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Fiance broke up with me
- Thread starter AsianCowboy
- Start date
AsianCowboy
Don Juan
She is Asian too, and pretty traditional when it comes to values.
I dont really get it either, things dont add up in my mind. What she is telling me doesnt add up.
I too think there is something else that she is not telling me. I dont think there is another guy. I think she must have just lost interest in me, not quite sure if i did or didnt do something to cause this. Or what event happened to herself to lose interest.
Before we got engaged, she really thought she wanted to get married. Maybe she realized im just not the one.
Thanks for you advice so far, its helping.
I dont really get it either, things dont add up in my mind. What she is telling me doesnt add up.
I too think there is something else that she is not telling me. I dont think there is another guy. I think she must have just lost interest in me, not quite sure if i did or didnt do something to cause this. Or what event happened to herself to lose interest.
Before we got engaged, she really thought she wanted to get married. Maybe she realized im just not the one.
Thanks for you advice so far, its helping.
wow, I have seen a few close people to me burnt like this recently. Its really not good to see and I can feel your pain man. However your situation really does not add up. I think there is a STRONG chance someone else is involved. ESPECIALLY her being a flight attendant. She is just totally confused, and trying to convince herself she is doing the right thing by you (i.e. allowing you to love someone who can provide you with kids). She is only doing this to make herself feel better.
Bottom line, you have close to NO CHANCE with her whatsoever.
I see your only chance is to talk to her and tell her the ENTIRE truth needs to be told here. I have only EVER seen ONE COUPLE tell the entire truth, they had both cheated and the same sort of thing was happening. The are now happily together. The hardest part is to get her to tell you the truth. You can only ask this of her once, make it firm, do not beg. She needs to WANT to be with you and she is TOTALLY confused at the moment. I would leave it a few weeks, perhaps a few months before I would speak to her again. Give her space and time to think. The hardest thing you have to do now is change your mindset. You have to be ready to move on............its hard to acheive but will become easier over time. Keep us updated. Good luck!!
Bottom line, you have close to NO CHANCE with her whatsoever.
I see your only chance is to talk to her and tell her the ENTIRE truth needs to be told here. I have only EVER seen ONE COUPLE tell the entire truth, they had both cheated and the same sort of thing was happening. The are now happily together. The hardest part is to get her to tell you the truth. You can only ask this of her once, make it firm, do not beg. She needs to WANT to be with you and she is TOTALLY confused at the moment. I would leave it a few weeks, perhaps a few months before I would speak to her again. Give her space and time to think. The hardest thing you have to do now is change your mindset. You have to be ready to move on............its hard to acheive but will become easier over time. Keep us updated. Good luck!!
Trapspringer
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- May 3, 2003
- Messages
- 242
- Reaction score
- 0
AsianCowboy, maybe my story will help a bit. My behavior sort of parallels your ex's behavior.
I dated a woman for about 4 and a half years. She fell in love with me quick but I had my reservations. My mother used to always tell me that heartbreak would probably be the most painful experience I would ever experience. She would tell me that she wished that she could shield me from such a painful experience but almost everyone will go through it and it is hard to avoid.
Those words echoed throughout my life for many years and I had spent most of my life building up walls around me to avoid the terrible heartache I seen so many experience in life from love loss. So when I met my ex fiancée, I had trouble with the idea of falling in love with her but I could not help it. Because I was scared to fall in love, I constantly told myself that I would not fall in love with her. To make matters worse, she did one thing towards the beginning of our relationship to make me suspicious if she could remain faithful to me. Nothing concrete but I do not know if it was my own insecurity or what that made the incident seem so big. She showed me a lot of love in the relationship so I had no doubt that this woman loved me very very much. I couldn’t help but to fall in love with her. I proposed and she accepted after two years of dating.
