Feeling like I "peaked"...headed down??

[squirrels]

About this time last year, I was 24 and at my "peak" in lots of things, most of all my skill with the ladies. I was finding a new girl to date maybe every three months with a series of club numbers and a couple random hook-ups. People started looking at me as a "player". Other things were going on for me too...I had just started getting back into the martial arts, I was making travel plans, just bought a house, everything was kind of taking off.

Then when I hit 25, all that seemed to change. I don't take pleasure in those things any more. I can't even really describe the feeling...it's like before I was living life to the fullest and now I feel like I'm getting ready to die.

I think it's a lot of things inter-playing, most of all my turning 25. I know a lot of you older guys will laugh at the idea of 25 being "old", but it has some significance for me. I remember some friends of mine discussing how, for example, working out-wise, you pretty much hit your peak strength at 25. Back in college, when I was a loser, I used to joke with my friends about how I would probably die a 25-year-old virgin. Plus, I've got my co-workers trying to encourage me to become more "professional", them being all 40 and 50 doesn't really help much.

I feel like I'm in decline...I find that I can't do things just for the hell of it any more. I mean, how am I supposed to "not give a f***" if I can't act on a whim? I don't look forward to challenges as much. Lots of things I used to anticipate I now just want to get out of the way. I feel myself becoming inflexible...resistent to change.

I don't think I want to be this way, but my drive to change it just doesn't seem to be there...I guess I feel like life's finally beating me down and getting the best of me and I don't have much more fight in me.

I guess this is mainly to vent, but I'm hoping that maybe someone on here has gone through this and emerged stronger...I'm wondering what some little things I could do are to break out of this and start getting my drive back...start getting my life back on an upswing instead of this downward spiral.

I don't cry myself to sleep or anything...I just feel kinda dead inside, like the flame's dying out.

 

[LuckyStrike]

Hey squirrels,

I know exactly how you feel. I just turned 33 last month and I go through the same thing at times. I actually talked to my brother, who is six years older than me, about this awhile ago and he said "you're growing up and maturing". Several people have said the same since then. The more I thought about it, the more he was right. I don't find pleasure in the same things anymore. Before I had no problem dating some HB without a brain, but now I prefer a woman I can carry on a conversation with and can stimulate my mind as well as other things. It's kind of a bummer though, because I miss my carefree days. I guess responsiblities will do that to you, LOL.

I also believe a person's mindset can really mess you up for awhile. It's almost like a funk or a rut and you have to recognize it for that and dig yourself out of it. What's really helped me through those times though is to focus on your goals. Know what you want out of life and want to accomplish. I went back to school to get my degree and that has done wonders for me.

As far as working out, I don't agree with that. I squat and bench more than I ever have. I may have an ache or two more than I had when I was little bit younger but I don't let it bother me. IMO, I feel like I get better with age, like a fine wine!

 

[DrDope]

As far as the working out goes, I think you get stronger into your 30s and early 40s. They call it "old man strength"--like when you were a teenager and you thought you were tough but your old man could always toss your around.

My guess is that you aren't entirely happy with your job. For men, unhappiness in your day's work can lead to frustration and depression. Have you thought about that?

 

[squirrels]

I've always been a little disthymic...it's just hard to shake it this time for some reason.

I dunno what it is with the women. You're right, casual sex doesn't seem the same. I think I would still enjoy it, but the woman would have to be a "quality" woman...quality meaning more attractive than I previously accepted, more sociable, and more "liberated"...meaning a woman who's comfortable and expressive with her sexuality and who knows how to have FUN with it. (read: some MILFs I've known for example)

The thing is it's not as easy for me with women of this caliber. When I could chat it up with the sluts, the COOL women seemed to seek ME out, because I wasn't really desperate for sex. I had options. But I guess I never really broke that plateau to where I could just initiate with the "HB9s"...I always relied on them coming up to me.

I hear what you're saying about the strength...I know it's not in DECLINE...I just question how much longer my body will hold out. I"m already starting to pick up joint aches...I'm not some beast, but I DO push myself kinda hard.

As far as the job is concerned...it's pretty cushy...it's a government job, so I pretty much come and go as I please and do whatever I want, but you're right that sometimes it just doesn't provide the necessary mental stimulus for growth...often I just sit here and f**k around on the Internet as I am now.

