szof
Don Juan
I. Introduction
This is a question that really strikes at the core of the difficulty of the player/DJ lifestyle. At the core of the issue is whether a formal "girlfriend" ("GF") situation is sometimes preferable over the "f*ckfriend" ("FF") situation.
My dilemma? Precisely this issue: I want to turn one of my FFs and, for the first time in years, I want her to be my GF.
Some background: I'm a player. I am a well-travelled, cultured, successful guy with well honed charisma and as a former bodybuilder, I'm also in good shape. I have sex with a new woman about once or twice a month.
II. Issue
Back to the issue. In my journeys I came across my Beatrice. I saw her at a professional networking event and declared I would make her mine. The charm, the sophistication, the elegance, and the beauty had me spun. Swedish, she works out regularly and is plainly hot. To top it off, she speaks 4 languages. I am a person who also networks with corporate and politician types and she is the first woman in a long time I've met that can hold her own in these settings. She would make a perfect woman for Szof.
Utilizing my skills, though on occasion exhibiting to high of an Interest Level ("IL") I did make her mine. On the fourth date, we had sex. For 6 hours (on and off, of course). She came more times than she could count. I had my Beatrice. She declared how her delicate heart was not so easily won, and that I had quickly taken it (and so I was fooled).
a. Szof's Downfall
Then the disease kicked in: one-itis. Spellbound, I called all my FFs and girls who thought I was their Boyfriend but I really wasn't (I call these "de facto FFs") and I dumped them cold. One came to my house at midnight weeping, I did not relent. I thought my new woman was "the one."
The disease soon began to manifest. With her in my arms I poured out my heart: "I have never felt like this for a woman before." In isolation, not that bad of a thing to say. But I said things like this constantly. All very true, but all of which frightened the girl. As the situation began to swirl out of control, she announced she was going to spend the summer abroad in Europe. This was just after a month and maybe a ten encounters or "dates." I lost all semblance of cool and began talking about "our future" and a myriad of things I would laugh at my chumpish friends for saying in times past.
It is an awful thing for a man somewhat skilled at seduction to watch himself fall apart by the dictates of his own treacherous heart. It is like watching train-wreck: you know it will be ugly and you cannot stop its course.
b. Szof's (Limited) Recovery
At this point, she stopped calling me. I had to initate all contact. She would respond to my emails at least a half-day after they were sent (if at all) and then they would be without substance or the sweetness that they had before the emotional avalanche on my part.
Thankfully, I have an ace card. I am good in bed. I have learned from the four dozen women I had been with before her. Knowing women's minds, I knew that I had to play aloof to regain mystery, her attraction, and control. I did this for a week. One day, after work I called her and told her I would be in her neighborhood and could see her "briefly - maybe for an hour." She accepted and I went to her house and I seduced her (the "second seduction"). We had a lot of fun.
Then last night, we made love again. In the midst of it, she said "You know, I'm not just using you." My heart sank. I felt my voice move up an octave. When I say this to a girl, it means "I am using you." I have feelings for this girl. I quickly spat out the most ****y/funny thing that came to my mind. "That's good. But I should tell you, that I am using you." I said, slyly and confidently. She replied, reaching with daggers quietly destined for my heart: "I guess that's ok if we're using each other." The implication being that she is, indeed, using me for sex.
In this shift in our relationship, since the "second seduction," she still does not call me, unless answering my call, and sends me trivial emails. This confirmed my pessimistic inference: that she is, indeed, using me for sex.
III. The Solution
Returning to the issue: I have thus, a woman who wants me for sex. This is all I have left and but for a lack of an ability to lay it properly in the bedroom, I certainly would not have this. My mind tells me to withdraw and to perhaps even leave her. My heart tells me to do whatever it takes to make this woman give me her heart.
What have I done thus far? My preliminary and default instinct tells me to withdraw and become what she thinks she wants me to be: a FF. In my experience, the person who thinks they are "using" tend to fall for the person they are using. The problem with this strategy being that it takes a long time and the object of my affection will be leaving in a month. We are both very busy.
1. I need to get rid of my one-itis. I'm seeing/seducing other girls on the side. Including a charming Russian woman I enjoyed last Tuesday and a delightful nurse from Montana on Thursday. But though they may be physically alluring, they lack my Beatrice's grace, intelligence, and what I have deluded myself into thinking is her femininity. I need a new strategy.
2. I want to get her to WANT me more than just for sex. Many will cry: what for? That is all women are good for! I am a busy man who does eventually want a woman - ONE woman to have around and to build with. I prefer a woman I can respect who arouses in me both physical and non-physical stimulation. None have done it like this girl has. Is my current strategy correct? Keep in mind the 1 month constraint.
3. How can I convince myself to be happy with being FFs with my Beatrice? Maybe I should just leave her since her presence is draining my spirit and heart.
I am consumed with jealousy and the thought of her finding a man in Europe makes me vomitous. I am seldom this jealous or this infatuated. I need to break out of it OR to apply a strategy that might pose a chance. To summarize: my current strategy is (1) being more aloof and (2) seeing other women.
Any comments on this situation and my strategic plan would be appreciated. Particularly if they address my chief two concerns.
