field report: lousy date, your comments/suggestions welcome

[ogre]

yes, ol' ogre here has actually succeeded in getting a date. This bank teller I have been flirting with on-and-off for a few months now. She's 20's, looks like catherine-zeta jones, really sweet. I've been doing everything right, C+F, poking fun, didn't go AFC, so far so good. One big thing going for me is that since I see her regularly in person (at the bank) I am not dependant on phone or email contact. (As some of you know who have read my prior posts, this is the part where I just totally screw up)

So during the week we agreed to meet this Saturday afternoon.

now ol' ogre has this big ol' motorcycle, and the one thing I like to do more than anything else is take a girl for a ride. The bike has a big windshield, and I have lots of warm clothing, so let's just say cold weather is not a problem. I told her we were gonna go for a ride, so wear your thermal undies.

Today was an absolutely perfect riding day. a cool, crisp, beautiful Autumn day. Not cold. Just right. and I had just the plan.

But she didn't wear her thermals. She didn't want to ride. Not even a little bit. not even around the block. Too cold! she said. "let's just go out for coffee"

OK.....

so now what do I do? I didn't have a plan "B", I really didn't want to have a "coffee" date. With my ride, I have a girl's arms around me and my 20 years of riding experience gives me the Alpha Advantage. But without my ride, I am a fish out of water.

So I agreed to meet at the local diner. we made fumbled attempts at conversation but nothing clicked. we paid dutch, I made nothing of it.

I didn't wuss out, except maybe that I insisted several times that we just go for a ride, even a little bit. We could stop by at my shop, only 2 miles away, I have lots of warm stuff for her to wear. But no. Told her I was disappointed, that she let me down, no sense of adventure.

she walked me to my bike, said she was gonna go and get a piercing, showed me her ears, which I took as a kino invite, her (nonverbal) reaction was not bad but not good, like, "yes you can touch my ear but don't let your fingers linger"

So as I hopped on my bike to leave I figgered lemme just ride over to where her beat-up civic is parked, (she had mentioned her car problems) so I'm like OK, start 'er up an' pop the hood, made my recommendations, and then just, ok see ya later. no goodbyes, no thank you's, no plans for another date. just rode off.

And the moral of this story is.....if her IL was high she woulda done anything to have chance to wrap her arms around me. I guess it wasn't. Yes I will see her at he bank from time to time, and when I do, I'll do the ganji thing. if she comes around, great. if not, next.........

suggestions?

 

[So Many Ways]

I don't know if you did anything wrong specifically, other than poor planning and you mentioned that. I think the bigger issue is compatibility, as she doesn't seem to be the adventurous type. It's better to know that now rather than later.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

She may not enjoy riding in this weather or riding at all, live it it. Interest level had something to do with this but let's be reasonable, you are asking her to forgo her health for you, that's a bit too much to expect her to do. Given the same principle , if YOUR IL was high enough, you would not have kept pressuring her to go on a ride just because YOU hadn't planned any contingencies, hehehehe.

 

[Julian]

She sounds like she either doesnt like you or she simply has the personality equal to that of a bag of coins.

I mean seriously, if i offered a ride on my bike (i dont have one but if i did) and she refused i would definetly be insulted.

I cant stand a girl whos not up for adventure thats just me though.

 

[ogre]

Francisco,

she claims to have been on a bike before, so it's not like she's bike-phobic. and I do not put her health at risk. Fresh air & sunshine is good for you. Me, I'm all warm and fuzzy in my riding gear, but she's a Cali girl, anything under say, 70 degrees, is cold to her. she is not familiar with the concept of "bundling up". So it's more of a cultural thing. I took a chick for a ride in way colder weather, but that girl was Russian...

bottom line is, here was my big chance to show her a good time, and she screwed it up. coffee at the local diner? Ick. I just knew it would flop. My game is just not good enough to hold my own on a coffee date without doing some activity together.

