Hey guys, I used to be active like a long time ago. This was before I understood game//levels, etc. In the last year or two of my life, (im in college btw) I started selling... certain substances and quickly made a lot of money. With that came the privileged status in social circles, my game jumped from the bottom to the top of everyone I knew and know now, and I became the most popular guy.
I wasn't a loser before but I was far from alpha. Definite beta. After all these changes I am certain of my alpha status, no one dares disrespect me, I get invited to all events, my crew rolls with me and listens to my er... well... orders.
Before this started I met a girl who I had until 2 weeks ago been going out with for two years. I settled on her because I had a hard time finding a girlfriend. She really fell hard in love with me, planned on marriage etc.. Frankly, I was annoyed with her, we didn't click and she didn't understand me, but hell, fake it till you make it. I convinced myself I was in love.
Then I "re-met" this one girl I used to crush on in high school, but she was far out of my league. 10/10. Wifey, ride or die material. Complete man eater, she has left all the boys in her wake crying and obsessed over her, well, perfection. Somehow we're best friends one day, then all of a sudden we're cuddling on a couch and we're not sure how this happened and what this all means. She has a boyfriend and I have a girlfriend also.
Two days later I break up with my girlfriend of 2+ years. I'm tired of lying to myself. I finally feel something for a person. But I'm scared, so scared of her. She can ruin me, hurt me just like she did the other men in her life. She's cunning, smart, beautiful. I'm the same minus the beautiful part, hehe, but thats where the money comes in, right? Well I'm not bad looking girls are often attracted to me and I have good swag now.
I am so scared of her, and of her breaking my heart, I can't trust. I can't love. I can't open up, I lie and even though I like her so much something in me is just not letting go, not opening up. I go to my other friend for help trying to understand what the heck happened and why am I feeling like this, and bam. That happens. I like her a lot too, we click, she's pretty, nice girl, I think I can trust her. But she's not the other girl.
The one I really like can read me like a book. She can see right through me. I manipulate and lie my way through so much in life, gain so much social standing etc.. but I can't hide it from her. She asks me about the other girl, and do I like her. I try to cough out a lie. It's completely useless. She says, don't lie. I can't, and I tell her the truth. Not the whole truth, but that I do like the other girl and there was some messiness involved. She says she has too much in her life for players. She has never been played by a man, only has played them before.
Basically she says It's over. She truly believed that I was different and I could be trusted because I was her friend for so long. Now she says she can't possibly even look at me in a "more than friends" kind of way, I played the game. I was so afraid of getting hurt that I simply could not give myself to her, yet I like her so much that I can't lie to her.
I'm totally messed up now, completely obsessing. Clearly I just learned I have serious trust issues. I left my girl of 2+ years for her, and then instantly destroyed that. She says she can't trust me now, because I did that. I'm crushed. I know DJbible says "on to the next one" but that's because we don't feel for them. We just use them, we use our skills to attract and when they are no longer useful or no longer attractive we move on. If we get shut out we don't tolerate that and move on.
This one isn't worth moving on. I still have the other one but once again, settling. Meh. I messed up bad didn't I. Anyone else have trust issues like that? Is that why we feel the need to be with so many women? Or for me personally it's not many women I just need a female companion with me always. Ugh.
I wasn't a loser before but I was far from alpha. Definite beta. After all these changes I am certain of my alpha status, no one dares disrespect me, I get invited to all events, my crew rolls with me and listens to my er... well... orders.
Before this started I met a girl who I had until 2 weeks ago been going out with for two years. I settled on her because I had a hard time finding a girlfriend. She really fell hard in love with me, planned on marriage etc.. Frankly, I was annoyed with her, we didn't click and she didn't understand me, but hell, fake it till you make it. I convinced myself I was in love.
Then I "re-met" this one girl I used to crush on in high school, but she was far out of my league. 10/10. Wifey, ride or die material. Complete man eater, she has left all the boys in her wake crying and obsessed over her, well, perfection. Somehow we're best friends one day, then all of a sudden we're cuddling on a couch and we're not sure how this happened and what this all means. She has a boyfriend and I have a girlfriend also.
Two days later I break up with my girlfriend of 2+ years. I'm tired of lying to myself. I finally feel something for a person. But I'm scared, so scared of her. She can ruin me, hurt me just like she did the other men in her life. She's cunning, smart, beautiful. I'm the same minus the beautiful part, hehe, but thats where the money comes in, right? Well I'm not bad looking girls are often attracted to me and I have good swag now.
I am so scared of her, and of her breaking my heart, I can't trust. I can't love. I can't open up, I lie and even though I like her so much something in me is just not letting go, not opening up. I go to my other friend for help trying to understand what the heck happened and why am I feeling like this, and bam. That happens. I like her a lot too, we click, she's pretty, nice girl, I think I can trust her. But she's not the other girl.
The one I really like can read me like a book. She can see right through me. I manipulate and lie my way through so much in life, gain so much social standing etc.. but I can't hide it from her. She asks me about the other girl, and do I like her. I try to cough out a lie. It's completely useless. She says, don't lie. I can't, and I tell her the truth. Not the whole truth, but that I do like the other girl and there was some messiness involved. She says she has too much in her life for players. She has never been played by a man, only has played them before.
Basically she says It's over. She truly believed that I was different and I could be trusted because I was her friend for so long. Now she says she can't possibly even look at me in a "more than friends" kind of way, I played the game. I was so afraid of getting hurt that I simply could not give myself to her, yet I like her so much that I can't lie to her.
I'm totally messed up now, completely obsessing. Clearly I just learned I have serious trust issues. I left my girl of 2+ years for her, and then instantly destroyed that. She says she can't trust me now, because I did that. I'm crushed. I know DJbible says "on to the next one" but that's because we don't feel for them. We just use them, we use our skills to attract and when they are no longer useful or no longer attractive we move on. If we get shut out we don't tolerate that and move on.
This one isn't worth moving on. I still have the other one but once again, settling. Meh. I messed up bad didn't I. Anyone else have trust issues like that? Is that why we feel the need to be with so many women? Or for me personally it's not many women I just need a female companion with me always. Ugh.