Feeling Misunderstood The Worst Feelings To Have

[LoneSilver]

I was sitting here properly really thinking to much listening to all the chatter that goes through my mind when the day is coming to a close and I get ready for bed. For some reason or another I got to thinking the worst thoughs about myself and what others might be thinking about me and the thoughts I had were am I being misunderstood by the people around me not so much here but in general in my everyday life. It could be something I said that is taken the wrong way and someone would maybe frame their thoughts that I believe a certain way when I don't.

Do you see where I am coming from and are these thoughts justified to have in trying to be a better person or should I just ignore the mind chatter and move on and not concern myself with it.

My whole life I have always wanted to be kind and considerate toward others but I realize that in order to be successful you can't please everyone or your going to fall short in your own joys in life. Your going to eventually step on a few toes when you express an opinion or some other matter or even just messin' around jokely with someone but it's taken the wrong way. I guess and really not much you can do about that.

Anyway, not sure if this is for Mature discussion and should be in another place but thought I would share my thoughts and see if others have these moments like I do.

LoneSilver

 

[iqqi]

I think everyone feels this way. I know I do all the time. MISUNDERSTOOD is one of my descriptive traits.

You are right, you can't please everyone. And you can't make everyone understand you, nor should exert too much effort or energy into trying to, or worrying about it. Just live you life right, be the kind of man you can be proud of, and let things fall into line.

Somethings (or people's opinions and judgements) won't fall right in line, but life isn't fair nor is anyone's course in it ever all smooth sailing. That is why it is important to keep the big picture in mind, and to be happy with yourSELF mostly. Don't sweat the small stuff.

At the same time, my biggest problem personally is having such an open mind. So when I am criticized or misunderstood, I sometimes stew over it as if the person had any merit whatsoever, even the vilest creatures. Thing is, I like this about myself, even if it is sometimes a weakness. To me it means that I am willing to change if I need to, and that I recognize the virtue of humility and flexibility in thought. What is worse than a person who WILL not see that they are wrong?

So like I originally said, just be sure YOU are happy with who YOU are.

You dig?

 

[joekerr31]

learn to express your opinion without emotion and you'll find that you can pretty much say just about anything.

what riles people up is when people take a certain emotional tone when stating their opinion - they tend to state it more as a fact than an opinion which then makes anyone who disagrees get their dander up and ready for a fight (because they feel if they state their opinion and it disagrees, that because emotion is involved, they are likely going to end up in an argument).

but when you express your opinion as simply that, an opinion, without emotion behind it and without attempting to convince anyone of anything, people generally don't get offended.

its really a very hard thing to do and most people can't do it. its our human nature to be emotive when expressing our opinions.

 

[Mr. Me]

>> I got to thinking the worst thoughs about myself and what others might be thinking about me >>

If it makes you feel any better, the odds are those folks aren't thinking about you at all. The things you think they're thinking, they're not thinking that.

>> Your going to eventually step on a few toes when you express an opinion or some other matter or even just messin' around jokely with someone but it's taken the wrong way. >>

Maybe you're sensing there's room for improvement in your delivery? Or that sometimes, being silent is a virtue.

 

[reset]

but when you express your opinion as simply that, an opinion, without emotion behind it and without attempting to convince anyone of anything, people generally don't get offended.

its really a very hard thing to do and most people can't do it. its our human nature to be emotive when expressing our opinions.

This is key and it takes practice but it is a consequence of self-control. If it's your opinion, then it's your opinion. Your own judgement and opinions count for something. You've lived life and come to some conclusions about things and you have the right to express those opinions.

One thing to keep in mind is that everyone thinks they are right. And when you get too emotional, it's that thing where the words don't count, it's the body language and your point will not be seen--your lack of self control will be seen instead and will drown out what you were trying to express.

Mr. Me makes a good point too--the truth is, just like you are posting about YOUR life and what is going through YOUR head, that's what it's like with most people. They are mainly concerned with one thing: themselves, and (gasp) HOW THEY ARE BEING PERCEIVED BY OTHERS.

Most likely not judging you, or even thinking about you (good or bad) but most likely preoccupied with their own lives.

Up until just a few years ago, when I started "growing up" I was paranoid about what other people may or may not be thinking of me. It was really tough in adolescence, because YOUR world revolves around you, so you assume, everyone else's world must revolve around you too, so it's a pretty big thing to live up to the world's expectations--but they are your expectations. Not the world's. Concern yourself with the people closest to you, and those relationships. And the most important relationship, the one you have with yourself.

Total self-acceptance and self-love. I believe all the "good stuff" we talk about on this board, only comes into play when you have those requirements going for you.

