Feeling extremely down...

[EastWind]

I've hit an all-time low in my motivation. After my mom passed away and my girlfriend broke up, giving ****ed-up reasons ("nothing to do with your behavior, my feelings are just gone...") (see http://sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=179455), I managed to go until Christmas break without breaking down, was looking forward to the calm and the relaxing times. But my ex called me up, telling me she was feeling horrible about what she did, realized how bad it was, has been losing sleep, thinking about my mom and me all the time, she's not sure about her feelings anymore, not sure why she broke up with me...

Apparently her parents have also been sub-communicating that she let go of a diamond for weird reasons in a horrible moment. She had to attend her mom's friend's funeral who died of cancer aswell and it made her feel horrible. She's had time to think about what she did, etc, etc.

She said she doesn't want to get back into the relationship just to realise three weeks later it wasn't the right decision, asking why we can't just interact like normal people first instead of pretending we don't know each other, she can't get back into the relationship over the phone (which is actually the only thing that makes sense). Says that if I don't want her affection as a friend, she'll give it to other people because it hurts her too much to have me refuse it over and over again unless she's willing to come back...

It just all tore me up. I got my hopes back up again. It's possible she's actually on the path back to me, but since she's only at home for two weeks, it's probable all the distractions back at Uni will cancel that. And even if, I'd have major trust issues. Maybe she did learn something. Maybe she matured. Maybe not.

Meanwhile it's coming crashing down... my mom's death... girlfriend leaving and being unsure and everything... Uni is no distraction, as I'm due to start my thesis but as with all new things, they suck at first, new environment, new people etc. I'm still at my dad's but feel no motivation to leave for uni. My friends are there, but they are still in touch with her as she was part of our social circle... so they're not really "my world". I wake up in the morning asking myself what the point of getting up is since the world will probably find a way to make it hurt again. I know that going back to uni might provide distractions, but I'm having a hard time coming up with the energy necessary.

I just needed to vent. Everything just seems **** at the moment. Like there's no possible way for me to have any part of my old life back without huge amounts of pain attached to it. And building a whole new one takes outrageous amounts of energy that I don't see in me at the moment.

 

[runner83]

Losing your mum must have been tough.

But if this girl of yours did not even stand by you when you needed her most, why does she even deserve to be with you?

To put it into perspective, Queensland Australia (where I live) is currently in the grip of the worst flood in our history.

Since yesterday morning, 10 people are dead, with more predicted. A lot of them had no warning:

http://au.news.yahoo.com/latest/a/-/latest/8623826/qld-flood-death-toll-rises-to-10/

You are a healthy person (?) with no physical or mental issues.

Your negative feelings are 100% a function of how you are reacting to your situation.


So, sorry to sugarcoat it, but you are way too negative about your situation and not thinking of all the positive things in your life.

Make the most of your life, because one day, without warning, an 8m wall of water may come rushing down the street at you.

And you will think to yourself (in that brief moment), before you are swept away, how you wished you had lived your life to the full and made the most of what you've got.

 

[ChalengeGuyFan]

Isn't this the reason they advise us to go >No contact< after being dumped?

I'm sorry for your mother.

 

[Die Hard]

And building a whole new one takes outrageous amounts of energy that I don't see in me at the moment.

Then give up and die...



This is life, it will beat you down again and again and again, trying to force you into surrender. You either give up and die...or you kick life in the balls and rise above it all.

Watch the movie "300". As cheesy as it might be, take an example to the guys in that movie.

 

[Noodles]

But my ex called me up, telling me she was feeling horrible about what she did, realized how bad it was, has been losing sleep, thinking about my mom and me all the time, she's not sure about her feelings anymore, not sure why she broke up with me...

She said she doesn't want to get back into the relationship just to realise three weeks later it wasn't the right decision, asking why we can't just interact like normal people first instead of pretending we don't know each other, she can't get back into the relationship over the phone (which is actually the only thing that makes sense). Says that if I don't want her affection as a friend, she'll give it to other people because it hurts her too much to have me refuse it over and over again unless she's willing to come back...

She hasn't contacted you up to explain how bad she's feeling and how her timing was off. She's contacted you to make herself feel better. She's using you and she's given you some childish ultimatum. She broke up with you, now she's demanding you act a certain by being 'friends' else she's off with someone else. Is this really the kind of person you want as a friend or a girlfriend? The only thing that will make you feel any better in the end is to completely ignore her now. Anything else and you're being played again...by a really evil person.

As for the loss of you mother...I've been to too many of my friend's funerals. It's never easy and you don't get used to it. Remember that fact she was there for you and she'd want you to get on with your life. Exactly the opposite of your ex.

Sadly the only way to deal with stuff like this is get your head down and get on with things. Time sorts the rest out.

 

[Miles28]

I've read this post and your other thread as well. This girl just sounds incredibly selfish. It's really all about her. She sounds like a total egomaniac to the point of putting her own petty need for attention and acceptance ahead of your need for calm and support during a horrendous time.

I also wouldn't pay too much attention to posters who say you're being too negative. SoSuave is all ra ra ra, always be positive, always make the best out of any situation. This site propagates a childishly simplistic and one dimensional attitude towards life.

I'm not saying drown in your grief but of course this hurts and is going to hurt for a while yet. If your friends are good friends I would tell them how you feel. I would be hurt too if my good friends were continuing to hang out with this awful woman you're involved with during such a tough time for you. I really think you're better off without her, although I know that when you're so down it's easy to think that somebody is better than nobody.

 

[Jitterbug]

Would your mother want to see you like this, or to see you stand strong and then move on with your life?

