female friends - should you listen to them?

[coin]

I am not completely over the object of my oneitis yet (she blew me off on Thursday). However, I ended up going out Thursday, Friday and Saturday night.

Friday night I had my budding DJ skills on and was hanging out with friends. I had been drinking a little so I started sharing my oneitis situation with a couple of my female friends.

My question - should I take their advice? Is it good to take advice from female friends in general?

My oneitis' birthday is coming up next Friday, and my female friends think I should email her. Not ask her out or anything, just a simple "happy birthday." My DJ instincts are suggesting that I don't contact her AT ALL, even to say happy birthday (which is something I would do for a friend).

They gave me this crap about how I am refusing to let go of my pride, and sometimes you have to let yourself be a little vulnerable, etc, etc. As a DJ in training, I think that sounds like BS, and I told them.

The next night I went out with them again and had a little bit too much to drink - my DJ facade caved and I told my 2 female friends that I couldn't stop thinking about my oneitis. Now I am really embarrassed that I lost control like that last night.

Still while drunk, I told one of my female friends that I was really grateful to her for trying to cheer me up this past weekend and get my mind off the other girl. She told me again, that I needed to let go of my pride and suck it up, just email her on her birthday.

...what to do?? As an aside, I think I learned an important lesson last night. A DJ can get buzzed, but a DJ should never get drunk. You lose too much control over your thoughts and emotions.

 

[golf299]

stop blaming the drinks and start blaming yourself. dont email her on her birthday. dont ever email her. move on. forget about her. move on. find someone else. move on.

 

[In Sync]

Get drunk if you want. It's a laugh.

No-one cares what you do when you're drunk.

 

[Ronin I]

It doesn't matter if you email her or not.

What matters is your mindset about the whole thing. If you are obsessing about her than you probably should just move on.

 

[Anson]

Originally posted by coin
A DJ can get buzzed, but a DJ should never get drunk. You lose too much control over your thoughts and emotions.

I would like to know does this hold true for most DJ's? Because for my amazement, I have never done any AFC manouvers while drunk. And sometimes I really get my head completely loaded, I mean I'm worse than Boris Yeltsin when it comes to drinking, but I've NEVER lost control of what I say. On the contrary; I feel like I start saying what I truly feel once I get drunk, as there is nothing to stop me from speaking... and in that way, I go even more DJ than when not drunk

How many of you people do AFC things when drunk?

And I think you should always listen to what female friends say (altough I wouldn't whine to them about having a one-itis, that's AFC)... but that doesn't mean that you should do exactly as they say. You must use common sense and decide yourself what would be the least AFC thing to do in your situation...

 

[TesuqueRed]

I won't say that liquor brings out the truth, but if you are a real DJ sober, you should pretty much remain so drunk, too.

Some random thoughts:

Completely ignore the one-itis' birthday. Don't even mention it a week later. Birthdays are meaningless, btw, only chicks, children and AFCs attach any importance to them (ok, that's IMO, but I think it bears out...)

You're getting pathetic with your (non-GF) girl friends. They may be so very understanding, but this is how they'd treat one of their own who was devastated over some guy. In short: you're one of their girlfriends and they are being your emotional tampon---which seems reversed from the usual AFC arrangement but isn't--you've got girlfriends (or girlfriend-like dude) on both sides of the equation.

Sounds like you will spend more time agonizing over one-itis chick for a while more yet. It may feel like you've hit bottom already, but you'd be surprised how low that can be. Or--no one really mentions this--hitting bottom may not be a single point, it could well be a number of months or years scraping along it. Ouch.

Anyway, she blew you off Thursday and you want to do something to get her attention on her b-day---??? Usually the blow-off means she's history (or, at best, goes way to the back of the line..)

Consider this: just imagine how she must look down on you if she intentionally blows you off Thursday, makes up some lame excuse that everyone knows is lame, and then you come back within days with a card, an e-mail, or a gift?

Can't imagine? I work with a number of girls who are in situations like this. It would make your hair rise to listen to their candid opinions of these guys. Viscious. But who can blame them? The AFC guys pursuing them--while nice--are pathetic and can't seem to buy a clue. They just keep taking crap and saying "thank you."

And--amazingly (or not) the girls will keep these AFCs strung along but at a very safe distance if the girls don't have anyone else they're interested in pursuing them at the moment. Save your pride--cut all contact with her and don't go back.

 

[ulsterman]

I used to do stupid things like LISTEN TO GIRLY CRAP on how to deal with one's oneitis, or worse still, ACT ON SAID GIRLY CRAP.

No DJ should EVER send a wussy, supine, spineless, testosteroneless, emasculated, unmanly birthday greeting to a girl who has just dumped him. All it's saying is "I am a needy Beta wimp and I'm yours anytime you want me - feel free to walk all over my heart, my goddess". The only thing you can do is make like a DJ and be "easy" about the whole affair. Start the process by booting this wench off whatever pedestal you have her on, and continue it by not so much as giving her a second thought. And be sure, by your actions rather than words, that your girly friends discover this about you too, preferrably before you wussify yourself even more in their sight as well. Remember Solomon's wisdom, "Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles" (Prov 21:23).

 

[Microphone Fiend]

Originally posted by coin

They gave me this crap about how I am refusing to let go of my pride, and sometimes you have to let yourself be a little vulnerable, etc, etc. As a DJ in training, I think that sounds like BS, and I told them..
When you go and approach someone you don't know, you are putting your pride at risk and can be very vulnerable, it shows confidence which people like to see. You have to let go of your pride in life.

