Fiance broke up with me

[MrBond007]

AsianCowboy:

Id like to tell you that some people are retarded and mentally unstable. It just happens and theres little to nothing you can do because the keyword here is "mentally unstable". Id say your ex has a bad coping mechanism and in more simple words id say shes a retarded attention whore.

Much like the imbecile who would treaten to kill herself just to get attention, she thought that "faking" the whole breakup till the point where you beg for her to stay would actually pay off.

Ignore her.

 

[CLOONEY]

Ok, well thats good news.

My brother was with a girl for 4 years, she then broke up with him. The same thing happened as with you, and 4 days later she was knocking at the door wanting to get back with him. He was like WTF I will get back with you, but this can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN!! EVER!! If it does, THAT IS IT!! They have now been happily together for 9 years. I hope tremendously this is going to be the same for you and you two can get happily married. I would give her the beneifit of the doubt, sometimes ignorance is bliss. As long as she doesnt do it again, if she does THAT IS IT!!

 

[AsianCowboy]

Originally posted by AsianCowboy
She tells me, she doesnt feel the same way anymore. She then saids, did i mess things up forever, and if there is no chance of me accepting her back she would leave me alone.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


I think you misinterpreted what she meant here. When she said she doesnt feel the same way anymore. She meant she didnt feel the same way about breaking up.

Before i accept her back, i will get the truth of everything that lead upto this. And tell her not to ever take breaking up so lightly. Because if this ever happens again, there will be no more second chances.

I thank you for some of the advice so far. I hope this ends up being one of those stories with a happy ending.

 

[Ice Cold]

She is one of those girls thats very innocent. She is 29yrs old, and a flight attendent.

Muhahahahha!

I probably fukked your girl when I was flying to NYC and back.

Innocent looking chicks are usually super sluts, cause nobody expects them to be that way.


Anyway - she wants to break up and not marry! That's fukkin great. Otherwise you'd be stuck in marriage and her naggin you constantly.

Cheers

Oh - hit the field man. Lots of fish in there. And don't dwell on that "love of my life" sh1t. It's not a disney cartoon.

 

[dietzcoi]

Ice Cold - You are dead on. He is lucky to have escaped permanent AFC-dom married to her!

CLOONEY - ever wonder what this woman was doing for the four days she was away from your bro? Maybe trying to get with the true love of her life? Maybe he told her "forget it, go back to your chump" ???

THis has happened before... I know from personal experience that women (and men) leave their LTRs/spouses and try to get with their lovers, who never intended to have a LTR with them... they are quickly put in their place and run back to the AFC spouses...

There are always multiple possible causes for every event....Could this be what happened here ???

Dietzcoi

 

[JustDoItAlways]

When you talk to her, if you want to understand what is really going on (cold feet, unstable, not marriage material, no sex drive, or another guy) ...

Don't listen to what she says - the exact words. They are meaningless.

Listen to the emotion or feelings she is trying to convey.

Sounds a little AFC but it is easier to understand women when you listen to the underlying feelings and then read between the lines what motivations are causing those feelings, rather than the exact words they are saying.

For example, the fact that she can't have kids is not the issue is it. She's conveying the feeling she doesn't want to get married more likely. You get the picture.

It will probably be more clear which way to go if you do this.

 

[Trance]

This is simple.

Simple cases: Women dont leave unless they already got another branch to move on.

Or if they are extremely religious, some other cultural stuff, or its about mariage, if they feel they are gona be bound forever still having strong doubts they may move out while its time.

 

[Trapspringer]

also, would you now agree that it truly is better to have love and lost, than to never have loved at all?

Yes, I do agree, my little iqqi. Only the experience can show you this. Now I just date without the walls. But I still very much enjoy a good freak whom I have no future with.

 

[AsianCowboy]

Well we are back together again. I had her explain to me why she did this in a way i could understand.
Basically it comes down to cold feet. She doesnt think i listen to her and do the things that she wants me to do. Maybe we both want to wear the pants in the family, and she realizes now that it has to be one person, and thats me.
Its not really the baby thing, although she thinks i deserve that.
Drinking, sometimes i party hard and drink alot, it pretty rare now but now and then i like to party with friends and get drunk. I did call her one night from nyc after lots of drinking, i guess i was being really drunk. She said it makes her scared that i will do something stupid after i drink and she doesnt want to worry about that through our marriage.
She doesnt like the fact that I ride a bike, but she can accept that i ride. But she said she is scared that i will get hurt someday, and doesnt want to worry about me like that. Because frankly i love to ride fast, go fast through the corners, do wheelies, and stoppies.
I have an old ex that i keep in touch with occasionally, just for lunch to see how her life is. She said it really bothers her that i still talk to her, because she wants to be the only one in my life. I just reassurred her that she is just a friend now, and she shouldnt feel threatened by it, at all.
About religon, i am religious, but not strongly religious. She is more religious then me. I've told her before that i dont know if i can really be one of those really religous people, its just not me.
Occasionally i keep secrets from her, she finds something, i just dismiss it and tell her its a secret. Anyway that bothers her that i cannot share everything with her.
She thought these were all big problems, and if we have them now. How could she live with them when we are married.
AGAIN there was no other guy in the picture.
Now that she really explain to me each situation and why she felt that way i can understand why she might do this. I dont agree with her about these things, but i can understand her point of view.
Anyway, she said she was wrong, she should have talked this stuff over with me instead of wanting out. She promised that breaking up with never be an option to her again, and was really sorry for hurting me.
She said the 2 days we were apart, was like she died, and realizes that whatever differences we have are worth working out.
She then said, i want to get back together. And if there is any chance of doing it. I told her, she broke my trust in her, and hurt me. It would take time to heal those wounds, but i would give her a second chance if she promises never to do this again, because next time i will not take her back.
So thanks guys, for your advice so far, i will take things slow with her and if i feel the same **** going on, i will be the one to leave next time.
Im out of here, hopefully with a happy ending to all this.