 

[EastWind]

Thanks for all the replies... I'm aware all has to come from within me, but I seriously needed to vent.

Isn't this the reason they advise us to go >No contact< after being dumped?

It is. I did. She attempted to contact me a few times, one time by saying "I care about you so much and you refuse all contact... it's way easier for me to start hating you if this goes on."

The stuff I'm recounting here happened over a month after the breakup, during this time I held up a rather solid NC.

 

[Htienvu]

"Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done. Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that! "

Rocky.

 

[EastWind]

I've read this post and your other thread as well. This girl just sounds incredibly selfish. It's really all about her. She sounds like a total egomaniac to the point of putting her own petty need for attention and acceptance ahead of your need for calm and support during a horrendous time.

I also wouldn't pay too much attention to posters who say you're being too negative. SoSuave is all ra ra ra, always be positive, always make the best out of any situation. This site propagates a childishly simplistic and one dimensional attitude towards life.

I'm not saying drown in your grief but of course this hurts and is going to hurt for a while yet. If your friends are good friends I would tell them how you feel. I would be hurt too if my good friends were continuing to hang out with this awful woman you're involved with during such a tough time for you. I really think you're better off without her, although I know that when you're so down it's easy to think that somebody is better than nobody.

Thanks... it's nice to also hear a not-black-and-white reply. Although I see the point the other posters want to make, and respect it. All the reply together make a good picture.

I just.. think there's a possibility for everyone in life to make huge mistakes and learn from them. My sister - who is now on not so good speaking terms with my ex - said, when I told her my ex seemed to want me back, "everyone deserves a second chance in life." (I then sarcastically asked about child rapists and murderers, and she just sighed and rolled her eyes... heh). But I'm probably headed for more pain if I go down that road.

 

[SamTheHobit]

My mom died when I was 9 and my dad died when i was 14 im turning 17 in a few days my gf just broke up with me on sunday which really hurts so just remember there always someone worse off some people are even starving, but f**k thats another story. keep strong man. Take one day at a time. Things tend to work themselves out.

 

[PokerInTheRear]

Very sorry about your mom...

Everyone deals with tough times their own way, and if you feel like crap right now, you are more than justified.

Don't bury the pain or ignore it - face it and be with it until you naturally feel ready to move on. You can deal with it now, or you will deal with it later...

Tough call on the girl. I dont like that shes pressuring you when she effe up. She plays by your rules now, or not at all.

 

[Bible_Belt]

If you took her back, the basis of the relationship would be her guilt, and you would eventually break up again, likely on terms that didn't make her look quite so bad. She can feel all the guilt she wants, but that doesn't make a relationship. Likewise, you are obviously at an emotional low point right now, which is only human, but also not a good reason for entering a relationship.

 

[betheman]

It is. I did. She attempted to contact me a few times, one time by saying "I care about you so much and you refuse all contact... it's way easier for me to start hating you if this goes on."
The stuff I'm recounting here happened over a month after the breakup, during this time I held up a rather solid NC.

this girl is seriously f cking with you and not in good way!
get back in there with your friends, let them know you had and are having a tough time, dont wuss it though, let them know you want to fight through it, they will stand with you or else they arent friends.
you have been through a lot but you are going top come through this stonger and better, DO IT FOR YOUR MUM!

 

[women haze]

Where do you live? if I could I would get you a drink or something. Seriously **** her...end of story.

I know what you are going through I been there. You are going to feel depressed my advice to you is CRY it out in the dark and keep rollin. It helps!

 

[Warrior74]

"I care about you so much and you refuse all contact... it's way easier for me to start hating you if this goes on."

translation : "If you do it this way, I will feel guilty about what I did,you jerk. This is all your fault."

Sorry about your mom.

Good luck, stay calm and carry on.

 

[Jitterbug]

Stay strong now, mate.

She will try her hardest to get back with you just so that she could dump you for something that's all about you, in order to get rid of her guilt.

And speak to your friends about it. Be calm, but assertive, tell them that someone who would do such a thing in your time of need is not someone any of you would want to have around. That you would never do such a thing for your friends and you expect them to be the same. Essentially, it's putting shame on the table and telling them to make a choice.

I don't like your chances though. Good friends would already know to kick your b1tch ex to the curb before you even have to ask.

 

[Kenny Powers]

"She plays by your rules now or none at all"

Agree with this 100%!!!!

No contact might not be the best method in this situation. I would tell her how you feel and why you don't want to be with her. She's not a real friend either, if so she wouldn't have hurt you like that to begin with.

3 important things to remember:

1. It's important to remain positive, but don't overdue it. Inevitably you will feel bad at some point, but don't let your inability to be positive get you down, because this will just make you more depressed, resulting in a vicious cycle. Don't be afraid to feel bad.

2. You still have a great deal to be thankful for; health, food, friends, safety, etc. Try to be grateful for what you have, studies have actually shown that people who do this often are happier overall.

3. You will be stronger as a result of this experience

 

[Packers2010]

i'm sorry you lost your mum.

chip up kid.

6 months ago i had no job, no money, no prospects in live except playing 1C/2C online poker and wasting my life.

and one point i thought i was going to run away and escape everything. but i manned the hell up. i got a job. i got some money behind me. the girl who i have loved all my life. started to sex me for no aprent reason. ( she told me i was the best she has ever had she coming over tonight ) i am staring to get my car licence and i have a place to rent out soon.

so trust me. it WILL turn around for you. don't think nothing is ever going to be ok. because it will be. so hang in there ok

if you want to talk more PM me

 

[Hikapo]

Hang in there!!!