Clint Eastwood
Don Juan
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- Jul 4, 2002
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"Fear of rejection is the number one killer of all Don Juans" - Clint Eastwood
What is the one thing that keeps you from being the Don Juan and better man, that you know you can become?
It is Fear of Rejection . That One Thing, and nothing else, will keep you at least a little bit of an AFC, until you defeat it. To defeat it, you have to first admit to it. This is so hard to do, because as men, we don't like to admit being afraid of anything.
Well, guess what? It's okay to be afraid. What's not okay is being paralyzed by fear. To be a man's man, you need to act on your fear with courage.
Courage ! That is where true confidence streams from. That is what makes a man take risks and do the things that make him a man. Personally, it's the main virtue that I want to possess and demonstrate at all times.
But, before we look closer at courage and how to specifically defeat this enemy known as "fear of rejection", let's look closer at rejection.
Everyone is, or at times has been, afraid of rejection. Whether we get slight butterflies in our stomach or outright nauseous and sick at the very thought. I don't care how beautiful you are. I don't care how good you are at something, or how smart you are. I don't even care how popular or famous you are. YOU, as a human being, face the normal fear of rejection.
Notice, I said "normal". Everyone faces it.
What is rejection? Webster's defines reject as follows: To refuse; to regard as useless
Ouch !
Rejection can cut us to the very core of who we are. You could be on top of the world one day, and get rejected the next. The rejection can cause you to plummet into depression, or it can just roll off your back.
We as humans, need to feel accepted. We NEED to feel needed. You can take the toughest tough guy, from John Wayne to Vin Diesel, and I'll show you a guy who needs to feel accepted as much as anyone. The difference is in how these guys handle rejection, as opposed to how others handle rejection. That difference is largely due to the fact that these men have the courage to face rejection again and again, without letting it get to them.
But what do we think of rejection? Is it that painful slap in the face that makes us feel less valuable? Is it permanent? Does it really matter?
To answer that, let's take a look at man's best friend and see how he deals with rejection.
"Here Fido! Here Boy!"
Here comes our beloved dog, Fido. What's he carrying? A stick. He's wagging his tail. He wants to have fun! He brings the stick to the beautiful woman on my right. She throws the stick a few times and stops.
What does Fido do? Does he go sulking away thinking, "she doesn't love me. I must be worthless. I must be boring, or ugly, or dumb."
Helll Noooo! ! !
He just keeps wagging his tail, and takes the stick to the beautiful woman next to her.
She doesn't throw it at all. In fact, she totally ignores him. Even though most people think Fido is cute and they really like him, she can take him or leave him.
Does he get all depressed about this?
Helll Noooo ! ! !
He just takes the stick to the next girl. He keeps wagging his tail. He's bound to have fun with someone, and he's smart enough to know that someone will play with him.
The next girl throws the stick. And throws it, and throws it, and...
We could all learn a thing or two from Fido.
"Clint, I'm no damn dog!" you say.
Of course not. But, look at the lesson. Does the dog care if no one wants to play with him? No. Will he feel less valuable if no one throws the stick? No. He knows that sometime, someone WILL throw it. He's happy. He just wants to have fun. He doesn't care how much he gets rejected. He knows that not everyone will reject him, and that he will have fun no matter what.
If a dog can accept that simple fact, why can't we?
Now I know you get lots of advice from people in dealing with rejection. Usually it goes something like this . . .
"Suck it up! Be a Man! Don't worry what other people think of you."
"Just be thick-skinned. Don't let it get to you."
"Just go out and do it. You'll get used to the rejection."
And on and on...
While all of this advice is good, it doesn't exactly help to lighten the bitter sting of rejection. What has worked for me is a simple 3 step plan. A plan that is so simple, you'll be tempted not to follow it. I urge you to use the plan. Simple things often have the greatest effects. Try it. I promise that you'll be glad you did.
Even though I bust on them for having some AFC ideas, I got this plan from Louis & Copeland, and it works ! Here it is . . .
Step One
Make it her problem, not yours.
