Fear of Commitment

[Dukester]

Guys, I have this problem with this one girl.
Now getting girls, and DJ'ing and playing game are not my problem, def. not that.

My problem is with this one girl- I guess u could say i have oneitis with her.

But ne way....
I've known this girl for over 2 years, and we started out as friends, then she started likeing me as more. i was just like, eh, whatever.
afterawhile, i statred to like her too, and all that. (of course, DJ'ing other girls, like i said that's not a prob).


This girl and I got into this huge argument a week ago, and it tore us both up pretty bad. We were both in love, i'm sure of it, so dont say nothign about that.

But n e way, we said some pretty hateful things. Now we're back talking again, just like we started out when we were friends.

Here's my question though...
I've been told by many girls that i'm afraid of commitment- is this just cuz i have this player/DJ mentality.?
for some reason when girls get to close i try to sabotage the relationship (and i did with this one girl, that's why we got in our argument)
obviously she loves me, otherwise she wouldnt be talking to me now- u gotta understand, some of the stuff we said was pretty bad.
why do i try to hurt the ones i get close to?
why do i try to kill my LTR's?

i want nothing more than to have one, and to NOT hurt those closest to me, and yet i do?
if u guys have any suggestions or help on why I do this, let me know.
(I'm talking commitment issues, fear of LTR, but want it, and not STR stuff)

 

[Climax]

Sn@p...

Dukester: believe it or not, I was in your exact position a month or 2 ago... All i can say, is that if you really like this girl and WANT a LTR with her, then u need to:

1) Spend alot of time with her

2) spend less time with other girls (take away tempation)

3) Become more "romantic" towards this girl, take her out, buy her a small gift, tell her that she means alot to you etc ( as much as this may sound afc, TRUST me it helps YOU to be able to "love" her, and she'll probably be flattered by u acting thi way. ( with love many of the things that would seem to be AFC are actually the CORRECT things to do)

4) STOP FLIRTING WITH OTHER GIRLS!!

5) and you need to know that this "process" of being able to become a good LTR bf from a Don Juan will TAKE TIME, so do NOT rush things, because u'll end up breaking your own heart along with hers... so unless you feel that you are 100% ready for a long term commitment, dont "commit" urself. It took me a few months to actually get out of the DJ mentality, eventhough i still have it in me, and sometimes i DO tend to "unleesh" my dj mentality (mostly when i am not sober/drunk), but i can say that i have control over myself now to trully be a good LTR bf.

What i did is i put a ring on my finger, and i engraved her name in it, and now every time i might get that erge to flirt/seduce etc other girls, i just look at that ring and say to myself "i have a beautifull girl that i love and she loves me back, i dont need any other chick" etc... You could also carry a picture of your chick around with you, and every time u get that erge to flirt with other girls etc, just take it out (the picture) and look at it

You need to also get out of the habbit of getting other girls numbers etc... and the whole "approach" thing... it has to go! none of that, cause all of it will just make it THAT much more harder for you. If you just do it because u "like meeting people" then u are lying to yourself. And if you want to just make new friends etc, then i guess that u COULD approach here and there, but u HAVE to do it with the right mindset, and thats to JUST become friendly with them etc.... but all in all, i wouldnt suggest approaching at all, it DOES mess with your head because u are use to approaching and getting their numbers and then in the near future kiss close them and more, and now all you are doing is wanting her "friendship"? thats a little wierd if u ask me.... and the girl will also be expecting you to "want" more than just her friendship, so she will probably also be confused But my guess si that you SHOULD have enough girl friends and friends as it is, so there is really no need to approach in order to "make new friends"


So in other words, if you are 100% sure that u "love" this girl and that u WANT a LTR with her, then u have to make some sacrifices... I did, and i can trully say that it worked quiet well for me.

Anyways... i hope that this helped, and i with you the best of luck with this chick


Laterz...

 

[MacDiddy]

1) Spend alot of time with her

2) spend less time with other girls (take away tempation)

3) Become more "romantic" towards this girl,

4) STOP FLIRTING WITH OTHER GIRLS!!

(Here we go again......)

Have you field tested any of this $hit for long??? If anything, applying points 1 thru to 4 is a sure fire way of making her leave you and leave you in a hurry!!!! Anything should be done in moderation...

But maybe I'm being a bit harsh. You are young and that is the time when boredom and stability can make a relationship at its most vulnerable.

 

[Climax]

errr...

Originally posted by MacDiddy
(Here we go again......)

Have you field tested any of this $hit for long??? If anything, applying points 1 thru to 4 is a sure fire way of making her leave you and leave you in a hurry!!!! Anything should be done in moderation...

But maybe I'm being a bit harsh. You are young and that is the time when boredom and stability can make a relationship at its most vulnerable.

I dont meant o boast, but myself, and all of the people that i know NEVER thought that i would be able to be in a relationship, yet alone LOVE someone and be in a LTR with them... and yes... by doing all of those things, i overcame my "playa" / "don jaun" habbits and "way of living" and adapted myself to loving this ONE girl. And trust me... this girl is FAR from wanting to leave me.. actually, when i just asked her out of curiosity what she would do if i had to leave her, she started crying, and didnt stop for 2 days because (quote) "just the thought of that hapening is heart-breaking"... I am not saying that you must suddenly be this total AFC-like person, and i'm not saying that u musnt speak with other girls, i'm just saying that you musnt FLIRT with them. And yes, the more time i spent with this one girl helped me greatly to overcome the temptation to go off and flirt with other girls. I said "becmoe more romantic towards this girl", i never said that you must suddenly become this romantic freak that does EVERYTHING in a romantic way, i said that u must just be "more" romantic towards her. And i meant every word when i said " STOP FLIRTING WITH OTHER GIRLS"... because if you love this girl, then you shouldt have the need to flirt with OTHER girls, and its just not right to do when u love a girl.. i mean... u love this girl, but you want to flirt with other girls? *sigh* ... i dont think so! And if you think about it in the point of view of your girl (that u 'love"), if u flirt with other girls she will see u as this playa and she will be forced to leave u. *G*


Laterz...

 

[biker_gixxer]

why do i try to hurt the ones i get close to? why do i try to kill my LTR's?

If you wanted nothing more than to have an LTR, you would be involved with one right now bro. I think you want the best of both worlds, subconsciously anyway. You want the guaranteed putang you can get with an LTR, but without all the bull$hit that goes along with a relationship.

Just my 2 cents.

 

[Dukester]

all u guys make valid points.
~ªêQµïTª$~
some of that stuff does sound a lot AFC, but i guess in an LTR the rules do change a bit.

biker_gixxer
i do want the best of both worlds, that's def. true. i want a successful LTR, w/o the relationship b.s., but at the same time, i wanna play the field.

sounds like i gotta make a choice, on whether this girl is worth it enuff to me or not!?

probably gotta stop trying to destroy the LTR's too, cuz that just breaks her heart, and mine.

 

[Wiesman44]

you are in absolute control of all of your actions. If you sabotage it and u dont like it, thats your problem. I cant fix what u go ahead and do anyway.

You keep saying u dont have a problem getting girls. WHy are you trying to justify yourself to us ? If you were really that great at attracting girls, you wouldnt have had to say it a hundred time.s