Fear, pressure, does she not excite me, or..? Help...

[karusel]

I'll try my best to cut this long story to essential points only so you won't be bored reading this story.

First of, I'm 27 years old, she's 24. I've met her 8 years ago, and due to circumstances we've been kissing about half an hour into our acquaintance. We've met 3 times, and the third time we actually um.. fell for eachother, butterflies and all that. No sex and both virgins.

Two years later, we've arranged a vacation together, she told me a story about a near-rape she's experienced so I decided to be gentle. I think I chickened out for reasons like, first time, will I be good enough, because just at the second I was supposed to commence the 'good old in-out in-out', with my 'buddy' armed and ready, wrapped in rubber, and then....... I felt... oh noes... I'm going flaccid!!! Panic. Me going flaccid? Me? I see a skirt - zoom. A dog licks my hand for slightly too long - zoom. A woman with slightly more generous view of breasts - zoom. A girl in a club pressing slightly too much against me - a new hole in my pants! What the hell? In the end, no 'in-out' sex then and there.

This year, another episode. We got more mature, and things got a more serious, lucidly deep feel. Because, yes, and OMG, I still hadn't had sex, I 'wanted' to go slow, but it had to happen one day, I knew I couldn't and absolutely didn't want to delay it... so, I think it happened on the fourth day, when we were completely alone, for days, in an apartment. The thing is, in the foreplay, I had this... steel rod down there, but maybe 20 minutes later I was soft as a bubble gum and slightly panicking, but I got the erection back, bit the nail and just did it... with her on top. I really can't tell for sure, but I think I went like 2/3 erect while having sex, and she came just shortly after me.

Having sex on later days was... I was still feeling insecure. I feel terrible because I appear to be such a ***** in this regard. She's had other guys, but honestly not many, and she was never in love, but she was with this guy for almost 2 years and that's a lot of sex and... I was afraid to not be able to pair up or be better than this or possibly other guys I don't want to hear about. And also, incidentally, I've seen a part of some movie on TV not long ago from then, a guy in bed with a beautiful girl couldn't perform, then sat at the edge of the bed, and furiously masturbated, with zero results, but then woke up and realized it was just a dream. This image haunted me, stupid, I know. Also, this one time, she gave me a ******* in the shower, and... and... I... went semi-erect in the middle of it and I'm sure she thought it was her fault since I don't think she did this many times... and she said - I'll finish in bed - and I felt really bad...

When I'm looking at porn I get pretty easily excited, but with her... I don't know.... it's very different... so let me tell you about her just a little. Personality: the nicest, most innocent soul I've ever had a pleasure to meet, slightly shy, emotional, very sensitive, pretend's she's tough sometimes, lovely to talk to, sexy voice. Appearance: D-cups would be the first thing you'd notice, she's about 5' 5", 115 lbs, gorgeous face, slightly wider hips that stress her femininity, thin arms and really beautifully thin legs. She looks better than any of the girls I know and as far as I can tell... I don't think I could wish for a better girl for me.

And also, we are, indeed, in love. However she's from antoher country, so it's long distance, but we are planning on eventually staying togeter, she's got to finish her studies, and I have a business to run. We're talking every day.

Now, how do I resolve this situation in my stupid mind, so that this crap won't happen again when she comes to see me in about a month - she'll stay for 2 weeks. How do I take this damn pressure off? I beg you to give me some good advice.......

 

[DJDamage]

So let me get this stright (and correct me if I am wrong)

- You had 8 years long distance relationship with this girl.

- She comes once every few months for a couple of weeks.

- Through out this whole time you kept this relationship going and have not gone out with other women??

 

[karusel]

I guess I wasn't specific enough...

It wasn't a relationship until now, before it was just... something else, summer romance +something more if you will... It was impossible to have been a long distance relationship at that time, since we were both too young and couldn't really travel (long distance = around 14 hours to drive, expensive plane ticket) to meet eachother, so none of us thought of this as a relationship and inbetween we were dating other people - maybe deep down I was looking for her all the time, so I haven't been dating with many girls and even those I've been with - only for a short time.

She does not come once every n-time, this year was the third time we've met (when we first met, we went on 3 dates until I had to depart, 2 years later we spent more than a week together, this year, 8 years from when we met first, about 2 weeks), as described above, but we are planning to meet as often as possible, which is not too often - next month, around xmas, maybe spring, then summer.... for two years, then she may come live with me.

 

[realsmoothie]

Huh, tough one.

I have my own stress-boner issues. Not sure why. The wang is a truly strange organism... which is CLEARLY tied to the brain.

I'm 32 and don't get random erections much anymore. I think I'm too anxious. But if I'm drinking and out at the bar... sometimes I'll be dancing with a girl and she'll start to grind and BOI-OI-OING (to quote Beavis). WTF? And then later, when I'm making out/feeling out/fingering this girl, it will not be hard at all. She'll have to "help me out".

What's interesting here is that my recently increasing confidence with women seems to have nullified these problems. The more sex I have, the more I'm not worried about having sex, and the less of a physical effect it has on my Johnson.

 

[flexion_]

The sex stuff is all just practice - nothing really you are doing wrong except watching too many Hollywood love story movies.

And umm... ya... long distance doesn't work.

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

I was getting head from a nasty skank and couldnt get it up because I didnt find her attracted, but accepted head because I have trouble turning down sex.....