She soon began to always talk about marrying me but I became overwhelmed with fear of losing her one-day or her being unfaithful to me. I feared the potential heartbreak and began to find every single fault in her that I could and getting on her about them. There were times that I would feel guilty about coming down so harshly on her. I would even withhold sex just so I could avoid being trapped by the great sex we were having. I soon convinced myself that I did not actually love her and did not want to be with her for the rest of my life. She would only try harder to hold on to me. I would also have times where I would realize that I was being crazy and would be a fool to do any thing that would push her out of my life. Then the other negative feelings would come back and I would turn back to not treating her well and spending more times doing things that didn’t involve her. I would feel so guilty and bad that I began to realize that I would not be able to treat her the way that she deserved so I began to feel that maybe she would be happier with someone else, someone who could express their love to her well. I tried to express this thought to her but she broke down crying so bad that I aborted that mission almost as quick as I executed it. Instead, I began to grow more distant from her to prepare us for the break up.
It seems that she sensed this and began to do little things to make me jealous. I didn’t give into the ploy and got on her about trying it. Eventually she gave up and decided to move out. Our engagement and relationship was over. We didn’t speak for 13 months.
She tried to keep up contact but I quickly showed that I didn’t want this from her. Well, over the next year, I began to slowly feel a huge void without her and began to miss and hurt for her. I continued for a whole year to try to move on. I found my way to sosuave.com to help me get back into the game and tried to sex away memories of her. After a while, I just felt that I couldn’t go on another day without her. The memories of being with her and the happy times we did have just haunted me.
I decided after 16 months of separation, to call her mom’s house in order to get in touch with her. I left my new number on the answering machine. That weekend, I was hanging out in Ohio with some friends. On the ride back to our home state, I checked my answering machine and find out that she left me a message. She said that she actually stayed in Ohio now. She returned my call the next day. It was like we had never been separated. We talked for about 20 minutes catching up on each other’s lives. I then got to the point and poured out my heart to her and told her that I would marry her the next day if I had the chance.
She then dropped the bomb on me. She had been with someone for about a year and moved to Ohio to be with him. She told me that she never thought she could love anyone else after me but she was very happy now and very in love. Only a man who has had his heart broken can understand what that information did to my heart. She told me that she was very touched by my words and felt guilty that she had found happiness and that I had been hurting so long and not have found happiness again. Other stuff has been said since then through emails but I pretty much have closure from her.
I told you this to so you can better understand a possibility of what your ex may be going through. She could just love you but feels that she may hurt you even worse someday. She just may think that she cannot make you happy forever no matter how much assurance that you give her. It is hard to get rid of that feeling.
I think you need to give her time like I needed time to realize just what I really wanted. If she wants to be with you forever she will try to get back in contact with you. Just give her room to think. Meanwhile, you should allow yourself to grieve, hurt, and then move on. I don’t care what others may say on this but I can tell you with certainty that trying to just throw yourself out there immediately and trying to be a player would not be a good idea. This is the time to gather support from your family and friends, not some random chics. It is a time to go about healing by finding happiness within you again. I can tell you that when my ex first dropped the bombed I was so devastated that I thought the world would end but as I write this post, I am feeling so much better than before. Yes, a strange feeling is left behind. But just knowing that she is happy and in love with someone else helps me to deal with reality, the reality that she just isn’t coming back. I felt that after a year, I was finally on a path to healing.
I know it will be hard to not contact her, but you just have to try. The ball is in her court now and you must try to move on while she deals with this. You won’t want her to accept you back just because she feels sorry for you and then marry you only to have those feelings come back with a divorce following behind. She is just probably really confused. The whole baby thing just seems like subterfuge. I hope she doesn't think she is about to run into a whole crap load of guys who won't want kids some day and it ain't like adoption is impossible.
Getting over a lost love and mending a broken heart is like getting over the death of a loved one. You must allow yourself time to grieve before you can feel better. Don’t try to suppress the grieving process because it will only come out when you least expect it.
I dated a woman for about 4 and a half years. She fell in love with me quick but I had my reservations. My mother used to always tell me that heartbreak would probably be the most painful experience I would ever experience. She would tell me that she wished that she could shield me from such a painful experience but almost everyone will go through it and it is hard to avoid.
Those words echoed throughout my life for many years and I had spent most of my life building up walls around me to avoid the terrible heartache I seen so many experience in life from love loss. So when I met my ex fiancée, I had trouble with the idea of falling in love with her but I could not help it. Because I was scared to fall in love, I constantly told myself that I would not fall in love with her. To make matters worse, she did one thing towards the beginning of our relationship to make me suspicious if she could remain faithful to me. Nothing concrete but I do not know if it was my own insecurity or what that made the incident seem so big. She showed me a lot of love in the relationship so I had no doubt that this woman loved me very very much. I couldn’t help but to fall in love with her. I proposed and she accepted after two years of dating.