 

[LoneSilver]

I think you and joekerr31 have hit on something. Definitely something is missing as I sense stuff maybe it's a sixth sense of whatever but I feel sometimes I might be putting my big foot in my mouth at times but don't realize it until much later and like joekerr31 says I am usually loaded with emotion while delivering my opinion not that he says I am but I understand what he's saying in general.

I use to write for my local paper thanks to the editor and lady friend I had at the time who would edit my mistakes in my writing but I remember so many times after I would hand in my article for publishing he would hand it back to me and tell me soften your approach a bit....this would happen so many times I simply lost interest in writing for the paper and quit as I felt I wasn't being myself but in newspaper you can't aways write your true feeling or you'll have the whole communitity paying a visit at your floor door and less I forget I would recieve hate mail at times from readers that I apparently offended but the newspaper always had my back then.

Iggi you seem to be fine tuned to this type of thing and I understand where your coming from and thanks for the insight. I use to have a closed mind only believed a certain way and let nothing enter but I since learned you become a better person having an open mind and you begin seeing where you have failed before opening yourself up to new beliefs and understandings and I have been a happier person for it.

I think now I will sleep better tonight with less chatter...thanks for the replies I will definitely try and reflect before I deliver an opinion or suggestion and keep the emotion out of the equation or less of it and I guess I can still be myself like iggi says or I'll just have to quit writing anything until I get a handle on this and of coarse speaking to other's in my everyday life as well.

LoneSilver

>> Maybe you're sensing there's room for improvement in your delivery? Or that sometimes, being silent is a virtue.

 

[reset]

I've gone from one extreme to the next, and now looking for a middle ground. I used to not say a word, and I did not value myself. Now, it's to the point where I just say whatever the hell I want. Not as much emotion because I've learned to enjoy the process of expressing myself and just saying stupid crap that most people are afraid to bring up, because they are too reserved or "pc". When you start loving yourself, along with that comes the enjoyment of expressing who you truly are, and you'll notice you're much more relaxed and "in the moment". If I could change I know you can too.

 

[LoneSilver]

Reset, you have said some good stuff there I will keep those words in my thoughts.

Thanks for the reply.

LoneSilver

 

[joekerr31]

trust me, growing up in the west conditions you to be argumentative.

its why women nag so much. they don't even realize they are doing it or that there is anything wrong with it. they are completely oblivious to their blatant argumentative fashion in which they treat their husband.

people at work bicker and argue over ideas.

this is the result of living in a secular society that prizes winners and endorses competition from a very young age.

in more theistic cultures, where everything has its place - where society is within god, where the family is within society / culture, where the individual is within family, etc. - competition is secondary to culture and tradition. each member is valued because each memeber is a part of the whole and valued if for nothing else than that.

but in the west no one has any value. we are a society of individuals looking out for #1. as a result, people are EASILY offended. people also are use to 'talking over' people instead of 'talking to/with people'.

we don't even realize we are doing it. it just happens because its how most people communicate. you are just more attuned to the outcome ramification of this style of communication.

anyway, removing emotion from your commentary will often change the outcome. a different tone, different body language, different pace of speech, etc. - all these things can defuse negative reaction to your commentary.

news achors are masters at this - you have absolutely no clue how they really feel because there is no emotional intonation to their speech.

 

[Dongfu]

Misunderstood is the characteristic trait of a unique individual. Einstein was misunderstood. Tesla, Jesus, Buddha, MLK jr. Average, boring, "yes sir" people people are understood perfectly. Many of us here misunderstand each other initially.

It just means you are not average.

 

[guru1000]

The key is not seeking validation or contentment from the outside.

When we seek outside validation to give us worth , we are SLAVE to the environment.



The GOAL is to seek validation from within. BE happy with who you have become.

It takes true maturity to not let the outside AFFECT you.

Much easier said than done.

The fact is when you are truly happy with yourself and who you are , you tend to be proactive rather than reactive. I find when I take pleasure in the action rather than the result, I ALWAYS win. If I choose to be result-dependent, I am often disappointed.

This takes extreme strength and discipline not to be RATTLED by the outside world which is around us day in and day out.

For this reason, I am the best person I can be and am not concerned about other's opinion of me. People cannot CONTROL my mind and thought process. Neither can they influence my emotional state. The only person who controls me is me. I am the only driver of this car.

I do not concern myself about being misunderstood. As long as I dont betray myself or integrity, I am whole and empowered to tackle the next challenge.

 

[iqqi]

news achors are masters at this - you have absolutely no clue how they really feel because there is no emotional intonation to their speech.

Yeah. Lets all be talk zombies.




