Feelings of regret and constant urges to contact her

[Reykhel]

I feel like sending her an email. I want her to know what I've been going through recently, how much it all affected me. How much blame and regret I have shouldered because of it all. Not to make her feel guilty, but so she knows how much it all meant to me and how much it all affected me. She always felt like I never cared enough, but it couldn't be further from the truth. I want her to know. I wouldn't even want a response.

Would that be a bad idea?

I thought by this stage, I'd feel relieved to be out of it, that I'd had a lucky escape, that my future would have been bleak had I stayed with her.. but I still don't. I still feel like it's a massive loss.

Write her a letter and get all that ****e out of your system...
But this letter.......will be a letter that you'll never send, go that?

Get all of this out of your system and then choose a day. Choose a day and go burn the letter. While
you're there burn any photos you have of her. Get rid of any possessions of hers.

Now, after this day. The day of burning. The day of the fire. From the ashes will emerge a
phoenix. You will be that Phoenix. You can call it the day of the Phoenix. The day you
move on from her.

What you have is quite simply a dependency upon her. This dependency is like chains
holding you down. I know you want to be free.

On the day of the Phoenix you will work towards building your independence. That is your goal.
That is your objective. All of your actions, you must ask yourself "is this moving me towards
my goal?" If the answer is no, you reassess your action.

We are all like passing ships in the night. Some ships will sail beside us for a certain part of
our journey before heading in their own direction once more. Ultimately this journey
is your own.

 

[Yewki]

So I just felt like I'd have to weather this dynamic to be with her.

How convenient now that she's gone and you want what you can't have you can easily look past all the problems

 

[Infern0]

I feel like sending her an email. I want her to know what I've been going through recently, how much it all affected me. How much blame and regret I have shouldered because of it all. Not to make her feel guilty, but so she knows how much it all meant to me and how much it all affected me. She always felt like I never cared enough, but it couldn't be further from the truth. I want her to know. I wouldn't even want a response.

Would that be a bad idea?

I thought by this stage, I'd feel relieved to be out of it, that I'd had a lucky escape, that my future would have been bleak had I stayed with her.. but I still don't. I still feel like it's a massive loss.

No you want to do it because you are craving the high you got from her and you think she might respond.

Don't do it bro

 

[searching solace]

Write her a letter and get all that ****e out of your system...
But this letter.......will be a letter that you'll never send, go that?

Get all of this out of your system and then choose a day. Choose a day and go burn the letter. While
you're there burn any photos you have of her. Get rid of any possessions of hers.

Now, after this day. The day of burning. The day of the fire. From the ashes will emerge a
phoenix. You will be that Phoenix. You can call it the day of the Phoenix. The day you
move on from her.

What you have is quite simply a dependency upon her. This dependency is like chains
holding you down. I know you want to be free.

On the day of the Phoenix you will work towards building your independence. That is your goal.
That is your objective. All of your actions, you must ask yourself "is this moving me towards
my goal?" If the answer is no, you reassess your action.

We are all like passing ships in the night. Some ships will sail beside us for a certain part of
our journey before heading in their own direction once more. Ultimately this journey
is your own.

No you want to do it because you are craving the high you got from her and you think she might respond.

Don't do it bro

I have written it. I am in two minds as to whether to send it. I likely won't. I am not blaming her for anything. I have even asked that she not respond to it. I don't want anything from her. I know we can never be together again.

I just want her to know the effect this has had one me. To know how wrong she was when she said I didn't care. I feel like it might help me get out of this rut but it would probably just wind up hurting me and set me back more. Man, I should have called in sick that day she walked into my office over 3 years ago.

 

[Tictac]

I have written it. I am in two minds as to whether to send it. I likely won't. I am not blaming her for anything. I have even asked that she not respond to it. I don't want anything from her. I know we can never be together again.

I just want her to know the effect this has had one me. To know how wrong she was when she said I didn't care. I feel like it might help me get out of this rut but it would probably just wind up hurting me and set me back more. Man, I should have called in sick that day she walked into my office over 3 years ago.

Please stop wallowing.

 

[searching solace]

Please stop wallowing.

Yeah, you're right.

 

[Tictac]

Yeah, you're right.

I get that it sucks and that it hurts. I even get that you need to vent a little.

But you are poisoning yourself here.

 

[searching solace]

Guys, forgive me for keeping on at this but as some of you know, it's a long process. And I've appreciated the advice and opinion so far.

I've begun seeing a psychologist, as suggested, about it all and the depression it (amongst other things) has caused, which seems to help at the time. Although I fear I am being too biased in the sessions, giving her a bad wrap and often going all the way back to the first 6 months which probably isn't fair, he seems to be in agreement that she may have issues, probably due to her overly controlling mother who remains firmly in her life at 22 (at least as of 2 months ago anyway).

I am constantly in conflict in my head as to whether she has improved and become a much healthier and honest person due to her spending over 3 years with me, going through all that we did together. She certainly seems to have. She was young. Could she have benefited from it all? It's almost like as soon as she was fixed and strong enough, she didn't want the person who helped fix her (maybe I give myself too much credit for this though). Do these kind of women ever get better?

I am also still struggling with the blame issue. I certainly got complacent during the past year. There were times that even though we were long distance, I chose not to spend more time with her. I barely acted loving towards her. But is it better to be blamed and take responsibility as opposed to being the victim in it all? She certainly moved on very quickly.

It sucks to think she went away thinking I didn't really care about her.

I am also trying to figure out WHY I didn't realise how much she meant to me, until after she had gone for good. This frustrates me to no end. Why on earth did I not realise me feelings for her when she was around and wanting me?

I know I need to let it all go and stop thinking about it, but it seems that I've not come to peace with it all yet. I still can't see that I am better off without her. Often I feel sending her an email would help me take a weight off my chest.

 

[Tictac]

Blame is among the most useless of thoughts and emotions. Ask your psychologist.

Cut it off at the root.

She went away and hasn't reached out. You are done.

If you cannot be better off without her you cannot be better off with her or anyone else.

 

[searching solace]

Blame is among the most useless of thoughts and emotions. Ask your psychologist.

Cut it off at the root.

She went away and hasn't reached out. You are done.

If you cannot be better off without her you cannot be better off with her or anyone else.

I know. But I hate that she went away thinking I didn't really give a **** and was just jealous. She felt I didn't want to fight for her, and that she was the one who'd always been chasing me, 'coming back like some fiend.'
And by blame I mean taking responsibility for what happened, which I'm OK with accepting in part. It also makes me think I could fix things.

 

[Tictac]

I know. But I hate that she went away thinking I didn't really give a **** and was just jealous. She felt I didn't want to fight for her, and that she was the one who'd always been chasing me, 'coming back like some fiend.'
And by blame I mean taking responsibility for what happened, which I'm OK with accepting in part. It also makes me think I could fix things.

But but but but but..... Does nothing for you.

Unless she expresses some interest and is willing to take a risk, you are done. You can wear sack cloth and ashes all you like.

 

[searching solace]

And how will I know that unless I reach out to her in some way? As far as she is concerned, I didn't prioritise her and let her slip away, that she was just a toy. She has always wanted to be chased.

I'm finding it very hard to let her go. I don't know why or how I didn't realise all this whilst I was with her. I guess I just want her to know how much it all meant to me.

 

[Tictac]

I guess I just want her to know how much it all meant to me.

You wanting to 'reach out to her in some way' isn't about her at all. It's about your ego.