Even if she doesn't find you attractive, it's her problem, not yours. Some women will think you're the hottest thing around. You'll never meet them, if you let one woman's rejection get you down. Even if you said something stupid. If she rejects you this easily, she really has a problem. Does she think she's so perfect that she's never said or done anything stupid around guys she likes? Do you really want a woman who's like that anyway?
Make it her problem. She might have just gotten dumped by her long-term boyfriend, maybe her cat died, maybe she's thinking about work, maybe she's a lesbian, maybe... maybe ... maybe...
You see that there could be a million reasons why she rejected you. None of them really have anything to do with you. Don't analyze why she rejected you. Just Bottom Line It, and realize that it is her problem and NOT yours.
Don't ever let your view of your self-worth depend on anyone's acceptance of you again!
Step Two
Remember that this is a numbers game.
I can't stress this enough. It's the reason why guys get all hung up on oneitis so bad. They just can't get over the ONE girl that rejected them. If they realized that it's a numbers game, they'd understand they may get a thousand rejections. But, it's not the thousands of rejections that count. It' s the hundreds of acceptances.
I could give lots of clever quotes like Edison. When someone pointed out his many failures, he said that he didn't fail. He just found 9,999 ways that didn't work. Just like our friend Fido, you have to realize that someone will play with you. (I.E. Date you, kiss you, f*ck you, etc.)
For each "no" you hear, it's one less "no" you have to hear on your way to an inevitable "yes".
Inevitable means that you WILL, without a doubt, succeed eventually. Just like Edison, and just like Fido. The truly successful Don Juans and players are all guys that have gotten shot down by women hundreds and even thousands of times. They've been slapped, laughed at, ridiculed, and embarassed more times than we can imagine. But they kept at it. They knew it was a numbers game. And the more you hear "no" in the beginning, the more you'll hear "yes" later.
Step Three
Immediately, Redirect Your Attention To Something Else ! ! !
Don't sit around and dwell on why she rejected you. Think about something fun that you're going to do. Look at another girl. Check out that great sunset. Think about your favorite song. Whatever it takes to move on and forget about the rejection.
And , At least let yourself feel good that you even had the guts to go and get rejected in the first place.
What is the one thing that keeps you from being the Don Juan and better man, that you know you can become?
It is Fear of Rejection . That One Thing, and nothing else, will keep you at least a little bit of an AFC, until you defeat it. To defeat it, you have to first admit to it. This is so hard to do, because as men, we don't like to admit being afraid of anything.
Well, guess what? It's okay to be afraid. What's not okay is being paralyzed by fear. To be a man's man, you need to act on your fear with courage.
Courage ! That is where true confidence streams from. That is what makes a man take risks and do the things that make him a man. Personally, it's the main virtue that I want to possess and demonstrate at all times.
But, before we look closer at courage and how to specifically defeat this enemy known as "fear of rejection", let's look closer at rejection.
Everyone is, or at times has been, afraid of rejection. Whether we get slight butterflies in our stomach or outright nauseous and sick at the very thought. I don't care how beautiful you are. I don't care how good you are at something, or how smart you are. I don't even care how popular or famous you are. YOU, as a human being, face the normal fear of rejection.
Notice, I said "normal". Everyone faces it.
What is rejection? Webster's defines reject as follows: To refuse; to regard as useless
Ouch !
Rejection can cut us to the very core of who we are. You could be on top of the world one day, and get rejected the next. The rejection can cause you to plummet into depression, or it can just roll off your back.
We as humans, need to feel accepted. We NEED to feel needed. You can take the toughest tough guy, from John Wayne to Vin Diesel, and I'll show you a guy who needs to feel accepted as much as anyone. The difference is in how these guys handle rejection, as opposed to how others handle rejection. That difference is largely due to the fact that these men have the courage to face rejection again and again, without letting it get to them.
But what do we think of rejection? Is it that painful slap in the face that makes us feel less valuable? Is it permanent? Does it really matter?
To answer that, let's take a look at man's best friend and see how he deals with rejection.
"Here Fido! Here Boy!"
