Feeling bad about a girl

[AttackFormation]

Long story short I practically have a girlfriend right now (because I know that's what she wants) who claims to be a virgin. She added me on facebook a while ago and then I talked to her and we've been meeting up since. She does things like make a natural skin treatment for me, wants/offers to fold my clothes, I'm pretty sure she'd cook if there was anywhere for me to move and then take her with me, she doesn't smoke, doesn't drink (she's "softcore" muslim), is easy to have fun with and I like her, she likes/is turned on by masculinity and goes "no, what the f*ck is that..." when I ask her if she knows about feminism and if you thought she had to be a boring prude, she wants to be f*cked in the @ss - I don't even know if I want to do so, I told her it's a lot of preparation and can hurt, but she says it being tighter would just make it better...

Overall she gives me the impression of being the kind of girlfriend you guys tell people here to try to get if you're going to commit at all. So what's the problem? she's not quite what I'd like physically but she could be if she made some fixes, one of them though I'm not sure is possible to make (she has big curly north african hair but it's flat on top, kind of like this but worse ie. flatter - it just doesn't look good). But if she doesn't make them then I would prefer other girls. I plan to keep her to see if she turns out better later but I don't want to hurt her because I care about this girl and I don't think she deserves to be treated like a second choice but at the same time I know there are girls out there that are physically more to my liking.

How do I keep this girl in my life without making things official and without having to hurt her later if I can't commit?

 

[Comatozed]

In exactly the same spot, although a little behind you. I can see it coming though. Nice girl, not quite what I want etc.

I don't think it's possible to not hurt her. Try to find the balance of being honest and realising the minute a girl doesn't feel the relationship is beneficial to her she will drop you and not feel remotely bad. It's kinda bad to hurt someone based on being hurt yourself, and I can't bring myself to do it, but y'know..it's a cruel world.

I think the right thing to do is to be honest and say you're not looking for anything serious right now when she brings it up (this is advantageously vague), but you do want to spend time with her and see where it goes.

By doing that you're basically saying I want to keep ****ing you but you can't get mad when it eventually ends.

 

[AttackFormation]

Will you be able to stand looking at that hair day in and day out? That's rough.

Seriously, what do YOU want? It's not your job to worry about how she'll feel if you don't commit to her.

Well, I asked her to use a hair straightener today and she looked so much better but it takes a lot of time to straighten it and she doesn't want to use a hair relaxer (I think that's what it's called in English) because of a bad experience and the damaging chemicals. She herself doesn't think she fits in straight hair either. It may sound petty but the knowledge that there are girls out there that you'd rather f*ck can't be suppressed.

I want her to either fix her hair so it doesn't look like a wet dog's hair or straighten/relax it :yes:. I guess so.

In exactly the same spot, although a little behind you. I can see it coming though. Nice girl, not quite what I want etc.

I don't think it's possible to not hurt her. Try to find the balance of being honest and realising the minute a girl doesn't feel the relationship is beneficial to her she will drop you and not feel remotely bad. It's kinda bad to hurt someone based on being hurt yourself, and I can't bring myself to do it, but y'know..it's a cruel world.

I think the right thing to do is to be honest and say you're not looking for anything serious right now when she brings it up (this is advantageously vague), but you do want to spend time with her and see where it goes.

By doing that you're basically saying I want to keep ****ing you but you can't get mad when it eventually ends.

That's cool, I think it may be quite common.

I've been thinking about that but I don't want to act like that before I've received proof. Yeah sure she has standards of her own so it's not like she wants me out of thin air, but still.

Yeah, that sounds like a good approach. Thanks! doesn't feel very good to have to lie though...

 

[Tictac]

You don't eff around with human beings as 'fixer-uppers'.

 

[AttackFormation]

You don't eff around with human beings as 'fixer-uppers'.

That's what my conscience is telling me too, I'd rather find someone who doesn't need to "fix" herself for me to prefer her to other girls I know exist. It's why I made the thread :yes:

 

[way2smart]

Looks like you found a keeper OP. There's no perfect woman in the world.
Even if you find someone with straight hair, they may be a feminist or other things you don't want a girl to be.

Trust me, I have passed on so many chicks that I thought were just not "perfect" enough for me. Haven't regretted it, but haven't found that "perfect" girl myself, so I'm thinking maybe they don't exist. But I do have pretty high standards.

So it's up to you man.

 

[No.Danny]

If you don't feel her physically just let her go. She seems like a great girl which is what you should look more into. You should let her go before she really gets hurt and you let something good go to waste.

 

[Mr Wright]

That's what my conscience is telling me too, I'd rather find someone who doesn't need to "fix" herself for me to prefer her to other girls I know exist. It's why I made the thread :yes:

Look at the end of the day, if there's something you don't like it's only going to bug you over time. When you're walking down the street with her, you won't be proud if she's having a bad hair day. Never settle for less than you want.

 

[El Payaso]

Man, I know it's your preference but that's very minor. You might dump her and realize that she was what you wanted all along. She sounds great on every other front.

 

[apprenticedj]

Also remember that you're 21 years old. If someone doesn't give those giddy feelings or you find that you're talking yourself in to liking someone it's probably not worth it.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Stop beating around the bush, AttackFormation. The girl is ugly and you know it. You are only keeping her around because you have nothing better going on.

 

[LuckyStrike88]

If you stick with her now you know you are only leading her on till something better comes along. Do you want that for her?

 

[bcollarmechanic]

had a friend in a similar situation, found a girl that was perfect for him he said, really cute (not hot, but cute) she was going to college at the time, worked hard, cooked cleaned and all that, but he always told me he felt like he was missing out, like there's all these hot chicks out there that he wants to bang but at the same time wants a relationship with this girl, basically best of both worlds lol

long story short, he dated her for a few years and when he felt that he was going to be ready to settle down, he told her he wants to marry her but wanted to take a 3 month break to think about where he wants his life, career and stuff to go (plus he was in the police academy at the time and said he wanted to focus strongly on this)

she agreed and in that 3 months he banged like 20 something different chicks, when he felt he got it out of his system he got engaged to the original girl and a year later they got married

idk if its going to last though, i have a feeling that the need for something better always comes back

its ****ing dreams man, we can be further in life and relationships than we ever should be, but at some point we'll be miserable because of feing dreams

 

[Zapp Brannigan]

This is how the break-up will go http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MpKtJrn0vus