I've been thinking of taking a vacation, but I'm not sure where, or with whom.

I'm not even really sure WHAT I want out of life right now. I've got my degree, I've got my job, I've got my house...what's next? A family? I'm not ready to be someone's husband/father, especially not in THIS mindset.

 

[Squid]

Dude, I know EXACTLY what you mean. It's something we all go through at some point in our lives. For me I describe it this way: I am at a point where I am looking at my entire life so far and asking myself "what have I accomplished with this? what have I done with my life?", my honest answer is nothing, I feel like I have wasted alot of time.

I have however discovered something that has helped me alot. Set a goal for yourself and strive to achieve it, if you have no goals to aim for then life gets boring. Maybe it's to climb Mount Everest, maybe it's to finish the Ironman, but whatever it is find something to give you passion. It is not enought to just live, we must find things to work towards.

Life is too short to sit around and let it pass by, the happiest people in life are the ones who go after their dreams nomatter what the odds are and give it everything that they have. I know it sounds cheesy but it's true.

Also, Women should compliment this, not be the goal!!

 

[NewMan]

I travelling towards my mid 30's....

I'm stronger than I've ever been. Looked better (I think) than I've ever been. I'm a man - where once I was a boy. My mentality is set....

But I went through something similar.

As far as the women thang goes - EVERYBODY at some point get's tired of the random hookup's and the sluts.

If you've been in a LTR, when you get out, you just want to fvck - meet and fvck as many different girls as you can. When this becomes meaningless - and you figure out that fvcking sluts is a no brainer - that it still leaves you feeling empty inside - that a nut is a nut - you move on and look for other things.

Your outlook changes - because it's old. Been then done that mentality. What? another slut? ho hum.

Your looking for quality after going through quantity. It's a natural progression.

So find that woman you vibe with.

After 2 yrs with her, your mentality will probably change again. You'll be tired of the same old pvssy, and you'll remember fondly the sluts you fvcked on a Saturday night - as you and your LTR are taking the dog for a walk before yet another Saturday night sitting in front of Saturday Night Live.

Life is an evolution.

It's good to reflect on your change - but you need to except that you will change - and probably in a yr or 2 you will change again.

 

[Now What]

Just in case anyone thinks this is some sort of modern problem or something no one else has ever been through before, I'm going to put in a few quotes here from the book Ecclesiastes, from the Bible.

Everything is meaningless.
History merely repeats itself. It has all been done before.
I said to myself, "Come now, let's give pleasure a try."
I collected great sums of silver and gold.
I hired wonderful singers, and had many beautiful concubines. [ translation: I had sex with many beautiful girls ]
Anything I wanted, I took. I did not restrain myself from any joy. I even found great pleasure in hard work. But as I looked at everything I had worked so hard to accomplish, it was all so meaningless. It was like chasing the wind. There was nothing really worthwhile anywhere.

and of course torwards the end there is the famous advice "Rejoice man, in thy youth!"

As for specific advice for you:

Well, is there anything you want to do? The vacation idea sounds good. How about a study abroad for 6 months or a year, or maybe Peace Corps for a year or two, or go over to Thailand to help with the tsunami thing for a few months.

Or how about motorcycles? Better to learn now then when you're 50, right?

I'm sure you'll be fine, but stop thinking about women and career so much and live a little - you sound like an adventurous type to me.

 

[LuckyStrike]

squirrels,

Boredom can be a b-tch sometimes. Sounds like you have accomplished alot in your life already but you know there is more out there...and there is. Maybe your "mindset" right know is telling you that you are ready for a LTR or even marriage? Or not, I don't know you so I'm just speculating...

When we get bored with life, we tend to think about things alot. You're still young and you have alot of time to find that right person for you. Take your time and enjoy life. Take that vacation, buy some toys(boat, motorcycle, etc.), do something you always wanted to do. Like me, I always wanted to learn to play guitar and I'm looking into right now.