 

[karusel]

Thanx for all the answers.

And umm... ya... long distance doesn't work.

If you will stick around long enough, I PROMISE I'll update you on this one... but probably not you in specific, I'll just post a thread with an appropriate title.

I know all the issues about long distance relationships, trust me, I know the odds of not working are pretty big, but somehow, I'm honestly convinced that this is the exception to the general rule. She's not just an average girl, and I fully realize, that saying this could mean that I'm saying this simply because I'm in love with her, but there are the specifics of how she grew up, got raised and personal relationship experiences, plus our pretty unusual relationship, that give me confidence that this might work in the end after all.

 

[NewMan]

I have my own stress-boner issues. Not sure why. The wang is a truly strange organism... which is CLEARLY tied to the brain.

but maybe 20 minutes later I was soft as a bubble gum and slightly panicking, but I got the erection back, bit the nail and just did it... with her on top. I really can't tell for sure, but I think I went like 2/3 erect while having sex, and she came just shortly after me.

Having sex on later days was... I was still feeling insecure. I feel terrible because I appear to be such a ***** in this regard.

these issues stem from the fact that you care to much about these women and what they think. You worry about how you'll 'Measure up' - whether you 'Get her off', in some cases the size of your wank etc. etc. etc. As you have more sex with other women, you realise for the most part, these fears do not exist. Sure there are exceptions - that slvt you picked up last night being one of them, but for the most part, they are non existant. Time will set you free.

She's had other guys, but honestly not many, and she was never in love, but she was with this guy for almost 2 years

What were you doing during these times?

I hope you were out fvcking anything that moved - but I know that in reality that was not the case.

First of, I'm 27 years old, she's 24. I've met her 8 years ago, and due to circumstances we've been kissing about half an hour into our acquaintance. We've met 3 times, and the third time we actually um.. fell for eachother, butterflies and all that. No sex and both virgins.

She does not come once every n-time, this year was the third time we've met (when we first met, we went on 3 dates until I had to depart, 2 years later we spent more than a week together, this year, 8 years from when we met first, about 2 weeks)

Your 27 and are in this situation - for 8 yrs.

This my friend is one-I-Tis.

you've meet her 3 times and your already talking about living together. That is just crazy - you need to spend time with this woman before you start talking about things like this.

It also seems like your not following up with other women because of her. You need to have backup plans - you should be banging women when she's not around - you need to be spinning plates.

Sorry man - she's 24. She already had a 2 yr relationship. What does that tell you? she not going to wait around - and if someone comes along, she's going to go for it. You need to do the same thing.,

 

[drZaius09]

We've met 3 times, and the third time we actually um.. fell for eachother, butterflies and all that

Uh huh I cringe to think that I actually know what you're talking about. What a horrible nightmare to be so caught up after only three encounters. Never again for me... someday you will learn too.

No sex and both virgins.

Oh christ, this is gonna get ugly.

Two years later, we've arranged a vacation together

Two years!?!? Did I miss something? Did you pull a tour in the desert??

Me going flaccid? ... A dog licks my hand for slightly too long - zoom.

Um, if that's true, you're really not supposed to talk about it. Really.

This year, another episode. We got more mature, and things got a more serious, lucidly deep feel.

Oh great! So things are improving...

ecause, yes, and OMG, I still hadn't had sex

No sh*t?

I 'wanted' to go slow

Ok, how many effing years has it been already? Is that not slow enough? God almighty.

so, I think it happened on the fourth day...

... of the third year...

... when we were completely alone, for days, in an apartment.

Sounds like a real good time.

She's had other guys, but honestly not many, and she was never in love, but she was with this guy for almost 2 years and that's a lot of sex and...

I thought you were both virgins? I guess she didnt feel the need to "wait" like you did...

I was afraid to not be able to pair up or be better than this or possibly other guys I don't want to hear about.

As soon as this very thought enters your head, you are DOOMED. Nobody will ever be able to contribute something to this thread that will help you. Your insecurity is running rampant. You need to get away from girls for a while and work on being comfortable in your own skin.

Also, this one time, she gave me a ******* in the shower, and... and... I... went semi-erect in the middle of it and I'm sure she thought it was her fault since I don't think she did this many times... and she said - I'll finish in bed - and I felt really bad...

I dont know how to respond to this, except to say that she probably knew it wasn't her fault.

so let me tell you about her just a little. Personality: the nicest, most innocent soul I've ever had a pleasure to meet...

Innocent even after all that sex she had with other guys? Hahahaha, sorry I couldnt resist.

I don't think I could wish for a better girl for me.

Well, she CERTAINLY couldn't hope for a better supplicant than you! Lord help us.

And also, we are, indeed, in love.

<sarcasm> Indeed! Thats the one thing I definately get from all this. </sarcasm>

I have a business to run.

Finally some positivity! Run your business, focus on being successful and happy without depending on her or anyone else.

We're talking every day.

Um, what did I just say?

 

[wayword]

Your 27 and are in this situation - for 8 yrs.

This my friend is one-I-Tis.

you've meet her 3 times and your already talking about living together. That is just crazy - you need to spend time with this woman before you start talking about things like this.

I agree, this is ludicrous.

The only thing I can't figure out is why she even keeps coming back if he can't even keep it up? What's her motivation here?