Finally Discovered Why I don't get Second Dates

[Georgepithyou]

First i did a lot of self reflection and reading of threads on this forum to finally learn what I've been doing wrong all this time.

On dates, often i would act like a cornball, really goofy and try hard. This turns most women off and gets them dryer then the Sahara desert.

I also learnt not to give advice when women tell their problems, they really just want to vent/ get some reassurance. They are not interested in taking advice

I learnt that i shouldn't ask about boring topics like work, we are on a date. Talking about work won't get a womans pantys wet.

I also need to stop asking about their ex boyfriends, i don't know why i did this but now i know to stop.

Have you guys found out your flaws and fixed them?

 

[Georgepithyou]

There's a lull in the convo, and we think we need to fill it up with something, so we ask about her job, her ex, what she does for fun, etc.

Exactly, we also need to learn that silence is not all that bad. It's only awkward if you make it so. Talking for the sake of it is even worse.

 

[Robert28]

Even if you stop talking about exes, a lot of women will bring theirs up. They love playing the victim and this is their way of getting you to feel sorry for them and let your guard down. Just remember, no matter how hot she is, someone, somewhere is tired of her sh!t.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

The thing is though, you have a lot of confidence George and you made a lot of silly threads about silly things, you received good advice but went against it all the same, there are guys who can almost chameleon into different people or situations but you are not a chameleon, it's just what it is. Yeah, your a bit strange, bit weird, but that is more refreshing than anything else I imagine.

Just keep doing you, but just do it better.

 

[Black Widow Void]

I have actually learned so much from my past mistakes that I now know how to intentionally turn women off. What I mean is... if I'm not into a girl and I don't want to be the "bad" guy, I just do things that I know will turn them off and they become disinterested.

Sometimes, I wonder if I come across as some "know it all" on this forum. It's far from the truth. I simply think a lot and own my mistakes. And because I want better results with each new woman, I am constantly recalibrating.

Below aren't just dating mistakes. These are mistakes that I've personally committed.

Mistakes;
Leaning in when conversing at a table (leaning back and them not having your full attention is better)
Talking about myself (they'd usually rather talk about themselves and it makes it easier for us and we also appear more mysterious).
Becoming too focused on when to make the move (it's stilted and they'd rather you appear natural - even if they aren't initially receptive)
Getting philosophical (most women aren't impressed and it's usually a turn off).
Speaking negatively about someone or something (this does nothing to giv them an emotional rush).
Talking just to fill up silence (silence can build tension and if you talk too much - just to fill space, we appear uninteresting).
Engaging in friendly vibe conversation ("oh really? Me too!") she needs to feel somewhat anxious and uncertain.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

I just straight up asked them what they were looking for and if I got a romantic/Disney based answer I screened them out

 

[Chamber36]

I had a feminist chick over which taught me that a lot of women have no clue what the world is like for men and that there is no point debating them as it leads them to believe you view them as equals. Once that happens they will fight for dominance and you are screwed. Just say "women need men to survive. Men need women to procreate".

I had a date with a turkish girl from which I learned that I need to turn on the inner seduction artist. Instead of going through the motions and talking, try to project some value, show some understanding, make some jokes and things like that. Most importantly, dont be afraid to seduce.

I had an italian girl over from which I learned not to stick your **** in anything, because she had a rash.

 

[derby1]

I made quite a few mistakes over the years, even when In theory I was well trained, I would go into some kind of auto pilot and still make the mistakes.

1) using the word "Like" towards her ,this word is now totally removed from my vocabulary, anytime you use it on a woman , she will go completely cold. even if you said it in a playful way, and dont like her that much, she will presume you meant it and are totally in love with her.

2)LTR talk, yep I thought it was fun and women wanted to go to the beach 5 dates in, so I would mention it on the 3rd date. NOPE THEY WANT TO CHASE VALIDATION. women couldnt give a **** about the beach

3) My biggest issue is I used to give off some kind of vibe on the date, that I knew female nature. I knew all their sneaky tricks & I was red pill to the hill. As soon as they sensed I was red pill, they would slow fade

 

[Mike32ct]

Back to the OP's point about trying to hard to be funny, I will say this...

It's actually fine to be dry/serious around women. It can come across as chill, sincere, and not tryhard. These are all good things.

In real life, I generally only joke with guys (and even then only certain ones). I long gave up humor with women.

 

[Georgepithyou]

It's actually fine to be dry/serious around women. It can come across as chill, sincere, and not tryhard. These are all good things.

Very true, i used to joke around because i would think women would get "bored" of i didn't. In reality they saw me as a "dancing monkey"

using the word "Like" towards her ,this word is now totally removed from my vocabulary, anytime you use it on a woman , she will go completely cold. even if you said it in a playful way, and dont like her that much, she will presume you meant it and are totally in love with her.

In what context? You "like her" or you "like what she did"?

Speaking negatively about someone or something (this does nothing to giv them an emotional rush).

I forgot to add this one in, but i often did that. Women don't want gossip during dates, that's reserved for friends.

 

[Mike32ct]

Very true, i used to joke around because i would think women would get "bored" of i didn't. In reality they saw me as a "dancing monkey"

I used to use some very funny routines back in the PUA days, but then I'd see plenty of dead serious guys pull instead.

Even on a date, you can still have an interesting in-depth conversation that isn't necessary funny.

 

[SW15]

First i did a lot of self reflection and reading of threads on this forum to finally learn what I've been doing wrong all this time.

Good for you for self-reflecting.

On dates, often i would act like a cornball, really goofy and try hard. This turns most women off and gets them dryer then the Sahara desert.