She soon began to always talk about marrying me but I became overwhelmed with fear of losing her one-day or her being unfaithful to me. I feared the potential heartbreak and began to find every single fault in her that I could and getting on her about them. There were times that I would feel guilty about coming down so harshly on her. I would even withhold sex just so I could avoid being trapped by the great sex we were having. I soon convinced myself that I did not actually love her and did not want to be with her for the rest of my life. She would only try harder to hold on to me. I would also have times where I would realize that I was being crazy and would be a fool to do any thing that would push her out of my life. Then the other negative feelings would come back and I would turn back to not treating her well and spending more times doing things that didn’t involve her. I would feel so guilty and bad that I began to realize that I would not be able to treat her the way that she deserved so I began to feel that maybe she would be happier with someone else, someone who could express their love to her well. I tried to express this thought to her but she broke down crying so bad that I aborted that mission almost as quick as I executed it. Instead, I began to grow more distant from her to prepare us for the break up.
It seems that she sensed this and began to do little things to make me jealous. I didn’t give into the ploy and got on her about trying it. Eventually she gave up and decided to move out. Our engagement and relationship was over. We didn’t speak for 13 months.
She tried to keep up contact but I quickly showed that I didn’t want this from her. Well, over the next year, I began to slowly feel a huge void without her and began to miss and hurt for her. I continued for a whole year to try to move on. I found my way to sosuave.com to help me get back into the game and tried to sex away memories of her. After a while, I just felt that I couldn’t go on another day without her. The memories of being with her and the happy times we did have just haunted me.
I decided after 16 months of separation, to call her mom’s house in order to get in touch with her. I left my new number on the answering machine. That weekend, I was hanging out in Ohio with some friends. On the ride back to our home state, I checked my answering machine and find out that she left me a message. She said that she actually stayed in Ohio now. She returned my call the next day. It was like we had never been separated. We talked for about 20 minutes catching up on each other’s lives. I then got to the point and poured out my heart to her and told her that I would marry her the next day if I had the chance.
She then dropped the bomb on me. She had been with someone for about a year and moved to Ohio to be with him. She told me that she never thought she could love anyone else after me but she was very happy now and very in love. Only a man who has had his heart broken can understand what that information did to my heart. She told me that she was very touched by my words and felt guilty that she had found happiness and that I had been hurting so long and not have found happiness again. Other stuff has been said since then through emails but I pretty much have closure from her.
I told you this to so you can better understand a possibility of what your ex may be going through. She could just love you but feels that she may hurt you even worse someday. She just may think that she cannot make you happy forever no matter how much assurance that you give her. It is hard to get rid of that feeling.
I think you need to give her time like I needed time to realize just what I really wanted. If she wants to be with you forever she will try to get back in contact with you. Just give her room to think. Meanwhile, you should allow yourself to grieve, hurt, and then move on. I don’t care what others may say on this but I can tell you with certainty that trying to just throw yourself out there immediately and trying to be a player would not be a good idea. This is the time to gather support from your family and friends, not some random chics. It is a time to go about healing by finding happiness within you again. I can tell you that when my ex first dropped the bombed I was so devastated that I thought the world would end but as I write this post, I am feeling so much better than before. Yes, a strange feeling is left behind. But just knowing that she is happy and in love with someone else helps me to deal with reality, the reality that she just isn’t coming back. I felt that after a year, I was finally on a path to healing.
I know it will be hard to not contact her, but you just have to try. The ball is in her court now and you must try to move on while she deals with this. You won’t want her to accept you back just because she feels sorry for you and then marry you only to have those feelings come back with a divorce following behind. She is just probably really confused. The whole baby thing just seems like subterfuge. I hope she doesn't think she is about to run into a whole crap load of guys who won't want kids some day and it ain't like adoption is impossible.