Here comes our beloved dog, Fido. What's he carrying? A stick. He's wagging his tail. He wants to have fun! He brings the stick to the beautiful woman on my right. She throws the stick a few times and stops.
What does Fido do? Does he go sulking away thinking, "she doesn't love me. I must be worthless. I must be boring, or ugly, or dumb."
Helll Noooo! ! !
He just keeps wagging his tail, and takes the stick to the beautiful woman next to her.
She doesn't throw it at all. In fact, she totally ignores him. Even though most people think Fido is cute and they really like him, she can take him or leave him.
Does he get all depressed about this?
Helll Noooo ! ! !
He just takes the stick to the next girl. He keeps wagging his tail. He's bound to have fun with someone, and he's smart enough to know that someone will play with him.
The next girl throws the stick. And throws it, and throws it, and...
We could all learn a thing or two from Fido.
"Clint, I'm no damn dog!" you say.
Of course not. But, look at the lesson. Does the dog care if no one wants to play with him? No. Will he feel less valuable if no one throws the stick? No. He knows that sometime, someone WILL throw it. He's happy. He just wants to have fun. He doesn't care how much he gets rejected. He knows that not everyone will reject him, and that he will have fun no matter what.
If a dog can accept that simple fact, why can't we?
Now I know you get lots of advice from people in dealing with rejection. Usually it goes something like this . . .
"Suck it up! Be a Man! Don't worry what other people think of you."
"Just be thick-skinned. Don't let it get to you."
"Just go out and do it. You'll get used to the rejection."
And on and on...
While all of this advice is good, it doesn't exactly help to lighten the bitter sting of rejection. What has worked for me is a simple 3 step plan. A plan that is so simple, you'll be tempted not to follow it. I urge you to use the plan. Simple things often have the greatest effects. Try it. I promise that you'll be glad you did.
Even though I bust on them for having some AFC ideas, I got this plan from Louis & Copeland, and it works ! Here it is . . .
Step One
Make it her problem, not yours.
Even if she doesn't find you attractive, it's her problem, not yours. Some women will think you're the hottest thing around. You'll never meet them, if you let one woman's rejection get you down. Even if you said something stupid. If she rejects you this easily, she really has a problem. Does she think she's so perfect that she's never said or done anything stupid around guys she likes? Do you really want a woman who's like that anyway?
Make it her problem. She might have just gotten dumped by her long-term boyfriend, maybe her cat died, maybe she's thinking about work, maybe she's a lesbian, maybe... maybe ... maybe...
You see that there could be a million reasons why she rejected you. None of them really have anything to do with you. Don't analyze why she rejected you. Just Bottom Line It, and realize that it is her problem and NOT yours.
Don't ever let your view of your self-worth depend on anyone's acceptance of you again!
Step Two
Remember that this is a numbers game.
I can't stress this enough. It's the reason why guys get all hung up on oneitis so bad. They just can't get over the ONE girl that rejected them. If they realized that it's a numbers game, they'd understand they may get a thousand rejections. But, it's not the thousands of rejections that count. It' s the hundreds of acceptances.
I could give lots of clever quotes like Edison. When someone pointed out his many failures, he said that he didn't fail. He just found 9,999 ways that didn't work. Just like our friend Fido, you have to realize that someone will play with you. (I.E. Date you, kiss you, f*ck you, etc.)
For each "no" you hear, it's one less "no" you have to hear on your way to an inevitable "yes".
Inevitable means that you WILL, without a doubt, succeed eventually. Just like Edison, and just like Fido. The truly successful Don Juans and players are all guys that have gotten shot down by women hundreds and even thousands of times. They've been slapped, laughed at, ridiculed, and embarassed more times than we can imagine. But they kept at it. They knew it was a numbers game. And the more you hear "no" in the beginning, the more you'll hear "yes" later.
Step Three
Immediately, Redirect Your Attention To Something Else ! ! !
Don't sit around and dwell on why she rejected you. Think about something fun that you're going to do. Look at another girl. Check out that great sunset. Think about your favorite song. Whatever it takes to move on and forget about the rejection.
And , At least let yourself feel good that you even had the guts to go and get rejected in the first place.
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