Feeling like my best days are behind me....

[Bud_Fox]

I went through a very bad breakup 2 months ago. We were dating for 18 months. I was jealous of her texting another guy, I signed up on a dating site, she caught me and we had a huge fight, and she told me never to contact her again.

I felt like I was on top of the world a few months ago. Having sex all the time, exercising a lot, had a new car, felt like my career was moving forward, thinking about taking vacations in the future with her.

Now it feels like my career is moving slowly, that everyone around me is getting married and buying houses, that the best girls seem like they are taken. It feels like my car is depreciating and losing value everyday. I regret buying sometime new last year. I should have bought used.

My ego was huge when we dated. I thought that me and her could break up and I would find someone right away. I was wrong. I don't want to settle and it's very hard to find someone to click with. I'm starting to worry that my looks are starting to fade with stress, and that my sex drive is starting to dip because i'm not exercising as much and have depression symptoms.

She comes from a great well off family. I can't believe I was so moody to her. My family is very dysfunction and as much as I tried to move away from that the bull$hit caught up with me and my jealousy/anger destroyed our relationship.

I have a very small circle of friends and it seems that unless I lower my standards I will be single for a while.

Anyone else ever feel like this? My ex used to be overweight and never lost her virginity until 25. Now she is really hot/in shape and has realized she is sexy. It's so easy for her to move on. I've never had oneitis this bad before. And i've been obsessed about girls in the past. But this is by far the worst.

 

[AAAgent]

This is just a rut. Take some time to gather yourself and continue to work on yourself. If you really think the car was that bad of a decision it's a little late you change the decision now. Enjoy the new car while you have it. As for the lady, if you're a man which I'm assuming you are or want to be, respect her wishes and don't contact her again. It's tough being a man and even harder to be a respected man but they both require persevering through the hard times.

Most people will become desperate to fill that void lost during a break-up but as i said above, if you're a man you will control those urges and work on getting yourself together. Don't go out there trying to hit on everything with 2 legs. Focus on work, career, hobbies, and working out.

As for your looks, your just self conscious right now after the break-up. If you are a decent looking guy that won't change but your attitude may make you less appealing if your sad, mopy, and looking down feel in depressed all the time. Also your sex drive is not going to disappear in a matter of days and i doubt it will drastically change anytime soon. This is just a rut and the reason why you aren't as sexually driven right now is because you're depressed. I've had bad break-ups in the past and i had no sexual drive for over a month. i'm normal now.

Man up and get focused.

 

[Bud_Fox]

Thanks for the advice AAAgent.

 

[Mk951]

First post ever, so hi to all folks!

Hey Bud_fox, I know how it feels, I just broke up about three months ago, from an almost 3 year relationship.

You already know this site helps and has great info and folks for us to man up, and this is a great resource i´d never be grateful enough.

You know, car value depreciates, careers fluctuate over time, sexual desire...you know, it´s not always there and you know it´s mind related. I´m sure a part of you already knows you are just being negative because of your experience with that girl. Just try to listen to your brain, is already trying to tell you those problems are not really that.

"My ego was huge when we dated": You succeded before, and nothing really changed so that cannot happen again soon.

And one thing...she told you to never contact her again. How lucky you are, believe me. In my case, we are very dependant, and she does'nt want to lose me, and I`m keeping contact. I can ensure you it´s worse than your case. No contact, despite you don't see it now, it's the best solution if you want to recover.

Recover your life, your hobbies...your confidence. Easier said than done, i know well because i´m just like you now. But I have the certainty that things will improve and nothing lasts forever.

P.S. please don`t mind this spaniard's oxidized english

 

[Findog]

It is normal to doubt yourself after a traumatic breakup. But really, whenever you're confronted with a problem, you have four choices.

1. Fix the Problem: In this case, it's that you want to get back together with your girlfriend. So either do just that (not an option if she doesn't want you back), or stop wanting to get back together with her.

2. Change How You Think and Feel About It: A change in perspective or an attitude adjustment can help you overcome your mental difficulties.

3. Acceptance: If whatever is troubling you cannot be fixed or changed, then you have to accept it. Doesn't mean you have to like it or condone it, but if you can't change it, then you're going to have to stand it.

4. Continue to wallow in self pity and misery. Self-explanatory. This doesn't get you anywhere.

In your case, you have to accept that your girlfriend doesn't want to be with you anymore. 1 is not an option, 4 should never be an option. You have some work to do with 2 and 3. It wasn't the best movie, but take a look at Joseph Gordon Levitt's actions when he gets dumped in 500 Days of Summer. For a while he wallows in self pity and misery, but eventually he realizes that he's not going to get his girl back and it's time to get on with his life. He decides to rededicate himself to his career goals of being an architect instead of drifting along in the desk job that he had. I honestly feel like the only thing to do in the aftermath of a really bad breakup is to dedicate yourself to becoming the best possible version of yourself that you can - emotionally, physically, intellectually, character traits, career, etc. It's to benefit yourself. But if you need any extra motivation, you want to become the kind of man that if your ex was to ever get a glimpse of you, the person you've become, or the life you've built for yourself, she'll kick herself for dumping you.

 

[Bible_Belt]

We were dating for 18 months

That's about how long a relationship is fun. After that, the newness wears off and you both get bored of each other. I have been through it over and over again.

Your problem is not her, or women in general, the problem is equating being in a relationship with being happy. Bored married men do the opposite. It's just an excuse. If your mind is convinced that being single equals being unhappy and you keep your standards high, then it's an easy excuse to not have to tackle the real problems that all of us have that have nothing to do with women.

 

[L B]

Other than what's been post. I have to add. You're 28 and the best days are behind you? Bwahahaahaha....lol.

Don't worry, you'll laugh at this thread in about a year or 2. Keep working on yourself and making money. Best is yet to come. You're not even closed to your prime yet. Still got many years to go. Learn from all bad decision and don't make it the second time.

 

[ElChoclo]

If the text she was sending was inappropriate then your days were numbered. Likewise you had lost interest otherwise you wouldn't be looking at a dating site, unless just curious. Only you know.

Your looks if you have average genetics can't deteriorate by age 28.