Getting over a lost love and mending a broken heart is like getting over the death of a loved one. You must allow yourself time to grieve before you can feel better. Don’t try to suppress the grieving process because it will only come out when you least expect it.
AsianCowboy
Don Juan
I've been thinking about this all day. I think it must be her parents. She is really a daddys girl. He pretty much rules the family and has great influence on her life.
Like i said earlier, her parents own a grocery store and only her dad and mom run it. In the past 1.5yrs ive known her, she has taken 1 month leave from work, to go help her parents with the store, since her dad has a bad back from hunting, and he had to get surgery. Then again for another month. Recently took a 1 year voluntary leave from her work, right after that she went to help again for 2 months, while her dad and mom went to korea to get aculpuncture treatment on his back. And she has been down there again for the past month, because he fell on the ice and injured his back again. And of in between these times, she has gone down for 2-7 days here and there to help out, while he went hunting, or to help out during the holidays, or busy times.
I actually got mad at her for just taking off all those times, leaving work to help out. I know she really loves her parents, and i love that she is so devoted to them. But I told her, you cant keep doing that in the future, because it affects me too. And I understand that you want to do this, and in the last situation where he fell on the ice. I totally understand and expect her to help them. But not just because he wants to go hunting, or if its a prolonged period, i think they should get some extra help, and she doesnt need to feel she has to drop everything to go there for months. I told her help them for awhile, but they should get extra help. Im not saying i want her to choose, although i think she feels that way. I just want to best for her.
Also, although i have no real indication, maybe her dad or mom just dont like me. Because although i am very respectful, maybe because they know i smoke, ride a bike, and drink at times. Also ive had more relationships then her, and not a virgin. They may think im not the right person for her and may have said something to her. If they did, i think she would seriousely follow her parents advice, especially her dads.
But all parents like me, i know her aunts think im great, but im not sure about her parents thoughts. I have a good job, good family, Im also korean, pretty decent looking, i treat her and her parents with respect..
And thinking back to the days following. If she didnt love me, why would she say that she did, say that she missed me. Sleep in my bed while i was away. Pick me up at the airport, grab my hands and hold it all the way back, kiss me, hug me, and tell me all the features she loves about me. Then spring this wammy on me....
If all this is true, it makes more sense.
I just really need to confirm and get the truth from her.
She just tried calling me again tonight, i didnt pick up and she didnt leave a message. Why would she do that, out of guilt? because in every break up situation ive seen and been in. The breaker upper never calls back after he/she breaks up. Only thing that makes sense is she still loves me, but because of her parents, and possibly my views on the whole thing, she is making a choice between her parents and me.
Like i said earlier, her parents own a grocery store and only her dad and mom run it. In the past 1.5yrs ive known her, she has taken 1 month leave from work, to go help her parents with the store, since her dad has a bad back from hunting, and he had to get surgery. Then again for another month. Recently took a 1 year voluntary leave from her work, right after that she went to help again for 2 months, while her dad and mom went to korea to get aculpuncture treatment on his back. And she has been down there again for the past month, because he fell on the ice and injured his back again. And of in between these times, she has gone down for 2-7 days here and there to help out, while he went hunting, or to help out during the holidays, or busy times.
I actually got mad at her for just taking off all those times, leaving work to help out. I know she really loves her parents, and i love that she is so devoted to them. But I told her, you cant keep doing that in the future, because it affects me too. And I understand that you want to do this, and in the last situation where he fell on the ice. I totally understand and expect her to help them. But not just because he wants to go hunting, or if its a prolonged period, i think they should get some extra help, and she doesnt need to feel she has to drop everything to go there for months. I told her help them for awhile, but they should get extra help. Im not saying i want her to choose, although i think she feels that way. I just want to best for her.
Also, although i have no real indication, maybe her dad or mom just dont like me. Because although i am very respectful, maybe because they know i smoke, ride a bike, and drink at times. Also ive had more relationships then her, and not a virgin. They may think im not the right person for her and may have said something to her. If they did, i think she would seriousely follow her parents advice, especially her dads.
But all parents like me, i know her aunts think im great, but im not sure about her parents thoughts. I have a good job, good family, Im also korean, pretty decent looking, i treat her and her parents with respect..