I must admit though, I've always relied on women coming to me also. But then I realized I wasn't getting the "quality" ones either. It was always the easy, average to above-average chics that were hitting on me. But the elusive 9's & 10's weren't. Now when I say 9's & 10's, I mean the ones with the whole package. This site has helped me alot with coming out of my shell and going after what I want. Also, the older I get the more I care less what people think or if I'm rejected. If that hottie doesn't like me for who I am, OH WELL! There's plenty more that do!

You'll be surprised how well your body will hold out for. By working out, your only making those joints and muscles stronger. You will definitely be better off when you are older and in-shape and everybody else your age then is suffering from years of neglect to their bodies. Sheesh, I go into the gym and I see these guys in their 50's, 60's and up with their veins popping out! It's nuts!

Hang in there bro!

 

[Slickster]

Hey Squirrels ,

Lol. Maybe us senior citizens should start a lawn bowling league or something. You know just to keep the fire in the flame.

No offense man but 25 is too young to be having a mid-life. Sure you're not a kid anymore but realize that your mindset is more important than the numerical value of your age. I too was a little bummed when I turned 30 but what I realized is that things just keep getting better. Fact is, from the day we are born we are ALL inching closer and closer to the end. We're ALL on the decline. With every passing year remind yourself - On to bigger and better things.

Enjoy your late twenties man. Rock on.
:rockon:

 

[Dominant]

Do something larger. Become a rock star. Become president. Become the biggest and best thing ever.

Have a larger vision. **** all this working out and getting girls stuff. Enlargen your vision and all this will be included.

-Dominant

 

[squirrels]

I think a lot of it is just that I've become inflexible. I'm trying to find a stable quiesce in my life.

I don't know what triggered this change. I think turning 25 was part of it...also a couple of encounters with key people in my life, family, friends, women...all got me starting to seek a comfort level...kind of a "quiesce point" in my life. New tasks seemed like chores more than challenges. When stuff happened in my family, I was less able to respond to it. I guess I've become less dynamic.

I've always been predisposed to depression, it seems...maybe meds would help, but I'd rather attack the triggers if I can. I think the restlessness is coming out in other ways...not sleeping enough, not eating properly, having a more abrasive personality...I think all these things may be symptoms of the fact that I'm seeking comfort and stability when I really should be seeking change and challenge.

First thing I need to do is start getting more sleep, stop jerking it so much, and start eating better. Then I need to start trying to change my perspective on my life...start re-evaluating everything from the ground up and get my ass back in motion. I'm not ruling out the possibility of professional help at this point but I'd like to try everything possible before going that route because I don't want to depend on someone else to be "right" in the head again.

I dunno...I just need to figure it out, that's all. It's just tough to see things one way when you become used to looking at them another. I honestly think a lot of this feeling is the result of judgements I've accepted for so long that I don't even see them any more or how they affect the way I think.

 

[Ricky]

This whole thread looks great. I'm going to read it all this later this weekend and post my similar mid twenties crisis story as well...

I think this is pretty common in the first few years after undergraduate.

Couple of quick points though before i elaborate more later this weekend

1) I benched my max on my 30th birthday (by design) and also ran a faster mile than I did in my 20's so the strength thing is hocus. And I had been lifting since I was 21, so it may depend on the person but you dont fall apart at 30!

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

Age happens...

I've read all the replies and everyone has good input on this...

Personally, it sounds a bit trite..but I went through the same thing right when I hit 27...I think it hit me the hardest when I looked around, and many of my boyhood TV icons were passing away...Johny Carson, Rodney Dangerfield, John Candy...and a whole bunch of other fellas that passed away made me realize we aren't immortal.

But, on the flip side...I look at guys like Sylvester Stallone, Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp, Vin Diesel, ect...guys who are into their late 30's, 40's and even 50 for the case of Sly....and all these guys look great.

Look at the up side of getting older..

Generally, you will be making more money, have experience more travel, have experience more life...and of course your views on women, love, and relationships will change also...

No need to sweat the inevitable. I think many times in life we sit down and want what the other guy has. Maybe he is younger, with a nicer car, nicer house, nicer clothes..etc.

At that point, you REALLY need to accentuate YOUR positives. Hell you own a computer? This may sound absurd, but I still know people who can't afford one!

Just reflect on the GOOD stuff you have and are doing now! When you assess those things, make new goals...evolve...change...

