Female perspective on "the one that got away"

[AW1983]

Thought this was interesting. The whole article is laced with regret over what at the time was no doubt the innate urge to ride the **** carousel even though the dude was great. Ironically it seems more like it should be titled "The one I threw away".

http://natashascripture.com/blog/

 

[backbreaker]

I'm that guy for a couple of women. It seems like women 40-50 years ago knew what a man looked like at a lot earlier age but now women just think like they will never get old and guys will always oggle over them or something


Crystal, she was n ot the prettist girl i ever dated, though she wasn't ugly at all. she was very cute. we had a lot in common, she was a year older than me, spoiled rotten, she was a horsey girl as well. we actually dated for a while, about half a year, i liked her enough to stop spinning other plates. but her expectations were just so damn unrealistic and she was so pessimistic about life and just so childish i said screw this. she was so trivial that we basically broke up / she got pissy because i would not buy a race horse i was looking at buyi8ng one day. it was a mare by end sweep that i could have gotten a pretty good deal on but i slept it over and changed my mind, i wasn't crazy about her i was more crazy abo ut the price. she got pissy and called me a chronic bull****ter who never plans to do anything (note this is 2 years after i sold my first company).

now she is 30 years old and living with her cat and little **** dog whatever it is. even more irnoic everything she called me a bull****ter on i have basically done already. just on my terms and time table.

we stay in semi contact because she works for the farm that i keep my 2 horses at so whenever i have to pay the vet bill or pay the farm bill i have to see / talk to her. lol in a fvcked up twist of fate everytime she sees the yearling and broodmare i own she porbably thinks of me. thats kinda funny lol. i never thought of it like that. she in so many words basically has told me that she misses me and how "we all make mistakes" in life lol

the girl that brought me here, we see each other when i go back to town. she's freaking miserable. her only solace is spending whatever money her husband has which isn't a hell of alot. she is quite hot but not talanted enough to move up in her job (newscaster, she is stuck doing on location news stuff), her husband is pretty much in the same boat as the only way he got his job was becuase his dad is the boss. she tried to make the "prudent" long term play and horribly misjudged. when i first moved out here she would hit that she was still available under the right terms and i shot that down with the quickness not intererested. she's not really even a bad person just not what i wanted in a woman anymore.


in my experience with women i have learned that women will automatically classify themselves. women rarely if ever marry out of their class. even when they try to move up they screw it up by having bad "pickers". my philosophy on this is that women look for things they are familiar with in a man, from queues they take from around them. my wife's father is about the only man i have ever met that could oult work me in a day. he's owns a stupidly huge farm and is retired, and my wife has a trust fund setup that she is taken care of regardless of what i do becuase of him. even though he's white and i'm black and he's old and i am young we are two peas in a pot personality wise and needless to say when she got to know me she rely became comfortable with me and how i work and almost instinvtly knew how to deal with me beucdase she deals with her dad everyday.


like, kat, the girl newscaster i was taking about, she would always talk about what she wanted to be, hwo she wanted to live, but see, growing up, all that was based off what she wanted, not what she was or what she knew. she was (smoking) hot figured that if she got in front of a camera her career woudl take off. she wanted a man that is very successful but she doesn't know any men who are extremely successful.l her dad is a middle class alcoholic who can't keep a job. so when a woman like this is confronted with the traits of what she wants she usually doesn't know what she is looking at. if that makes sense. the man that comes home, cracks open a beer at 6:30pm and watches TV i\s what she associates with a successful man or in her man how a normal man is supposed to act if that makes any sense.

James Allen, as a man thinkith,l i read it every morning or at least a portion of it. There is a line in the book that jumps off page, which is hard to do in a book chalk full of memorable quotes.

men do not attract what they want but what they are

these women, are not or where not attracted to me, because i was not what they were at the time. i never was just a free spender big shot type guy like crystal wanted me to be. i'm not a corporate 9 to 5er alcoholic strive to be middle class type guy like kat is.

It's only really NOW, in retrospect that we have went our ways and I have done my thing and the fruits of my labor are really starting to show, that they realize the errors of their ways. For that I have zero love or give a ****ness about. tough **** babe. kat, the same girl that called me one day to let me her her getting railed lol, for no other reason than she could, i'm supposed to give a **** about you being married at 28 to a man with a dead end job and you being up to debt in your eyeballs trying to spend yourself happy? sorry i'm not.

lol i'm not even going to waste my time talking about the girl who told me straight up i wasn't "hood" enough for her or the other girl who broke up with me and bragged to me about dating a high school drop out.

