Find your confidence

[jdon23]

Confidence. You hear this word everywhere. Its needed to "attract" women, and helps in everyday life. But how do you acquire this important trait?

Confidence is defined as:

"belief in oneself and one's powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance:"​

You can only BECOME confident by believing in yourself. You cannot "fake" confidence, as this can be easily seen through.

How do you believe in yourself? Well a good start would be to start listing your strengths and weaknesses. What are you good at? What are you exceptional at? What do you need to work on? Make your weaknesses become your strengths and you will find yourself becoming more and more confident. Believe that you are a PRIZE to be won.

Now I love to dance. I've learned how to break=dance when I was 11, and was always asked to show my moves in front of crowds of people. I was FORCED to 'believe' in my abilities and this made me a more confident person. Now @ 19, when I dance @ clubs, I have much more fun than other guys because I can relax and just have fun with myself. Woman can see confidence through my dancing and it facilitates the attraction process.

Find what you're passionate about, and always try to excel in all aspects in your life. Success with women will follow after you learn to love and believe in yourself.

 

[jdon23]

Any thoughts?

 

[orly]

My confidence comes from success, or at least improvement.

Thus I am confident in a lot of things. My work, my hobbies, etc. etc.

I have yet to see success, or improvement, in my interactions with women, only failures. Thus what little confidence I have in that arena continues to take a beating without any healing.

 

[the d-rock]

Confidence not only comes from believing in yourself, but confidence comes from doing as well. If you have never done something before you will be nervous about it, but the more you do it the more it becomes normal and a routine.

 

[Randallpink83]

Orly there is two types of confidence - just to simplify

1. Ego

2. Self-Esteem


Ego is all confidence that is Externally validated. Like your success, improvements, peoples opinions of you. Your ego is inflated by all external forces - This can be bad, because if you are negatively viewed by outside influences then it hurts your ego... Like you haven't had the success with girls that you have wanted yet so its hurting your ego.
In a way - Your identity would be your ego.


Self-Esteem is your own internal viewpoint of yourself. If you believe in yourself on the inside then that is a Healthy confidence!! A person with a good self-esteem is always confident and sure of themselves because they are constantly drawing those confident feel good vibes from within. It doesn't need External Validation. And in that sense it doesn't have to falter ever. That core confidence can remain no matter what the External Validation is - or no matter what your "Identity" is expressing.

A good self-esteem would simply just view himself with a natural standpoint - "I'm a human - I'm a man" - That is knowing who you are and accepting it and believing in it.

But when you have Ego that is latched onto and part of your identity then the dialogue would sound like "I am John Doe. I work this so and so job. I do great at my hobby. I suck at picking up girls blah blah blah" - Your identity is not WHO YOU ARE! Your identity is simple WHAT YOU DO!

WHO YOU ARE is a man - a human - - - Self-Esteem

WHAT YOU DO is your identity - - - Ego


You should never associate with WHAT YOU DO with who you are. What you do isn't who you truly are... Simply you are human and that is good enough - You aren't better nor worse than anyone else - We are all just human.

Even when you are doing REALLY GOOD with girls - That is still not who you are - You can't let that Ego inflate you - A guy with huge success is still simply a human.

 

[orly]

That is a profound answer, I'm not sure I can digest it all in one sitting.

How does one switch to that kind of mentality though?

For what it's worth, I like myself. I don't really have a problem with who I am. I acknowledge I'm not perfect, but who is? And I'm doing whatever I can to improve myself.

In fact it really puzzles me why girls seem to dismiss me as anything more than friend material. Again I'm not perfect, but they could (and do) do a lot, lot worse.

 

[Randallpink83]

That is a profound answer, I'm not sure I can digest it all in one sitting.

How does one switch to that kind of mentality though?

For what it's worth, I like myself. I don't really have a problem with who I am. I acknowledge I'm not perfect, but who is? And I'm doing whatever I can to improve myself.

In fact it really puzzles me why girls seem to dismiss me as anything more than friend material. Again I'm not perfect, but they could (and do) do a lot, lot worse.

yeah I can understand how that is difficult, especially considering that you are drawing all your confidence externally - - -
But once again that is bad as you can see, cause now you are in a vicious circle with picking up girls. You need the confidence to pick them up, but you don't have the confidence yet because you haven't picked up yet.

You need to ACCEPT that the only thing that matters is feeling good with yourself on the inside. This is just something you have to internalize and believe in. You CANNOT let success or failure with women validate you.

Your reality should be "I'm good enough - I'm happy no matter what - I enjoy life and have fun - I want a girl but I don't need a girl" - - - If that truly was your reality, then you will have success with women.

I wrote up an article in the tips sections its about "Approach Anxiety" and Confidence - I think there is some monster game plans there to help you out to build up that confidence. Check it out, I fully believe in the advice I posted up there - It will work.

 

[L.A. Tripp]

orly, as far as the girls LJBFing you, it could be that you are simply not building their attraction to you, which very likely is a lack of kino or something simple like that.

However, on your confidence, your inner game, it's just like what's been said. It comes from within YOU, not from what ANYONE else thinks. You MUST be comfortable with who YOU are. Completely comfortable with who you are. If you're not, that comes out and is exposed to everyone around you. Most people don't notice who is comfy with themselves and who isn't unless it's an extreme case, because most people aren't comfy enough with themselves to notice others. But that is where it all starts.