Feeling kinda fooled. Need advice from SoSuave on GF falling asleep during sex.

[Poonani Maker]

I posted about this in my last post, but after looking at our texts again, I'm getting the sinking feeling that the one I've been fvcking all Summer is no longer into me. Basically, she fell asleep before we ever got to fvck last Saturday. We did go it a little while bare with her on top, but after I started to go down on her or kiss all around her body etc, I can't remember when, she dozed off and was out snoring and everything. She wasn't drinking, but it was midnight, and she looked tired before we started kissing and undressing. She was certainly not peppy, and she wasn't herself.

Anyway, her last 3 texts were "I am so sorry" (for falling asleep last night), "I feel like such an ass," and "I enjoyed sleeping w/ u."

While she was out for the count, I picked her up and moved her under the covers and she awoke smiling like ("what are we doing?" now? as if she thought we'd been having sex the whole time ).

So in the morning she told me that she's trying to "get rid" of her (I had thought already, ex) "boyfriend" but that she keeps threatening suicide to her. I can't tell if she's lying but something ain't right. Stories are not adding up. I'm sooo confused and don't know if I should just call it quits with her.

I'm seriously considering either calling or texting to call it quits. She is the BEST lay I've ever had though. She also SAID (actions, not words..right guys?) that she wanted to hookup next week, to call her blah blah, but the texts she sent above were not long after I left at about 7 AM.

I'm thinking she's losing interest. She's not herself of the past 2 months, and I think I'm just wasting my time now. She doesn't know one iota that I'm thinking the way I'm writing here. My Frame is maintained. I feel as though she is trying to chink away at my strong frame...to make me feel less of myself. I've shown her nothing but my belief in the positive, that things ARE the way I see em, my reality, which is positive for my sake and benefit. I've had this positive outlook for myself for about 5 years. She may be trying to warp my reality to Her sick reality which May be that I'm just some loser that she fell for, but now no longer thinks highly of me. It's partly my fault, but then again, it could be her (still) "boyfriend's" fault for putting ideas into her mind to take her back away from me. It's like a tug-of-war, and she's being tugged back and forth in the middle of it.

I know many of you would say, "I wouldn't want to be in that situation. I'd just leave her, just move on, just throw her back," and I Could do that, but I don't really want to confront her about this whole situation, because that's opening a can of worms that can just make matters worse (at least sexually and frame-wise) between us.

I could just Not mention Anything I've written, my thoughts or concerns, to her and just continue on fvcking her which is really all I want. It's the "boyfriend" who feels like he's lost something. He's the suicidal one. He's also into "clowns" she says, is a criminal, very colorful, on the edge sicko type. I told her that he's just a psychopath and that he'd NEVER commit suicide. Psychopaths don't commit suicide. Also, these are the times when having a concealed carry permit would be worth your trouble of obtaining one. I'm always packing these days.

 

[Pair A Dice]

Next time she falls asleep like that, nut in her ear.


You're in a tough spot. Cut back the time you spend with her even more. If she truly is someone who is worth your time, she'll work her way back to. If not, she'll get back with her other boyfriend...or he'll come and kill you.

Take your pick.

 

[5string]

Toss her back in the lake and see if you can catch a keeper.

 

[SecondHalf]

I'm a little puzzled.

The tone of your post is one of worry and frustration.
However, you did say in the last paragraph that all you really want from her is sex.
Who cares if she's not that into you, as long as you keep getting into her?
BF troubles, I don't see the relevance.

However ... if you are actually a tad more emotionally attached to this woman than you say directly (sounds like it), then a couple points / questions...

1) do you feel respected?
2) should she finally leave her BF for you, would you not worry that it could happen to you some day?
3) if she keeps falling asleep, she's not going to stay the best lay you ever had (unless you're into that sort of thing
4) the BF suicide thing is very likely a line of crap.
5) way too many games!

dunno,

SH

 

[PokerStar]

well if you arent happy, why continue to subject yourself to her sh!t testing?

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

I could just Not mention Anything I've written, my thoughts or concerns, to her and just continue on fvcking her which is really all I want.

Nor should you feel the need to. The worst thing you could do is go Full Disclosure on her. My guess is that the ex-BF isn't the psychopath she makes him out to be, but rather a guy with major ONEitis for a girl who's probably also the best lay he's ever had. Her lack of sexual enthusiasm is the result of her conflict between you and his still clinging to her ankle. The sexual urgency you enjoyed before is gradually being replaced with a familiarity of you, combined with her familiarity with the ex and her inability to disconnect emotionally from him.

