Feelin down about the ex

[Rhino22]

I was with this girl for 4 years. She was my first serious gf. Anyway, we lived together from October of 08 to August of 09. This last June she started acting weird so I asked her what was goin on and she wouldn't really say. She has a communication problem I believe because she can never tell me when something is wrong. Finally she say's she thinks we should break up so we can see what living on our own is like. She tells me I should move out because I have less stuff but I said no because it was her idea in the first place...plus I didn't have anywhere else to go. So we continued to live there together. She starts going out with her friends more on the weekends which I later found out was a lie because I decided to check her phone and sure enough she was seeing another guy. I confronted her about it and she gives me this whole, "I'm too young to settle down" thing and she still thinks she could see us getting married someday.She used another married couple as an example who basically did the same thing. She said she couldn't tell me about the guy because I'm sensitive. Uh so shortly after that we are still living together but we start becoming intimate again and I just figured she wasn't seeing that guy. The whole time she is saying she can see us b ack together again sometime.Then found out she was lying about where she was going and she was in fact seeing this guy still because I saw pictures of them together.

This whole thing ruined my summer completely because I had nowhere to go and I truly did love her. She said some awful things about me and basically made me feel guilty about the whole break up. She even went as far as to say that she didn't think we were sexually compatible and I don't throw her on the bed, I'm not freaky enough, etc.

This was actually the first girl I really had a sexual relationship with and before we even got together she told me sex never did anything for her with other guys and she was hoping I could change that, but I couldn't. Just like with the other guys..only oral sex would get her off.

During our relationship I would ask her to try birth control also because I thought using condoms was contributing to having a lousy sex life. She refused though because she had been on it before and had bad side effects.

I move out of the apartment and get my own finally and go back to find a note she has left for her doctor asking about new birth control options. This pissed me off and made me so upset. How could she do this for a new guy?

Anyway, I'm still bummed out about the whole situation.

I even had sex with a different girl last night and the sex was amazing. I actually got her off several times. I still feel empty though and feel like I won't find someone I connect with like my ex.

 

[vagrant]

We have the same story only I haven't been sleeping with anyone.

 

[1337]

The new girl you had sex with is enough to let you know that your ex was just bullshyting and insulting you for the sole purpose of ego satisfaction and fulfilling the limiting beliefs she has of you. This is good leave it at just that let her pass false judgement of you, it's not your concern or business of what anyone thinks of you. She will be back once her spider sense tingle that your doing so much better than her which you will be by pulling no contact. If you accept her back than you haven't done any better at all and have fullfilled her limiting beliefs. Don't listen to any thing she says pull no contact and get a jump start on a new life with out her. Remember you got 99 problems but a 8itch ain't one.

 

[Thatsalotoffish]

Dude, as the previous post said, no contact.

Move on and forget about this girl, she doesnt deserve you, she dissed you and cheated behind your back, whilst the whole time saying 'we can still work'.

Over time you will start to lose your feelings for her, just dont give in and ask her to get back with you, cause then all you do is feed her ego and she might be string you along for a while, giving you more false promises of gettin 'married'. You dont want no girl like this man so go out and keep gettin other girls!

 

[drak_ool]

I still feel empty though and feel like I won't find someone I connect with like my ex.

Every day AFC's are reaching new lows and we, here at SoSuave, get to witness all the live action!

After all that this girl did to you, now you miss her? wtf?

Good job banging another girl though, stay on that road and never contact your ex, or respond to her, in any way.

good luck!

 

[Weezy]

Every day AFC's are reaching new lows and we, here at SoSuave, get to witness all the live action!

After all that this girl did to you, now you miss her? wtf?

Good job banging another girl though, stay on that road and never contact your ex, or respond to her, in any way.

good luck!

You'll feel that way right until you meet the next tight girl. Trust me, just happened to me after 3 months of struggling with NC.. Stay strong bro, you will find another chick, trust me.

 

[HeyPachuco!]

This is a sh!tty feeling dude, especially when chicks bring in the ''sex card'' I had an ex that said ''I'll notice a difference if her ex boyfriend effed her'' - sh!t like that made me get Dr.jekyll.

Feeling bummed about my recent ex too. I think I did love her, but you'll get a tough time for me to admit that.

Doing stupid things recently - So much so that I'm playing Die Hard Trilogy on PS1.

But in the back of my mind, one thing which makes me smile - is that I know she will NEVER EVER find someone as unique as me or have the personality, charisma, humour or connection. I know she's crying inside - it sucks dude, but its 2010 nearly, you gotta try and move on, let her die over in your mind man - she'll break up with the next sucka and then the next and then next, then next again - its just a re-run, she'll fold soon and think of what she done to you when the tables turn on her.

