feel down, could use some advice

[Romjuan]

so as you might have read on my previous threads my ex and i broke up. i was living at her house we were in 2 year relaionship etc..we ended on very good terms so the past month and half (since we ve been broken up) we have still seen each other and even had sex twice. I know, bad idea, when you break up you should do no contact... i get it. its just hard because you still want the other one to not move on i guess. I have been dating other girls and im even going out with someone else thats pretty hot tommorow. however i just went out with my ex tonite and did all the wrong things. she mentioned that her bestfriend that recently became single is moving in with my ex's ex ex boyfriend because he has a vacant spot at his house. rather than being indifferent i showed jealousy. i have a feeling that even though my ex has been broken up with this guy for years, she will hook up with him because they will be seeing each other alot more. i should have never shown the jealous side...then later on in the night since we have been hooking up before i assumed as i was dropping her off i would be going inside her place to hook up. but she turned me down and said she was too sleepy. up untill tonite i have been the one with the upperhand and have been having the frame. now she has it and it sucks.. i know this is not a game, and there is really nothing anyone can say that will change anything but i still feel like sh!t. i would appreciate any advice from anyone. i already no the common response will be do not contact her and get rid of evertything in regards to her.. but you know guys sometimes you just want to hear it from others. and also if there is any other advice anyone can give other than no contact id appreciate it.. thanks guys

 

[romangod]

Do some "soul" searching and get reacquainted with yourself. Forget other women for the moment. You're on the rebound and that'll only mess you up even more.

The end of a relationship plays tricks with your ego and it will betray you because it is hurt and lonely. Don't let it.

Men have to get to the point where a woman is a "part" of their life if it enhances it but not the entire focus of their life. That's a recipe for losing yourself and surrendering all your power to someone else.

You'll get over her . Most of us have. It is only the weak that wallow in it for too long.


Good luck.


Cheers!

 

[Romjuan]

thanks for the reply roman, i guess im really afraid of her having sex with another guy if i do no contact with her.

 

[Kailex]

What are you hoping to gain by sticking around in her life?

If I remember vaguely, wasn't she terrible to you when you two were together? Why would you want to continue to subject yourself to that? She has TOTAL power of your relationship with her... as you can clearly tell already.

What? You think that you calling her on the phone is gonna avoid her from spreading her legs from someone else?

Get real. Move the EFF on. And yes, I will be that harsh, because you know the type of responses you got in your last thread. She's not right for you. YOU are the prize. She should be worried about YOU getting with other women, NOT the OTHER WAY AROUND.

You should be in NO CONTACT with her... NONE. NO TALKING, NO SEX, NO CALLS. Go out, enjoy life, meet other women.

Again, who cares if she slowly inserts someone else's sausage into the inner areas of her pelvis... you're allowed to do the same to someone else, now, or maybe other "else's". Stop living in the past with this girl. The sooner you move on and stop talking to her, the sooner you remove all the power away from her.

I don't care if you two ended on "good terms". You only need "good terms" if there was a divorce with children involved, which in this case, there isn't. So move on. You're still young and have a whole life ahead of you. STOP DWELLING ON WHATEVER SEMBLANCE OF A GOOD PAST YOU MIGHT HAVE HAD WITH HER.

There's a reason you two aren't together anymore. But you have to understand, right about now, you sound like your entire life depends on what she does or doesn't do... and that, my friend, is really sad.

Your life is not HER. She was just a PART of it, and she's no longer a part of it. Stop taking her phone calls, stop texting, if she sees you and asks you out, you say NO. Go get your hot dog in someone else's bun.

 

[romangod]

thanks for the reply roman, i guess im really afraid of her having sex with another guy if i do no contact with her.

Well, you'd better come to terms with that fear. She will eventually be having sex with another guy. It's best that you be nowhere near her when that happens. It's happened to me before and it was very painful.

Still, it was one of the best growing experiences of my life.

Cheers!

 

[Romjuan]

kailex, thnks for the input.. i did need to hear that. i agree with everything you and roman god are saying however id like to add one thing... ive been reading (forgot whos thread) "wife rejecting my new ways" and i believe it was my fault she was treating me bad towards the end.. i allowed us to get into normalville by not having other hobbies and not cereating an excitment...i guess deep down inside im thinking things could have been different had i applied more dj skills in our living relationship.

