"Figuring out feelings"

[Desdinova]

So this is an update about the girl here. What I've noticed about her is that she holds a lot of things back when it comes to how she's feeling about me. She'll downplay her interest, but her actions are screaming "YOU'RE FVCKING ATTRACTIVE AS HELL!"

But over the last couple of days, things have seemed a bit off. I don't really know if I was over-analyzing or what, but that's how I was reading it. So today, I'm just all prepared for whatever she sends my way. Sent her a couple of funny texts and she suddenly sends this:

"Well to be completely honest I'm trying to figure out how I'm feeling about you"

Whenever I get 5hit like this, it usually means that there's some other guy she wants to fvck, and she's feeling guilty about fvcking two guys at once, so she's planning on tossing me away. I don't like wasting my time with women who aren't interested in me, so I send her this:

"Well if by some chance you're done with me, then perhaps we should discontinue things as of now"

I like cutting the bull5hit with this line. If she's done with me, then she'll send some garbage like "you're a great guy, but blah blah blah blah." If by some chance I'm wrong, then it gives her an emotional jolt and I'll get a knee-jerk reaction.

So I get this in response:

"LOL nooooo you goof. Trying to figure out how I feel about you, as in I DO feel for you"

She then lets me know what her time is like with me... "It's a nice comfortable but also highly exciting environment, and I think that's rare"

In other words, she enjoys dating me, but she's also emotionally stimulated which is a good thing. Kinda caught me off guard.

 

[Yewki]

Pretty good response, she was testing your worth. She was probably hoping you'd get emotional or desperate to stroke her ego and make the decision to see some other guy easier.

Did you respond back yet? I think you should wait longer than usual to respond (make her think about you) then act pleased but like it's no big deal.

 

[pdx1138]

ha ha Excellent.

Well played..(as usual)

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

"Well to be completely honest I'm trying to figure out how I'm feeling about you"

You know, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Not ALL girls are advanced manipulative ninjas trying to put one over on guys.

Perhaps she likes you, but is afraid what will happen if she lets you know she likes you?

Maybe she's afraid that if she admits to herself she really likes you, that will make her feel "out of control" or her own emotions? (not a good feeling for anybody, btw)

Maybe she thinks YOU'RE the advanced manipulative ninja?

I know it's common on these boards to assume the WORST about women, but sometimes it's just to treat their statements at face value until THEY give you reason to believe otherwise....

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Des,
She is playing the same game smart DJ's use,to increase interest you pull back!

 

[Desdinova]

Dear Des,
She is playing the same game smart DJ's use,to increase interest you pull back!

You're dead on about that one! She just doesn't play the game consistently. She told me early on that guys apparently take advantage of her because she has very maternal instincts. I'm guessing she identified that one when she went to counseling after her divorce, and now she's going in the complete opposite direction by vocally downplaying her interest, but her actions speak otherwise.

I have a friend who's a mutual friend with the previous guy she dated, and they did a little digging as to why he ditched her. Apparently he found her to be a bit too needy. That doesn't bother me because I find that my relationships are more successful when the woman is a bit on the needy side. As long as she's not crazy obsessive, I can deal with a bit of neediness.

I'm quite sure she actually is "gaming" me because she realizes her interest is extremely high and she doesn't want to blow it. She's behaving much like guys who are new to the whole Don Juan way of life; awkwardly putting techniques into place.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Des,
She will be easy peazy Japanesee....Promise...just relax and be a leaf in her stream she will come...London to a brick!

 

[Desdinova]

I'm not too worried about it. I just surprised myself with reading her incorrectly. I was all ready to start looking for new plates. At this point in my life, I don't have the time to spin more than one plate at a time since I'm being a damn near full-time dad.

 

[switch]

this is fvcking weird since i have had this same experience with my gf....
i think we are all used to the psycho manipulative b!tches that roam our past and it makes us kinda paranoid.

i once didnt contact her for like a week and she sent "yo annoying guy!!!! where are you? why dont you talk to me??"

its just women being women but we are paranoid weirdos lol

 

[zekko]

Maybe she thinks YOU'RE the advanced manipulative ninja?

This is what I was thinking. I recall Desdinova saying he takes a great deal of care to not show a woman more than 2/3 of the interest she shows him (or whatever the percentage was. I don't remember it right now, but it used to be a commonly spouted rule around here).

Point is: Maybe she gets the sense that he is holding back, so she is doing the same.

That doesn't bother me because I find that my relationships are more successful when the woman is a bit on the needy side. As long as she's not crazy obsessive, I can deal with a bit of neediness.

I agree. In this day and age of women and unrestrained hypergamy and entitlement, a little neediness can be refreshing, and a sign of high interest (which you always want). You don't want a girl who shows the "I can take it or leave it" attitude of a DJ. That's too jaded.

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

I had a girl like this. Borderline BPD in my opinion. To my face she would very rarely ever say things like: "I really like you." or "I missed you". She'd want me to come over almost every night but when I'd get there she'd have a blank look on her face and say as plane as day: "come in." We'd walk up to her room, lay down, I'd crack a joke about something she was watching on TV, try to spark up some convo but instead she'd just crawl on top of me and morph into a sex starved super vixen. It wasn't that she was socially awkward or anything like that, when we were around groups she'd laugh and smile, tell a story, totally relaxed. But when it was just her and I she'd hold back. She eventually told me she loved me...and it was out of the blue, unexpected. As soon as she said it she turned away as if she didn't want to see my reaction. I actually thought I heard her wrong and asked: "what did you just say?" lol, I couldn't believe she had said it. Her response, as nonchalantly as possible: "oh, nothing, forget it." Then she changed the subject. She told me a few more times, but it never seemed heart felt or in the typical manner of someone saying it to you.

When we weren't together she'd always want to know what I was thinking about her and I. She would ask question after question. She'd sometimes say how she was feeling over text and IM. When we were together she'd have her moments where she showed emotion towards me, mostly in the bedroom, and also when we doing other things. But even when she did, it seemed she was always holding something back. It eventually got tiring because she would pull me in then push me away. I never really knew where she stood. We'd have an amazing day and night, then the next day she'd be cold. I wanted her to open up more, say what was on her mind. I liked her and I thought it could be me, so I eventually started opening up more to her, hoping it would spur something inside her. I was the one who was trying to get her to talk about her feelings. In the end, all it really did was give her the satisfaction she was looking for, knowing how I felt about her and that I wanted to be with her and only her. As soon as she got that, was when she started pulling away more and more. Then as soon as I pulled away she'd come back. That was the other time she showed emotion, she'd be totally reserved when we were together but if I ended up flaking, leaving (one time I snuck out when I thought she was asleep because she had been giving me crap) she would go off....fire and daggers. She'd let me have it with the :"I never want to see you again!!!!" Then if I ignored her, three days later she'd be texting me. It eventually got to be too much for me so I broke up with her. Then as expected she tried to pull me back in, which she succeeded....then poof, she was gone.

Then, for me....Hello Sosuave

Sorry for the long post, but Desdinova you post struck a chord. I usually try to look at the positive side or to give the benefit of the doubt of most situations, but this was one of the few bad relationships I was in, and your story reminded me of something she'd do. Your girl may be different than the one I was with and you may have a different outcome. For me, whether good or bad, I didn't know how to handle her. I tried but to no avail. If you continue on with this one, if you could, keep us informed. I'd like to know how this one turns out for you and how you end up handling it.