And thinking back to the days following. If she didnt love me, why would she say that she did, say that she missed me. Sleep in my bed while i was away. Pick me up at the airport, grab my hands and hold it all the way back, kiss me, hug me, and tell me all the features she loves about me. Then spring this wammy on me....
If all this is true, it makes more sense.
I just really need to confirm and get the truth from her.
She just tried calling me again tonight, i didnt pick up and she didnt leave a message. Why would she do that, out of guilt? because in every break up situation ive seen and been in. The breaker upper never calls back after he/she breaks up. Only thing that makes sense is she still loves me, but because of her parents, and possibly my views on the whole thing, she is making a choice between her parents and me.
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Peace and Quiet
If you currently have too many women chasing you, calling you, harassing you, knocking on your door at 2 o'clock in the morning... then I have the simple solution for you.
Just read my free ebook 22 Rules for Massive Success With Women and do the opposite of what I recommend.
This will quickly drive all women away from you.
And you will be able to relax and to live your life in peace and quiet.
PuertoRican_Lover
Banned
Did you read my last post with all those hmmm's in it?
Answer those questions...
Girls think about breaking up relationships for months but act as if everything is ok until the end, that is why most guys are shocked to all of a sudden without warning get dumped!
So if there is no reason for her to leave you, then it must be her or her parents decision -why diid her parents take a 1.5 years to dislike you and wait til after she lost her virginity to tell her to leave you? I would think they would want their 29 year old daughter to be married by now, no?
The ultimate decision is hers and if you can't find a reason why she left, then this tells you there is another dude involved!
Answer those questions...
Girls think about breaking up relationships for months but act as if everything is ok until the end, that is why most guys are shocked to all of a sudden without warning get dumped!
So if there is no reason for her to leave you, then it must be her or her parents decision -why diid her parents take a 1.5 years to dislike you and wait til after she lost her virginity to tell her to leave you? I would think they would want their 29 year old daughter to be married by now, no?
The ultimate decision is hers and if you can't find a reason why she left, then this tells you there is another dude involved!
Thank God you got the $13,000 engagement ring back..
WTF, spending $13,000 on a piece of metal and a mineral from underground?
I wouldn't buy Britney Spears a $13,000 engagement ring!
You need to reevaluate what you are doing. You do not need to buy a woman's affection...
Guys: Ever consider the possibility she was going to marry him for his money ONLY, and could not bring herself to do it at the last minute?
Whenever I see a really big engagement ring on a woman, my only thought is, who is the CHUMP who wasted his money he could have used to buy new skis, a new shotgun, a new bike, etc, on a decoration for some b1tch?????
Dietzcoi
WTF, spending $13,000 on a piece of metal and a mineral from underground?
I wouldn't buy Britney Spears a $13,000 engagement ring!
You need to reevaluate what you are doing. You do not need to buy a woman's affection...
Guys: Ever consider the possibility she was going to marry him for his money ONLY, and could not bring herself to do it at the last minute?
Whenever I see a really big engagement ring on a woman, my only thought is, who is the CHUMP who wasted his money he could have used to buy new skis, a new shotgun, a new bike, etc, on a decoration for some b1tch?????
Dietzcoi
AsianCowboy
Don Juan
During the whole time i was dating her, I barely knew her parents. I met them once at a family gathering, but only talked to them for a few minutes. Only in the last 3 months have i spent alittle more time with her parents. They live 200 miles away, so i dont see them much.
As for the ring, no it was not intended to buy her affection or love. I'm not a rich guy, nor do i have much savings. Blew all that on a house i bought for myself. But 13K is about 2 months salary. Most of you guys may be in that stage where your just dating, gf, and younger. Im 33, and this is not one of those girls, you have to remember she was my fiance. I would never spend anywhere near that for just a gf. And if you guys ever are lucky enough to find the one you want to marry, you would buy the best that you can afford. And 13K was a reasonable amount.
Also her parents do not know about what we did in private, she would never mention that to them.
As for the ring, no it was not intended to buy her affection or love. I'm not a rich guy, nor do i have much savings. Blew all that on a house i bought for myself. But 13K is about 2 months salary. Most of you guys may be in that stage where your just dating, gf, and younger. Im 33, and this is not one of those girls, you have to remember she was my fiance. I would never spend anywhere near that for just a gf. And if you guys ever are lucky enough to find the one you want to marry, you would buy the best that you can afford. And 13K was a reasonable amount.