 

[Colossus]

thanks for the reply roman, i guess im really afraid of her having sex with another guy if i do no contact with her.

Understandable, but this is an inevitability. Better for you to be on with your life in some other girl's panties than still clinging to her when you find out it happened.

 

[BeyondCharm]

kailex, thnks for the input.. i did need to hear that. i agree with everything you and roman god are saying however id like to add one thing... ive been reading (forgot whos thread) "wife rejecting my new ways" and i believe it was my fault she was treating me bad towards the end.. i allowed us to get into normalville by not having other hobbies and not cereating an excitment...i guess deep down inside im thinking things could have been different had i applied more dj skills in our living relationship.

Wrong.

Things could not have been different because its not about applying DJ skills, it's about being a DJ, not an AFC. And for all the reading you have been doing, you are still ACTING like an AFC by not letting her go and moving on. So don't try and pretend you have learnt something and are trying to apply it to an ex because that is a total AFC Move and shows you have not learnt anything.

You need to be spoken to like a man and not a boy... It's not your ex you need to get over, its yourself.. You are stuck in the past and you need to wiggle your way out of your "repair the failed relationship" type of thinking...

Make a list of things you've learned. Make a list of future goals. Get some hobbies. Get out of your own head. Self-pity does you no good. Find your bliss in life. Get passionate and excited about something.

 

[Romjuan]

thnks beyond charm thats some relly good advice. i was thinkn bout joining an mma class maybe now is the time.. on a sad note, i dont know what i am passionate about. theres nothing that i really can get excited about. im in paramedic progrm but evenb with that im not truley passionate asbout it.. what are you guys passionate about?

 

[romangod]

BeyondCharm:


Good post and I agree with it.


Cheers!

 

[romangod]

.. what are you guys passionate about?

Personally, I'm passionate about life, knowledge, humor, travel, relationships and a good burger with the right cheese and toppings.


Cheers!

 

[5string]

Very good advice to Romjuan. From a man some would consider a geezer, I do alot of stuff to stay busy. Play banjo and guitar (no Deliverance jokes please), read, motorcycles, play chess, hunt, flyfish. Also spend alot of time with my two German Shepherds. Very good advice to get some hobbies, etc. Lose the gal, find some things to do and you'll be fine. Keep yourself occupied!

 

[jophil28]

thanks for the reply roman, i guess im really afraid of her having sex with another guy if i do no contact with her.

Probably too late to worry about that.

 

[joekerr31]

the problem in this situation is that you are mistakenly associating your FEELINGS with an external variable and assigning cause to it.

i FEEL bad because she has the upper hand.

I FEEL bad because some other guy is feeding her yogurt.

now, while it's 'normal' to feel bad in these situations, it's not health nor does it have to be the norm.

once you realize that you feel bad because YOU choose to view the situation negatively.

I could understand you feeling bad if it meant that some huge black dude was going to **** YOU up the ass. that would really suck.

But assuming there's no reason that would happen, there's really nothing to feel bad about. So simply recognize that engaging in 'self pity' is a CHOICE.

if you want her back, then go get her back. If you don't, then stop giving a **** about whether she's getting gang banged by a group of mexican gardeners - it shouldn't matter.

 

[joekerr31]

oh and by the way...

the reason most women go out and sleep with another guy is its their way of getting revenge.... "reject me will you, well I'll show you, i'll let some linebacker tear my ass apart. that will show you.'

doesn't make much sense, but it is what it is.

which is why you have to be careful about breaking up... you shouldn't call it quits unless its truly over. otherwise you'll deep down still care for her and when she bangs the linebacker you'll get all upset.

 

[Powerlifter]

Romjuan, nothing I can say that hasn't been addresssed but stay tough and like one poster said maybe not now but in time you'll be able to put your hot dog in someone elses bun.

Good luck.