The first thing you need to do is some harsh evaluations about whether or not she's even worth the effort. The sex may be good, but do you really want to entertain a long term commitment with a woman who'd ƒuck you and her disturbed ex at the same time? Do you think there'd ever come a time when you could mentally sweep that under the carpet and not knowingly accept it as a rationalization?

If you do think she's worth the effort then, put her on ice and go no contact for a week. Do not return calls, and keep text to 2 to 3 word answers. You need to break that familiarity. Do something unpredictable, break a date, go dark on her for 2 or 3 days, but always be doing something unavoidably responsible - work project, late hours, sick grandmother, depressed friend, anything that makes you seem dedicated to something worthwhile. Increase your value, and subtly plant the seeds of competition anxiety, through scarcity. You need to reignite her imagination that you aren't the comfortable familiar, predictable guy she's comfortable holding out on.

What this will do is 'caffeinate her hamster' - it will spark that imagination into competition anxiety and swing her back into your orbit. She'll also be further provoked to pursue you in the thinking that she'll lose you because of her preoccupation with the ex. As it stands now, she perceives you're tolerant of the ex so she's comfortable with the situation. Doing even a limited takeaway will prompt her out of that comfort. Don't tell her the ex is a problem, show her by your indifference. By doing a takeaway you send the message that you're so alpha-confident and self-interested that she doesn't even merit an explanation for your absence, and rather than waste both your time you're ready to move on to someone else.

 

[pdx1138]

I had to deal with something similar to this earlier this year.

We were involved for 1 1/2 years, then I chose to end it. Just didn't want to deal with it anymore.

Looking back on what I did, I would have done so differently.
She was a consistent lay for me whenever I wanted it. What I should of done was keep getting it when i wanted while at the same time finding someone else I could actually have a real relationship with. That way I could keep getting some regardless.

Maybe you can compartmentalize her, keep getting what you want physically, but also pursue other women so you have a stepping stone and not fall in the river as i did, so to speak.

 

[Poonani Maker]

There needs to be a donate button. Your advice is hard to swallow...SecondHalf, Rollo, and pdx. Not sure if I'll put her on "ice." I think that she may have lost respect for me, but we are ages apart. I'm a young 35 (about to be 36) and she's a young 24 (the mind of a teenager or arrested development though "street smart" as well as the energetic sex of one, I'd imagine).

Yeah, Secondhalf, I'm sniffing bullsh!t too with the boyfriend "committing suicide" bit. But it seems that she makes time for him during the week when I have No time for her (she lives 40 mins away; he lives right across the street from her). EVERY single weekend since mid-June she's been with me. She has never flaked or been sick or made an excuse or said she couldn't do anything. She's always been there for me; therefore, despite the "boyfriend" still in the picture (she SAYS she's "trying to get rid of him"), I should still contact her for this weekend to be together, and next weekend until she finally fails me (if she fails me). I will have to fail her in a couple of weeks cause I'm having surgery (dental) which will put me out of commission. Maybe that will be the time for unavoidable "ice."

The main thing that trumps all of her disrespect in both our minds of me is that she knows, for certain, that I don't give a sh!t. I don't really give a sh!t. If I say or do something "weak" or "gay" or "nice guyish," despite her reaction, she knows that I don't give a sh!t. It may be a put off or a turn off, but she knows that always, I don't give a sh!t.

So I think that not giving a sh!t keeps her respect for me at a healthy level. She knows that I'm unwavering in that sense. I could put her on "ice," and during that time on ice, you can bet ur as5 that I'll be seeing other women and not "working on myself" cause while I'm young still, all I really want is to fvck women. When I get in my 60s I guess I'll start being more responsible. I "get by" with my responsibilities because my mind is always on fvckin. That's all that matters to me. That's all that's "fun" to me is fvcking women and doing all other manner of sh!t with them. I'm only happy when I'm doing that or when I think about doing that. This life just completely consumes my brainwaves.

She knows I can't be fooled easily though, and this (a hard to manipulate man) May Be a putoff for her (an Most women), knowing that "Hey, I don't think I'll ever be able to swindle this man, I think I'll move on to the next sucker." I'd like to think that she is different, but I've been with sooo many who are not different, that leads me to believe that she could never love me entirely for Me. This one is either easy to figure or making it hard for me to figure. The only way to figure out is to suggest we get together again this weekend for like the 14th or 15th weekend in a row.