-Szof
This is a question that really strikes at the core of the difficulty of the player/DJ lifestyle. At the core of the issue is whether a formal "girlfriend" ("GF") situation is sometimes preferable over the "f*ckfriend" ("FF") situation.
My dilemma? Precisely this issue: I want to turn one of my FFs and, for the first time in years, I want her to be my GF.
Some background: I'm a player. I am a well-travelled, cultured, successful guy with well honed charisma and as a former bodybuilder, I'm also in good shape. I have sex with a new woman about once or twice a month.
II. Issue
Back to the issue. In my journeys I came across my Beatrice. I saw her at a professional networking event and declared I would make her mine. The charm, the sophistication, the elegance, and the beauty had me spun. Swedish, she works out regularly and is plainly hot. To top it off, she speaks 4 languages. I am a person who also networks with corporate and politician types and she is the first woman in a long time I've met that can hold her own in these settings. She would make a perfect woman for Szof.
Utilizing my skills, though on occasion exhibiting to high of an Interest Level ("IL") I did make her mine. On the fourth date, we had sex. For 6 hours (on and off, of course). She came more times than she could count. I had my Beatrice. She declared how her delicate heart was not so easily won, and that I had quickly taken it (and so I was fooled).
a. Szof's Downfall
Then the disease kicked in: one-itis. Spellbound, I called all my FFs and girls who thought I was their Boyfriend but I really wasn't (I call these "de facto FFs") and I dumped them cold. One came to my house at midnight weeping, I did not relent. I thought my new woman was "the one."
The disease soon began to manifest. With her in my arms I poured out my heart: "I have never felt like this for a woman before." In isolation, not that bad of a thing to say. But I said things like this constantly. All very true, but all of which frightened the girl. As the situation began to swirl out of control, she announced she was going to spend the summer abroad in Europe. This was just after a month and maybe a ten encounters or "dates." I lost all semblance of cool and began talking about "our future" and a myriad of things I would laugh at my chumpish friends for saying in times past.
It is an awful thing for a man somewhat skilled at seduction to watch himself fall apart by the dictates of his own treacherous heart. It is like watching train-wreck: you know it will be ugly and you cannot stop its course.
b. Szof's (Limited) Recovery
At this point, she stopped calling me. I had to initate all contact. She would respond to my emails at least a half-day after they were sent (if at all) and then they would be without substance or the sweetness that they had before the emotional avalanche on my part.
Thankfully, I have an ace card. I am good in bed. I have learned from the four dozen women I had been with before her. Knowing women's minds, I knew that I had to play aloof to regain mystery, her attraction, and control. I did this for a week. One day, after work I called her and told her I would be in her neighborhood and could see her "briefly - maybe for an hour." She accepted and I went to her house and I seduced her (the "second seduction"). We had a lot of fun.
Then last night, we made love again. In the midst of it, she said "You know, I'm not just using you." My heart sank. I felt my voice move up an octave. When I say this to a girl, it means "I am using you." I have feelings for this girl. I quickly spat out the most ****y/funny thing that came to my mind. "That's good. But I should tell you, that I am using you." I said, slyly and confidently. She replied, reaching with daggers quietly destined for my heart: "I guess that's ok if we're using each other." The implication being that she is, indeed, using me for sex.
In this shift in our relationship, since the "second seduction," she still does not call me, unless answering my call, and sends me trivial emails. This confirmed my pessimistic inference: that she is, indeed, using me for sex.
III. The Solution
Returning to the issue: I have thus, a woman who wants me for sex. This is all I have left and but for a lack of an ability to lay it properly in the bedroom, I certainly would not have this. My mind tells me to withdraw and to perhaps even leave her. My heart tells me to do whatever it takes to make this woman give me her heart.
What have I done thus far? My preliminary and default instinct tells me to withdraw and become what she thinks she wants me to be: a FF. In my experience, the person who thinks they are "using" tend to fall for the person they are using. The problem with this strategy being that it takes a long time and the object of my affection will be leaving in a month. We are both very busy.
1. I need to get rid of my one-itis. I'm seeing/seducing other girls on the side. Including a charming Russian woman I enjoyed last Tuesday and a delightful nurse from Montana on Thursday. But though they may be physically alluring, they lack my Beatrice's grace, intelligence, and what I have deluded myself into thinking is her femininity. I need a new strategy.
2. I want to get her to WANT me more than just for sex. Many will cry: what for? That is all women are good for! I am a busy man who does eventually want a woman - ONE woman to have around and to build with. I prefer a woman I can respect who arouses in me both physical and non-physical stimulation. None have done it like this girl has. Is my current strategy correct? Keep in mind the 1 month constraint.
3. How can I convince myself to be happy with being FFs with my Beatrice? Maybe I should just leave her since her presence is draining my spirit and heart.
I am consumed with jealousy and the thought of her finding a man in Europe makes me vomitous. I am seldom this jealous or this infatuated. I need to break out of it OR to apply a strategy that might pose a chance. To summarize: my current strategy is (1) being more aloof and (2) seeing other women.
Any comments on this situation and my strategic plan would be appreciated. Particularly if they address my chief two concerns.
-Szof
" Or a more clever variation thereof (I'll be thinking of this all day - any suggestions???).