 

[MrBond007]

1- She is possessive
2- SHe successfully made you look like the ******* with the "you dont listen to me at all"
3- You have no balls

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

If it was as simple as that then she should have told you this in the beginning instead of giving you all the other excuses!!!!

Something doesn't smell right - take it slow!

So your wild personality/lifestyle doesn't fit with hers - this could cause problems in a marriage.

 

[Trapspringer]

Originally posted by PuertoRican_Lover
If it was as simple as that then she should have told you this in the beginning instead of giving you all the other excuses!!!!

Something doesn't smell right - take it slow!

So your wild personality/lifestyle doesn't fit with hers - this could cause problems in a marriage.

I don't know about this, PRL. People can
twist around seemingly simple stuff in their head and turn the ideas into a monster. It happens to everyone. Even though her ideas do seem simple to us, they are real and big enough to her to effect her actions in a big way.

A lot of people have doubts going into a marriage and here we have only one side of the story. We don't know how Asian really is in the relationship. He just says he can drink and party a bit. We know that when most people give a story about their relationship, they rarely convey just how much trouble they caused in it. They will only feed you tiny bits about themselves to protect their own self from too much criticism.

I am not saying this is the case here but it is something I always consider when someone ever ask me for relationship advice. Once they give me the story, I usually ask them to give me their own faults in the relationship because it is only fair when you try to evaluate it. It is hard to do this because it takes a lot of coaxing a person to be upfront. She may have really valid reasons to be scared to spend the rest of her life with the guy.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

I agree springingtraps, but why couldn't she tell 'cow asianboy' the truth when he asked her to marry him and say, "I love you baby, but I don't agree with your crazy lifestyle and although you are a great boyfriend, I fear you won't make a good husband. Simple as that! She had 1.5 years to say this, but instead she creates all this drama and non-sensical excuses.

It seems to me at 29 years old and losing her virginity to this guy and many other factors (see my post on prior page) that this would outweigh the smoking and drinking and motorcycle crazyness - how could she expect anything different from a guy callng himself 'asian cowboy', living in America, and in California at that? I guess if she is an extremely traditional asian (which cowboy said she was) then she would worry. But did he change his behavior from when they first met? Or was he the same individual as he is now?

 

[NewMan]

This relationship is doomed to fail.

If it last's you will both be very unhappy.

She's not happy with how you are and wants to change you - you will not change.

Look at the issues...

Doesn't like you drinking. - this is going to become an even bigger issue.

Doesn't like you riding bikes - well this isn't going to go away.

Religion - ditto.

Ex- GF - that means she's jealous and persessive.

My advice is to keep a strong watch on this situation... Run at the first sign of problems.

 

[DJnomore]

Originally posted by NewMan
This relationship is doomed to fail.

If it last's you will both be very unhappy.

She's not happy with how you are and wants to change you - you will not change.

Look at the issues...

Doesn't like you drinking. - this is going to become an even bigger issue.

Doesn't like you riding bikes - well this isn't going to go away.

Religion - ditto.

Ex- GF - that means she's jealous and persessive.

My advice is to keep a strong watch on this situation... Run at the first sign of problems.

A girl who is going to marry you has the right to tell you you gotta get rid of ex. Seriously if the shoe were on the other foot wouldn't you?

The drinking and bike thing are issues you would probably be willing to give up when you have a kid right? Why not just do it early.....may make a world of difference.

My take is that you are in charge in this relationship. Perhaps too in charge. The DJ ethic works to get the girl cause it is like the jerk ethic. But once you have the girl you gotta be careful to soften a bit. No one wants to be bossed around their whole life even if it is by a winner.

My take is that she is more worried about that side of your relationship than anything else. With some women you really never have any competition from other guys. I know this from women who have really really really liked me but cut me off when they dated a guy they thought they were gonna marry (I wouldn't commit or it would have been me).

Women are by their nature monogamous, if you meet their needs they are happy. Look at it from evolution, women need a protector and provider if you can do that job then the risk of them switching to another guy is far higher than any advantage that he will do a better job. Women who switched guys would lose the first guy and probably the second and have no protection for their offspring and die out. This effect is far more powerful the older you get, so young women are not as faithful but childbearing age women have to be.