Finding a Woman for Children and Marriage

[Betterz]

Hi DJ's

I've been "game aware" since 2012, and I've had many successes (and lost good women) during the time I dropped the red pill. Before 2011 i was your typical white knight beta pedastalizing mangina. I think ive formed a sort of emotional cold wall to women, in terms of letting them "in" to my heart/life... i have enjoyed being a "playa" these last 3 years and I've pumped and dumped my way through plenty of women, and two failed relationships with good girls, that i couldnt commit to because my leery player eye was always hungry for the thrill of the "chase".

I dont have any kids and have never been married. I'm now 34 years old and I'm starting to get grey hairs and I'm going to be 35 in October. My online company is starting to do quite well and I rent my own pad in a big city so I'm secure enough to head for commitment and "look after a family".

My questions are:

1) What 5 (or more?) qualities should I look for in a woman for the future?
2) Can/ should I wait longer to start looking to settle down? Like 38-40? I am aware of the wall for women, and I know men peak at 38 so just wondering if settling now would be the right time?
3) I'm tired of online dating and tinder etc. I need a better way to meet abetter quality girl. suggestions?

I dont have anyone I want/ could marry on the cards this moment. I just left someone a few weeks ago. Gotten back on the scene and already had 2 x lays from HOT (8's) girls 27 and 25 years old so attracting women isn't an issue.

I'm concerned about a few things;

- Am i so conditioned by the manosphere that I'll never be able to love a woman?
- I'm being left behind, my brothers who are both younger than me already have 2 year old kids and are married
-if I wait too long will falling in love and committing be more difficult
- am I wasting my time pursuing girls to lay just for sex on Tinder etc. I feel **** when I'm home alone and everyone else has partners etc however i DO enjoy batchelor life at the moment!


Anyway, I guess i'm just at that "cross-roads" now Im sure other men in the same place as me now are feeling. Perhaps advice from the older guys will help me get some perspective.

Thanks
Bz

 

[evan12]

You seem attractive guy , that is why you keep getting good looking women in this age.
If you are looking for childless never married woman , you d better marry early , because the much you get older the "good women" will be less to find.
the much I get older , the older women I can get and the more women with problems I can see , put aside their attractiveness level which for sure will be less in general .

 

[Betterz]

looking for childless never married woman

Yes I am looking for that. Hmmmm feels like time is running out the way you said some things. Scary feeling. Have I wasted my life? :S

 

[zekko]

Have I wasted my life? :S

Only if you consider your life wasted based on whether or not you marry or have kids. Marriage is a very risky proposition in the west these days, and if you have children, you're handing even more power over to someone else.

If you want to know how to find a woman who will never screw you over and divorce you, there are no such guarantees. I don't care how hard you screen. If you do decide to get married, do whatever you can to protect your assets. Even if that means stuffing some money into a tree in the middle of the night, lol. There's no way to fully protect yourself, unfortunately.

 

[Lexington]

There are plenty of "Manospherians" that are in LTRs. Rollo Tomassi is happily married with a teenage daughter. There are even Christian Red Pillers. It is possible to have a good LTR even in this day and age.

Tinder, POF, OKC and pretty much all online dating sites are only good for hookups. They are not where you want to be looking for an LTR. You can easily land hotter and better quality women in the real world.

Regarding getting married, having children etc. don't go looking for someone to marry. That will only make you desperate. Continue to spin plates but I would recommend being more selective. Instead of banging random Tinder girls or club slvts, look for women in other areas (coffee shops, volunteer organizations, graduate school, the gym etc.)

Keep going through women until you find one that meets all the criteria you are looking for. These aren't absolute rules but here are my guidelines for finding a quality LTR:

1. Make sure you have an understanding of women before entering into an LTR. Most guys dive head first into the first LTR they can get into. They don't have a good understanding of the nature of women and sexual relationships. This is why a lot of people in these circles advised holding off on LTR until at least your late 20s. Most women naturally have better emotional intelligence than men and if you don't know what you're doing, you can be in a world of trouble. Spinning plates will gain you a lot of invaluable information.