 

[Rhino22]

she'll break up with the next sucka and then the next and then next, then next again - its just a re-run, she'll fold soon and think of what she done to you when the tables turn on her.

You might be right about this part. I mean, what boggles my mind the most is how could she just move on like that after 4 freakin years together? Just replaces her feelings for me on him I guess eh?

 

[thecurtainfalls]

You might be right about this part. I mean, what boggles my mind the most is how could she just move on like that after 4 freakin years together? Just replaces her feelings for me on him I guess eh?

Rhino,

Unfortunately it is a hard fact of life and no one tells you that yes, this is how almost all women operate. At least the attractive ones who have options, anyway. You'll hear the standard "her interest died slowly over months while you didn't know and she already finished grieving the relationship". And it's true.

I'm about 5 months out now from my breakup and things are finally really starting to get significantly better for me. We were together 3 years and lived together too, so I understand some of the dependency and attachment that goes on there. But I can tell you from experience the one thing that has helped me move on more than anything else:

Realizing that you don't deserve to be treated the way that you were. That you truly must knock her down from that pedestal in your mind once and for all, and acknowledge that she is not "the one". You must demand more from a relationship partner, despite your history together. I know firsthand how hard it is to walk away from that stuff. Some of my memories with my ex are the happiest moments of my life. But you know what, it's not like those memories disappear just because the relationship dies. You have to do what's healthy for you now (NO CONTACT) and then when there is a safer emotional distance, you're more free to appreciate the good times while still realizing that it wasn't meant to last.

Many of the best things in life are transitory. Accept this on a deep fundamental level, and you are on your way to enjoying life to its fullest without experiencing much of the fear or pain associated with loss.

And finally, no, she is not "replacing" you. Nobody can ever be replaced, we are far too complex to fit simple roles like that. She will always remember you for you, and you cannot try and psychoanalyze what she does now as though you're just a cog in the machine. People always think that because of the way things turn out, that it taints the entirety of the experience, but I don't believe that to be true at all. What you had together was real, it just doesn't exist anymore. Cut her loose and move on... believe me, when this is over, you'll be improved as a person in many ways and ready to tackle the next chapter.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Many of the best things in life are transitory. Accept this on a deep fundamental level, and you are on your way to enjoying life to its fullest without experiencing much of the fear or pain associated with loss.

...People always think that because of the way things turn out, that it taints the entirety of the experience, but I don't believe that to be true at all. What you had together was real, it just doesn't exist anymore.

This is excellent advice. Women will come and go. That is just part of life.

 

[horaholic]

You might be right about this part. I mean, what boggles my mind the most is how could she just move on like that after 4 freakin years together? Just replaces her feelings for me on him I guess eh?

Realize this, man: She is probably FAKING the whole moving on thing. They usually do. She is pretending that her and her and her new guy are in fairytale land, so she doesnt have to think about what she had with you. Guy swill deal with our shyt after a breakup. We might be miserable for a few months, but we move on. Chicks, get with a rebound guy, to AVOID the heartache, but it catches up to them in time, usually after we've moved on. Thats why we get the random calls from ex's around a year or so later, then they hint at getting back together again.

Dont think for a second the breakup doesnt bother her. She is just prolonging/hiding it. She's probably treating the new guy like crap too. They TRY to just move on with another guy really quick, but it doesnt work in the long run. Thats why so many of us have problems in relationships. Cuz we are the guy that comes after their LTR when they haven't dealt with their last breakup head on, and are therefore never truly ready for another LTR.

There are exceptions, of course, but this is usually how it works.

 

[Weezy]

NC Works

This thread reminds me of a story..

My Ex's Sister was with a guy for 5 years, they lived together, talked about marriage, etc.. He was well off, took care of her, everyone liked him. Well she started hanging out with one of the guys that started MySpace and decided that the grass was greener $$$. She told her whole family she was breaking up with him because he teased her to much (blonde airhead too, said the dummest sh1t) everyone knew about the breakup 3-4 weeks before it happens, she even moved out without telling him when he was away on vacation with some buddies. Suddenly 1 week later is hanging out with this guy, so you all know she swung like a monkey.

Anyway.. Long story short. Her ex dude is a wreck, but goes NC and gets on with his life. She starts dating MySpace dude who quickly realizes she's just a body and a face and that's about it..

Fast forward 6 months. MySpace guy has moved on, so she starts texting her ex, he doesn't respond. She starts calling him, no response. Finally he responds and they agree to get together, he takes her out, they go to dinner, they calls her babe, they watch a movie. Then she brings up getting back together and he tells her it's been great to see her but that he is in a new relationship.

She is still a wreck and it's been about a year and a half.

