.

She might geniunely had to have been up early though. But if you can't have interesting conversation for either of you maybe it doesn't really matter? Why would you want to date a girl that bores you or do you just want to shag her?

It feels so frustrating I cannot explain it in words. This is the only thing that seems to be killing attraction.

Its not that I feel nervous or anything like that, all my effort is into meeting new people and becoming more sociable, but I have this strange mental block - I want to get this sorted out its holding me back, I'm sure this would lead to great success.

I know exactly the mental block you mean, I get it sometimes and I think it's to do with my mood. If I'm not feeling it then I find myself boring let alone who I'm chatting to. When I'm in that mood I can be having a long conversation, but it feels empty and I'm not engaged, more like on autopilot. I just can't be bothered to make the effort, maybe when I'm tired. But then sometimes I've been really tired but I've still been really chirpy and have had really interesting conversations and have clicked with people. I'm not really sure what it is but I know the feeling and the particular mood. It's not really an issue for me though because I'm usually the opposite.

 

[Duracell_Bunny]

It'll be the replying, I get it all the time with my friends because my phone has bad signal so I rarely bother texting.

She might genuinely had to have been up early though. But if you can't have interesting conversation for either of you maybe it doesn't really matter? Why would you want to date a girl that bores you or do you just want to shag her?

Before the date I would say the ice wasn't fully broken and I barely knew her. She was constantly surrounded by the lads, it was almost impossible to isolate her from the group.

She didn't bore me much she is very outgoing, it started on a high vibe but all went wrong in a matter of 10-15mins of sitting down. I think I made her board then that reflected back to me and it all went a bit stale.

I really feel that the lack of interesting conversaion would be the case with any girl - its happened twice now, exactly the same patten. Clearly the problem is with me, she gets on great with everyone else.

Yes shagging her was one of my intentions, but I guess that's now out of the question. The main reason I organized the date was really just for the hell of it and gaining experience for myself.

Either way regarding this particular girl I'm not going to give her any further contact unless she does in the meantime.

 

[Duracell_Bunny]

A quick update on this. After a week, she made no further effort to contact. Although I heard through friends that she has been on about me (saying good things) and putting herself at fault going on about how she feels she messed up and thinks that I dont give a damm about her.

I sent her a quick message Saturday when I heard about this along the lines of "Are you in town later? Someone owes me a drink " - just out of curiousity.

She responds straight away with "Not tonight my lovely. So your actually talking to me now? Ha. xx"

I left it until the following evening before sending her "That was a random comment from you, lol. You should have come out last night it was packed." Of which was genuinly a really good night.

Then she goes back to the moaning "Haaa well you met me once and then didn't wanna talk to me xx.". I told her "Ha ha, what are you like? Same time again Wednesday?" and shes gone NC on me.

I feel kinda discrespected with her complaining like that. But I thought a chick complaining like that was a good thing. I can't work out wether this was a **** test or not hence why I didn't take her seriously over that comment. Shes a lot younger and proberbly has 5+ guys constantly contacting her all the time and chatting about what she wants.

I'm definatly nexting this one for good, was in hope of an easy lay but really can't work out how I should have responded to that crap. It's left me scratching my head.



In the meantime I hopefully have another potentional lined up who seems to be of high quality. Was out in a large group for someones b-day, never met before, I spoke to her for a short time and she seemed very laid back and down to earth. No *****yness, no games was all very relaxed and easy going. I thought of it as being nothing more than being sociable and we were both not drinking, while everyone else was drunk. A couple of days later she adds me on Facebook (she must have asked about me or looked through our only mutural freind's photos, she has no idea who I am). We have exchanged 2/3 messages, she repsonds each time within about half an hour asking quiestions etc. I get the impression she wants to keep the exchange of these messages going. I usally take a day or two in responding. She has sent another message after her last (that I havn't yet responded to yet), saying "how oftern to you go on here? heres my number, it might be easier, up to you if you want to use it". I guess I'll be calling her up tommorow. Lets just hope I can get this dating thing right thrid time round.

 

[Kailex]

DB, what are you doing?

I somehow missed this thread and see that you went from dropping contact with her to now actually wanting to talk to her through text?

Why did you stop contact in the first place? You wanted HER to initiate contact? Men take the lead, they don't WAIT. Look, I can understand that the first date was a "disaster" but you had nothing to lose by trying to go out on a second date with her.