 

[AW1983]

BB, you should author a blog man, analyzing each of your dating experiences and the lessons to be drawn from each respectively. I always dig your posts. I too am that for a couple of girls out there. One of them blew me off when I was 17-18 and thought I was going to be on the back-burner forever. When I got married a couple years later she wrote me a long calligraphy-accented letter about how much she regretted f-ing it up with me. Tough sh!t sister.

 

[backbreaker]

one of the girls that treated me like absolute ****, actually isn't doing to hot right now. she is quite strung out. I saw her about a year ago and it was pretty bad she is a shell of herself.

part of us wants to show a woman that you know see what you missed, but at the same time, i can't take it so far as to say that i want them to suffer. it was pretty bad seeing a girl i used to have feelings for just a junkie. she looked 35 and she's 2 years younger than me and this is a year ago. that experience humbled me a lot.

I don't want to see girls that decided i wasn't for them suffer. at least like she is. I mean she isn't a rocket scientist but she had some potential, just a fun loving spunky girl that got caught up with the wrong crowd. another girl i dated in high school still works at the same taco bell she did when we were in high school. execpt now she has 2 kids.

i mean at that point, i don't need to rub it in. i did already for myself but do i really have to tell you that you are a loser? be the bigger man, dont' be a jerk like they were to you (And both of these girls did me absolutely wrong just makes no sense wrong one got gangbaned at a party on our 8 month anny, lol then blamed me for not being thuggish/ black enough). at that point i had every right to rub it in both of their faces but i don't hae to take it there.


as someone said here the best revenge is just living well. i don't' event hink of it as revenge anymore. i don't wake up every morning and think "yes i'm going to get back at them today by making more money lol" i just do me. when you start going back and thinking about women that you are giving it to you are just as bad as they are. also, if you are the person going back looking at your past lovers that is not a good sign lol. the fact that a woman acknowledges that one got away pretty much admits defeat in the dating game.

 

[Burroughs]

Hot 8hb+ women have no inclination to look long term to see what a man's future might hold. They simply do not care.

take say a young steve jobs or bill gates

Do you think even 1% of hb 8+ (the type of women both dated and married after they made money) would give either of them the time of day when they were younger if they walked into a bar?

oh helllz naw!

Not until they started to get fame.

Otherwise you would see chicks traveling far and wide to hang out around Harvard and MIT undergrad lounges

Women have little or no ability to pick the kind of dudes that might actually give them a good life later on WHILE THEY ARE IN THEIR PICKY HOT STAGE. Sure they will look for a provider when they are 32+ but what billionaire would want them then...you got to nab a billionaire BEFORE his series A round.

Now you might say that is hypergamy...but hey even nerds have feelings...and they remember the hoez that turned them down after the $$$$ comes in.

 

[backbreaker]

Hot 8hb+ women have no inclination to look long term to see what a man's future might hold. They simply do not care.

take say a young steve jobs or bill gates

Do you think even 1% of hb 8+ (the type of women both dated and married after they made money) would give either of them the time of day when they were younger if they walked into a bar?

oh helllz naw!

Not until they started to get fame.

Otherwise you would see chicks traveling far and wide to hang out around Harvard and MIT undergrad lounges

Women have little or no ability to pick the kind of dudes that might actually give them a good life later on WHILE THEY ARE IN THEIR PICKY HOT STAGE. Sure they will look for a provider when they are 32+ but what billionaire would want them then...you got to nab a billionaire BEFORE his series A round.

Now you might say that is hypergamy...but hey even nerds have feelings...and they remember the hoez that turned them down after the $$$$ comes in.

you are making a bunch of sweeping generalizations. step back and realize that's just as bad as the ditzy hb9 who does not care what you will be doing or look like 5 years from now.

why you are hellbent on classifying all women on an extremely subjective grading scale is beyond me.

i can name, off the top of my head, countless amoutns of examples that directly rebute what you stated. Red Pollard, the jockey of the famous horse seabiscuit, met his wife when he was a cripple and no one knew if he would ever walk again. she saw something in him that no one else saw and contrary to the rest of her families wishes married the man. and yes she was hot, at least hot for a woman in the 1930's. and she was a nurse. No one being more famous or imfamous than our fouth presidents wife dolly madison who was the equivalent of today's HB9 with that rack of hers, marrying a short bookworm nerd who at the time no one knew when at the time she could have basically pointed at a guy and he would have been hers. she saw somethign in him that no one else saw at the time, she saw a leader of men.

you can take the generalizations, women bashing to the general forum. i see it all the time there and i dont' even bother with the stpuidity and the justifications based on no experience with the opposite sex, but i let it past beucase that place is beyond hope but i can't let it slide here. this sub forum will not become that. we don't do stupid generalizations of women here. we try to learn and get better and understand. your post reeks of bitterness and the loss of hope.

