Feeling a bit like a tool

Nemesis

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Long post ahead. Sorry if you're reading this I just need to get it out somewhere.

So I moved to a new hospital to do a 2 month posting (I'm a doctor) where I had absolutely no friends. There I met this pharmacist girl who lived across the hall. She looked pretty ordinary but was quite funny and pretty fun at times. So we started hanging out (dinners, movies etc.) and I found out she had a boyfriend of 3 years living about 4.5 hours away. Long story short, about 3 weeks in, we ended up sleeping together and again the week after. This was when I started falling for her.

Then she broke up with her bf and before I realised we started spending loads of time together and pretty much acted like a couple, going on trips etc except we weren't a couple.

Now my posting was up and I moved back to where I was before just 2 weeks ago but we continued doing the same things as before. Last weekend, she told me she was going to visit her ex to celebrate his birthday (she says they are still very close friends) which was fine by me but she ended up staying there for 4 days (she's on a 2 week study leave).

She came back 2 days ago and I asked her if she wanted to do something this weekend (I rarely get much time off due to the nature of my work) but she said she was really spent and broke from the trip and wanted to stay home for a couple of days. Today, she told me she's going to visit her ex again tomorrow and I stupidly asked how long and it turns out she only bought a one way ticket, basically meaning she's staying there for at least a week. The ticket cost $130. So much for being broke!

Now I know we're both single and we should be able to do what we want. I also know the answer to what I should do is obvious. I'm not the best looking guy in the world but I know I'm not a total train wreck either and my career and life is in relatively good order. It's just that I feel a bit **** because I've spent so much time and effort on someone who I now think is just stringing me along but much as I want to just cut this off, I'm finding it really hard to and I have no idea why. :kick:

Sorry for the massive post. If you're still reading this, thanks.
 

Swift Shadow

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Kind of the same situation here buddy, i got with a girl who later decided that she still had feelings for her ex and decided to end it.

I spent loads of time with her and when she left it kind of left me with an empty space that i need to fill (i enjoy routine so it knocked me backwards)
The best advice i have been given is to iniate NC (No contact) it's easier to gain clarity and clear her from your mind.

It's always going be tough when the girl has an ex involved or has just finished with him because she will have that lingering doubt and urge to make it work with him again (i learned this the hard way)

It sucks man i know how you feel, i'm going to jump back on the horse so to speak and get back out there dating girls and spinning plates, it might be hard but i suggest you do the same.
 

Atom Smasher

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Hey Doctor,

You started dating and then screwing a woman who had a boyfriend of 3 years and you're surprised how this ended up?

Here's my prescription, Doc... Wise up and stay away from other guys' women. If they will cheat on their boyfriend with you, they will certainly cheat on you later. That will be $150.00. I want to see you again in six weeks.
 

MyNameIs

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hey dude I went through something quite similar to you before and what the others have said is right. Don't contact her again no matter how much you want to, DON'T do it. If she does try to come back to you, then you have two choices; To cut her off completely or if you do let her back in, make sure it's only for the sex while you're off trying to date other women, and once you have another woman in your life, then dump her. Whatever you do though, DON'T EVER get emotionally involved with her again. Ever. If not you will end up in the same hole again as now.

This girl is just using you to fill up whatever emotional needs she has at her low point and nothing else. Make sure you don't fall into the same trap again. Good luck.
 
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