Also her parents do not know about what we did in private, she would never mention that to them.
G'day AC
Been in a similar situation to you so I have a fair idea of where you are coming from... The one thing you must do here is stop trying to analyze every bit of her behaviour and asking yourself why it happened.
The fact is that you two are no longer together anymore! You now have two choices from here on:
1. You can pine after this girl in the hopes that you two get back together. I don't think you have much chance of this and to be honest, I don't think you would be very happy with her anymore. This is a huge thing to have sitting in the back of your mind while you are trying to tell yourself you are in love with her.
2. Realise she is not the right girl for you and move on.
I know, I know, it is not that simple. It could take weeks or months and you will have a few sleepless nights, but that is what it boils down to.
I chose number 2
Been in a similar situation to you so I have a fair idea of where you are coming from... The one thing you must do here is stop trying to analyze every bit of her behaviour and asking yourself why it happened.
The fact is that you two are no longer together anymore! You now have two choices from here on:
1. You can pine after this girl in the hopes that you two get back together. I don't think you have much chance of this and to be honest, I don't think you would be very happy with her anymore. This is a huge thing to have sitting in the back of your mind while you are trying to tell yourself you are in love with her.
2. Realise she is not the right girl for you and move on.
I know, I know, it is not that simple. It could take weeks or months and you will have a few sleepless nights, but that is what it boils down to.
I chose number 2
Trapspringer
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- May 3, 2003
- Messages
- 242
- Reaction score
- 0
Yes, paste this post to your refrigerator or something.
You have to resist the urge to try to make sense of all of this! Man, I know what you are going through but don't be the annoying guy who family and friends try to avoid in this situation because you just won't get it.
She is gone. She decided to leave you. You just have to accept it and move on and maybe she will give you your closure some time in the future. She is clearly not being up front with so you will not be able to figure out exactly what is going on in her head. Resist the urge to try to analyze things to death. I know you actually believe you are about to figure out the complexities of her thoughts and come to an answer. Only she has the answer and for what ever reason, she is not ready to give it to you.
You are not the only one who has been through this. Some people have been through it more than once or twice. How many situations can you think of a woman backing out of an engagement and her returning to it?
If a woman backs out of an engagement, you can be almost positive that she is not returning to it.
Stop blaming her parents, her, yourself, her friends, the grocery store or whatever, and you will make this process easier. As hard and impossible as it may seem right now, you won't feel like this for very long. Time really will be your friend on this one.
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Peace and Quiet
If you currently have too many women chasing you, calling you, harassing you, knocking on your door at 2 o'clock in the morning... then I have the simple solution for you.
Just read my free ebook 22 Rules for Massive Success With Women and do the opposite of what I recommend.
This will quickly drive all women away from you.
And you will be able to relax and to live your life in peace and quiet.
NewMan
Master Don Juan
If she didnt love me, why would she say that she did, say that she missed me. Sleep in my bed while i was away. Pick me up at the airport, grab my hands and hold it all the way back, kiss me, hug me, and tell me all the features she loves about me. Then spring this wammy on me....
If all this is true, it makes more sense.
I just really need to confirm and get the truth from her.
She obviously loved you - thats not the point - but is she "In love with you?".
Those are 2 different things.
When I broke up with my ex - that last night we spent together was probably one of the most intimate we'd had in a long time. We both agreed it was over - she wanted me to stay. We lay together, kissing and holding each other all of the night.
We new it was over - that it was not going to work, yet we both loved each other very much.
There's a difference.
Give her time - give yourselves time to think things through - then call her when you feel ready.
If all this is true, it makes more sense.
I just really need to confirm and get the truth from her.
She obviously loved you - thats not the point - but is she "In love with you?".
Those are 2 different things.
When I broke up with my ex - that last night we spent together was probably one of the most intimate we'd had in a long time. We both agreed it was over - she wanted me to stay. We lay together, kissing and holding each other all of the night.
We new it was over - that it was not going to work, yet we both loved each other very much.