let's break down what you said. and to some extent i would even agree to you. yes, women who are deemed very attractive by the majority of men are not forced to look beyond the now when it comes to men. alot of them get sucked into the trap of thinking they will always have it made, guys will always want them, they will always be at the "top of the food chain". but not all women. some have very strong father figures who do a good job of showing the qualities that a woman shoudl look for in a man (i.e my wife). also some women who you deem hot are very late bloomers and are not used to the attention that men give them as they did not have it their entire lives. they don't feel entitled. My oneitis girl that brought me here is the type of girl that expected every man to look at her when she walked in a room because all her life, men drooled over her when she walked in a room. my wife is somewhat of a late bloomer but no where near as bad as crystal the girl i used to date who was just honestly, b utt ugly and fat growing up lol. bottle thick glasses, overweight and had an emo deal going on. 50 pounds later, contacts and breasts lol she actually became quite attractive. she still has fat girl syndrome. she doesn't like to be seen naked evn though she has a rocking figure. a girl in AA who i knew who every guy here would at least classify as a 8.5 was at one point 200 pounds and like she to this day is so shy around me she doesn't even know how to flirt right. i remember she took me or she followed me to the mall one day and was telling me about this guy who she liked (me) bt she didn't know how to tell him. i'm like girl this is **** i did in jr high you are 21 years old.

let me use another example. saying all hot women do not care about the future would be just like sayingg all trust fund babies will never know the meaning of hard work. it's the exact same principle at play.. someone who is given something freely (attention or in this case money) that the vast majority of people have to work for, and they take it for granted. to some extent that true. but saying ALL trust fund babies don't work hard or won't ever work hard would be a false statement. it's a combination of upbringing, their parents, their education, their personal intelligence, their own ambitions in life, etc.

my point being is that generalizations get yo8u no where. generalizations are excuses to quit. just saying all hot women are stupid is about the stupidst thing i have ever read on this forum and i have read quite a bit of stupid stuff.

 

[Burroughs]

you are making a bunch of sweeping generalizations. step back and realize that's just as bad as the ditzy hb9 who does not care what you will be doing or look like 5 years from now.

why you are hellbent on classifying all women on an extremely subjective grading scale is beyond me.

you have to be harsh about these things

time is the one thing you never get back

 

[Burroughs]

just saying all hot women are stupid .

i didn't say that.

and if you are 'inferring' that from what I wrote then you have a comprehension problem

 

[backbreaker]

reading that article, i think the better and more fruitful question is how do you know when a woman has settled for you. after reading that article again i could not stop myself from thinking about how bad that girl's or a girl like that's current man must have it.

everyone likes to think that they are the woman's first choice but that is not realistic. o

even better, one of my wife's overweight friends, i have spoken about her before. she is in a relationship that i just think is the most facnisting **** on earth lol. neither of them, well actually she has confided in my wiffe, but i can just tell by his actions.. they both settled for each other.

you know, in a normal relationship, you know, usually one of the 2 feels "lucky" or like they made the best choice they could have made at least, lusually the guy. a healthy relationship is one where both parties know they have a good match. but this ****, i have never seen any **** like this in my life. I feel like one of those nature dudes out in the wild looking at some exotic cat in it's habitat or something lol. both of them, feel like they settled for each other.

like, she is just stupid. she thinks being over 200 pounds with a **** load of debt and a child on Ritalin is grade A catch materijal i suppose but she just won't like, lfully commit to the relationship. she always has her eye out for something better. like her baby daddy every time he comes around, and even pretends like he wants to act right she gets all giddy despite the fact that she lives with another man she doesn't give a ****. she will happily blow her baby daddy into oblivion if she could. i will admit from what i know of her baby daddy, which isnt' a hell of alot he's a better catch than her current man but she fvcked that up with the weight gain. that and just being constantly lazy and stupid. what i am saying si she can't actually do any better than what she has but she thinks she can how i don't know. hell i htink the guy is above her pay grade honestly and she thinks she can do better.

the guy, will flirt, look, talk to any thing that remotly is interested in him. he makes absouyl no qualms about trying to cheat when h is girl is not around. like when we are BBQing you know how the girls usually do girly **** and the guys are grilling and drinking beer the guy will fvck a fish if it moved right. he has a dead end job, he has 2 kids of his own,he's not horrible looking honestly, if he got in the gym he would be pretty handsome dude, but i just don't see his situation getting better. he probably could if he had some game improve his female situation. think he could do better than her. but, why date her in the first place.

these two people who swear to themselves they can do better, live with each other, i assume have sex with each other, and both of them have one foot out the door at all times. it's like at some point you have to ask yourself WTF am i doing here.

i suppose amber's mom and dad were like that. my dad actually slept with my GF's mom (true story) when i was 21 (Amber) when we as a 4some went out to a night club. she was married at the time. amber told me they don't evene sleep in the same bed anymore.

