fed up.. need advice from the experts

[boynamedsue]

I've been having an interesting week with an ex. Here is the thread to catch you up.
www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=175899

I can't believe it, but jophil and nismo were right.. I'm in shock right now. Just found out from a mutual friend that she has had sex with another guy a month ago. Suprisingly I'm not as hurt as I am mad! I want to call her out on it but I promised the mutual friend I wouldn't. I'm confused and don't know what to do. Should I delete her facebook? Call her out again and ask if she has anything to tell me? I still have a bike and some dvds at her house. Should I contact her and ask for my things back or no contact her and ask her roommate when she won't be there to pick my things up? The thing I'm worried about is the timing all this is happening. She still hasn't called me back from last friday when she said "ill call you soon.". Meaning I don't want her to think I'm doing all this bc she didn't call..I don't want her to have the ego thinking "oh now that boynamedsue didn't get my phone call he's bitter and wants his things back. I could really use your guys advice. I'm so full of emotion. I am spinning plates by the way, and I just had a girl leave my place right now that I banged.. Thanks in advance fellas. I'm looking forward to hearing your guys advice.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Get your stuff back, but don't let her see how obviously hurt you are. Don't delete her on facebook, message her that you want to go for a bike ride, and casually get your things back. The only business you have with her is your things; her sex life is none of your business at all. Just get your stuff, act like nothing happened, and then forget about her. She wins when you let her see that you are hurt.

 

[Kailex]

I am spinning plates by the way, and I just had a girl leave my place right now that I banged..

First of all, NO you aren't.
If you were spinning plates and had a girl just leave that you "banged"... this thread wouldn't exist because quite frankly, you wouldn't care.

So please, the lies... keep them to yourself.

I can't believe it, but jophil and nismo were right.. I'm in shock right now. Just found out from a mutual friend that she has had sex with another guy a month ago. Suprisingly I'm not as hurt as I am mad!

At this point... semantics. You're not hurt, but you're mad?
Sorry, but you are mad because you're hurt.
So what if she had sex with another guy... you ARE spinning plates right, and you DID just bang someone right???

I want to call her out on it but I promised the mutual friend I wouldn't. I'm confused and don't know what to do. Should I delete her facebook? Call her out again and ask if she has anything to tell me?

Calling her out would serve WHAT purpose exactly?
What, you think that as soon as you do that, she is going to get down on her knees and beg for your forgiveness? It doesn't work that way.

Delete her facebook and say goodbye to your bike.

Call her and she won't admit to anything and you can say goodbye to your bike.

You are wasting time and energy on this.

I still have a bike and some dvds at her house. Should I contact her and ask for my things back or no contact her and ask her roommate when she won't be there to pick my things up? The thing I'm worried about is the timing all this is happening. She still hasn't called me back from last friday when she said "ill call you soon.". Meaning I don't want her to think I'm doing all this bc she didn't call..I don't want her to have the ego thinking "oh now that boynamedsue didn't get my phone call he's bitter and wants his things back. I could really use your guys advice. I'm so full of emotion. Thanks in advance fellas. I'm looking forward to hearing your guys advice.

DVD's I understand, but you left your bike?
How badly do you want that bike back?

Stop overthinking.

Being "full of emotion" = Being a girl.
She was your ex and she should have stayed an ex. You obviously don't have the inner game to keep her as a FB.

But I love your double standard.

You broke up 3 months ago, which means that you guys were broken up when she slept with someone else. That's WRONG and it hurts you, but it's okay if you banged someone just a few hours ago. That's OKAY. You two aren't together, she can sleep with 1,000 men if she wants to and you can't say NADA.

I said it to you before, read the DJB and the next time a woman becomes your ex, keep it that way.

 

[Iceberg]

Listen to Kailex. Everything about your position in this "relationship" is weak. You've been broken up for 3 months, which gives her license to bang anyone she wants. Yet you're having text arguments with her and trying to find out information about her private life. You two are not a "thing" anymore.

Remove this girl from your life, and find some new ones. And don't let yourself get in this position again. This girl seems bored by you. You want the girl wondering where YOU are, and what YOU'VE been doing. When you start nagging for these answers, you become the female of the relationship.

First of all, NO you aren't.
If you were spinning plates and had a girl just leave that you "banged"... this thread wouldn't exist because quite frankly, you wouldn't care.

Haha. Yeah that was a pretty weak attempt at regaining some manliness. "And for your knowledge, I've been spinning plates. With women. And intercourse. In their vaginas! One just left!"

I've definitely had situations where I was spinning plates, but the loss of a plate I actually had feelings for made me a little sad. But not to the point where I'm posting in two forums on Sosuave. This guy is furious. Furious over a girl that he's been separated from for months.

boynamedsue, just disappear from this girl's life. No more fighting. No more attention from her. Invest your energy in better things. Your stock in this relationship has crashed.

 

[boynamedsue]

I always respect ur posts kailex but you are wrong in regards to spinning plates. I am spinning plates and I did have a girl over last night that I banged. Just because I am doing this it is not a magical recipe that will get me over a long relationship with a girl you loved. Your right I do need to read the djbible again, its been a while. I want to get my things and no longer contact her again, however I want to do it in a powerful way. I think if I get my things this week she's going to think I'm doing it to retaliate for her not calling me back. Should I ask the roommate when will the ex not be there and get my things then? Or should I call the ex and say I'm coming tonite to get my things. Then not say a word when I'm there. Just get my things and leave?

