Field Report: OLD First Date.

[MoreThanSmooth]

Met up with this girl I found on OLD 2 days back, we've been talking for like 2 weeks and she seemed pretty cool.

When I met her, have to admit she made an excellent first impression. Dressed really smartly, looked gorgeous and immediately established herself as smart and funny. The weather was absolutely atrocious so I took her to a bar and we talked for a while. After that I gave her the option of a cultured tour of my city or an afternoon at a paintball shooting range. She said she was happy with either so I took the point and decided on the range, because I figured it would be more interactive and competitive, which is usually more fun.

Anyway we walked pretty close through the rain (and hail!) and she was smiling at me the whole time. Lots of laughing, didn't pull away when I did light kino on her arm when appropriate. I also noticed that there was a lot of eye contact over the date, and her pupils were always pretty huge even in pretty bright rooms...usually a sign of attraction in my past.

The range went well. She said "I was really into that" and was grinning a lot. Good stuff, right?

Well, after the date we got a cheap but delicious evening meal and I walked her back to her car. This is where I kinda wonder if I f*cked up a bit tbh. She said she had a great time (and apologised for leaving "so soon" even though we had 4 hours together). I was feeling in the moment for a kiss but we were also stood apart. So I closed the gap and gave her a quick cheek kiss, which she returned rather quickly but not with any particular relish.

After that I gave her the second date question (again a rather stupid moment as she was about to leave) and she said she'd be up for that, and left afterwards.

Well...as with a few of my recent dates, I dropped the casual "had a good time, hope you got back safe" but it's 2 days of silence now. Do I just assume I'm ghosted and NEXT or do I wait it out silently on this one? She has a busy council job so I'm wondering if she's just working.

Kinda surprised since every sign over the date was genuinely great and she asked me a lot of personal questions, which I find is usually indicative of a woman that's actually interested rather than wasting time.

 

[marmel75]

You played this almost all wrong, I'm not sure what you expected

 

[R.U.G.]

OP, have you read any of my postings for dates?

1) 1 - 2 hours max; unless you end up at her place or yours.
2) Never kiss on the 1st date. Makes you standout and then they wonder; which builds up interest.
3) Never plan the 2nd date on the 1st. Again, make them wonder. You are showing your hand.

You can try to text in a week or two, but this will be a tough one.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

See, even after reading a lot of good info on here I seem to actually f*ck it up on the date itself.

More practice needed I guess. Frustrating but no big deal. I will go silent for a few days and if she doesn't reply, tough t*ts. I think I'm being too upfront and available.

 

[MrJack]

OP, have you read any of my postings for dates?

1) 1 - 2 hours max; unless you end up at her place or yours.
2) Never kiss on the 1st date. Makes you standout and then they wonder; which builds up interest.
3) Never plan the 2nd date on the 1st. Again, make them wonder. You are showing your hand.

You can try to text in a week or two, but this will be a tough one.

I read a lot of people here saying that kissing on the first date is crucial and if you don’t then she will either think you’re not that interested or that you have no balls aka nice guy.

What’s your take on that? Why would they be more interested in you if you don’t kiss them?

 

[R.U.G.]

I read a lot of people here saying that kissing on the first date is crucial and if you don’t then she will either think you’re not that interested or that you have no balls aka nice guy.

What’s your take on that? Why would they be more interested in you if you don’t kiss them?

I used to do it, but I've pulled back from that unless there is crazy high interest from her. Keep in mind, the woman knows you are interested in her. She knows you want to have sex with her; especially in my age range. However, you want to stand out from the pack. She's expecting a man, who's an adult to make a move. When you do not make the move she starts questioning herself. That creates some internal drama and can actually build attraction. Now, if she's glazing into your eyes and makes the move for a kiss, then yes, go for it. However, I tend to end it with a hug and then I look into her eyes, then walk away. That leaves her wondering and questioning. I then usually get a text saying she had a good time, and then I concur; if I did. You want to build sexual tension and that happens best when you do the opposite of what she expects. I mean, if you two are swimming in a pool and she comes over to you and straddles you, then yes, kiss her passionately.

Just remember, she knows it's a date and she knows that 99.9% of men will go for a first kiss. I'd prefer to keep them guessing. My boy, AMS, seems to agree as well (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0it1cu-mt_IcvLTQ4CWcHw). I consider him required watching for all men.

 

[marmel75]

I read a lot of people here saying that kissing on the first date is crucial and if you don’t then she will either think you’re not that interested or that you have no balls aka nice guy.