RE-INVENT YOURSELF!

Keep positive!

You may get lucky..and your next woman will be as hot as this one >>>:cheer:

:crackup:

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Yeah Squirrels, you reached the hor plateau!! You are tired of having meaningless relationships with hors and now are seeking a more meaningful encounter!!! You'll feel better when you find a virgin who knows her nature as a woman and will be satisfied with your presence as a man!!

Quit eating a woman's vagina and you'll feel beeter. If you want to feel better about your manhood then "Say 'No' to hos!!!"You need a woman that brings the man out of you and hors cannot do this!!!!

 

[DjDreamer]

Originally posted by squirrels
About this time last year, I was 24 and at my "peak" in lots of things, most of all my skill with the ladies. I was finding a new girl to date maybe every three months with a series of club numbers and a couple random hook-ups. People started looking at me as a "player". Other things were going on for me too...I had just started getting back into the martial arts, I was making travel plans, just bought a house, everything was kind of taking off.

Then when I hit 25, all that seemed to change. I don't take pleasure in those things any more. I can't even really describe the feeling...it's like before I was living life to the fullest and now I feel like I'm getting ready to die.

I think it's a lot of things inter-playing, most of all my turning 25. I know a lot of you older guys will laugh at the idea of 25 being "old", but it has some significance for me. I remember some friends of mine discussing how, for example, working out-wise, you pretty much hit your peak strength at 25. Back in college, when I was a loser, I used to joke with my friends about how I would probably die a 25-year-old virgin. Plus, I've got my co-workers trying to encourage me to become more "professional", them being all 40 and 50 doesn't really help much.

I feel like I'm in decline...I find that I can't do things just for the hell of it any more. I mean, how am I supposed to "not give a f***" if I can't act on a whim? I don't look forward to challenges as much. Lots of things I used to anticipate I now just want to get out of the way. I feel myself becoming inflexible...resistent to change.

I don't think I want to be this way, but my drive to change it just doesn't seem to be there...I guess I feel like life's finally beating me down and getting the best of me and I don't have much more fight in me.

I guess this is mainly to vent, but I'm hoping that maybe someone on here has gone through this and emerged stronger...I'm wondering what some little things I could do are to break out of this and start getting my drive back...start getting my life back on an upswing instead of this downward spiral.

I don't cry myself to sleep or anything...I just feel kinda dead inside, like the flame's dying out.

This is some spooky stuff because recently I've been having similar thoughts.

In my mind 25 is the top of the hill...

 

[LuckyStrike]

Re: Re: Feeling like I "peaked"...headed down??

Originally posted by DjDreamer
This is some spooky stuff because recently I've been having similar thoughts.

In my mind 25 is the top of the hill...

You're right, it is the top of a hill. But just one of the many hills you'll have to climb as you go through life...

 

[DjDreamer]

Now that's a very interesting way of putting it.

 

[aguynamedwill]

life (experience) is a drug, you need more of it to keep the same high

your age has nothing to do with it

you don't need meds or a shrink, but you do need to eat right and sleep well.

I agree with Dominant, you need a larger goal; a degree, a job , a house... welcome to average.

don't ask "what's wrong with me?" , ask "how do i stimulate myself", or "how do i get back my mojo?" always ask"how" questions

do you like your environment? I moved three months ago, plus my boss got transferred, and I actually like my new boss. I got my vibe back.

Chicks dig my vibe

Will

p.s. I'm right

 

[phillyb]

same here

Yup, Im in the same boat. I'm 28, just broke up with a girl who totally rocked the house in bed.....I have only had one meaningful relationship in my life when I was 18-20 for 2 and a half years. Now Im wondering if I'm going into decline, I can never seem to hold on to women these days. % to 6 months max relationship length. I just try to keep my head high until the next one.


I feel ya bro

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

And no Squirrels, you do not need outside counsel to heal your wounds - you need to search within yourself and ask what is that you want out of life!! And then pursue it!!!!

Apparently your current path is not doing it for you - re-evaluate your priorities and seek things and people that will uplift you as a man and cast out the negative influences (ezpecially hors) that make your life miserable!!!

Seek things that are not physical or perishable and you will find that which is a life-long cure to your woes!!