Female Selective Memory Complex

[darkstarrr]

I originally joined this site lasy year looking for help. My interactions since then have shifted more towards educating myself and others when possible. I feel so empowered now and in control of my life.

After reading a plethora of ebooks, threads/posts, speaking with a variety of friends/family members, and applying my own case studies (failed relationships) I've become intruiged by a phenomenon which I've named the Female Selective Memory Complex.

Vague examples:
Jane dumps Joe. 6 months later Jane sees Joe or old pictures of herself and Joe and it all comes rushing back. She realizes she may have made a mistake. How could she have forgotten how nice it was to be with him, she wonders. She then tries to get in touch with Joe somehow.

Jane dumps Joe. During their last conversation Joe says to Jane - jee - you're acting quite strange.. It's like you don't even have any memory of all the good times we've had together. For example, the time we were in Hawaii and had so much fun. All the times we cooked for each other and held each other. Jane dumbfoundedly says: Oh yea, we did go to Hawaii didn't we, and then proceeds to minimize the capacity and importance of not only the trip but also their entire relationshit.

Those are bad examples. Maybe someone has better ones.

Is this a self-defense mechanism that they use, perhaps subconciously to protect themselves from the effects of the grieving/seperation processes?

I've noticed it in other situations, too.

I've read about people wanting that which they can not have, being drawn to that which eludes them - and most importantly that often times people make conscious decisions and reason consciously based on subconscious drives.

I'm not talking about game, or confidence, or attraction as I know you may have comments based on the poorly worded above examples.

Can anyone elaborate on how selective memory can play into our interactions with women? Do you have any curious experiences where you have encountered selctive memory from a female? Is it more rampant with the inafantile minded ones? Meaning, if I successfully qualify my plates before letting things get more serious, am I less likely to encounter a flip-the-scriptor ?

:trouble:

 

[Deep Dish]

Is this a self-defense mechanism that they use, perhaps subconciously to protect themselves from the effects of the grieving/seperation processes?

I have read scientific articles on memory and that is how memory works. In essence, we remember only two things: how things end and how the ending made us feel. In fact, your memory of events is never the same. Every time you recall a memory, it slightly changes, and these changes accumulate with time.

 

[Mr. Me]

Jane dumps Joe. 6 months later Jane sees Joe or old pictures of herself and Joe and it all comes rushing back. She realizes she may have made a mistake. How could she have forgotten how nice it was to be with him, she wonders. She then tries to get in touch with Joe somehow.

This is true of men and women; the looking back and selectively recalling only the good times. It's usually the dumped person who has those thoughts, since the one doing the dumping is typically sure of their decision, which is why they could dump you without thinking more about it.

The "maybe I made a mistake" is based on seeing past events through that filter. When the Dumper thinks that, it's because NOW they've been OUT of the situation for some time, the sitch that caused them grief, so they aren't living with the day to day crap that made them want to get out anymore. Not experiencing that anymore, the negative feelings dissipate in time, leaving whatever remaining positives, especially if they've stayed in contact and the dumped one has modified their behavior to make every contact pleasant instead of the stuff that drove her away (and so may have built up the positives).

Jane dumps Joe. During their last conversation Joe says to Jane - jee - you're acting quite strange.. It's like you don't even have any memory of all the good times we've had together. For example, the time we were in Hawaii and had so much fun. All the times we cooked for each other and held each other. Jane dumbfoundedly says: Oh yea, we did go to Hawaii didn't we, and then proceeds to minimize the capacity and importance of not only the trip but also their entire relation****.

That's when the bad things in the relationship outweigh the good and snuffs out whatever positive feelings there are. We focus more on what bothers us then what pleasures us.

These things have nothing to do with "infantile minds" nor are they gender specific.

I'd guess your Freudian slip in the quote above of calling a relationship a "relationsh1t" may suggest you're not quite over your own process yet...

Your self-education in these things is admirable, you thinking how they apply and calling them whatever you want to call them is you coming to understand how people tick. Keep going, you'll get it. It never ends, actually. But this is stuff would be good to ask your shrink about. You want informed knowledge, not anecdotal opinions.

 

[Luthor Rex]

Let me break this down to the basics for you:

1.) Most people live in a ****ing fantasy world.

2.) Most people you will ever meet are idiots.

Put "fantasy world" and "idiot" into a pot, stir, and you get the screw-ups we have running around in today's world. Civilization is a zoo for human beings and that zoo allows the idiot-fantasy-tards to survive.

Go watch the movie Idiocracy, it's a documentary I swear.

 

[jophil28]

Let me break this down to the basics for you:

1.) Most people live in a ****ing fantasy world.

2.) Most people you will ever meet are idiots.

Put "fantasy world" and "idiot" into a pot, stir, and you get the screw-ups we have running around in today's world. Civilization is a zoo for human beings and that zoo allows the idiot-fantasy-tards to survive.

Go watch the movie Idiocracy, it's a documentary I swear.

Ha ha , yep...

THat is all you need to know Darkie.

And hopefully, Luthors post has removed the need for a 10,000 word pretentious dissertation from anyone else.

 

[Jitterbug]

Can anyone elaborate on how selective memory can play into our interactions with women? Do you have any curious experiences where you have encountered selctive memory from a female?

Have you ever argued with a woman?

 

[jophil28]

Have you ever argued with a woman?

OR even tried to "reason" with one ?

 

[Luthor Rex]

OR even tried to "reason" with one ?

I did... and when that didn't work I gave her a second black eye.

I warned her to not make me have to tell her twice!