Still while drunk, I told one of my female friends that I was really grateful to her for trying to cheer me up this past weekend and get my mind off the other girl. She told me again, that I needed to let go of my pride and suck it up, just email her on her birthday.

...what to do?? As an aside, I think I learned an important lesson last night. A DJ can get buzzed, but a DJ should never get drunk. You lose too much control over your thoughts and emotions

I don't think there's anything wrong woth wishing her a happpy birthday, unless you want somehing more out of it. You have to move on, the sooner the better. GFTOW and learn from your successes AND your mistakes.

On a unrelated note, drinking shouldn't be done too often. and if you decide to drink do it because you are happy or celebrating NOT because you are sad, because you cannot drink your problems away, they will be there tommorow along with a bad hangover. It looks soo sad to see people try and drink there problems away.
In Sync Alphas don't use "getting drunk" as a time to show their real emotions, they do it all the time. Doing it when you are drunk shows you care what people say about you and use drinking as a mask for your true intentions which is LAME

Anson The problem is not doing something afc (talking to women about your problems isn't btw) but the problem is when you do something you know you'll regret such as telling your secret to others (or waking up with that one-legged 700lbs chick that kept winking at you)

 

[Anson]

Re: Re: female friends - should you listen to them?

Originally posted by Microphone Fiend
Anson The problem is not doing something afc (talking to women about your problems isn't btw) but the problem is when you do something you know you'll regret such as telling your secret to others (or waking up with that one-legged 700lbs chick that kept winking at you)

Uhm... I don't really do that either while drunk lol... but it's interresting to know that some people do lose control over their thoughts while drunk. Well, like they say, alcohol affects everyone in a different way...

By the way, I never said that talking to women about your problems would be AFC - I think I mentioned earlier in this thread that getting advice from women is always a good thing as long as you remember not to follow it if it happens to be an AFCish advice (like they usually are). Still, hearing the opinions of other people can never hurt you.

But it is one thing to ask for someone's help and quite another to sit down and start complaining about your life with friends or in some cases even with strangers. Of course I can't tell which one it is in this particular case. But if coin wouldn't normally want to talk about his life to these friends like that, then it seems to me like an AFC manouver. But of course coin would know it better than me.

 

[htemorp]

Originally posted by coin
I am not completely over the object of my oneitis yet (she blew me off on Thursday). However, I ended up going out Thursday, Friday and Saturday night.

Friday night I had my budding DJ skills on and was hanging out with friends. I had been drinking a little so I started sharing my oneitis situation with a couple of my female friends.

My question - should I take their advice? Is it good to take advice from female friends in general?

My oneitis' birthday is coming up next Friday, and my female friends think I should email her. Not ask her out or anything, just a simple "happy birthday." My DJ instincts are suggesting that I don't contact her AT ALL, even to say happy birthday (which is something I would do for a friend).

They gave me this crap about how I am refusing to let go of my pride, and sometimes you have to let yourself be a little vulnerable, etc, etc. As a DJ in training, I think that sounds like BS, and I told them.

The next night I went out with them again and had a little bit too much to drink - my DJ facade caved and I told my 2 female friends that I couldn't stop thinking about my oneitis. Now I am really embarrassed that I lost control like that last night.

Still while drunk, I told one of my female friends that I was really grateful to her for trying to cheer me up this past weekend and get my mind off the other girl. She told me again, that I needed to let go of my pride and suck it up, just email her on her birthday.

...what to do?? As an aside, I think I learned an important lesson last night. A DJ can get buzzed, but a DJ should never get drunk. You lose too much control over your thoughts and emotions.

Here's my experience with female friends' advices...VERY VERY VERY VERY BAD! They're not your sister's advice, cause chances are they don't really care that much about you. On top of that, these female friends may have feelings for you, and want to sabotage this or watch you going through drama for their entertainment. I would say stick with this site and that's it.

You're absolutely right about getting drunk, when you're emotional, alcohol makes you twice as much emotional. If you gonna drink when you're down, don't drink among people you know...you'll lose respects the next morning.

 

[coin]

Getting other people to feel sorry for you is fundamentally AFC behavior. I just figured that out, and that's the real reason I acted the way I did yesterday - I felt sorry for myself and I wanted other people to feel the same way.

Won't make that mistake twice!

Thanks for the responses.

P.S. I won't send her any 'happy birthday' greeting.

 

[Jay26]

Yep, TesuqueRed has some good points, don't send it and move on.

Too many people on this site let other people treat them badly/use them. This girl doesn't care about you, or respect you, stop trying to make excuses for her.

One day you'll snap out of it and see the light.

 

[Walden]

Never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever listen to women's advice on women.Woman derived advice almost always points you straight to AFC.

"What you should do is go straight to the friend zone and then totally offer youself to the girl and let her decide how she wants the relationship to go....."

Would you listen to a deer's advice on hunting?

 

[DJGD]

Getting other people to feel sorry for you is fundamentally AFC behavior. I just figured that out

Good on ya mate! Pity is the LAST thing you want. If someone pitys you then you lose a lot of their respect. And apparantly real men don't want pity.

So I guess I'm not a real man. Although a neophyte DJ, I find that it is very useful to keep a few female friends around to use as "emotional tampons". If I'm feeling real down about something then I call them up and meet with them. Females are absolutely brilliant at cheering you up. Although they may be thinking "what a pathetic excuse for a man", they lie their brains out and tell me the fluffy bullsh*t that makes me feel better. It may be against some of the fundamental DJ ethos's, I find that they really help.

As for listening to them? I hear them say "She doesn't know what she's missing out on!" but I am deaf when they say "You should give her a call". Just don't try to work on them.

Just my 13 fils worth.