What’s your take on that? Why would they be more interested in you if you don’t kiss them?

I always go for the kiss on the first date...its never worked out well for me when i haven't. Some people can pull that off and some can't. It all depends on her interest level. I'm a great kisser(or so I've been told multiple times) so I think it works to my advantage if they are on the fence.

If you are very good kisser they start wondering what else you might be very good at...catch my drift?

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

I've had it go sh*ttily both ways, tbh.

If I don't go for the kiss I get "there was no spark".
If I do go for the kiss it makes things awkward because usually the only opportunity is right before she leaves.

Probably because I'm failing to set a good enough atmosphere on the actual date, I guess. I seem to give an intellectual, clever vibe but not much else. Girls are interested by what I say to them but not seduced by it.

Oddest thing about this girl was before the date she kept saying stuff like "We should meet to see if I'm right for you" and "if you'll be impressed enough with me". Very much focused on whether she was good enough for me rather than vice versa.

So it seems odd she'd ghost me now if I gave a reasonable impression. Whatever, I guess this is a classic case of words meaning nothing against actions.

 

[R.U.G.]

I've had it go sh*ttily both ways, tbh.

If I don't go for the kiss I get "there was no spark".
If I do go for the kiss it makes things awkward because usually the only opportunity is right before she leaves.

Probably because I'm failing to set a good enough atmosphere on the actual date, I guess. I seem to give an intellectual, clever vibe but not much else. Girls are interested by what I say to them but not seduced by it.

Oddest thing about this girl was before the date she kept saying stuff like "We should meet to see if I'm right for you" and "if you'll be impressed enough with me". Very much focused on whether she was good enough for me rather than vice versa.

So it seems odd she'd ghost me now if I gave a reasonable impression. Whatever, I guess this is a classic case of words meaning nothing against actions.

Here's something I've been doing which seems wickedly cool. Now trust me, this takes a lot of restraint from the man, but it's pretty cool and fvcks with their heads in a good way. Go for the hug, pull back, stare into their eyes, go in close, and then, say have a good night. Just do not smile or smirk.

 

[sazc]

I'm liking everything @R.U.G. is posting, follow what he says.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

Well, I will follow @R.U.G. 's advice next time. Predictably got ghosted this time.

Getting real tired of the ghosting routine, frankly. I know it's tied to my own poor date performance here, but if she's going to be hitting me up for a month straight you'd think she'd at least have the decency to spend 5 mins telling me she's not interested.

I guess I played myself by not following the old rule: actions, not words.

From now I'm going to assume everything a girl says on a date is just bullsh*t, because it's been shown to be such to me time and time again with these ghostings.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

So exactly a week after the date now, she messages me apologising for being so busy, asking what I'm up to.

It's cool she's messaged but I think I'm going to leave the response a few days because I'm not buying the "busy" excuse. It takes what, five minutes to hit me up? The whole thing just feels like she was leaving me hanging a week because she read it on some dating website or something.

Regardless, if we go for another date I'm going to try harder to take advice here on board and not be such a massive p*ssy when it comes to escalating. Kiss at least next date.

 

[JayAce]

So exactly a week after the date now, she messages me apologising for being so busy, asking what I'm up to.

It's cool she's messaged but I think I'm going to leave the response a few days because I'm not buying the "busy" excuse. It takes what, five minutes to hit me up? The whole thing just feels like she was leaving me hanging a week because she read it on some dating website or something.

Regardless, if we go for another date I'm going to try harder to take advice here on board and not be such a massive p*ssy when it comes to escalating. Kiss at least next date.

Meh, it was Saturday night and maybe she was either drinking or her previous plans fell through so she finally sent you a message.

I wouldn’t read too much about her reaching out last night. I think you shouldn’t respond at all. If she reaches out again in the next few days - I would probably reply.

If she had interest she wouldn’t have gone silent for a week - no matter how busy she was.

I’ve had this same **** happen to me in the last year from OLD. Been ghosted at least 3-4 times. I also know it was partly due to my performance but just have to shrug it off. It sucks I know though.

OLD is a cesspool for the most part.
And then you find the “rare” cool chick on there
And ghosting happens
it can be frustrating

 

[R.U.G.]