A friend of mine gave me "Advice" as you guys have (thanks, I really appreciate it), saying that if I don't loosen up about her coming over to spend some time at My place, then I will probably lose her for good. He thinks that she's trying to be my girlfriend. I'm still not so sure, and I'm not ready for HER (maybe some other girl, but not HER) to come stay with me a while. I know her fvcked up past, her drug usage, her semi-bad friends that I certainly don't want coming around my house. But he seems to think that if I don't have her over, then I'll lose her soon, because she mentioned coming over this weekend when I left her place Sunday morning. I told her that I can't let her come over because she still uses drugs. I don't want any of that sh!t in my house or people who do that sh!t in my house. I'll go and fvck her at her place but my place is off limits. Our relationship, while purely fvckbuddy, is drifting into gf/bf which I do not want. She'd have to change a whole lot of sh!t in her life for me to let her set foot in my home.

Her place is immaculately clean, and I'd like to have mine looking as neat as hers, but I can't have people who use drugs in my home. I've read so much on addictions and how they can make people KILL to maintain them. I do not want to be killed, or robbed, etc. While her keeping her place straight and spiffy is admirable, and I know that she's no longer really leading a life of crime as she used to, I still cannot bring myself to have her over to my home. What if I were to get married and she (strung out on drugs - she looks fine now but down the line she could be looking hideous) showed up one day thinking that I was still available? and my wife saw her and I had to explain how I knew this person? While she doesn't look bad now at all really, the hard drugs eventually take their toll on the users' appearance. I can't have a future hideous-looking woman associated with me. Sure, I could say that "she used to be different" and "she used to look different" "see these pictures of us from 5 yrs ago?" but still, how would I explain my association to a low-class once-upon-a-time hottie?

idk, maybe I should just let her as5 come over this weekend, fvck

 

[vatoloco]

I read the whole thread up to my response and while you've already been given great advice and I have my own theory as to what's going on (I kinda went through something similar about 5 years ago), it's all moot point as this kept ringing in the back of my head:

Also, these are the times when having a concealed carry permit would be worth your trouble of obtaining one. I'm always packing these days.

Something's off. Your gut is telling something's wrong. Instead of over-analyzing, would you be better off dropping this girl cold (you're not exclusive, right? -- therefore no need for explanation/confrontation) and spinning [a] new plate that do[es]n't have any kind of attachment to [a] prior boyfriend, don't do drugs and have respectable friends?

Just my $0.02...

 

[SecondHalf]

Please elaborate on the drug usage.
Or don't but think about the points listed...

If she's into/has been into "hard" drugs, ones that cause a physical addiction, know that you may find yourself emotionally attached to a bag chaser someday. Addiction can justify anything.

Any low life with an 8th of coke can have her regardless of her commitment to you.
If she's ever whacked, she'll whack again! That puts her into a high risk group (F*********ck that!).
Forget her having money if she's using. You'll never know if anything she claims to feel is real. You may end up the meal ticket (literally!).

I'm sympathetic to people with addiction problems, but man if they want my time, they better be fitting it into their very active recovery/prevention schedule!

Boink her, but beware the evil pair bonding.
If she's using, run! No really, run!!!

Regardless of any of this, get busy finding a replacement!
Because you're on this forum, you're interested in self improvement... right?
What is she doing to self improve? Are you two traveling the same road?

Sorry if this is harsh, but experience has taught me that "users" learn to "use" quickly.

Think clear, Think you,

SH

 

[Bible_Belt]

Please elaborate on the drug usage.

Agreed.

 

[Poonani Maker]

Please elaborate on the drug usage.
Or don't but think about the points listed...

If she's into/has been into "hard" drugs, ones that cause a physical addiction, know that you may find yourself emotionally attached to a bag chaser someday. Addiction can justify anything.

Any low life with an 8th of coke can have her regardless of her commitment to you.
If she's ever whacked, she'll whack again! That puts her into a high risk group (F*********ck that!).
Forget her having money if she's using. You'll never know if anything she claims to feel is real. You may end up the meal ticket (literally!).

I'm sympathetic to people with addiction problems, but man if they want my time, they better be fitting it into their very active recovery/prevention schedule!

Boink her, but beware the evil pair bonding.
If she's using, run! No really, run!!!

Regardless of any of this, get busy finding a replacement!
Because you're on this forum, you're interested in self improvement... right?
What is she doing to self improve? Are you two traveling the same road?

Sorry if this is harsh, but experience has taught me that "users" learn to "use" quickly.