2. Make sure she is not an Alpha Widow. A woman can only love a few times before her heart becomes calloused and she cannot effectively pair bond. A woman who rode the **** carousel hard (most American women these days unfortunately), is not LTR material. Women were never meant to have lots of sexual romantic partners. Remember, reliable and widely available birth control is a very new invention.

3. Ideally, she should come from a good family background. A woman who comes from a broken home, a dysfunctional family or an abusive childhood is often damaged goods. She doesn't know what a healthy relationship looks like. It is very unfortunate that many people these days come from bad family backgrounds, but it's not your burden to rescue these women.

4. Do NOT pursue relationships with single mothers. This should go without saying, but it is quite astonishing how many young men pursue serious relationships with single mothers. Things get a little bit different if you're older and the children have left the household. But in most cases, a single mother is awful LTR material.

5. She should be feminine. Most of us here are heterosexual men. We therefore have a masculine core. Like the negative is attracted to the positive, the masculine is attracted to the feminine. You will not be happy with a manly woman, no matter how attractive she may be. The exception to this rule is if you are a man with a feminine core (and they do exist).

6. Commit when your sexual market value (SMV) is high.Many of us come here when our SMV is low. It usually takes time to build it up. It took several years for me to build muscle, get fit, improve my dress sense, learn about social dynamics/Game etc. It takes most of us time to reach a point in life when we are well-off financially. This is another reason why it's often better to hold off on LTRs until later in life when you have actualized your potential. Obviously if you are a 23 year old dot-com billionaire, a pro athlete and/or famous pop star, this dynamic is different.

 

[Colossus]

10 things to look for in a wife

 

[YawataNoKami]

I want a Pegasus.

Do not do it.Marriage has become a sick, twisted joke. There is absolutely no upside to marriage for a man in today's world. All he does by getting married is set himself up to be abandoned, divorced, bankrupted, and made to pay for the privilege of visitation with the children the state has stolen from him. When your spouse can walk out of your marriage for no reason whatsoever at any time, taking your children with her, then what's the point of bothering with it?

70% of divorces are initiated by women, 60% of women cheat, 90% of cheat women feel no remorse because they felt entitled to it... Need I continue? Statistically, they (worthless women) are very much the majority, the vast majority in fact.

Seriously take sometimes off from work and attend the courthouse and pick court rooms randomly. It is worse than any third world country that you can think of! I really think they should make is obligatory for men who are getting married to attend x hours of family court.


Ok. Let me paint this picture for you. Your a dad. Your checks are being garnished. Before child support you make $1200 per pay check, but after taxed, court ordered medical coverage, and child support you are left with only $400. You can barely afford to rent a room from a stranger. So you are giving the mom around $600 a month for child support, and paying $200 a month for insurance. The mom chooses to work only part time so she can be there for the kids when they get out of school. The mom only makes 1000 a month, but with your $600 shes up to $1600. She doesn't have to pay for medical to take the kids to the doctor because she has your insurance, as well as medical through the state to cover the co payments that she has to pay from your insurance. The mom then gets low income housing and is only paying $200 in rent because she makes so little, and then to top it off she is given 500 a month for food stamps because her income is so low. How would you feel???? This scenario happens a lot in all US , probably the same in England.Spend a week or two in family court, and you’ll see exactly what is real and tangible and lasting about women.


Sorry man, there are no such thing as "a good girl" and marriage material" And never forget brother - 100% of divorces are a direct result of marriage!

 

[zekko]

I want a Pegasus.

Do not do it.Marriage has become a sick, twisted joke. There is absolutely no upside to marriage for a man in today's world. All he does by getting married is set himself up to be abandoned, divorced, bankrupted, and made to pay for the privilege of visitation with the children the state has stolen from him. When your spouse can walk out of your marriage for no reason whatsoever at any time, taking your children with her, then what's the point of bothering with it?

I have to agree with YawataNoKami here. Looking for a wife and kids is a fool's errand in this day and age. You're turning your livelihood over to another person that you have no control over. You're giving up autonomy over yourself and giving it up to the whim of a woman, who is backed up by the government.

Some guys have done it successfully, but I really believe that even if you screen carefully, luck is just as big a factor in success as anything. That's a big roll of the dice, unless you really, really want kids and don't mind having your wages garnished.