Here's what you do, the one who cares less is the one who succeeds. I only go for a kiss on the first date if where already touching each other and she wants it. Women give you the telltale signs that they do. When you reply, wait at least an hour before responding, unless you are already in convo with her. Do a cheap date. If you need some ideas and you are in or near a big city, Groupon is a lifesaver. If not, just say, let's catch up. Meet me at so and so bar and we can catch up, maybe play some pool (if you are good). I chose pool, as you can instruct her on how to hold the cue stick (I.E. touch her form, arms, and butt). I just did this the other day, however, I did ask first may I show you? After all, you will be touching her butt and other areas. These days, you can never be too sure. She's been texting me ever since.

Since this is the second date, you should go balls to the wall and go for the kiss. If she turns her head or gives a quick peck, it's dead. Bush it off like nothing and just move on. Now, as my boy AMS says and I agree, she could be a conservative woman and doesn't do anything on the first two dates. Not a problem. IF she calls you (because you will not reach out to her), then say I'm thinking of staying in, cooking a meal and watching a movie. You're welcome to come over if you like. She'll get the hint and just proceed from there.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

Bah, took a week but she gave me the "I thought the date had friendly vibes, let's be friends" thing today. F*ck.

Oh well, as you say...balls to the wall for the next one. While I feel like I make the smart moves by text now, I'm still full of the nice-guy-vibe bullsh*t when it comes to the actual dates, it's pretty frustrating.

I will study the advice here and try to shake it for next time. Frankly, I need to hit the gym too. My current (ridiculously stressful) job ends in 2 weeks, so I'll do some self improvement after that.

 

[Banelord]

Everything these guys tell u is bull****...the truth was she did not build a lot of interest in you. She has other prospects she want to talk to. Game over.

 

[Desdinova]

So exactly a week after the date now, she messages me apologising for being so busy, asking what I'm up to.

It's cool she's messaged but I think I'm going to leave the response a few days because I'm not buying the "busy" excuse. It takes what, five minutes to hit me up?

The beginning of any relationship with a female is volatile. She can be interested in you one day and be interested in someone else the next day.

I've had the best results when I strike while the iron is hot. This whole "waiting to answer" bull5hit will not help you get laid. You need to be the one doing all the initiating in the beginning, or you're going to have another night at home playing with yourself. A woman's true interest doesn't show for the first 1-2 months of dating. Until then, you need to do all the work with initiating and planning dates.

Your first date went well and now you're just waiting for her to fall off the radar, which she will. Respond to her NOW and set up another date.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

The beginning of any relationship with a female is volatile. She can be interested in you one day and be interested in someone else the next day.

I've had the best results when I strike while the iron is hot. This whole "waiting to answer" bull5hit will not help you get laid. You need to be the one doing all the initiating in the beginning, or you're going to have another night at home playing with yourself. A woman's true interest doesn't show for the first 1-2 months of dating. Until then, you need to do all the work with initiating and planning dates.

Your first date went well and now you're just waiting for her to fall off the radar, which she will. Respond to her NOW and set up another date.

Ah thanks bud, but I already got friend-zoned. Third first date in a row now of "no spark"/"let's be friends"/"there was a friend vibe", so clearly whatever I'm doing I just come off like a gay best friend on the actual date.

Women can't seem to wait to meet me when we talk through text, I think it's because I'm fairly smart and it comes across. Similarly, my banter on the date gets lots of laughs. I guess it's just my actual mannerisms aren't attractive? Who knows.

All I know is that if I go for a kiss I get awkwardness, if I don't go for a kiss I get told I wasn't passionate. Frustrating!

 

[marmel75]

Ah thanks bud, but I already got friend-zoned. Third first date in a row now of "no spark"/"let's be friends"/"there was a friend vibe", so clearly whatever I'm doing I just come off like a gay best friend on the actual date.

Women can't seem to wait to meet me when we talk through text, I think it's because I'm fairly smart and it comes across. Similarly, my banter on the date gets lots of laughs. I guess it's just my actual mannerisms aren't attractive? Who knows.

All I know is that if I go for a kiss I get awkwardness, if I don't go for a kiss I get told I wasn't passionate. Frustrating!

Then you need to work on how you transition from talking to kissing.

 

[Desdinova]

thanks bud, but I already got friend-zoned. Third first date in a row now of "no spark"/"let's be friends"/"there was a friend vibe", so clearly whatever I'm doing I just come off like a gay best friend on the actual date

That excuse is just to brush you off. You need to keep the momentum going in the beginning. Once shes highly attracted, then you can wait for her to text you. Quit doing the waiting bull5hit in the beginning and you'll see much better results.

As far as the first kiss goes, you dont need to do it on the first date. Leave it for the second date.