 

[Iceberg]

I want to get my things and no longer contact her again, however I want to do it in a powerful way.

If you're never going to see her again, then why do you give a f*** about how "powerful" your exit is? Dude, you sound like a scorned woman.

A text of "Hey, I gotta scoop up my bike this weekend." does the same thing. Except that you're doing it like a man.

I think if I get my things this week she's going to think I'm doing it to retaliate for her not calling me back.

Why do you care what she thinks? You're never speaking to her again. You're done.

See, you keep asking for it. And you're not going to get it here. You're not going to get a man on this forum to tell you how to make some big dramatic exit at your ex's house. Why? Because it's the exact opposite of what this site is about.

Should I ask the roommate when will the ex not be there and get my things then? Or should I call the ex and say I'm coming tonite to get my things. Then not say a word when I'm there. Just get my things and leave?

No. You should call in advance, ask to get your bike because you need it for something, walk in, say "What's up." and then tell her that you'd stop to chat, but you're in a rush.

That's it. Leave her wondering why you didn't wanna talk about girly relationship crap like you normally do. "Maybe he's finished with me" she'll wonder. "Maybe he has a new lover." "Maybe he's too busy for me."

All of those are better than "He's a whiny bi**h and I snatched his balls right out of his sack."

No one here is going to advise you to fight with a girl who you've been broken up with for months. It benefits you in NO WAY to show her how hurt you are. It benefits nothing and no one.

 

[boynamedsue]

just read your responses again and I think you misinterpreted the arguement in texts and me calling her out on "it". Both of those were in reference to that thread I input. She had been telling our mutual friend that she misses me and has been thinking about me. I was mad at that how she wasn't telling me but indirectly wanting me to know. After we had that conversation she said she would call later and she will open up... Needless to say she didn't call. The next day I told the mutual friend the situation and that's when the friend rold me she knows of one guyshe banged last month and might still be bangn him

 

[Iceberg]

just read your responses again and I think you misinterpreted the arguement in texts and me calling her out on "it". Both of those were in reference to that thread I input. She had been telling our mutual friend that she misses me and has been thinking about me. I was mad at that how she wasn't telling me but indirectly wanting me to know. After we had that conversation she said she would call later and she will open up... Needless to say she didn't call. The next day I told the mutual friend the situation and that's when the friend rold me she knows of one guyshe banged last month and might still be bangn him

And this changes things how?

The consensus opinion here seems to be: You are arguing with a woman who you're broken up with. The reasons do not matter. The only person you have to be mad at is yourself.

...Mad at yourself for continuing to go back and forth with a woman who is done with you. What she SAYS is that she's been thinking about you. But what she DOES is bang other dudes and not return your calls. And instead of saying "F*** this girl, I'm better than this." you come to this site trying to find advice on how to re-break up with her "in a powerful way" as if that's going to change anything. As if she's gonna say "Boy I really learned my lesson. He's all emotional and whiny!"

People have spent time from their own lives trying to help you, and you keep trying to find loopholes in the argument to give yourself a logical reason to act emotionally towards this girl. Be cool. Be a man. Get your stuff, and be done with her. There is no advice beyond that. It doesn't matter what she says, what she thinks, what her friends think. Stop being a girl.

Beyond "I want to get my things and never contact her again." I don't give a f***. I don't care about the reasoning behind it. You announced your goal, and I'm trying to help you reach it. No one gives a f**k about this he-said-she-said crap. Ask for a good time to get your bike, stop by, say "hello" ...like a MAN. Tell her you'd chat, but you have to go. And never speak to her again. You've been acting like a girl the entire time you've known her, I bet. At least EXIT like a man.

 

[squirrels]

I clicked on the other post, read this:

Was off and on with a girl for years.

...and that's all I had to read.

You don't need to be "off and on" with this girl. You need to be "off and off" with this girl and find yourself a couple of chicks to hang out with that DON'T create quite so much drama in your life.

Believe me, I know it's tough. But you've got a bad habit (spending time with this girl who you know it's not gonna work with) and you need to 1) want to change it and 2) be willing to put in the effort.

Make a decision to make a change.

 

[cavedweller]

boynamedsue,

It is over pal...Contact her and set up a time to pick up your things...Then forget her and move on.

 

[jophil28]

To "boynamed sue" -
The other guys here have given you some solid advice but instead of thanking them for their free wisdom you continue to whine and talk about how to exit in a "powerful way".
STFU, and just go get your stuff with your head held high and what is left of your dignity intact.

Let me tell you something about being a man on the planet earth - nobody gives a crap about your hurt feelings. Only women have that priviledge .
IF you are hurt, mad, pissed, angry ...blah blah, then your correct course is to take action to remove yourself from the situation, or change your involvement so that no further hurt can impact you. You need to DO SOMETHING and stop complaining.

You were in a " on /off again" relationship with a woman for years. Therefore you had numerous opportunities to fix it or finish it, instead you allowed it to drag on .
I understand that it finally ended 3 months ago and since then you claim that you have been banging other women, BUT you are still hurt and angry that she had sex with another guy . If fact your ego is so bruised that your want to create some melodramatic exit in a "powerful way " to leave her spinning in hurt and bewilderment. Dude, that is what women do - they plot and plan so that they throw the last insult, and insist on having 'the last word'.

Go get your bike and DVD's with as much insincere calmness as you can manufacture. DO not rip on her - you have no justification.