Lol, no I understood what you were saying. However, Lonesilver, in contrast, I prefer a person who can get a little passionate when they are speaking about something that matters to them.

A good example would be Joekerr in the US Soldier Throws Puppy from Cliff thread in the AE forum.

 

[Rumpelstiltskin]

The key is not seeking validation or contentment from the outside.

When we seek outside validation to give us worth , we are SLAVE to the environment.



The GOAL is to seek validation from within. BE happy with who you have become.

It takes true maturity to not let the outside AFFECT you.

Much easier said than done.

The fact is when you are truly happy with yourself and who you are , you tend to be proactive rather than reactive. I find when I take pleasure in the action rather than the result, I ALWAYS win. If I choose to be result-dependent, I am often disappointed.

This takes extreme strength and discipline not to be RATTLED by the outside world which is around us day in and day out.

For this reason, I am the best person I can be and am not concerned about other's opinion of me. People cannot CONTROL my mind and thought process. Neither can they influence my emotional state. The only person who controls me is me. I am the only driver of this car.

I do not concern myself about being misunderstood. As long as I dont betray myself or integrity, I am whole and empowered to tackle the next challenge.

Very well stated if you are grounded in truth. But if you are a liar, then it goes against you.

 

[romangod]

learn to express your opinion without emotion and you'll find that you can pretty much say just about anything.

its really a very hard thing to do and most people can't do it. its our human nature to be emotive when expressing our opinions.

This is so true. I used to be much more opinionated and passionate about my viewpoints. I'm much more humble now and try not to let my Ego get the best of me. I know I can't be right all the time. When expressing an opinion I try to come across as sincere and open while being aware of other's viewpoints.

 

[romangod]

Do you see where I am coming from and are these thoughts justified to have in trying to be a better person or should I just ignore the mind chatter and move on and not concern myself with it.


LoneSilver

These thoughts are what they are and are there for a reason. Practise at controlling the chatter and changing your way of thinking about them. This is all part of the process of you becoming a "Mature Man". Take it head on and I'm sure everything will be fine. Cheers!

 

[LoneSilver]

Thanks folks for the added insight that were posted. Some very good stuff here I will mediatate on.

LoneSilver

 

[Mr. Me]

What kind of clues are you picking up on that people are none too happy with you? Give a couple of examples of what makes you think that.

 

[LoneSilver]

I can't really give anything specific but maybe one would be waving at someone and they look the other way like they never seen you wave or they wave only if your with other people or they address the person your with instead of you. This sort of behaviour pisses me off as it's uncalled for and seems to have a hidden motive. It's nothing I am really loosing any sleep over but I can't help but look within and ask myself did I say or do something wrong to deserve such treatment and I can't think of one accident that says I have unless these types of behaviours are just common to these folks but it falls short of disrespect and I have since don't wave or look their way anymore when I am out and about but body language is a clue to something hidden here in this sort of behaviour. But only one thing I can think of is I am single and these folk are married and they see me as some playboy or something and this is the feeling of being misunderstood but not sure.

LoneSilver

What kind of clues are you picking up on that people are none too happy with you? Give a couple of examples of what makes you think that.

 

[Mr. Me]

That makes me think of times I've been introduced to people, and then sometime down the road, I happen upon these new people again, and they act as if we've never met, until it's been brought up that we have, and then they acknowledge it.

I've been guilty of the same thing. Sometimes I haven't acknowledged people I've obviously mixed with before either.

It may be more about them and their social awkwardness than it is about you.

Or maybe you wave funny. Like the Queen.

Just kidding. People are cliquish. It's difficult for them to open up socially. They don't know what to say. They're uncomfortable. I doubt there's any hidden agenda on their part.

This may sound "new age", but it's not really, it's more about changing up the social dynamics some and seeing how/if the results change correspondingly: How about if you were to try going the extra step beyond waving or giving a nod, as sort of an experiment, and approach with a few words, using their name and greeting them with a smile? Then see what happens.

 

[LoneSilver]

Laughing my butt off on that waving like a queen.

I might take your advice and approach them with a few words and see how it goes can't hurt and you just might be right about them being uncomfortable in social situations I just might appear a wild card to them and they don't really know how to take me.

Thanks Mr. Me

LoneSilver

Or maybe you wave funny. Like the Queen.

Just kidding. People are cliquish. It's difficult for them to open up socially. They don't know what to say. They're uncomfortable. I doubt there's any hidden agenda on their part.

This may sound "new age", but it's not really, it's more about changing up the social dynamics some and seeing how/if the results change correspondingly: How about if you were to try going the extra step beyond waving or giving a nod, as sort of an experiment, and approach with a few words, using their name and greeting them with a smile? Then see what happens.