There's a difference.
Give her time - give yourselves time to think things through - then call her when you feel ready.
Wow that really helped me.
My ex was like you. It was like I was draining her soul like she felt she couldn't measure up no matter what she did and she was under stress the whole time.
Most of that came from my having normal upbringing with loving parents and trying to get her to do the normal love your parents thing and other stuff like that. I was thinking if her relationships with her parents are better then my kids will get along better with their grandparents etc. But to her I think she saw it as me telling her she was a freak unless she could have a loving relationship with her partents which she didn't feel she could ever do.
Even though on one level my behavior was good. On another level it was draining her soul. She used to use phrases like I can't keep doing this when we would break up and get back together (with no guy involved).
Trapspringer
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- May 3, 2003
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I am glad it did. I just hope Asain can see that no matter how hard he tries he won't be able to figure out the real reasons behind all of this at the moment.
My ex said she was thoroughly convinced that I behaved that way because I was cheating on her and found someone else. For over a year she thought about that and believed it but look how far she was off. So it does no good to go insane trying to analyze it all.
My ex said she was thoroughly convinced that I behaved that way because I was cheating on her and found someone else. For over a year she thought about that and believed it but look how far she was off. So it does no good to go insane trying to analyze it all.
iqqi
Master Don Juan
trapspringer, that was a very sad sad story. you remind me of my ex. he used to trip out like that all the time. i could tell that he felt like he wasn't in my league, and he would say things like he couldn't give me everything i deserved, bla bla bla, he was very insecure, and would withdraw and say sh!t like, "all we are going to do is end up breaking up, someone will get very hurt..." and he would just be traumatized and confused and angry and determined all at once.
or he would do really sh!tty things like try to get me pregnant, as if trapping me would be the only way he could be sure id stay. he'd freak me out by asking if i'd get a tattoo with his name on it, would i marry him, would i have his baby? then he'd completely withdraw.
turned out that due to his insecurities with a real healthy relationship, and his fcuked up upbringing, he had developed a kind of "sugarmama" sexual relationship with another instable person twice our age, who basically "cares" for him as if he is a child. in turn he is secure she won't ever leave, due to her age and investment in him. it is very very sad and it broke my heart to find all this out about him.
besides all of his fcuked up issues, i had FAITH in him. he was a great person besides all of that. i never knew anyone like him, maybe never will. like the girl in your story, i would've stayed and helped him through all of that. i tried reassuring, i tried waiting and proving. i would have been with him, if he only had the FAITH in me. but i guess he just couldn't.
"human faith is like a journey i just don't have a map for".
faith is a key word here. you need it to guide you in the darkness of fear and doubt.
also, would you now agree that it truly is better to have love and lost, than to never have loved at all?
or he would do really sh!tty things like try to get me pregnant, as if trapping me would be the only way he could be sure id stay. he'd freak me out by asking if i'd get a tattoo with his name on it, would i marry him, would i have his baby? then he'd completely withdraw.
turned out that due to his insecurities with a real healthy relationship, and his fcuked up upbringing, he had developed a kind of "sugarmama" sexual relationship with another instable person twice our age, who basically "cares" for him as if he is a child. in turn he is secure she won't ever leave, due to her age and investment in him. it is very very sad and it broke my heart to find all this out about him.
besides all of his fcuked up issues, i had FAITH in him. he was a great person besides all of that. i never knew anyone like him, maybe never will. like the girl in your story, i would've stayed and helped him through all of that. i tried reassuring, i tried waiting and proving. i would have been with him, if he only had the FAITH in me. but i guess he just couldn't.
"human faith is like a journey i just don't have a map for".
faith is a key word here. you need it to guide you in the darkness of fear and doubt.
also, would you now agree that it truly is better to have love and lost, than to never have loved at all?
MrBond007
Banned
AsianCowboy:
Go talk to your ex`s father and tell him another guy has been seeing her without you knowing.He will force her to reveal his name. Then someday they will force the guy to Sepekku.
Cheer up.
Go talk to your ex`s father and tell him another guy has been seeing her without you knowing.He will force her to reveal his name. Then someday they will force the guy to Sepekku.
Cheer up.