 

[Romjuan]

thanks for all the replies guys, i really do appreciate it. some more info.. it is 2am right now. i just got back from my date with this girl. we went to the shooting range then went to a local bar for some drinks. things were going really well when ironically my ex shows up. she shows up with her best friend who moved in with my exs' ex boyfriend and shows up with my ex. ...very awkward moment. i went up to the friend after she noticed me and she said "oh i see how it is.." i explained to the best friend let my ex know it is not what it seems and to not over react. i went back to my date continued to hav ea good time, however i did notice my ex keeping an eye on us. The whole time i felt like i should have called up my ex and given her an explanation( because it was just last night i was with my ex saying im not dating anyone). but i didnt call. part of me says i should give an explanation since i did say we shouldnt date anyone for a while. but another part of me says she took me for granted and she deserves to see me with another girl.. any comments?

 

[jophil28]

i went up to the friend after she noticed me and she said "oh i see how it is.." i explained to the best friend let my ex know it is not what it seems and to not over react.

any comments?

Oh man, do you need help !

Why did you do that ? Did you hope that your ex would approve of you dating another girl ?
Even if a woman hates the very sight of you, she will NEVER be OK with you moving on.

 

[romangod]

Oh man, do you need help !

Why did you do that ? Did you hope that your ex would approve of you dating another girl ?

Ouch! It looks like he's going through the post-breakup masochism in the hope that he can somehow placate his fragile ego. Hopefully, he'll get sick of beating himself up over some dame that probably isn't worth a second thought.

If he wants to know the cause of all his pain he just has to look in the mirror. The sooner, the better.

Cheers!

 

[Kailex]

thanks for all the replies guys, i really do appreciate it. some more info.. it is 2am right now. i just got back from my date with this girl. we went to the shooting range then went to a local bar for some drinks. things were going really well when ironically my ex shows up. she shows up with her best friend who moved in with my exs' ex boyfriend and shows up with my ex. ...very awkward moment. i went up to the friend after she noticed me and she said "oh i see how it is.." i explained to the best friend let my ex know it is not what it seems and to not over react. i went back to my date continued to hav ea good time, however i did notice my ex keeping an eye on us. The whole time i felt like i should have called up my ex and given her an explanation( because it was just last night i was with my ex saying im not dating anyone). but i didnt call. part of me says i should give an explanation since i did say we shouldnt date anyone for a while. but another part of me says she took me for granted and she deserves to see me with another girl.. any comments?

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh lord.

I don't even know where to start with this.

Read what jophil said, and then re-read it, and then read it once more.
TEN years from now, you could be married to someone else, someone better, better looking, and if you bump into your ex, she STILL won't approve, she WON'T be happy for you, even if she smiles to you. As soon as you turn away, she'll be wishing that both you and your wife die slow, painful deaths.

You definitely need some help man.

First of all, STOP ALL THIS CONTACT WITH YOUR EX... F F S.

NO MORE CALLING.
NO TEXTING.
NO PICKING HER UP.

And if she or any of her friend's pop up at a place and they are not YOUR friends, you ignore them.

BTW, just so you can get the point across...

ARE YOU RETARDED???

You were on a DATE with someone and you wanted your ex's friend to tell your ex to say: Oh, it's not a date.

Wow, first date with a girl and you are already denying her existence?
I somewhat feel bad for the female who probably saw some of this awkward situation going down.

Why would you even tell your ex that you aren't dating other people...

PLEASE MOVE ON.
PLEASE... MOVE...ON.

And one more time, because three is a charm.

PLEASE... MOVE... THE... EFF... ON.

She is no good for you. Why can't you see that?
And don't compare someone's situation to your own. They are MARRIED, you two weren't. And it's too late to think about the "what if". Your contact with her is POISONOUS. It's KILLING you and you don't even realize it.

I can't believe that you were even thinking about calling your ex to tell her what you were doing. Do you have to ask her for permission when you need to go pee as well??? Does she have both your testicles firmly locked away in a safe deposit box???

EJECT OUT OF THAT SITUATION NOW and regain some PRIDE AS A MAN.

I REALLY... REALLY can't believe I am reading you type this Romjuan. It really saddens me. I pretty much have a single tear swelling up in my eye right now.

She's your EX. And she's an EX for a REASON.
Please, COME TO TERMS WITH IT.

The sooner you see this, the sooner you can heal and the sooner you can move on in your life.



BTW, I hope you weren't thinking about how you were going to have to explain to your ex that you were on a date WHILE still on a date, because trust me, that girl is probably not going out on a second date with you. She noticed your mind was just absent or that you weren't mentally there at all anymore... I guarantee.