Feeling Vulnerable

[thizguy]

Recently started dating this gurl from college, and i've had a crush on her the first moment i laid eyes on her. Shes VERY good looking (perfect body omg, cute face with sexy lips), extremely smart (3.9 gpa), funny, ambitious, hardworking. basically everthing a guy like me can ask for. We were acquainted for a while, and i didn't really approach her cuz i thought she was out of my league. But recently she moved to my neighborhood and now we almost see each other every day on the train, not to mention having similar majors and taking a few classes together. I put my moves on her, and within 2 weeks into the semester we're going out. I cant even believe a inexperienced guy like me actually managed to become her boyfriend. she seems to be a decent female DJ also. We're all over each other everytime we're alone together, making out, holding hands, etc. classic romantic story. this is my first serious relationship btw.

Now here comes the problem. Today as we're fooling around, she got hesitant all of a sudden and said to me, "dont fall for me, please. i'm scared because i really like you / care about you and i dont want you to get hurt." i said, "funny, i was about to say the same....." (that was to cover up the shock) but holy crap i didnt even realize it but i was really falling for her. and its only been like a week into the relaionship.

what should i do? dont tell me this is the beginning of a LJBF stage already. its nice that she cares about me this way, but i dont wanna be her friend, i wanna stay as her boyfriend. I feel so vulnerable right now....everytime im with her i feel like im in heaven. every other gurl i see is nothing compared to her. (of course i dont show any of this to her)

how do i not get hurt???

is the fact that i see her everyday and take classes/study with her a problem, that im doomed for a LJBF?

thanx guys in advance

 

[MrCode]

Oh boy. I'm sure she is a great girl, but you need to be really careful that you don't smother her. When a girl says stuff like that it means you are being a wussy and she is losing her attraction for you.

You need to MAN UP, and stop being all over her constantly. I think there is a lot you need to learn and I can't explain it all in one post. So get to reading the DJ Bible.

 

[AFK Protector]

Sorry, man. Sounds like you're screwed.




figuratively

 

[NewMan]

Read the bible.

whatever you do DO NOT EVER, EVER, BE EMOTIONALLY WEAKER THAN HER.

Don't tell her you love her.

Don't show weakness.

Don't get jealous.

You've got to be really very cool - and just concentrate on having fun with her.

Don't get to serious unless she takes the 1st step.

Don't pester her with phone calls etc.

Whilst your doing all of this you HAVE TO KEEP LOOKING FOR OTHER POON.

The trick her is to let her think that your still on the prowl for poon - don't ever let her think that she has you in the palm of her hand - that will KILL YOU.


Again best advice is to read the bible.

 

[thizguy]

Don't show weakness.

Don't get jealous.

You've got to be really very cool - and just concentrate on having fun with her.

Don't get to serious unless she takes the 1st step.

Don't pester her with phone calls etc.

If i start doing this after all of my AFC behaviors she'll think im avoiding her for what she said and probably think im emotionally weaker than i really am. How should i smoothly convert my attitude??

 

[frivolousz21]

its a state of mind.


you dont have this state of mind. if you did you wouldnt be in this position. you can fake it if you would like to get this girl..or try to fix this.

why dont you try to fix ur afc problems first ..and if it works with her..then good job. but you need long life lasting change. get some perspective

good luck

 

[The TallOne]

Originally posted by NewMan
Read the bible.

whatever you do DO NOT EVER, EVER, BE EMOTIONALLY WEAKER THAN HER.

Don't tell her you love her.

Don't show weakness.

Don't get jealous.

You've got to be really very cool - and just concentrate on having fun with her.

Don't get to serious unless she takes the 1st step.

Don't pester her with phone calls etc.

On the same token, you don't want to fall in the "LJBF" area.

How do you project your feelings for somethin more than just a friendship, while not really projecting your feelings to scare her off?

Kissing her.. might indicate to her that you want to get serious, and she might not like it.

 

[flexion_]

Sounds like a borderline to me. Pathological fear of attachment - they don't know how to handle intimacy so they get all nutty the closer you get.

Isn't it amazing how you both "clicked" so quickly? How intense everything is? How you can't seem to do anything wrong? Yet when you start to get more intimate it freaks her out?

Back off and find out how her relationship is with her parents - is it bad by chance with one of them? She may tell you she has "committment issues" or even feels like a "man in a women's body" in the sense of how she treats relationships.

Its possible you are wussing out by smothering her as well and I'm totally wrong but your self-esteem and the DJ image of her that your protray don't match. Step back and take a close look at whats going on - if she is a borderline don't get sucked in!

 

[Recluce]

quit being all googly eyed over her. ACT THE SAME WAY YOU ACTED TOWARDS HER BEFORE YOU BECAME BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND.

it sounds like when you first met her you were kind of ignoring her because you thought that she was "too good" for you. ironically, sometimes (as in your case) this attitude can actually be a start to becoming a man more experienced in the ways of women. women enjoy chasing after men. let her chase you a little bit. don't be afraid that she will think that you changed because of what she said to you. this is a test from her. she's telling you that she really liked you at first, but now, with the way you've been acting, she's starting to think of you like a friend and she wants the old you back. so give it to her and im sure in a week or so you'll be giving it to her in another way.

 

[thizguy]

another thing: she's been chased by quite a few guys in our friend circle, some of them are my friends (not close ones, but we're cool with each other as guys). she has turned them all down, cuz they were all 'nice guys', extremely AFCish. they were all over her, almost all the time, nearly worshipping her. she turned them all down and instead, i ended up with her in the end. this makes me feel so good lol. but i guess thats cuz i beat them in almost every area (confidence, looks, body, happy attitude - some of them were depressed). but yea, i'll start taking steps back and pull back when we're making out, less calls, etc.

and she DEFINITELY needs some neg hits. i'll look up the neg hits threads, but any quick suggestions from you guys?

also, how much PDA should we show around the other guy friends or friends in general? cuz things could really get awkward since they used to be in love wid her (or maybe still are).

thanks guys i really appreciate ur input.

 

[Player_Supreme]

It's good you came here to learn what to do! Your in good hands with these fellas.