AsianCowboy
Don Juan
First thing guys, There is no other guy. I would suspect that too, but im 99.9% sure there isnt one.
She has been trying to call me all day today, but i didnt answer. Eventually i just turned off my phone.
She called me on my work number so I had to answer the phone cause i didnt know who it was. Anyway, first thing she saids to me is that she loves me, and is in love with me. I didnt want to talk to her. She said, she has to talk to me. I said if you feel the same way, there is no reason to ever talk again. She tells me, she doesnt feel the same way anymore. She then saids, did i mess things up forever, and if there is no chance of me accepting her back she would leave me alone. I told her I dont know, but she could call me tonight at home, and she could explain herself.
So ill talk to her tonight and see what she has to say.
If she is really sorry, knows she made a mistake, and promises never to do this again. I will give her a second chance. I am more sceptical about love and relationships now, but sorry to say it guys i have to give this one the benefit of doubt, and hopefully she realizes how stupid she was.
She has been trying to call me all day today, but i didnt answer. Eventually i just turned off my phone.
She called me on my work number so I had to answer the phone cause i didnt know who it was. Anyway, first thing she saids to me is that she loves me, and is in love with me. I didnt want to talk to her. She said, she has to talk to me. I said if you feel the same way, there is no reason to ever talk again. She tells me, she doesnt feel the same way anymore. She then saids, did i mess things up forever, and if there is no chance of me accepting her back she would leave me alone. I told her I dont know, but she could call me tonight at home, and she could explain herself.
So ill talk to her tonight and see what she has to say.
If she is really sorry, knows she made a mistake, and promises never to do this again. I will give her a second chance. I am more sceptical about love and relationships now, but sorry to say it guys i have to give this one the benefit of doubt, and hopefully she realizes how stupid she was.
MrBond007
Banned
She is beging to be with you. Now is your chance to get things the way you want:
-Maybe a threesome?
-Maybe other sexual stuff she woudnt do?
Tell her to do it or she can forget about you.
-Maybe a threesome?
-Maybe other sexual stuff she woudnt do?
Tell her to do it or she can forget about you.
OddTech
Senior Don Juan
That quote really stands out. Why would she say that? How can you accept her back if she doesn't "feel the same anymore?"
Get the truth out, and I think she has lost interest in you. If that is the case, there is no way you can take her back. It won't make sense.
PuertoRican_Lover
Banned
You must find out the reason WHY she left!!!!!!!! Nothing will be solved unless you find this reason...taking her back will just be a band-aid - a temporary fix for you.
Nearly two months ago (actually probably much longer than this) she wanted out of the relationship and now she wants back in...what in sam-hill is going on here????
Don't be a chump and take her back without knowing the underyling reasons her heart grew cold. Do an investigation and don't just take her word for it!!! This just doesn't make sense!! And when something doesn't make sense, then you know there is something fundamentally and severely wrong!! Find out what went wrong and see if the 'issue' has been resolved - and do not be so eager to take her back without her paying the price of truth!! Did things not work out with another dude and now she regrets leaving a 'sure thing'.
I know you don't believe in the 'she cheated on me' theory, but most guys are too close to the situation to see the reality. What other legitimate explanation is there of why she left - so far the excuses she gave you are non-sensical. Look at your first post and read again at the reasons you told us. And when things don't make sense then......(see explanation above)!!!!!!
Nearly two months ago (actually probably much longer than this) she wanted out of the relationship and now she wants back in...what in sam-hill is going on here????
Don't be a chump and take her back without knowing the underyling reasons her heart grew cold. Do an investigation and don't just take her word for it!!! This just doesn't make sense!! And when something doesn't make sense, then you know there is something fundamentally and severely wrong!! Find out what went wrong and see if the 'issue' has been resolved - and do not be so eager to take her back without her paying the price of truth!! Did things not work out with another dude and now she regrets leaving a 'sure thing'.
I know you don't believe in the 'she cheated on me' theory, but most guys are too close to the situation to see the reality. What other legitimate explanation is there of why she left - so far the excuses she gave you are non-sensical. Look at your first post and read again at the reasons you told us. And when things don't make sense then......(see explanation above)!!!!!!