And be honest with me, the only reason you contacted her again was simply because your friends told you that she was talking about you. You got a sudden rush of chemicals flowing through your body and your mind went something like this:

"Damn, she was talking about me? I should text her and see if she wants to go out."

Problem is, you let a whole week or more go by without no contact from you. So now that you did contact her, she's wondering what the hell was up that you didn't ask her out again and what took you so long to get back to her again about going out.

Now, the entire frame has been moved over to her.
This response was what sealed her mental deal with you:

"That was a random comment from you, lol. You should have come out last night it was packed."

There was nothing going on in this statement for you. You know very well that it was not a random comment, but she was RIGHT. You hadn't contacted her in a while and then all of a sudden pop up out of nowhere saying she owes you a drink? You can't play it like that. Not with someone you went on one date with and labeled it a disaster. You can do that with someone you have a strong frame with and have had constant contact and a few dates/lays under your belt.


STOP ADDING WOMEN ON FACEBOOK.

Know what sucks even more? You didn't even ask for her number, she practically handed it to you.

Come on man, you need to come from a position of power. When you met the second girl, you had to ask for her number.

And stop putting pressure on yourself to get this "dating thing right". JUST HAVE FUN.

This isn't disarming a nuclear bomb, it's dating. You go out, have fun, and let things settle in for themselves. Your problem is that you go into this with a mindset of "Here we come LTR" and that's the wrong mindset. Your mindset needs to be "HAVE FUN".

 

[Duracell_Bunny]

DB, what are you doing?

I somehow missed this thread and see that you went from dropping contact with her to now actually wanting to talk to her through text?

Why did you stop contact in the first place? You wanted HER to initiate contact? Men take the lead, they don't WAIT. Look, I can understand that the first date was a "disaster" but you had nothing to lose by trying to go out on a second date with her.

My reason was following previously given advice to withdraw all attention towards her.

As for the texting thing, its very common over here to message someone that way saying "I'm in town tonight, where ru?" and I have seen this work successfully many times, including myself (which is how I met my ex after getting her number and got laid that night). A call doesn't really work as its too noisy to hear anything and inappropriate as its late at night.

I'm unsure what she is up to now, but she messaged me night before last asking if I'm in out. Of which I was, but didn't go to see her respond with a "Yes, at top end but moving on soon though, might pop in [name of place she told me she was at] to say hello on my way back" (it was late and I had work followed by a heavy PT session at the gym the day after). Shes now gone into this stupid texting game:
In the morining I receive "Hello my dear Duracell. Good night? where did you go? I only spend a fiver last night, ha ha x x"
"Of corse it was good. How'd you manage that?"
"Aww, you always take ages replying. I managed it cos I'm ace What you been up to anyway? Missing me? x x" (missing me, WTF?)
"Are you now So what makes you so ace? Just been up to the usual." (she knows I work overtime and train Thurs nights)
"Haa, you know what I'm like You missed me?"

I'm sure she got free drinks out of unfortunate men she proberbly approached that night. To be honest I feel like I can't be bothered to respond. I find her immature with a massive ego.



As for the other girl I added her as I had no other method of contact. The night we met the group had split and gone different places. I called last night but the phone was switched off. I was training late at the gym that night and got a "whos this?" message. I responded by text as it was late saying I'll call tommorow. Shes now doing this texting thing sending all these "Hows you", "Hows your day going?" things then saying "Are you just as bad at texting as you are messaging on Facebook?, lol".

Do women do anything other than send pointless texts and complain?

 

[Kailex]

Do women do anything other than send pointless texts and complain?

Not really.
That's their modus operandi.

Unless the texts are about setting up dates or intercourse, pretty much ignore them.

 

[Duracell_Bunny]

Ah well.

Its all good news. I got a lay last night, WOHOO! A random chick from a club (not a HB but the body was in good shape). I spotted her glancing over and I called her over. We started dancing together then we pull to the side with a bit of random chat locked into each other and it was all easy from there. I was not drinking as well. Her freinds approached her and said there leaving but she decided to stay with me. She asked for a lift home as her place was on my route back anyway. Turned up at her house and she invited me in

As for the Facebook chick I'm meeting her in a couple of hours. Her phone was off again the other night. Its hot sunny weather at the moment (which is very rare here) so I called her up and shes sounds very enthusatic saying yes to everything. This time its a daytime date, rather than the "lets go a drink" in the evening sort of thing.

The attention ***** also invited me out again last night. But I had to reject as I was in another town with friends. I guess I'll be seeing that one anytime soon.