Feeling stuck with young kid.

[AureliusMaximus]

SHE TOOK CARE OF YOU INSTEAD OF DUMPING YOU AS MOST WOMEN WOULD HAVE.

I was thinking about that one too.
She must really care about you @BooBoosHelix and love you, to still stay and support you when your times have been rough.
Most women will leave you in the second you have some kind of resistance in your life and complicated challenges ahead.,

 

[kookdekoo]

Hi,

iam currently 35 from germany, i make 90k a year (45% tax gg) as a software engineer, iam 6.3 and pretty good looking (little overweight and some hair loss starting but rest is decent), ltr of 9 years is 29, earns like 30k, very beautiful face, body is ok, shes my first girlfriend since ive been sick and therefor unable to date/have sex till the age of 26. I slept with 7 or 8 women in total. We are not married. We have one young son 1 1/2 years old that i love over everything. Shes currently on parental leave for 2 years.

Problem 1: The relationship with my grilfriend got progressively more unsatisfieng (I think ive outgrown her and mainly stayed because of my own insecurities/being immature/ major health problems)
Problem 2: Shes pushing for more comittment like another kid or a house.
Problem 3: I feel stuck financially&emotionally

Currently i feel stuck. Shes a good human with good morals. She cleans and cooks and is very good looking. I had a major accident 5 years ago and she stayed beside me even though it was a major impact on my health (and unclear if i could ever walk again without a cane, 90% healed now ). She really proven a true loyal friend.

I have problems with her negative aura often. I just dont feel at ease at home and shes often so negative or unfun (or lets say unengaged). Shes also not as educated/interested as me in things so we actually dont talk much about stuff happening in the world/live which makes me feel a bit lonely. There are no deep talks. I often think there could potentially someone out there i could have a bigger connection with. On top of that if i see the wives/girlfriends of my friends i cant help but compare her with them and feel like i could do better. There are 2 wives that make 100k each and one who has a 9/10 body and fake boobs. My girlfriend is very attractive from a beauty standpoint but not that sexy.

Currently i feel like money is an issue as well. It looks like we are not finding any place for child care at the moment so she cant go back to work. This motivates her to keep asking for another baby since she has to stay home anyway. On top of that she pictures us buying a house sooner or later. I dont want to do any of that honestly. Sometimes i really strongly want to be sexual with other women and be free.

I bring home about 4k after tax. If we split i have to entertain 2 households. On top of that my and her family will both hate me. They love her. But nobody has to live with her 24/7 but i will still be judged. Also i dont know what the dating market has in store for me at 35. The outlook of all that is depressing but staying is too.

I have currently about 20k saved but i have no idea how to start the whole process.
We have a vacation planned in a month and also i will have passed my trial period at my new job by then. I wonder if i shall wait till this all passes and then
start the seperation. Do i search for a place before hand so i have somewhere to go? How much will i have to pay to make sure she and the baby are still eating? How will the families react (probably hate me) and how can i explain to them? How will it impact my son?

I just feel overall depressed and overwhelmed. I just wish i never wasted both mine and her last 9 years so easily. I should have kept looking for a more compatible person i think. Theres also a huge chance i leave her and regret it.

I hope you can share some of your life expierence with me. Thank you.

She stood by you when you were down, good human, good morals, cleans and cooks and is good looking.
I'd suggest - talk her to get back in shape by joinig a gym. Heck , both of you can join and workout together if possible. Get your financial ducks in order and talk her out of the second kid because you don't seem keen on one.
Having been subjected to extreme emotional and physical withdrawl by my ex wife when my chips were down , I feel a woman who is a team player is a rare gem. Do not quit.

 

[Solomon]

OP the grass isn't greener on the other side take it from someone who knows. I was 25 no kids but in a similar situation worse mistake of my life I have yet to find a woman nearly a decade and a half later who comes even remotely close to what she was

 

[Slowhandluke]

Monkey branching - OP needs to stop being a woman. To be honest, if the OP is after excitement and is set on divorce, get a mistress instead or cheat on the wife and hope the wife forgives him later. Not ideal, but people are human after all. This situation is better than just leaving the marriage. She seems like a good person.

 

[Epimanes]

This thread gave me new respect for some of the members here. It's nice to see "keep her" .... "don't dump her" and alot of support for them to stay together.

That said.. I agree! Kids don't make relationships better... they make them harder. Harder to find sexy time.. harder on finances... harder for find regular quality time. This is normal. You sign up for it when you have kids. Your life is no longer yours! It belongs to the care and well being of your child\children ... they are now your focus. You brought them here ... do good by them. Thats the manly thing to do.

I suggest you take a long hard look at the REALITY of your situation and realize just how good you got it. Do NOT abandon your woman and kid for new puzzy... what you have is golden.. cherish it. Love your woman and make her feel special. She's likely touched out from the kid... send her to a spa day.. take her out. She works hard... being a mom is full time... if she's working and coming home and taking care of you... give your head a shake. It's not better out there.

Wake up.... splash some cold water on your face and be the man your FAMILY needs....

Epi

 

[Divorced w 3]

Thank you for your replies.

1. The main reason for this thread is my son. I dont want some nasty guy to touch him when iam not around. If i didnt have a kid id leave.

2. It was said again and again that my financial situation wasnt great. 90k+ puts me in like 5-7% top percent of income earners in germany. I know a guy here making 30k saying his living better than his 100k in CA. That said i have to learn to safe.

3. The main issue with her for me is that i cant connect to her and i feel like i cant "outwork" it by taking her on dates or to get an education etc. because there is a lack of baseline intelligence. Sometimes i meet a female coworker and we talk for an hour (no flirting) and i go home and try to have a similiar conversation and its just not possible.

You must be fvcking kidding. Have you sought therapy yet?