Maybe Julian is right. I ride. it's what I do. if she ain't into it, it just ain't gonna work.

 

[LucidDreamer]

Originally posted by ogre
But without my ride, I am a fish out of water.

This may be your problem, you've pigeonholed yourself as a "biker" and she may just not be into biker dudes.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Re: Re: field report: lousy date, your comments/suggestions welcome

Originally posted by LucidDreamer
This may be your problem, you've pigeonholed yourself as a "biker" and she may just not be into biker dudes.

***Bingo*** Ogre's passionate about riding and she isn't, at least she isn't in weather she feels is too cold. The fact is she knew and Ogre know that she wasn't dressed for it and probably wouldn't have had a good time if she had given in to his pressure.

It could have been as easy as going to the diner for her this time and the next time that weather permitted, ridden together. Unfortunately, the fat of the matter is that a successful DJ is nimble and dynamic as to make the best of any situation, no matter where that experience may be.

Ogre, it may help if you begin stepping out of your comfort zone and start engaging women for increasing amounts of time on 'neutral' territory. Someplace where you are forced to interact with her in not only physical ways. In talking to them, you may find out that you would enjoy something that they are passionate about.

 

[ogre]

Yes, Francisco, you are right of course......

quote:
"a successful DJ is nimble and dynamic as to make the best of any situation, no matter where that experience may be."

well I'm not there yet.

quote:
"In talking to them, you may find out that you would enjoy something that they are passionate about."

yeah tried that, nothing clicked. She didn't make it any easier either. She makes a game of witholding information, so I have to guess. I was shooting in the dark.

In retrospect, I should have tried a different approach at conversation. Talking about topics of interest is useless with a female. I should talk about her feelings, how was her day was, find some trivial nonsense and build on that rather than try to exchange information. Maybe with a little more preparation I would've been OK. but alas, it's too late.

oh and by the way, no one is happy if they are cold. That's why I provide warm clothes for my riding guests. it's the "concept" of bundling up that seems foreign to a lot of women who are not the "outdoorsy" type. Long johns are a major fashion faux pas.

 

[NewMan]

**
now ol' ogre has this big ol' motorcycle, and the one thing I like to do more than anything else is take a girl for a ride. The bike has a big windshield, and I have lots of warm clothing, so let's just say cold weather is not a problem. I told her we were gonna go for a ride, so wear your thermal undies.

Today was an absolutely perfect riding day. a cool, crisp, beautiful Autumn day. Not cold. Just right. and I had just the plan.

But she didn't wear her thermals. She didn't want to ride. Not even a little bit. not even around the block. Too cold! she said. "let's just go out for coffee"

OK.....

so now what do I do? I didn't have a plan "B", I really didn't want to have a "coffee" date. With my ride, I have a girl's arms around me and my 20 years of riding experience gives me the Alpha Advantage. But without my ride, I am a fish out of water.
**

It has been covered before.

But, from now on perhaps you should ask the chick whether she's into bikes before you ask her out? Since it's obvious that you are not interested in someone who doesn't want to ride. Fair enough?

That is your problem with this date. You need to do your homework upfront.

Of course, if you ARE willing to date someone who isn't INTO riding, then you'd better come up with some alternative date plans.

By the way - unless you plan to take your chick out on your bike every date - and never stop riding - to get some food, or a beverage - then you'd better start developing your conversational skills:

**
So I agreed to meet at the local diner. we made fumbled attempts at conversation but nothing clicked. we paid dutch, I made nothing of it.
**

fumbled conversations are never good on dates.

 

[Chrispy]

to state the obvious: you depended too much on the one activity...the biking. The coffee thing may have been her screening process..it's perfect because it gave her an out if you two didn't click. I'm surprised you let it get to the dinner, because that can take really long...and then you start thinking of that and of course you will be fumbling in conversation!!