Makes sense.

I also learnt not to give advice when women tell their problems, they really just want to vent/ get some reassurance. They are not interested in taking advice

Yes! As men, we are natural problem solvers. Women don't want us to solve their problems, especially some random unknown guy. They want their opinions to be considered valid at this stage. Even when the relationship is exclusive and longer term, they still don't want their problems solved.

I learnt that i shouldn't ask about boring topics like work, we are on a date. Talking about work won't get a womans pantys wet.

Most people don't like their jobs. I haven't liked most of mine. I don't want to talk about mine. Women don't want to talk about theirs.

I also need to stop asking about their ex boyfriends, i don't know why i did this but now i know to stop.

Good idea. Nothing good ever came from this line of conversation. As a man, it's best not to talk about ex girlfriends either. Exes never happened so long as the woman is childless.

 

[derby1]

In what context? You "like her" or you "like what she did"?

so eg: in the UK we had a famous line from a programme back in the 2000s...."you knowzzzz I like ya"

I used to say similar things 2 dates in, whilst giving her a flirty push on the shoulder & a ****y smile. it totally devalued me their and then. although she looked happy by it...the pull back would commence.

I will also say this, we give women way to much leeway on their social awareness, and skills. yet they do not us. although I have corrected them, Ive also allowed them back in my life. They would ghost us instantly if we talked about what they do to us

 

[characternote]

There's a lull in the convo, and we think we need to fill it up with something, so we ask about her job, her ex, what she does for fun, etc.

I always read PUA coaches advising to ask girls 'What do you do for fun'' lol

 

[sph21]

What I learned these past few months:

Asking for a date through text messages...
Her reply: I'm busy
Doesn't always mean that she's not interested.

Asking for a date through text messages...
Her reply: (leaving it on read and not replying back)
Doesn't always mean that she is not interested in dating with you. Maybe she needs more time to sort out her problems. Give her some time.

Most girls don't care about technical stuffs. They only care about what you can make them feel when you fix her technical problems. She will use them just to get closer to you.

If a girl still has feelings in you, she will still remember your birthday even after years go by.

Girls will give you surprises. Do not act like they can't surprise you anymore.

Gauge her interest in you by how much she reveals her secrets to you without you even asking about it in the first place.

If she's so into you, she won't be looking at your Instagram stories or WhatsApp statuses because she's afraid that you'll find out about her feelings in you. This blew my mind when I knew it from a man and some women's confessions.

As always, pardon my grammar. English is not my first language.

 

[corrector]

First i did a lot of self reflection and reading of threads on this forum to finally learn what I've been doing wrong all this time.

On dates, often i would act like a cornball, really goofy and try hard. This turns most women off and gets them dryer then the Sahara desert.

I also learnt not to give advice when women tell their problems, they really just want to vent/ get some reassurance. They are not interested in taking advice

I learnt that i shouldn't ask about boring topics like work, we are on a date. Talking about work won't get a womans pantys wet.

I also need to stop asking about their ex boyfriends, i don't know why i did this but now i know to stop.

Have you guys found out your flaws and fixed them?

These sounds like old nuggets that would have been found in the DJ Bible or other old literature. They always tell you not to be a woman's therapist or emotional tampon or you could be friend-zoned. They always say don't talk about boring topics since you have to keep things light and fun and romantic framed. Exes are always a no no because again you are becoming a therapist.

The question is did you read the DJ Bible and the other content or read various threads on here before you learned this basic stuff the hard way through trial and error? I think that maybe people read that stuff, but think the woman may be exceptional, or she's not like all these other women and you can let your guard down and default your blue-pill self and then you get that red-pill shock and see these old time-tested truths are correct all the time.

But, what I think is that it's difficult to un-train a blue-pill habit or reality because of movies, the media, and how we understand the world. I get that. Sometimes trial and error might be the only way to see that red-pill ideals actually work because you can't beat a lifetime of blue-pill programming with some literature or threads here and there. I think you have to deal with that inner-beta or wuss because it can be difficult to control the frame and really take control with these dates, especially if you a very low volume of women. When you are hungry for a woman's attention because you don't have allot of options it can be difficult to control the frame.

 

[Realthangpoon]

I always read PUA coaches advising to ask girls 'What do you do for fun'' lol

Jesus **** that’s such a weird thing to ask imo. Sounds like a job interview. I usually just try to go with the flow. Let them talk, be a bit mysterious (not consciously), make a joke, have a convo (and disagree if you disagree). It’s not that hard

 

[jaymbrs]

It really depends on the work thing. I faked so much interest in this woman's job as a speech therapist, she took as me being able to understand her on a level not many can. Her work is her passion and I caught on to that quickly. You just have to find out what theyre passionate about and use that as your way to emotionally connect with them. Women love that.

 

[corrector]

It really depends on the work thing. I faked so much interest in this woman's job as a speech therapist, she took as me being able to understand her on a level not many can. Her work is her passion and I caught on to that quickly. You just have to find out what theyre passionate about and use that as your way to emotionally connect with them. Women love that.

What was the leading question to that? Did you ask her what she was passionate about and she started talking about her work OR did you ask about her work and she lighted up about that? What about if you are not properly employed and she asks you about your work? Also if its a one-off then it really shouldn't change the OP's conclusion unless it works most of the time.

 

[SW15]

It really depends on the work thing. I faked so much interest in this woman's job as a speech therapist, she took as me being able to understand her on a level not many can. Her work is her passion and I caught on to that quickly. You just have to find out what theyre passionate about and use that as your way to emotionally connect with them. Women love that.

Did you get some vag as a result of that?