Feel the butterflies and approach!

[GoodMan32]

It depends on how you actually do cold calling. I agree, most companies do not know how to do this... just like most men do not know how to do cold approach. A company that does a sh1t job of cold calling appear to be poorly run: men who do a sh1t job of cold approach appear to be of poor quality.

The purpose of a cold, well anything, is to gauge interest and see if who is being approached is open to what you have, if it's a man, then it's if the woman is interested and attracted to what he has: if you are a company selling goods or services... is the potential client in a market for what you are selling.

The purpose of a cold approach (cold call) is to see if the woman in interested and available, get her number or make a date (or if you are a company, set up and in person meeting so the salesman can make a pitch. It's really the same thing, nut different scale.

There is a reason why company salesmen do a statistically better with women, because they understand the process. They know you have to get through all the 'nos' to get to a yes... and much of this is about timing. You can not control the 'timing' all you can do is find the ones where the timing is right.

I also agree that getting rejected too much fvcks with your head... all you can do is inoculate yourself from the negative emotional aspects of rejection... you do this with exposure... this is where practice and self-improvement will help you. If it keeps happening, then self-improvement is the only way to minimize this, the only other reason why someone might be rejected is that they are approaching the wrong women... so again, a little introspection with your selection process and the ability to read social and emotional signals will help.

If a man is not having success with the women he wants, then the only way to fix this is with self-improvement. This is not something easy to sell because what you are selling can not be taken as a pill... it takes a lot of work and effort... and a man will need patience and sweat. For companies it's the same fvckign thing... if they cannot get customers, then they are selling the wrong fvcking product... so they need to restructure their business to sell what people want.... if you are selling what people want and need, then sales are easy.

I've heard the analogy before that asking a woman out is like sales (you might get a lot of rejections before you get a yeah).

I've worked in sales before. In my opinion, comparing sales to asking a woman out is a terrible analogy. When a customer turned down a sales pitch, it wasn't miserable for me to then run into that customer the next time they came into the store.

On the other hand, when rejected by a woman, I find it miserable to cross paths with her post-rejection.

A sales rejection is nothing personal. A romantic/sexual rejection is personal.

Circling back to sales, you're 100% right when you say if you're unable to get customers, you're selling a terrible product that hardly anyone wants. When I was in sales, our boss would force us to push products/services we knew were a scam. Yet he wondered why not enough customers would fall for our sales pitch (That company is currently holding on by a thread. No surprise)

 

[corrector]

I've heard the analogy before that asking a woman out is like sales (you might get a lot of rejections before you get a yeah).

I've worked in sales before. In my opinion, comparing sales to asking a woman out is a terrible analogy. When a customer turned down a sales pitch, it wasn't miserable for me to then run into that customer the next time they came into the store.

On the other hand, when rejected by a woman, I find it miserable to cross paths with her post-rejection.

A sales rejection is nothing personal. A romantic/sexual rejection is personal.

Circling back to sales, you're 100% right when you say if you're unable to get customers, you're selling a terrible product that hardly anyone wants. When I was in sales, our boss would force us to push products/services we knew were a scam. Yet he wondered why not enough customers would fall for our sales pitch (That company is currently holding on by a thread. No surprise)

Exactly. You could end up with a social break-down. However, with some business interactions, where there are higher stakes, lets say Real-Estate, where you could earn a large commission, or end up broke, it does rub off in a way similar or even worst than a romantic rejection. You then blame your poverty on a betrayal of a client that choose another agent to close the deal rather than working with you despite all of the effort and time you wasted. You cant get more personal than that. Anything that involves a betrayal, is still terrible.

This is one reason why I have a sales job where the client can not see my face or video impression. The business is completely over the phone. That way, I can't blame my looks on a sales going bad as they can just hear my voice and either they trust what I'm offering or not.
It's also low stakes. You will make sales so it doesn't matter if you get a day where you make no sales, as you might make 5 sales the next day.

