Feeling like a total scumbag

[Miles28]

I got involved with a girl who was living with her bf at the time. My impression was that their relationship was coming to an end. It didn't for a long time and all the while we were seeing each other, sleeping together.

I really liked this girl a lot and wanted to be with her. However after a while it became apparent that she wasn't going to leave her boyfriend but I didn't stop seeing her.

Eventually she did leave her bf to be with me but it didn't last. She went back to him.

I just found out he asked her to marry him. She couldn't say yes knowing that there was a big secret, i.e her affair with me. So she told him and he dumped her.

She really blames me for this. I don't mind. I know it's her fault but I know it's mine as well. I totally destroyed their relationship. It really wasn't my intention. I thought if they were done anyway then I would love to see this girl. But in the end it didn't work out like that.

Feel so guilty.

 

[iwanttofight]

Come on bro, dont feel bad about it. Remember it takes two to tango. You are a test for her to see if she really loves the guy that she is with. She had sex with you, she doesnt love the guy she's with trust me. You just saved this girls life. She would of married this fool and then she would of divorced him 2 years later. You saved his life too because she would of taken half of everything he owns and worked hard to get. You should go out tomarrow and celebrate of what you done to stop the hardship the could of happened. Get wasted and thank me "iwanttofight" while your drinking your 5th beer, and say he got me to see the light at the end of the tunnel. You should be happy she risked her marriage to fuqu bro think about it bro

 

[Miles28]

iwanttofight

thanks man. it's certainly a different perspective. you could be right, certainly you can't call any relationship where the woman is willing to cheat on her live in boyfriend for a year 'healthy'.

I just don't like being the catalyst for this break up. And this girl hates me now which is kind of tough. I really did care a lot about her.

All I can say in my defence is I wasn't messing around with her, at the beginning at least I was really serious about wanting to be with her. Later on I kind of realised that wasn't going to happen but kept seeing her anyway. That wasn't good.

I don't think I'm going to get involved with girls in serious relationships again. Hard to feel good about it.

This guy has every right to find me and kick the living s*** out of me. Maybe he will.

 

[Desdinova]

I swear that some women absolutely love being wh0res. My mistress was no exception. She had a bf she was living with, but had absolutely no problem being with me. He found out by going through her phone. I regularly come into contact with the guy (he's a bouncer at my favorite hangout) and he never did 5hit to me but badmouth me through text messaging to his gf.

Then he proposed to her and bought her a ring.

Two years later, he got her pregnant and dumped her shortly after.

Do I feel guilty? Hell no. He was stupid enough to stay with her after he found out she fvcked around on him, not only with me, but with another dude as well.

You did the guy a favor. You stopped him from staying with a wh0re. Women like that are good for nothing except to be used by men. If she didn't fvck around with you, she would've done it with someone else.

 

[Miles28]

Thanks Des, I think I needed to hear that. Well I was thinking along the lines of, if I hadn't come along they would have just had a great relationship.

The truth is though she had split up with him a couple of times before (and slept with someone else during that time) and I think that if I hadn't come along it would have been some other dude.

When I heard from her she was on some tropical holiday island. I made some sharp comment like, 'Yeah glad you are enjoying yourself, partying it up in X.' Then I got this really angry text saying, well actually I told H about us and he doesn't want to see me again. I'm here recovering.

People react differently but whenever I've been really hurt or down the last thing I've felt like doing was going on holiday. Sounds weird.

 

[Mike32ct]

She's not really angry with you per se. As much as she wants to hate you, deep down she knows that she voluntarily participated in this affair. She is really pissed off at HERSELF for cheating and is directing the anger at you to make herself feel better.

But keep in mind that the "We can F because I'm about to break up with my man anyway" is the oldest trick (ie lie) in the book. They use this to justify cheating, but rarely if ever break up with their man.

Also don't believe a woman who says she will break up with her man to be with you. They rarely if ever do. You are better off believing a politician's campaign promise lol.

 

[Alex DeLarge]

You can't feel guilty about these kinds of things. She has the ability to control her own life. SHE made the decision to see you while she was with her BF. SHE did not say NO to you.

Think about it this way, you saved this guy from marrying a woman who would probably wind up cheating on him, divorcing him, and he could have had children with this woman. The guy would be financially fvcked. If you did not enter into his reality, he could have easily fallen down this path of misfortune.

This could be an event that had potential to wake this guy up to the realities of lovers. What to look out for, what to cherish in life, what to prioritize etc.. The same concepts that we learn from this board ourselves.

.. and all of us had gone through some sort of event similar to this and that event opened us up to the vast array of knowledge this board and other sites, books, etc.. have to offer.

 

[Miles28]

Alright, thanks lads. I feel slightly better now. Honestly when she told me I just felt ghastly, like i'm this horrible person who has wrecked two people's lives.

At least I know that a jury of my peers (on SoSuave) wouldn't quite give me the death penalty for this.

I still feel bad and hope she (and he) are ok and work things out if they can. By all accounts he's not a bad guy. I really shouldn't have been doing that to another dude.

Anyway you live and learn. Not doing this again. Really don't have the stomach for it.

 

[sstype]

Alright, thanks lads. I feel slightly better now. Honestly when she told me I just felt ghastly, like i'm this horrible person who has wrecked two people's lives.

At least I know that a jury of my peers (on SoSuave) wouldn't quite give me the death penalty for this.

I still feel bad and hope she (and he) are ok and work things out if they can. By all accounts he's not a bad guy. I really shouldn't have been doing that to another dude.

Anyway you live and learn. Not doing this again. Really don't have the stomach for it.

Best to not get involved in these love triangles and the guaranteed ensuing drama. And just because she made the decision to cheat does not completely absolve you of any responsibility. Since it takes two to tango...you do share half the blame here. Going forward, If a chick wants to be a cheating wh0re, fine; let her sucker some other fool into that mess.....

 

[perseverance]

Women are very good for blaming everyone and everything for their failings or their deplorable behaviour.

You were wrong to sleep with a woman who was in a relationship, I have no respect for men who actively pursue or have an affair with women in relationships.

Girlfriends or wives who cheat on their partners very rarely leave them and any man who thinks that by having an affair with a woman he can prize her away is an idiot. You're just a bit of fun on the side, a naughty, sordid little secret. When push comes to shove most women will chose their partners over their 'bit(s) on the side'.

I wouldn't feel like a scumbag if I was you, it takes two to tango and she had a choice when she cheated, she had the choice to remain faithful or cheat and she chose to cheat. In truth she was always going to stray, if it wasn't with you it would have been with someone else.

You didn't destroy her relationship, she destroyed her relationship, all you were was the final nail in the coffin. I hope you have learnt a lesson from this and in future will think twice before getting with a girl who is in a relationship.

 

[Szyzzlin]

Why would you feel guilt? Its her choice to go outside her relationship. I'd say its 99% her fault.