Teen Spirit
Banned
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- Aug 6, 2004
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The following a post by "Dr Swole" on Bodybuilding.com
http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=414345
I heard about a frat party from one of the cardio bunnies I slammed last week. Called me up and said I should make it if I get a chance. After another grueling workout, I decide to take Lex along with me.
We walk into the frat house, and it’s exactly what I expected. 135 pounders in Abercrombie tshirts. Pathetic. I walk through the crowd in my aviators and beater, pushing guys at the party out of the way to establish Alpha dominance. We head into the kitchen, where one frat boy is making mixed drink for a few hotties. “Blender belongs to me now” I snarl at him, dump out the contents and begin to make my patented Mega Shake. Eight scoops of N-Large2, a jar of natty peanut butter, and 2 bananas all blended with lowfat milk. I blend up my mix, toast Lex in our bb.com shakers, and drink.
Apparently not all party participants liked the fact that me and Lex had stolen the blender. One girl had brought the “bouncer” over.
Bouncer: What’s going on over here?
Lex: <taking off his aviators> We got a situation here boss, looks like 19 inch pythons on this guy.
I take off my aviators to get a better look.
Me: <giggling> Fatceps.
I notice a tattoo on the bouncer’s arm, “Big Daddy” it says.
Me: Big Daddy?
Bouncer: <pissed off> Bigger than you.
Me: Maybe so, chief. But I’m swoler.
I reach into my bag and get out my body fat calipers.
Bouncer: Man, get those things away from me!
Me: <grinning> Aw, come on, lets see how much fat are on those fatceps of yours.
Bouncer: <crying> F**k you man, leave me alone! <He runs out of the room while I explode into laughter>
After about 20 more minutes of lat flaring around the party, I realize I have to take a huge dump. That Mega Shake wasn’t sitting too well. I head into the bathroom with the newspaper. (I knew it was gonna be a messy struggle). A few minutes later, some drunk girl comes into the bathroom.
Drunk girl: Hi, ummm, I just wanted to say that you are really sexy and ummm…
Me: Get the f**k out? I’m trying to shyt in peace here
Drunk girl: Well, ummm, could I give you a blumpkin?
Me: F**k’s a blumpkin?
Drunk girl: Well, its when you give someone head while they are taking a dump.
<I look her up and down. Decent sized tits and a good face.>
Me: Yeah why not. Just don’t use your f**king teeth.
<I continue to read the paper while she blows me. She ended up swallowing every last drop.>
Drunk girl: Was it good?
Me: Not bad. I’d give it a C+
<Drunk girl lays down and passes out. I realize there is no toilet paper. So I take drunk girl’s shirt and wipe my ass with it and walk out>
Me: Nice knowin’ ya, sweetie.
I decide to find Lex so we can go home. On the way I run into two frat boys.
Frat boy 1: Excuse me? Do you think you could give us some weightlifting tips? I mean we don’t want to get huge or anything, just Brad Pitt in fight Club, you know? Any pointers?
I felt the rage boiling up inside of me but kept my cool. I decided not to punch them out (no need to go back to prison). I bang on the door Lex is in.
Me: Let’s f**King go, I’m tired and I want to go to sleep.
Lex: I got this wh0re licking my nuts right now!
Me: Hurry up and nut in her face so we can go home. I’ll start the car.
I walk outside to my beamer. I look at the car next to me, and Bouncer is in it, crying. Not only that, but he was driving a Jetta. I’m sorry, but if you are a bodybuilder you cannot drive a Volkswagen. You could be Ronnie F**kin’ Coleman and you would get no respect from me if you are tooling around in a golf. The only time you could get head by driving a VW is from Gary down at the local Starbucks.
I lit up a cigar and waited for Lex to emerge. “Blumpkin,” I thought to myself, smiling.
http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=414345
I heard about a frat party from one of the cardio bunnies I slammed last week. Called me up and said I should make it if I get a chance. After another grueling workout, I decide to take Lex along with me.
We walk into the frat house, and it’s exactly what I expected. 135 pounders in Abercrombie tshirts. Pathetic. I walk through the crowd in my aviators and beater, pushing guys at the party out of the way to establish Alpha dominance. We head into the kitchen, where one frat boy is making mixed drink for a few hotties. “Blender belongs to me now” I snarl at him, dump out the contents and begin to make my patented Mega Shake. Eight scoops of N-Large2, a jar of natty peanut butter, and 2 bananas all blended with lowfat milk. I blend up my mix, toast Lex in our bb.com shakers, and drink.
Apparently not all party participants liked the fact that me and Lex had stolen the blender. One girl had brought the “bouncer” over.
Bouncer: What’s going on over here?
Lex: <taking off his aviators> We got a situation here boss, looks like 19 inch pythons on this guy.
I take off my aviators to get a better look.
Me: <giggling> Fatceps.
I notice a tattoo on the bouncer’s arm, “Big Daddy” it says.
Me: Big Daddy?
Bouncer: <pissed off> Bigger than you.
Me: Maybe so, chief. But I’m swoler.
I reach into my bag and get out my body fat calipers.
Bouncer: Man, get those things away from me!
Me: <grinning> Aw, come on, lets see how much fat are on those fatceps of yours.
Bouncer: <crying> F**k you man, leave me alone! <He runs out of the room while I explode into laughter>
After about 20 more minutes of lat flaring around the party, I realize I have to take a huge dump. That Mega Shake wasn’t sitting too well. I head into the bathroom with the newspaper. (I knew it was gonna be a messy struggle). A few minutes later, some drunk girl comes into the bathroom.
Drunk girl: Hi, ummm, I just wanted to say that you are really sexy and ummm…
Me: Get the f**k out? I’m trying to shyt in peace here
Drunk girl: Well, ummm, could I give you a blumpkin?
Me: F**k’s a blumpkin?
Drunk girl: Well, its when you give someone head while they are taking a dump.
<I look her up and down. Decent sized tits and a good face.>
Me: Yeah why not. Just don’t use your f**king teeth.
<I continue to read the paper while she blows me. She ended up swallowing every last drop.>
Drunk girl: Was it good?
Me: Not bad. I’d give it a C+
<Drunk girl lays down and passes out. I realize there is no toilet paper. So I take drunk girl’s shirt and wipe my ass with it and walk out>
Me: Nice knowin’ ya, sweetie.
I decide to find Lex so we can go home. On the way I run into two frat boys.
Frat boy 1: Excuse me? Do you think you could give us some weightlifting tips? I mean we don’t want to get huge or anything, just Brad Pitt in fight Club, you know? Any pointers?
I felt the rage boiling up inside of me but kept my cool. I decided not to punch them out (no need to go back to prison). I bang on the door Lex is in.
Me: Let’s f**King go, I’m tired and I want to go to sleep.
Lex: I got this wh0re licking my nuts right now!
Me: Hurry up and nut in her face so we can go home. I’ll start the car.
I walk outside to my beamer. I look at the car next to me, and Bouncer is in it, crying. Not only that, but he was driving a Jetta. I’m sorry, but if you are a bodybuilder you cannot drive a Volkswagen. You could be Ronnie F**kin’ Coleman and you would get no respect from me if you are tooling around in a golf. The only time you could get head by driving a VW is from Gary down at the local Starbucks.
I lit up a cigar and waited for Lex to emerge. “Blumpkin,” I thought to myself, smiling.
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