Two different sales scenarios, one is extremely personal, the other is impersonal.

 

[GoodMan32]

Exactly. You could end up with a social break-down. However, with some business interactions, where there are higher stakes, lets say Real-Estate, where you could earn a large commission, or end up broke, it does rub off in a way similar or even worst than a romantic rejection. You then blame your poverty on a betrayal of a client that choose another agent to close the deal rather than working with you despite all of the effort and time you wasted. You cant get more personal than that. Anything that involves a betrayal, is still terrible.

This is one reason why I have a sales job where the client can not see my face or video impression. The business is completely over the phone. That way, I can't blame my looks on a sales going bad as they can just hear my voice and either they trust what I'm offering or not.
It's also low stakes. You will make sales so it doesn't matter if you get a day where you make no sales, as you might make 5 sales the next day.

Two different sales scenarios, one is extremely personal, the other is impersonal.

Yeah, I suppose sales jobs vary.

I was never in a job where my income (or my performance review) was based solely on sales (I worked in stores where most transactions were simply a customer coming to ring out with purchases they chose to make all on their own. But there were opportunities where we could convince a customer to make a special high dollar purchase, as well as opportunities to push add-ons/services).

I was a decent salesman for products customers actually wanted/needed. I remember making a several hundred dollar furniture sale (and even a furniture sale of over a thousand dollars once)

I suppose a job like real estate where your career is 100% reliant upon sales gives you higher stakes. If I were in real estate, I'd certainly be upset if lack of sales ended up putting my job on the line. But that's still not the same type of upset/idiot feeling I get when turned down by a woman I thought was into me.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Not everybody is the same, Mike. Just because you cannot do what others can doesn't make them liars. Some of us are more 'sang froid' than others.

And then there are those who "put on a brave face" and give themselves the "I am outcome independent" pep talk in an effort to reduce anxiety. Kind of like a fighter who trash talks his opponent before a fight in an effort to big himself up.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

And then there are those who "put on a brave face" and give themselves the "I am outcome independent" pep talk in an effort to reduce anxiety. Kind of like a fighter who trash talks his opponent before a fight in an effort to big himself up.

Still, there is a distinct difference between Muhammad Ali and Mike Tyson when it came to trash talking, but both knew how to verbally anger their opponent before the match. There is a psychological aspect to the 'trashing'.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Still, there is a distinct difference between Muhammad Ali and Mike Tyson when it came to trash talking. And I think both knew how to verbally anger their opponent before the match. There is a psychological aspect to the 'trashing'.

Both of those men were riddled with anxiety. Now it may be that they managed to harness their anxiety to improve performance but you can't tell me that Ali and Tyson were outcome independent or had an IDGAF attitude. Quite the opposite, actually.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Both of those men were riddled with anxiety. Now it may be that they managed to harness their anxiety to improve performance but you can't tell me that Ali and Tyson were outcome independent or had an IDGAF attitude. Quite the opposite, actually.

No, but they were not just 'making themselves big', like guys flashing their Rolex. The trash talking was also to piss off their opponent so they would lose their 'sang froid'.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I think a large part of the anxiety is the build-up in the insecure mind. Making the molehill into a mountain.

With regards to not having approach anxiety and being outcome independent:
I'm trying to live life without expectations. I've been in situations I shouldn't have survived, but strangely I'm still here. So I lost so much common fears and anxieties that having a pleasant conversation with an attractive women doesn't unnerve me.
I don't project my lust on women - I have enough sex, I don't need more. My past makes me wary and reserved, where some women are intrigued by my aloofness. My attention and validation doesn't come cheap and certainly not for free. I have high standards that are mostly invisible on the outside.
That's why my conversations with women are outcome independent. Outward beauty is a bonus, but nothing more than an attractive wrapping. If the woman inside proves not to be a gift, I don't want her.

Your reality may be different, but that doesn't make mine 'impossible'.