Think clear, Think you,

SH

Meth. I know, I know. If the sex wasn't so fvckin great I'd have ditched her long ago. Her stamina is unreal. And afterwards, I feel totally evil. She makes me feel soo evil because that drug has made her the devil, a serpent, whatever reptile you want to call her/it.

She didn't tell me that she did meth until the 3rd week of fvcking her. I was already hooked.

We are not "traveling the same road." Her biggest and Only self-improvement road would be to do as I say. I've not told her but I have about 4 to 5 permanent changes she must make before I'd ever let her into my home.

Thanks man, it's like her two choices are: Her "boyfriend" - the road of drugs, or clean and sober me, the road to clear conscience. Never having her mind vs. having her mind again and living an honest life. She's being torn apart I can tell, but I feel that this past weekend is Her beginning to chose to go back down that road of meth for the rest of her (probably short) life.

I've never been harsh with her about her drug usage, but whenever she mentions coming over to my place, that's when I reveal to her, honestly as I can, that her drug usage prevents me from giving the green light to allowing her to come over, as healthy as coming over and staying a week would be the healthiest move she could make in getting away from her current environment.

But I am Not a Captain Save-a-ho. Think clear, think you, I agree.

I just wish that there were no consequences to her addiction, because the marathon of sex is ungodly, except for this past weekend of course.

 

[iqqi]

You have some self esteem issues.

The first thing I notice is how you are viewing yourself because she fell asleep during sex with you. That had NOTHING to do with you. She is a druggie? Hello...

The second very blatant point, is that she is your one and only. No wonder your sexual self worth is tied to her. The messed up part about this, is that she is fvcking two guys, and both guys are her monogamous boyfriends. Lucky, drugged out meth chick there!

It seems like you know the basics, but you are not practicing what you know, and now your viewpoint is being warped.

DR IQQI PRESCRIPTION: You need to knock her worth to you down a few pegs, and then find a few more chicks to add to your rotation. Like, asap. And find these chicks while you are avoiding, aka taking a break, from methchick for a couple of weeks. That should fix it all.

 

[LE6END]

Nor should you feel the need to. The worst thing you could do is go Full Disclosure on her. My guess is that the ex-BF isn't the psychopath she makes him out to be, but rather a guy with major ONEitis for a girl who's probably also the best lay he's ever had. Her lack of sexual enthusiasm is the result of her conflict between you and his still clinging to her ankle. The sexual urgency you enjoyed before is gradually being replaced with a familiarity of you, combined with her familiarity with the ex and her inability to disconnect emotionally from him.

The first thing you need to do is some harsh evaluations about whether or not she's even worth the effort. The sex may be good, but do you really want to entertain a long term commitment with a woman who'd ƒuck you and her disturbed ex at the same time? Do you think there'd ever come a time when you could mentally sweep that under the carpet and not knowingly accept it as a rationalization?

If you do think she's worth the effort then, put her on ice and go no contact for a week. Do not return calls, and keep text to 2 to 3 word answers. You need to break that familiarity. Do something unpredictable, break a date, go dark on her for 2 or 3 days, but always be doing something unavoidably responsible - work project, late hours, sick grandmother, depressed friend, anything that makes you seem dedicated to something worthwhile. Increase your value, and subtly plant the seeds of competition anxiety, through scarcity. You need to reignite her imagination that you aren't the comfortable familiar, predictable guy she's comfortable holding out on.

What this will do is 'caffeinate her hamster' - it will spark that imagination into competition anxiety and swing her back into your orbit. She'll also be further provoked to pursue you in the thinking that she'll lose you because of her preoccupation with the ex. As it stands now, she perceives you're tolerant of the ex so she's comfortable with the situation. Doing even a limited takeaway will prompt her out of that comfort. Don't tell her the ex is a problem, show her by your indifference. By doing a takeaway you send the message that you're so alpha-confident and self-interested that she doesn't even merit an explanation for your absence, and rather than waste both your time you're ready to move on to someone else.

I could absolutely not agree more, Rollo.

This is the course of action I would take, undoubtedly.. Don't overlook this.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I think drugs should be legal and everyone should be able to consume anything they want. And when that day comes, I am still going to avoid meth users.

 

[5string]

No offense OP, but this is one of the problems that we need to overcome. At one time or another, each of us gets addicted to great sex. When we do, we tend to overlook her obvious faults and drawbacks. In your case it's other guys and meth.

I don't care how good the sex is, she's a meth chick.

Solution: Go find another woman who will give you great sex that is not a meth head!

 

[SecondHalf]

Nothing good will become of this.

