Feel a need for a "connection" beyond physical to even be interested..

[altec]

Anyone else feel the same way.

I know there is a lot of talk about "spinning plates", etc but I find that unless I connect with a girl beyond a physical attraction I am not interested in putting in the effort to hook up with them.

There are some girls I met recently and while I was think "she's attractive" from a far once I got to talk to them I felt "blah, they are so dull" or they have other issues and I feel like getting involved physically would just be bad news down the road.

The problem with all of this I find is that when I do meet a girl that I am attracted to and fine that we connect I put too much thought into it because I feel like that combo doesn't come across too often and then I develop more of that "one-itis" type mentality. Then, I start overanalyzing/etc. I feel like I am not coming across naturally as a result that I am putting all of my eggs in one basket but at the same time, I am not interested enough in pursuing the other girls.

What I have tried to do is expand my circle of friends. I am out and about doing a lot of things, have a lot of hobbies, keep myself busy so it isn't like I am just focusing all of my energies on meeting girls but at the same time I don't know how to break the "one-itis" type mentality when I am not meeting other girls that make me interested (i.e. seems like the type I am interested in comes around once or twice a year).

 

[luber873]

The problem with all of this I find is that when I do meet a girl that I am attracted to and fine that we connect I put too much thought into it because I feel like that combo doesn't come across too often and then I develop more of that "one-itis" type mentality. Then, I start overanalyzing/etc. I feel like I am not coming across naturally as a result that I am putting all of my eggs in one basket but at the same time, I am not interested enough in pursuing the other girls.

This to a T. I'm not strong enough yet to get over this mentality. While getting girls and sex isn't unique, finding that combination is extremely rare. Once that happens and you're in a "committed relationship" men lose their ability to spin plates which builds confidence and indifference. Some of this contributed to my relationship's downfall. I'm still trying to figure it out but what you wrote here is identical to what I feel.

 

[NewJack]

There's a lot of anxiety underlying your feelings for these girls.

If you want a simple emotional exercise to do, you can conjure up the memory of a woman who means a lot to you, and focus on the feelings that come up from the memory. Sit with the feelings for 10 minutes a day. The secret about feelings is that feeling your feelings changes both yourself and the feelings. This causes emotional growth.

This exercise addresses the core of your emotional-sexuality, and if practiced for a few weeks, will begin to lessen the anxiety around that particular person and the particular emotions that she calls forth in you. Other girls may call forth different issues, and thus require separate emotional processing exercises.

If emotional work doesn't appeal to you, I'm not sure what else would actually address this problem. Most tactics just numb and distract from the anxiety using mental reframes. But if you want to remain honest and enthusiastic in your appreciation of these women, and not go underground by pretending not to care, then you will need a way to address the anxiety without dislocating the genuine joy you feel in their presence.

To your other point:

My realization about connection is that the mind is a very, very important part of what makes humans feel close to one another. I'm an eccentric with a near genius-level IQ, and that doesnt matter a goddamn bit to me, in terms of social status or "who's smartest" or whatever, but I'm learning that it has huge repercussions, because two people need to have similar thought processes for their minds to experience spontaneous joy in the blending of their thoughts. I've only met three women who could mirror back my own thought process to me without significant misunderstanding, e.g. whom I had a mental connection with, and the feeling each time was completely and totally intoxicating. I'm talking actual joy.

You may be looking for this mental connection. It sounds right that they come around once every year or so... my half-way decent connections happen that often as well.

Yeah bro, good luck, sounds like you are on a good path.

 

[PlayHer Man]

This is what happens when you view and approach relationships from the female perspective. You put feelings first when you SHOULD be putting sex first.

Allow me to explain the different between how Modern faggot men view women compared to traditionally masculine men:

The masculine man order:

1. Loyal sex toy first
2. Baby machine second
3. Human being third (once she proves herself in the first two jobs)

The modern faggot man:

1. Untouchable royalty first
2. Mommy replacement second
3. Emotional tampon third
4. Human being fourth
5. Sex toy fifth

And you wonder why modern women emotionally and financially run over most men like raccoons on the highway. :crackup: Today's men think, act and look like women while today's women think and act like men:

Traditional female order:

1. Protector, provider, rescuer, prince charming, essential to a good life.
2. Father figure
3. Human being

Modern feminist:

1. One of many c0cks to ride.. if I don't make him my loyal personal assistant first.
2. Beta orbiter for therapy, attention and connections
3. Sperm bank and loyal puppy dog (if I commit to him sexually)
4. Slave / Puppet to do my bidding (if I marry him.. or even if I don't)

Notice how human being is missing from the last list?

 

[user name]

This is what happens when you view and approach relationships from the female perspective. You put feelings first when you SHOULD be putting sex first.

Allow me to explain the different between how Modern faggot men view women compared to traditionally masculine men:

The masculine man order:

1. Loyal sex toy first
2. Baby machine second
3. Human being third (once she proves herself in the first two jobs)

The modern faggot man:

1. Untouchable royalty first
2. Mommy replacement second
3. Emotional tampon third
4. Human being fourth
5. Sex toy fifth

And you wonder why modern women emotionally and financially run over most men like raccoons on the highway. :crackup: Today's men think, act and look like women while today's women think and act like men:

Traditional female order:

1. Protector, provider, rescuer, prince charming, essential to a good life.
2. Father figure
3. Human being

Modern feminist:

1. One of many c0cks to ride.. if I don't make him my loyal personal assistant first.
2. Beta orbiter for therapy, attention and connections
3. Sperm bank and loyal puppy dog (if I commit to him sexually)
4. Slave / Puppet to do my bidding (if I marry him.. or even if I don't)

Notice how human being is missing from the last list?

I never thought of it like that.

Scary. :nervous:

 

[MaddXMan]

I feel you, but there is no "the ONE."

There are manys ONES!

You like to have a deeper connection, fine.

Spinning plates allows to see if that connection is there with more than one person. If you don't like a girl after getting to know her, then drop her from the rotation!

But don't take too much time getting to know someone before sex - you should be pushing towards that goal asap, because knowing if you are compatible in the sack helps you qualify.

 

[Alvafe]

Anyone else feel the same way.

I know there is a lot of talk about "spinning plates", etc but I find that unless I connect with a girl beyond a physical attraction I am not interested in putting in the effort to hook up with them.

There are some girls I met recently and while I was think "she's attractive" from a far once I got to talk to them I felt "blah, they are so dull" or they have other issues and I feel like getting involved physically would just be bad news down the road.

The problem with all of this I find is that when I do meet a girl that I am attracted to and fine that we connect I put too much thought into it because I feel like that combo doesn't come across too often and then I develop more of that "one-itis" type mentality. Then, I start overanalyzing/etc. I feel like I am not coming across naturally as a result that I am putting all of my eggs in one basket but at the same time, I am not interested enough in pursuing the other girls.

What I have tried to do is expand my circle of friends. I am out and about doing a lot of things, have a lot of hobbies, keep myself busy so it isn't like I am just focusing all of my energies on meeting girls but at the same time I don't know how to break the "one-itis" type mentality when I am not meeting other girls that make me interested (i.e. seems like the type I am interested in comes around once or twice a year).

I know the feeling, but if you have any experience on this you should know pretty well you burned more then it worked right? unfortunate or you try to work on these or you will get burned even more, what play her men says here is pretty close how you really should work on.

don't need to put much effort just choose a woman you feel you can bang and invite her to do something you would already do and let her try to win over you, but here is the deal she will not even try unless you at least try to bang her