Moral of the story, go NC, move on with your life, and some day all this pain that you feel right now will be distant memory, and if you play your cards right, you might even get to let them have a taste of their own medicine.

 

[Rhino22]

Excellent advice guys. Wow. She does email me once in a while and I think it's cause she regrets what she has done, but there is a good part of me that realizes I can't get with her again.

 

[Rhino22]

So yeah, about a week ago I had written her this email saying not to contact me anymore if she didn't want to be with me. Then she writes back the other day and say's, "Wait a minute, so you call me a b*tch, selfish, etc but you leave open a possibility of 'us'. I am confused."

She then wrote that she does still have feelings for me and she cares about me. That she can't just erase them like that movie eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.

I haven't responded. NOt really even sure what to make of it to be honest.

 

[Bible_Belt]

she does still have feelings for me and she cares about me. That she can't just erase them


I feel the same way about all of my ex girlfriends. That is just normal. Anyone who has ever loved anyone else feels the same way after a breakup, whether they will admit it or not. Spitefulness toward an ex is typically a coping mechanism for still caring.

 

[AAAgent]

Rhino,

Unfortunately it is a hard fact of life and no one tells you that yes, this is how almost all women operate. At least the attractive ones who have options, anyway. You'll hear the standard "her interest died slowly over months while you didn't know and she already finished grieving the relationship". And it's true.

I'm about 5 months out now from my breakup and things are finally really starting to get significantly better for me. We were together 3 years and lived together too, so I understand some of the dependency and attachment that goes on there. But I can tell you from experience the one thing that has helped me move on more than anything else:

Realizing that you don't deserve to be treated the way that you were. That you truly must knock her down from that pedestal in your mind once and for all, and acknowledge that she is not "the one". You must demand more from a relationship partner, despite your history together. I know firsthand how hard it is to walk away from that stuff. Some of my memories with my ex are the happiest moments of my life. But you know what, it's not like those memories disappear just because the relationship dies. You have to do what's healthy for you now (NO CONTACT) and then when there is a safer emotional distance, you're more free to appreciate the good times while still realizing that it wasn't meant to last.

Many of the best things in life are transitory. Accept this on a deep fundamental level, and you are on your way to enjoying life to its fullest without experiencing much of the fear or pain associated with loss.

And finally, no, she is not "replacing" you. Nobody can ever be replaced, we are far too complex to fit simple roles like that. She will always remember you for you, and you cannot try and psychoanalyze what she does now as though you're just a cog in the machine. People always think that because of the way things turn out, that it taints the entirety of the experience, but I don't believe that to be true at all. What you had together was real, it just doesn't exist anymore. Cut her loose and move on... believe me, when this is over, you'll be improved as a person in many ways and ready to tackle the next chapter.

Never seen it explained so well!

I've been single for more than a year now since my last shattering break-up. I've come to the same conclusion thecurtainfalls talks about above. What we had was real, it'll never be replaced but it's gone now and all i can do is move on with my life. Sure many other girls come and go but none of them are my ex and i don't try to compare them because they're completely different people.

All i know is that it is over. It will never be the same again if i do see her because who she was when we were together and who she is now are two totally different people. It's best to continue with your life and work towards a better future. Life will keep moving whether you move with it or not, and if you can't adapt to it you're going to be the one that's left behind.

 

[seano99]

"Wait a minute, so you call me a b*tch, selfish, etc but you leave open a possibility of 'us'. I am confused."

i wouldnt reply or even acknowlege that man. she's trying to get the upper hand on you.

 

[Rhino22]

i wouldnt reply or even acknowlege that man. she's trying to get the upper hand on you.

Yeah, why do you think she is trying to do that?

I didn't reply btw.

 

[seano99]

Yeah, why do you think she is trying to do that?

I didn't reply btw.

good job man.

it appears she's trying to point out that you've claimed to have moved on, but then you're leaving the option open to get back together.. which is a bit of a contradiction yes.

but IMO she's not confused at all...

she's trying to play a game and suck you into more AFC behaviour, so she can further justify to herself that she made the right decision to move on. dont give her that satisfaction. good job not replying, stay strong. ignore her completely from now on.

i know you probably feel really bad about things, but dude she's a b1tch and you deserve to be treated with more respect. you sound like a decent guy and things will work out for you. get busy, into the gym, read these boards for support. re-read thecurtainfalls' post, he's right!

good luck man.

 

[drak_ool]

Yeah, why do you think she is trying to do that?

I didn't reply btw.

she s probably stringing you along as a back up option in case things don't work out with her current guy (if she is in a relationship), or she gets tired of wh0ring around if she is single.

I'm also confused by the message you were trying to convey in your email. You don't wanna talk to her unless she comes back to you? so you really want(ed) her back or no?