 

[crackhead]

man

damn women, always "cold"

i swear girls have a lower body temp.. my gf is freezing at night, so i turn the heat up and im sweatin my a s s off, then i turn it down and she's cold

*shrug*


whats gangi

 

[ogre]

Ganji game

"ganji" is explained in don juan tips section of this forum. basically it's a kind of game of chicken where you ignore the girl and hopefully she'll miss the attention and chase after you.

anyway, there's been a slight development, I decided not to do that to her, it wasn't really her fault that the date flopped.

I had to stop in today and she was there along with 3 other tellers and they're all pretty and they all like me and I flirt with all of them. I'm like a kid in a candy store. (actually with them being behind the plexiglass it's more like a vending machine )

so I am flirting with this other teller RIGHT NEXT to my date, I didn't mean to (honest!) but she was the aggressor and she gave me her email.

is this bad? I dunno! I gave my date a little attention also but she went cold on me. either her IL dropped like a rock (that would be bad) or she was jealous (which would be good) hard to say at this point. But I did manage to crack a few smiles out of her and arrange to see her after work in a few days to help her with her car. yeah, this may be a bad thing as I could end up in the FZ, but it's a more comfortable frame for me. I guess I'll know in a few days......

 

[Walden]

Re: Ganji game

Originally posted by ogre

so I am flirting with this other teller RIGHT NEXT to my date, I didn't mean to (honest!) but she was the aggressor and she gave me her email.

is this bad? I dunno! I gave my date a little attention also but she went cold on me. either her IL dropped like a rock (that would be bad) or she was jealous (which would be good) hard to say at this point.

Good fcuken form!
Damn well done!
That's how the players do it.

You have just quadrupled both their interest in you. Top stuff!

 

[Eileen]

Originally posted by ogre
now ol' ogre has this big ol' motorcycle, and the one thing I like to do more than anything else is take a girl for a ride.

But she didn't wear her thermals. She didn't want to ride. Not even a little bit. not even around the block. Too cold! she said. "let's just go out for coffee"

I got this far reading your post and thought "why would you want to bother with a girl who isn't interested in doing things you're interested in doing?"

 

[ogre]

eileen:

answer: field practice.

but the real question is: do I want to be personally involved with someone who has access to my bank account records?

 

[Big Pappy]

I swear, Ogre, I was going to mention that very thing about privacy, etc.

Then you saved me the trouble.

My opinion is that she wanted to, she just got scared. It's quite possible that your bike is much larger than the last one she was on. And, of course, she may have lied about the experience.

As I see it, when you asked her out, she wasn't expecting a "ride" as the event of your outing. Your ride, is, simply put, a ride.

Looking at her car? Why? I work on computers all day. (software)
If a friend wants me to fix theire computer, I refuse. I ask them if they are going to hold me blameless if some setting I adjust causes them to lose information.

Unless she's going to start waiving your bank fees, I'd refuse to work on her car.

A friend of mine helped one of my roommates out with a tune-up.
The poor schmuck broke the spark plug off before he got it out.
Not entirely his fault, but my roomie sure held him responsible, even though he wasn't getting paid dime one.

Be very careful working on anybody's stuff.

If I had to guess, I'd say the lass was testing your resolve.
When she tells you it's too cold, you tell her that you'll keep her warm and lead her by the hand onto the bike. You don't ask her, you tell her.

If she protests, say "Hmm. Guess I'll see you around." She wants coffee? Tell her the caffiene makes you edgy.

 

[ogre]

hey big pappy

I repair stuff for a living and you are right that it is sometimes best to keep friends and customers separate or you will lose both. I did not offer to fix her car, just asses the problem and refer her to a good mechanic.

I think something was not clear in this post, which is that we had already agreed that we were going for a ride when we made the date, weather permitting. And she saw the bike. That was on a wednesday and our date was Saturday. Not my fault she didn't wear her long johns that day. and my bike is a big touring bike and is a lot less scary then a crotch-rocket, which she claims to have been on once.

anyway there is a follow-up to this tale which I am about to write.