 

[MOTU]

Being a father has been the best thing in my life, so I think it is worth some risk, despite having two failed marriages myself (but only kids from the first one). Some random thoughts:
- after you figure out what kind of girl you want, think about what kind of guy a girl like that will want, and work on becoming that guy.
- as others have pointed out, there is no guarantee that your girl will stay faithful. But you drastically improve your odds by keeping your SMV up: stay in shape, etc.
- social circle is the best way to screen. Work on broadening you circle so you can begin to observe women without dating them. It will really help you figure out who is real and who is fake. Ideally, you would get to interact with your potential for months before you started dating her.

Hope that helps a little.

 

[Colossus]

The manosphere is full of marriage-haters but there are also plenty of red pill men who are happily married or in LTRs.

Here are some key points to remember:

-First gather some red pill awareness. IMO it's sometimes over-hyped, but it basically just amounts to being cognizant of the fact we do NOT live in a pro-male society and that women are very much opportunistic lovers. Most western women are also disloyal when they are unhappy, and manipulative and controlling in a relationship. Just be aware of this. Don't make it a categorical denial of all western women.

-You need experience. With many different types of women.

-Don't look to get married just for the sake of getting married.

-Plan to draft a prenup with anyone you marry.

-Realize that ANY girl could potentially cheat on you for ANY reason, but they almost all cheat for the same reasons. Marriage makes them no more or less likely to cheat, it is just harder to get out of.


An LTR or marriage can be a beautiful thing in the big picture of life if you've found the right girl and don't regress into betahood. Don't be too discouraged by all the vitriol you read on SoSuave or men's blogs. There is a lot of wisdom to be gleaned, but you also get a skewed perspective from reading only negative accounts. The manosphere has a strong selection bias for negative experiences, and they tend to write off anything ostensibly positive as a fluke or a fairy tale about to implode. Not so, they just need to support their worldview.

Speaking as a guy who has dated countless women and laid close to 40, I can say without reservation that I am 100% happier in my current LTR than I ever was while dating, spinning plates, or in other relationships. Most guys would agree that I found the proverbial "unicorn", but dont think for a second I believe she is incapable of hypergamy or acquiring bad traits if i just sit back on my laurels. I still have to keep sharp, maintain my SMV, and be an active leader----and those requirements will never change.

 

[YawataNoKami]

The manosphere is full of marriage-haters but there are also plenty of red pill men who are happily married or in LTRs.

Here are some key points to remember:

-First gather some red pill awareness. IMO it's sometimes over-hyped, but it basically just amounts to being cognizant of the fact we do NOT live in a pro-male society and that women are very much opportunistic lovers. Most western women are also disloyal when they are unhappy, and manipulative and controlling in a relationship. Just be aware of this. Don't make it a categorical denial of all western women.

-You need experience. With many different types of women.

-Don't look to get married just for the sake of getting married.

-Plan to draft a prenup with anyone you marry.

-Realize that ANY girl could potentially cheat on you for ANY reason, but they almost all cheat for the same reasons. Marriage makes them no more or less likely to cheat, it is just harder to get out of.


An LTR or marriage can be a beautiful thing in the big picture of life if you've found the right girl and don't regress into betahood. Don't be too discouraged by all the vitriol you read on SoSuave or men's blogs. There is a lot of wisdom to be gleaned, but you also get a skewed perspective from reading only negative accounts. The manosphere has a strong selection bias for negative experiences, and they tend to write off anything ostensibly positive as a fluke or a fairy tale about to implode. Not so, they just need to support their worldview.

Speaking as a guy who has dated countless women and laid close to 40, I can say without reservation that I am 100% happier in my current LTR than I ever was while dating, spinning plates, or in other relationships. Most guys would agree that I found the proverbial "unicorn", but dont think for a second I believe she is incapable of hypergamy or acquiring bad traits if i just sit back on my laurels. I still have to keep sharp, maintain my SMV, and be an active leader----and those requirements will never change.

Is not hate , is reality.Never been married , never will. Three years working for the family court system .........so; no thanks.