 

[Poonani Maker]

it was pretty bad seeing a girl i used to have feelings for just a junkie. she looked 35 and she's 2 years younger than me and this is a year ago. that experience humbled me a lot.

Like this? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_0Mi5Q-ExZ8&feature=g-all-blg&context=G2a04b9dFAAAAAAAAEAA

 

[wait_out]

Your link does not work alpha whiskey.

I poked around a bit though... I have to say the girl is obviously intelligent and ambitious but seems to have a few blind spots.

1) She styles herself as a journo but from the few articles I've scratched up on her freelance section, guess what? Every article she linked to is about herself!!! There are publicity hounds out there (RYP, Michael Yon) but they still care about their content. Not to mention actual pros like Sebastien Junger or Dexter Filkins who put the story 1st!

2) She comes across a bit like a grade school girl, ie. she can't resist cutting down men that want to date her to build herself up, or qualifying herself to her audience ("I look like Angelina Jolie's love child").

3) She complains about her difficult love life yet she's involved in the WFP and frequent travel in sketchy foreign locales. You can't have a regular love life when your schedule is so demanding. She's too smart not to know this, this is 2+2 makes 4. This isn't something you can minimize.

4) She has a terribly cliche photo of herself cuddling adorable refugee children. Here is the infantry officer in me coming out... how about you stop the photo-op to impress your friends on FB Ms. Scripture and DO YOUR FUVCKING JOB INSTEAD!!! :kick:

This is a terrible generalization but it all seems awfully narcissistic, maybe she is different in real-life but it's the impression I get. If so it's almost a lock you end up alone, you can't be satisfied even when all the pieces are there. If that's the case, "the one that got away" would probably have been kicked to the curb if he'd stuck around anyway.

I hate to judge too quickly, but I've met a few girls like this (even if the author is not among them) and I see resume-building as a red flag. It's obviously different if they're motivated by the work, not how they present themselves at parties. Many girls want the perfect partner but don't think at ALL beyond themselves. It's just part of our current epidemic of egocentrism, which quite frankly is just as bad among men. You will be a better "listener" and hence DJ, husband, gf or wife if you're balanced. If not, you risk ending up like the parade of Slate/Salon/Atlantic/Huffington writers crying about not understanding how their dating strategy didn't pay-off as expected while they trash their available options.

 

[AW1983]

Your link does not work alpha whiskey.

Huh, it was working. Maybe she saw the link from here in her server logs and took it down haha. Next time I will have to quote it...

 

[Greasy Pig]

That chick's blog really resonated with me because, almost word for word, her experience mirrored my last STR.
She was 23 and broke it off because "we are at different stages in our lives blah blah blah..."
She reckons she has this plan to establish her career and see the world and then settle down when she's 30.
I told her I wasn't ready to get married or "settle down" but she'd made up her mind.
As it turned out, she (and I'm sure the blogger as well) just wanted to get out and see what other guys are out there.
There are a few points to draw from this:
1. The feminist handbook tells women they can have it all. That they can fvck as many guys as they want (and fvck them over), have a great career, travel etc, and then just take their pick of all the nice beta providers out there once they hit 30. This attitude stinks because once a woman hits 30 (even 25 IMO), they tend to put on a few pounds and lose their beauty and natural firmness.
What self-respecting guy is going to marry that? So therefore, the feminist mantra is intrinsically flawed.
2. Most young people these days - not just women - are extremely selfish and I'm sure regret will hit them like a tonne of bricks when they look back at all the good, decent men they brushed simply because they didn't fit their bullsht life plan. I have no sympathy. If you like someone, why get rid of them just because of age difference or a "he's great but I wish I'd met him five years from now" crazy sh1t?
3. I find myself wanting to be successful as a sort of revenge on the girls who've brushed me in the past.
It's probably not healthy - and I really do want success (money) for my own benefit - but it's a very good motivator for me.
I really hope these chicks see me one day in a fancy sports car and living in a beachside condo and feel regret for the rest of their lives.
I especially hope they try to come crawling back so I can laugh at them (preferably after boning them again) as I ride off into the subset.

Am I bitter? A little. But stories like that blog just make me mad that women can be so selfish, arrogant and mercenary at men's expense.