This type of chick will make a BPD chick appear stable eventually.

Regarding the sex, sex cannot be "great" with mechanics alone.
What makes it great is an emotional connection, flattery or self image.
Each of these is rather scary with Madame Meth.

SH

 

[Reelstuff]

Its a lot easier to give advice than to take it,

I wish there would have been a place like this when I was younger, but let me tell you something about girls, they will run you down with a lawnmower if you lay down in front of them, they will spit you out and chew you up.

I guess some time around my early 40s I just got tired of laying down for girls to play head games with, I know it when they are lying, and I know not all women are like that but a lot are, I found that direct confrontation can be a real turn on for some, but be prepared for a direct backlash, I told a girl one time that I knew she was lying and that I was sick of that kind of teen slut behavior, grow up or get out, harsh I know, but after she got threw throwing a few plates in my direction she started the crying thing and I just looked at her and said that only works on guys that care if you cry or not, again harsh but she never pulled that crap again, we eventually found other interests but sometimes confrontation is a good thing, in moderation, not saying you should get out of control at all, but sometimes you have to let them know that you just dont care, you know they are not being honest, (something I learned later on ) you can call a girl out, without making her too mad.

Again, it sounds like she is playing you, get inside her head and play back, but be careful if you think that she has snakes in her head better to just leave her alone, as the other poster said, her other boyfriend might show up with a baseball bat, been there done that too, its surprising sometimes how much crap you go through in life, when you young dumb and full of ***.

 

[Poonani Maker]

Thanks Reelstuff, and SecondHand again, and IQQI. I vacillate from calling her tomorrow (this Friday) or Saturday OR just calling up another plate I met a while back but never really got anything going with. Because I have been with only her for almost all Summer, my other options have been but all forgotten because I know they aren't sh!t compared to her sex-wise, and like you said, SecondHand, flattery-wise and emotional connection sucking in self image-wise. After 14-15 times of sex you can't help but to be sucked into a woman. It's like a spider. She weaves her web each and every fvckin additional time and I am trapped.

I contacted the plate mentioned above about an hour ago and she seems up for it, but last time (long ago), while she didn't flake, she was "iffy" and sometimes didn't answer her phone. But this time, I got ahold of her on first call so, maybe we can get together soon idk. Believe me, I've been trying harder since the disrespect started, to get other ones on the roster again. You begin to think you don't want no other when you're getting it so good without fail, without games, without drama, without behavior that normal women exhibit. That's what's so sucking in about her: all the woman's parts (I'd say hb7.8) and the mind of a boy or a man. I guess that the drug has made her not be concerned with b!tchy things that a lot of b!tches are concerned with. She's not a Big cellphone user. That's a plus. She'll talk about Anything and not get offended (even at our guy dark sarcasm - she gets the very dark humor that most girls would find offensive). That's a plus. She includes no bullsh!t. That's a plus.

But she plays me against her boyfriend, and him against me.

The question that I think that I'm going to confront her with either tomorrow (if I call her) or Saturday or a week or 2 weeks from now, is "Do you show your boyfriend my texts to you?" or "does he go through your phone" (she told me that he did it a week or so ago and found pictures of us which, of course, upset him). She sees my no reaction to him, but he gets sooo bent out of shape about me. I could care less about what she tells me about him. I just nod most of the time. I have nothing to add. I Am carrying however. I would really hate for it to come to that, but that's why we carry right? for freedom, to be able to go and do as we please. That's my license to go wherever I want in most cases.

I'm leaning towards contacting her tomorrow if the other plates don't pan out. I want to fvck her. Not sure if she wants to fvck me anymore though. I'll report whatever happens, no matter good or bad for me. I'm not optimistic, but who knows what will happen This weekend. Our relationship may be already over as I type this idk.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

I got to thinking about POONANI's situation last night, and it hit me that his predicament is eerily similar to one I watched from the sidelines about 8 years ago when i lived in Nevada. The woman was a semi-attractive (HB7.5) casino worker and essentially played one well paid provider-type guy off another "hot" guy who worked on the floor with her. Both eventually came to know about the other by her design. She even enjoyed the tension between the two because it made her feel valuable.

In the end, last I heard, the provider guy is serving life in prison in Carson City, and the "hot guy" is now buried with two gunshot wounds to the head. And the girl has moved on to marry some new rich contractor beta-provider husband. Any sense of remorse or guilt was rationalized away by her as the whole incident being 'anger issues' between two typical men. And the new husband is happy to buy her story because she's a great lay.