 

[Nutz]

Hot 8hb+ women have no inclination to look long term to see what a man's future might hold. They simply do not care.

take say a young steve jobs or bill gates

Do you think even 1% of hb 8+ (the type of women both dated and married after they made money) would give either of them the time of day when they were younger if they walked into a bar?

oh helllz naw!

Not until they started to get fame.

Otherwise you would see chicks traveling far and wide to hang out around Harvard and MIT undergrad lounges

Women have little or no ability to pick the kind of dudes that might actually give them a good life later on WHILE THEY ARE IN THEIR PICKY HOT STAGE. Sure they will look for a provider when they are 32+ but what billionaire would want them then...you got to nab a billionaire BEFORE his series A round.

Now you might say that is hypergamy...but hey even nerds have feelings...and they remember the hoez that turned them down after the $$$$ comes in.

While I agree with the gist of this post, i'm quoting it mainly for posterity since he doesn't have his age in his profile yet and will likely see his post deleted.


Also, her blog is deleted. Did anyone get a screen cap or can you post a copy of what she wrote?

 

[Greasy Pig]

Fuk, I only saved the link in my favourites.
Basically, she met up with her ex. He was 30, she was 20. Great guy, good relationship etc and she dumped him because of the age difference and being at "different stages in their lives".
When she met him again 10 years later, he was married, fit, successful and still handsome. She started wondering why the hell she broke up with him and couldn't believe something so petty as age difference influenced her decision.

She sees him as the one that got away but qualified it by saying she wouldn't have seen his true worth if she hadn't gone out into the world and seen how many douchebags were out there.
In other words, like many women, she wanted her cake and to eat it too but ended up with nothing but a head full of "what ifs".
I say bad fvcking luck.

 

[st_99]

qualified it by saying she wouldn't have seen his true worth if she hadn't gone out into the world and seen how many douchebags were out there.

And that is exactly what makes "the one that got away" a pointless topic. Because its only a hindsight concept, its like hating yourself because you did not correctly predict the future. I knew I shouldn't have sold Apple stock at 300, its now 600, Darn! Well, I don't have a crystal ball so can't really worry about it.

This girl may meet a great guy next week and her "one that got away" feelings will vanish just like that, then she'll be saying, oh wait, I was right to not be with that other guy.

 

[Burroughs]

And that is exactly what makes "the one that got away" a pointless topic. Because its only a hindsight concept, its like hating yourself because you did not correctly predict the future. I knew I shouldn't have sold Apple stock at 300, its now 600, Darn! Well, I don't have a crystal ball so can't really worry about it.

This girl may meet a great guy next week and her "one that got away" feelings will vanish just like that, then she'll be saying, oh wait, I was right to not be with that other guy.

yes 100%

Bottom line is the girl is an attractive journalist and travels the world on a regular basis

If she can't find a compliant dude to shack up with her and donate some sperm in the femcentric world we live in then she is setting her standards waaay too high and she is not as awesome as she thinks she is

10:1 its a lifestyle thing, chicks over 30 really need to have that 400K plus salary guy to pay for the vacations and second house, doesn't seem to matter that she's a journalist and made choices in life.

 

[Nutz]

By the way, if you guys missed it, check out RT's blog entries on Alpha Widows. Good stuff.

 

[Poonani Maker]

We talk about virgins being better than a woman who's fvcked and discarded 10+ boyfriends, but I've had virgins and near virgins who just didn't do it for me. Virgins can have non-tight po0n and not fit YOU, your body, well, thus making it awkward to kiss. Imagine getting married to a girl just cause she's a virgin, or only wanting to fvck a girl just. cause, she's. a. virgin or close to being one. Really, to me, it's all about her body matching up to mine for ease of fvcking, and fvcking well, linking up like linking logs. Find a woman that fits YOU, or your nature, else either you will be forever trying to change her, or vice versa. Women should be thinking the same as well, cause the wrong guy (tall fatas5 on a short thin woman) fvcking them is not gonna be too fun for them over the long haul, even for a one-time bang. A woman paired with the right guy, physically, should care less and less about money.

 

[zekko]

Well damn, she was only 20. It's not that realistic to expect her to settle down at that young an age. A lot of women do it, but you can't expect it.

She sees him as the one that got away but qualified it by saying she wouldn't have seen his true worth if she hadn't gone out into the world and seen how many douchebags were out there.

I'm sure that's true. We tell guys to go experience many different women so they can learn what's out there, and what a quality girl really looks like. It's not unreasonable to expect women to learn the same lessons. They should "shop around" and see what's out there too, but hopefully not becoming a slvt in the process.